Further apart, the closer that we are
I'll keep you far away, from me like a star
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"—Yeah and then he puked all over Chan's car" I laugh loudly and Georgia does too. We both sat on either side of the couch, facing each other while music lightly played.

Tonight was supposed to be our usual magazine digging but it soon turned into sudden reminiscing over a bottle of wine.

Her bright smile turned into a small content one, squinting at me playfully but it made my smile fall "What?" I ask skeptically.

"Somethings different about you" She points out, "You've been in a really good mood recently"

My brows push together "You make it seem like I'm always miserable"

"I wouldn't put it like that but..." We both chuckle lightly, "Seriously though, are you seeing someone?"

"No" I shake my head, denying. "Can I just be in a good mood?"

She hums, and both of our eyes go to my phone on the coffee table as it chimes with a text. She leaned over quickly, grabbing it before I could and her smile enlarged.

"So you are" She giggled and I grew a bit irritated as she read my text, I reached over and tried to grab it from her but she yanked it away "Lloyd, as in the same Lloyd that you lifeguard with over the summer?" Her brows wiggle and I sigh loudly.

Defeated I sit back and shake my head "Yeah, but it's not like that" I say, annoyed.

"Babe, I couldn't find your favorite wine," Chan says loudly walking in and placing a couple of bags onto the island. I look over and Minho walks in behind him, pushing his hands into his pockets as he looks over Georgia and me on the couch.

Annoyance is written on my face as Georgia says, "Jisung finally took my word about finding love" She practically sings to them.

I scoff and run my hands over my face roughly, "It's nothing like that" I stand up and grab my phone from her grip. "Stop saying random shit—"

"Hey, man let's calm down," Chan says, making me roll my eyes.

"Falling in love?" Minho finally spoke up, "Thought that wasn't your thing?"

"He has been seeing Lloyd—"

"I haven't" I spat, growing defensive.

"Not what the text looks like" She shrugs, and looks over to the other two "They are planning to hang out"

"Isn't he a bit young?" I snap my eyes at Minho. Glaring his way and here it was. I felt my mouth dry and my body heat up, I felt trapped. Under his gaze, under their gazes. He was irritated. I hear it in his voice.

"Like I keep saying, it isn't like that but you all keep brushing off that part," I say harshly, I feel uncomfortable. I didn't like getting questioned, not like this. "And even if I was seeing him, it's none of your business" I spoke almost directly to Minho but I turned to Georgia.

Whatever Minho and I were doing, the making out, the lingering gazes, and the silent grazes when people were around—it all stopped for me. At this moment I let it go as I felt his clingy and jealous nature grip onto me and suffocate me. Scared me.

I get into my phone and call the male who was the topic of this moment, "Hey Jisung"

"Hey, down to hang out now?"

"Oh...Um—yeah, of course" He says, "Let's meet at the cafe?"

"Yeah, see you" I push my phone into my pocket and walk past Minho who glares at me.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"—But I don't know if I'll go back next summer" I shrug and mug my half-empty mug down onto the table that separates us.

"What?" Lloyd furrow his brows, "Why not? Haven't you been working there since you moved here?" He asks.

I nod, "Yeah and every summer has been miserable since" I chuckle lightly, "I guess I was hoping to maybe travel a bit over summer... we will see what happens"

"Do you travel a lot?"

I shake my head "No" I answer honestly, "But I've always wanted to" I stare down at the table.

I couldn't stop my mind from going to Minho. What was he doing right now? Most likely upset with me and I didn't like the thought of us being on the outs but he also needs to understand. I couldn't devote my life to him over a few simple kisses. I wasn't his and he wasn't mine. I wasn't anyone's property.

I meet Lloyd's as and force a smile "What made you want to lifeguard anyway?"

He laughs lightly, shrugging "I figured I needed to make my own money once I moved out" He shares, "Truth be told, I'm shit as swimming"

My brows raise "Yeah well they hire just about anyone willing to put up with those rowdy kids" He agrees.

I found myself enjoying Lloyd's company, he seemed like a good guy. It was not more than a small hangout, he chatted for another hour, and yet Minho stood in my head.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

My knuckle meets with the door, lightly knocking. "Come in" I hear him call out. Allowing me to enter his space.

It wasn't much different from the last time I was in here. Only this time his desk light illuminated the room, his assignment seemingly abandoned along with it.

He sat at the edge of his bed, previously laying back but as I enter he sits up and leans back on his hands, watching me carefully as I close his door behind me.

I sit beside him and I don't know what to say or if I should even be in here. I ponder my word for a few seconds, staring ahead but gazing low.

"We're friends, a lot like you and Krystal"

He thought about my words, leaning forward and propping his elbows onto his knees as he sighed lowly, "You expect me not to care if it was different though, wouldn't you?" I feel him look at me, making me do the same. Meeting his uncertain eyes. "If you were seeing him, you would want me to not care"

I inhaled deeply, "Don't be like Hyunjin" I said without thought. He was acting just like his best friend who I left because he wanted more. I don't want this. I needed him to understand, not judge me.

His face turned away with a slight grimace, hurt by my words. I watched him nod lightly like he was figuring out all his problems in his head, not allowing me to hear all that he was overthinking.

"Goodnight Jisung," He tells me, not looking my way. My brows push together in confusion. I could practically see all his walls being built and his cold demeanor that I'd never personally seen until now.

"What?" My voice was low. Swallowing harshly as Minho gazes at me, his eyes free of any sympathy.

"Hyunjin lied" He starts with a bitter chuckle, "He gave you what he knew you wanted, that was him telling you he didn't care" Minho shook his head "From the beginning he was invested in you, whether admitting it to himself or not"

Minho looks away and contemplates his next words like he had an internal fight with himself. "Unlike him, I won't sit here and act like I don't care or that I didn't get jealous when you left earlier to meet that guy... because I do and I did" He looks at me after his confession.

I shake my head "Minho—"

His face turns pained, knowing I was about to say my famous words, knowing I was about to make my horrible excuses.

"Don't" He cuts me off, "You don't have to tell me all about you not being able to give me what I want, I don't need you to" His head shakes and he shrugs "If you want someone who doesn't want anything then you should go look for that"

"What are you saying?" I say without care. All I cared about was this unwanted crushing feeling in my chest.

"I don't want to continue this" He finally says, motioning between us, "Let's just end it now, friends... like before, yeah?" He offers but I still see all the uncertainty in his eyes.

I was upset. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't care if he wanted this to end. I should be thankful he ended it and I didn't have to.

I felt more like shit now than if I had called it off. Like he came to the realization I wasn't enough, to be honest, I could never give him all he needed. Maybe I could give him a moment of fun but it would never last.

I looked away and his words sunk in and I had no choice but to listen to them on repeat in my head. He doesn't want this. I don't either, I want to be his friend.

I stand up and off of his bed, walking away and he doesn't stop me. He didn't try to soften the fall, because that was what this felt like. Like I was pushed without warning. A high that didn't last as I was already meeting with the ground.

As I got to my room, I knew and I was annoyingly aware of the fact that I wanted Minho. Getting back from being with Lloyd made me want to spend the rest of the night beside Minho, even if that was as simple as laying beside him without any words shared and just completely comfortable silence.

Now here I was, alone like every night and no ounce of happiness that lingered. Last night I remember going to sleep with a pathetic smile on my face. Weirdly, last night felt lighter and like I could actually breathe.

I can't have him. He deserved more than I could ever give him. I'm an emotionally unavailable guy who's never met with love once in his life, how would I even know how to get to that point when all I was familiar with was people leaving or being second best?

[Song rec - Fallen Star by The Neighbourhood]