You rubbed your eyes, the dryness of them irritating as you finished the last few touches on your photography assignment. You were skimming through some of the last photos, trying to find something else that would add to your presentation and seal the deal.

And then you saw it.

You remembered that day so vividly. The air had been still, not a cloud could be seen. A rainbow of orange, red, yellow, and purple leaves surrounded you outside. You had been out in the middle of nowhere, wanting to find some pictures of lone barns standing all by themselves.

Connie, Marco, and Jean had joined you that day, all messing around with the dead leaves on the ground while you snapped shots— but you didn't remember this one. Marco must've taken it.

It was of you and Connie, your face a little blurry as you were laughing, his mischievous smirk something you could recognize a mile away. He had you pulled up next to him, your bodies touching as he bent down towards you, your head leaning back. He was tasing you, and it was evident in the photo that he was. A few leaves were in your hair, painting the scene with a splash of vibrant color.

You didn't know how much you were smiling until Sasha said something. You turned your laptop around to show her the photo. She let out a big "aw" at the sight of it and told you to add it to your project.

It'd be weird since it was a photo of yourself, but the rules were that it had to be taken without any knowledge, and you didn't even know this photo existed until now.

After some editing, you ended your presentation with the photo of you and Connie, your heart aching a bit.

You knew you'd have to tell him. Floch would be arriving soon, and you didn't need the introduction to be a blow up. Besides, Connie deserved to know.

Lying was never the plan, but he had called you perfect so many times and you wanted to be perfect for him. You knew he didn't mean it literally, but words held more weight than he'd ever know, and the last thing you'd want to be was a disappointment. You felt like you had to uphold this part of you that was happy and caring, a person who never had to deal with struggles. And as dumb and narrow-minded as it was, it was the only way you could avoid opening up and sharing the things that had hurt you so long ago.

Burying that and distracting yourself to move on was how you got past it, and maybe that was where you and Connie were so similar. Whether you realized it or not, you both sacrificed your happiness for the sake of others, and in a way, it served as a very unhealthy coping mechanism.

You closed your laptop and grabbed your coat, slipping your shoes on and heading for the door. "I'll be back," you told Sasha and shut the door behind you, taking a a deep breath.

It was nice outside today, not as cold as some days had been. It was nearing Thanksgiving break, and soon it'd be December, your favorite month of the year.

As you walked along campus, you kept your eyes out for red hair. You were anxious you'd see those cold and dark brown eyes. People passed you, and you accidentally bumped into some since your focus was so narrowed— almost like you had tunnel vision.

Your anxiety started to subside after a while when no sign of Floch was coming up. You didn't realize you had walked all the way to your job, staring at the big glowing sign above you. With a shrug, you decided to walk in. Maybe Porco was working today, and he always seemed to have something good to say.

You always liked the smell of this place, coffee beans and maple. It was a simple smell, but you liked the simple things. Porco waved at you from the counter and you smiled, walking over to him.

"What are you doing here on your day off?" Porco raised an eyebrow, his curiosity peaking since you never really came when you weren't working.

"I was just walking around and found myself here. Thought I'd stop by and say hi," you replied, leaning on the counter with your elbows, your head propped up in your hands as you looked at Porco.

"Nah, you're here for something. Come on, lay it on me," he threw the white rag over his arm, walking out of the side to come and sit at a table, gesturing for you to follow.

It was strange how Porco seemed to know so much about you, but you barely knew anything about him. You knew he had a brother that passed away a couple years back, he had a tattoo on his forearm with his name.

When you sat down, you were quiet, not sure where to start. It wasn't very often you did this, actually pretty rare now that you thought about it.

"What's on your mind?" Porco leaned back in his chair and you studied him. His eyes were slightly narrowed, the tiniest bit of concern in his gaze.

You bit your lip in hesitation. You could tell Porco but not Connie. You even told Mikasa. With a groan you laid your head on the table, your forehead sitting on top of your hands.

"That bad?"

"That bad. I shouldn't talk to you about this. What I need to say should be for someone else. But I just can't bring myself to do it."

"Why not?"

"It's scary."

"Why?"

"Because then he'll know."

"Know what?"

"That I'll never be good enough, and once he realizes that he'll leave me. He'll realize I'm not perfect in the way he thinks and that I'm just wasting his time, that I'm just someone he can have for the pleasure, not for the relationship. I'll be worthless."

"Who told you that?"

"My ex."

"Well fuck him, because he's wrong. Y/N, look at me," you forced your eyes to meet his as you lifted your head up, Porco now leaning towards you.

"You are not worthless. Whatever your ex did to you and told you is completely false. I've never seen you so happy, and with a guy who makes you feel like you're walking on air, that with every step you fall deeper and deeper, that's something worth holding onto, and he's worth being with. Love isn't perfect, relationships will never be perfect. It's normal to fight, it's normal to be angry with one another, and if you continue to uphold whatever lie you're giving him, he'll see through it, and he'll know he's not getting all of you. He wants all of it, the good and the bad. I know that's scary considering with what you've gone through in the past, but not everyone is like that, and I'm sorry you've been stuck with that mentality, but you can't lie to him. You have to tell him the truth, otherwise, this new relationship will end and it will be your fault."

What Porco had said hurt, but he was completely right. He was being honest, and a bit blunt, but that's what you needed to hear. What you wanted to hear didn't matter.

