It's leading me on, every time we touch
Leading me on, every time it hurts
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Minho's POV
I couldn't be near him. I know it's a shitty thing for me to do, to tell him we could be friends and then completely leave his side. I had to.

I wanted him and since I've had a taste of what he could give to me, I craved it. I don't know how I could be his friend and act like I don't know what it felt like to have his hands in my hair or the small sounds he makes when he starts to get turned on, it replays in my head like it was my favorite song.

So I played his game, I avoided him and I hoped it was less obvious. I kept up with a small interaction sometimes but overall I stopped showing care. Not because I don't care, it's because I need to not care as much and so maybe I hoped I would convince myself that it was only a crush and I need to get over it.

The sound of the game played loudly and I let out a small yawn. I've spent most of the day with Hyunjin and the others after classes which isn't out of the norm for us, I used to spend every waking moment with them but last year I sorta grew apart from them.

"Hi, boys" The voice made me close my eyes slowly, rubbing my thumb and pointer finger on the bridge of my nose.

The feeling of the couch dipping at my side "What did you end up getting on the test?"

I look over to Krystal "Passed" I simply said to her, not furthering the conversation.

Did I mention I haven't been in the greatest mood? I'm exhausted all the time because I haven't been getting much sleep. Everything leads to me wanting more of one thing. Him.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Thank you again, I should get my license" She laughs lightly.

"It's no problem," I tell her, putting the car in park and looking ahead. Honestly, I had hoped she wouldn't try to converse with me and just get out of the car but she stood.

"Are you okay?" I look towards her and she faces me, looking over my face, "I guess I just noticed you've been acting a bit standoffish"

"Oh," I said, brows furrowing "Sorry" I apologize for no reason, looking away and rubbing my hand over my face. "I don't mean to be an asshole"

"You're not," She says to me immediately, grabbing my hands away from my face, "You can talk to me" Her words were low.

I shake my head "It's nothing" I inhale deeply and let my head fall back onto the headrest.

"Minho" She calls me and I gaze over at her, tiredly. She looked nervous but still forced the words out of her mouth "I can help distract you"

I lift my head "What?" I had never seen Krystal like that. She was cool to hang out with, sometimes.

She leans closer, leaning over the middle console "You have a lot on your mind, let me help you"

She was close, too close. The smell of mint off her breath hit my face. She wasn't him, I wish she was. I wanted him to help me, but he was the reason I felt like this.

My hands find her face and I kiss her, noticing how she reacts immediately. This felt odd, I searched for the familiar taste of coffee but found none. Her hands grasp my forearms as she brings herself in more, leading me to sit back down as she climbs over the middle console. Straddling me now, I give in.

My brows furrowed as I almost pictured him. It's wrong, I know. I push the image away as my hands leave her face and go to her thighs as her skirt rides up.

She pulls away and her lipstick is slightly smeared as she smiles down at me. Her brown eyes bore into mine "Let me do the distracting" Her hand slid down my chest and to the button of my jeans. The knot in my stomach lingered and I hated how I let her continue.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I don't know how long I sat in my car outside the apartment. Must've been at least two hours. I don't know why I just did what I did. I mean I didn't do anything, I allowed her to do things to me.

Look I'm not a virgin but if you were to ask me when was the last time I've been with someone, well I'd say not long ago but the reality is the last time I was physical with someone was almost two years ago. I've made out with people since but nothing more.

The last year was a lot for me emotionally and I had no interest nor time to give to someone in the realm of sex. I don't even think I could get turned on with how stressed I was back then.

It's pathetic but I kinda thought I would be losing my two-year-long virginity to Jisung. No way in hell did I think I would be doing anything with Krystal.

Getting into the apartment is when I felt the most guilt. I don't even know why. It's not like Jisung and I got to a point of ever being serious.

My eyes go to his door before I go to my own. Throwing myself onto my bed the second I get into my room. My mind lingers.

You know when you want something for so long and finally you have it in your grasp but it's not at all what you expected? In a way that's how I feel.

Before even getting involved with Jisung, I heard he wasn't much of a guy who settles down and not in a way that he sleeps around but more emotionally I guess. Just not emotionally in it, ever. I saw it for myself when he was seeing Hyunjin and of course after. I guess I just thought maybe it wasn't all true. Maybe, just maybe they never took the time to get to know him, to learn him, and to listen.

You know I didn't intend to kiss him. Though I did carry this lingering crush on him, I didn't plan it. Hyunjin is my best friend and I would've never done that to him.

I wanted to be his friend. It was a silly crush and I wanted to know him and to be there for him because I saw it, I saw where we were similar. We both feel immense loneliness.

My feelings got caught up in it all. I kissed him and maybe it's my fault that this is all screwed up but why couldn't he just tell me he cared. I don't blame him for throwing everything involving feelings away, fuck, I wish I could.

I just hated how much I wanted to go to him. I've laid on my bed, staring up at the ceiling and this entire time all I've wanted to do was crawl back to him like I wasn't the one to end it.

He's never going to change, I saw it that night I called whatever this was off. In his eyes, he begged for me to not care for him. Begged for me to not share the truth. He knew how I felt and I wished so badly I knew how he felt too.

I need to get over him. I need to and not just for me, for him. I want to be his friend and I want to have a normal conversation with him without wanting to touch him. I felt like my simple gaze showed him too much of what I wanted. Which was him.

I sigh loudly and reach over to my nightstand, grabbing my headphones and plugging them into my phone before drowning out my thoughts with music.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Jisung's POV
The sound of the door closing made me sit up in my bed. I had been mindlessly scrolling on my phone. I stand up from my bed and go to my door, reaching it but stopping the second I hear his room door close.

I stand there for another moment before sitting at the edge of the bed. Staring at the door. I want to talk to him but I can't help but feel like he doesn't want the same.

Why am I even trying? Why do I even care? Isn't this my fault, I pushed him away and now he's probably seeing Krystal, which again, I shouldn't care.

I do care.

[Song rec - Touch by Cigarettes After Sex]