"Look, I know you're scared, but you're gonna have to do it whether you like it or not. And the sooner you do, the better you'll feel. Chin up, it'll be okay," Porco stood up and placed an arm on your shoulder in an affectionate manner before heading back to the kitchen, the swinging doors thumping as you sat in the coffee shop alone.

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"Hey, what's up? You seemed upset when you called," Connie came and sat beside you on a the bench in the park.

You didn't know where to start.

"Hey..." Connie interlaced his hand with yours, leaning towards you, his warmth comforting, making your lips tug into a small smile.

"I just...I-" you let out a breath, your cheeks puffing up as you tried to calm your nerves.

Connie was patient with you, something you appreciated since it made the whole thing a lot less stressful. It still was since you didn't know how he'd react, but you felt like you could take your time.

You swallowed hard and looked over at him, taking your free hand to brush some hair out of your face. "Remember when you asked me if I had ever been in a relationship before?"

"Yeah..."

"Well, I lied when I told you what it was like. It wasn't just some high school relationship," you felt your heartbeat slowly speed up like a race car getting traction on the circuit, the wheels gripping the road for its dear life as it drove around in circles.

TW: THIS PART OF THE CHAPTER WILL INVOLVE RELATIONSHIP A*USE AND IF THAT IS SOMETHING YOU NEED TO SKIP, PLEASE DO. I WILL INFORM WHEN IT IS OVER.

Connie was quiet as you continued, your lips dry.
"It started out okay, but then things started to change. He got...controlling and started to lash out a lot. He wouldn't let me talk to my guy friends anymore or really see any of my friends. I was on his time constantly and never really on my own. Everything I said was wrong, everything I did was wrong. He had to know where I was all the time and who I was with, so I just started staying home a lot.

Then came the insults. He would call me worthless, ask why he was even in a relationship with me. I remember one time where I stayed out late with a friend of mine I hadn't seen in months and he freaked out. He called me-" you stopped, your hands shaking as you pushed yourself to continue.

"He called me a slut, and asked me if I liked working for men. He threw money in my face and kept screaming and yelling I thought he'd hurt me. My dad ended up coming to get me. He threatened my ex and I swear it looked like he was going to kill him. After that, my dad made sure I never saw him again. He pulled me out of school halfway through the year and my mom home-schooled me.

It was probably the worst part of my life. I felt so miserable and pathetic. I always knew I was worth more but he had managed to destroy so much of me, I didn't believe in anything anymore. It's taken me a lot to get where I am today and I still have some anxiety issues, but I'm working through them."

START READING HERE

You were quiet after that, the only sound left were cars driving by, a couple children laughing and playing around in the grassy area of the park in front of you and Connie.

You looked over at him and he was staring straight ahead, his hand still holding yours. You were terrified he would let go, the tension of your whole world in that small embrace.

"Ever since then, dating and falling in love had been hard. I just couldn't seem to do it, I just couldn't give my heart like that again when last time it took everything in me just to thread a couple of stiches through my bleeding heart. And even then I would still have to constantly repair it," your face felt hot with anger as you started to release all these emotions you'd kept pent up for so long.

"And then you came along, and scared as I was, I couldn't let you go. I couldn't let a guy so wonderful, and funny, and compassionate slip through my fingers. The only guy who's shown me more care than probably anyone I've ever known. But I thought that if you even saw me as less than perfect, you would leave. You'd see that I would never be good enough for you and I-" you stopped, feeling a lump form in your throat, trying to push the tears away as you balled up your left hand into a fist, your fimgernails digging into your palm like tiny knives.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would've understood," Connie finally spoke, his voice low as he turned his head to face you, his hand still holding yours.

"I'm sorry," you whispered and his honey gaze was soft, but you could still see the disappointment.

Your eyes averted to his hand in yours, his gaze following you, and when he saw it, he knew what you were thinking. Connie let go and your breath hitched in your throat, but he placed his arms around you and pulled you into a hug, all your anxiety and fear fading as you leaned into his embrace, your arms wrapping around him tightly.

"You can cry, it's okay," he soothed and you started to let it out, crying into his shoulder and hiding your face so no one could see but he could feel.

You stayed like that for a while until you felt empty. Your lungs and throat burned, your eyes red and puffy from the much needed cry. You gave him a squeeze, an indicator that you were alright now. He pulled back, his hands resting on your arms as he stared at you. He brushed some of your hair behind your ear and gently wiped the streaks of tears off your face with his thumbs.

"You know what I think we need right now?" He smirked and you finally let out a smile, one that didn't need to be forced, your heart finally feeling so free.

"What?"

"Ice cream," he leaned towards you and you inched forward, staring into each other's eyes.

"That actually sounds really nice right now," you admitted and his eyes gleamed.

"You know what also sounds really nice right now?" He waggled his eyebrows and before you could ask he finally closed the space between the two of you, giving you a gentle kiss, leaving you with wanting more.

Connie quickly kissed you on your forehead and then stood up, extending his hand for you. "Coming?" He raised his eyebrows and you looked at his hand and back to his face, wanting to be nowhere else but here.

"Always."

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a/n: hey all!! i know there used to be a designated time when chapters would be posted, but i think i'm just going to post them whenever i finish them. that relieves a lot of the pressure i feel and sometimes i get inspired and want to write, like today. but i wanted to thank y'all for 26K+ reads!!! that's awesome!! i never thought this book would go that far and to have such dedicated readers after the immense amount of breaks i've taken 😅 i know i keep saying thank you a lot but i really do mean it and i am so grateful. y'all encourage me to continue :) 💜

-ocean 💜