I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you, I know it's no good
─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I don't think I'm that intimidating, but I guess my dad thought so because once a baby bump started to grow on my mom he ran for the hills.

Throughout high school—seeing everyone getting into relationships and even some of them being together for all four years, I used to blame my parents for making me like this. This unlovable mess.

It's easier now to make platonic relationships, still, I get into my head that even they will leave me or that I can't rely on them for certain things. Jeongin and Georgia are my best friends yet even they don't know how much this part of me affects me.

I don't like to dwell on something I'm not doing anything to change. I'm not actively trying to gain those romantic relationships. I'm not doing things to get out of my comfort zone, because for me I tried that, and look where that ended up. Some campus whore who didn't know what he had until he lost it.

I'm in my Junior year of University, I don't plan on getting into any situationship that will land me in the same position as last year. If being physically lonely alongside already being mentally alone is the way I will have to power through this year then so be it. It's not like I haven't been doing that my whole life.

My mom was always physically there with me growing up but mentally she was ready to travel the world while I continued my studies. She has always yearned for it, as for me—Apart of me can't wait to just settle somewhere, and then the other part of me fears I will never find a place that will feel like home.

I force myself out of my head as I finish writing down our research topic before packing up my things. Others were already getting up and leaving the room making me follow behind.

As soon as I exit the building, my eyes rise to the grey cloudy sky. The smell of petrichor in the air makes contentment fill my body. The weather was slowly changing and that meant the public pool was soon to close, thank god. I love and hate that place. The kids are diabolical but the job allows me to keep a good tan so I guess I can call it even.

I continue to walk along the wet pavement, light raindrops fall onto my hair making me pull my hood up and over my head, as I do so my phone dings with a text. Pulling my phone out of my pocket and my brows push together immediately at the unsaved number.

Unknown

What do you want for dinner?

The text reads and before I could answer or think more about who it could be, they send another. This time I let out a soft scoff without hiding the small amused smirk that finds my lips.

This is Minho btw

How did you get my number?

We're roommates, don't be stingy with your number. What's your favorite food?

Pizza

Basic but okay

I roll my eyes and put my phone away as I continue to walk to my next class. Honestly don't know why I chose to take these classes so close together but I liked to just get them over with, I had work after, and just by the look of the weather, not many people would go and Lloyd, Josie, and me will be left playing whatever random games to keep us from boredom.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

I jinxed it. After getting out of my last class of the day the sun was beaming down and mocking me. Work was packed and I understood why, everyone was taking advantage of how ever long we had of the good weather.

The walk home felt like a drag as I was exhausted from the day. No literally, I think my feet were dragging the whole way here and my eyes felt heavy. I just wanted a nice long shower and my bed.

I was too tired to think about making myself dinner but as I pushed open the door the smell of something familiar hit my nose, making me perk up. Not only was I welcomed with the scent but with loud music playing and the laughter of my friends. The more I walk in the more comes into view and I wasn't sure if I was getting overstimulated or excited.

All I knew was I found myself smiling lazily at the scene. Georgia danced with Chan to 'Sparks Fly' by Taylor Swift, or at least tried to make him join in on her antics in the living room as the couch was pushed to give her the floor. Jeongin sat on a bar stool at the island, laughing at Chan's failed attempt to keep up with his girlfriend. And Minho, well he shook his head lightly at the two but then looked down and this made me follow his gaze down to the countertop.

Something warmed inside my chest as I saw the mess of flour scattering the island counter. Pizza dough. Minho was making pizza dough, not just one but five. Five for the five of us. My eyes roam the rest of the kitchen and I swallow harshly, pizza ingredients littered the counters.

"Right on time" My eyes snap to Minho's, finally noticing me standing there awkwardly. "I don't know what you like on yours so you make it" He offers and moves aside as I walk closer.

I was unaware that Minho knew how to cook. This makes me realize that I don't know anything about the male aside from what he allowed.

"Oh, I um—I just like cheese" I look to Minho but quickly avert my eyes from his when I notice he is already looking at me. He was standing so close to me, taking notice that I wasn't moving to make the pizza and doing it for me.

"Jisung's a picky eater" Jeongin adds into the conversation. I roll my eyes but never look away from Minho as he sauces the pizza before adding cheese.

"Noted" Minho responds lowly.

I scoff loudly and playfully push him away as he presents the most unloved-looking pizza I have ever seen. "Look who's being stingy now" I grab a handful of cheese and add it to my pizza, hearing Minho's low chuckle beside me as I hold back a smile.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Sitting on the floor and around the coffee table seemed to become a sudden thing for us since Minho moved in. Usually, Georgia, Jeongin, and I all ate at different times and hardly ever just sat and ate together. That's what we did now, watching some romcom Georgia begged to put on, said it was her favorite and nobody fought her about it. I wish I had though because she keep telling us what happens next and how all of what happens could've been avoided with some simple communication.

The pizza is the only thing that had my attention though, seriously the best pizza I've ever eaten. I reach for another piece and when I do I look to Minho subconsciously. He must've felt my gaze on him as he looked at me and smiled softly, sitting next to me like he also seemed to always do.

He leaned closer, making my body freeze and I no longer felt the need to eat any more pizza. Putting the piece down as he says "Why is this your favorite food?" He asks me, genuine curiosity in his tone, mixed with amusement. Cheese pizza was a child's favorite food but yet here I was. Maybe mentally I was still a child.

I shrug lightly, not going into the details of why it's my favorite as I say "It's simple, I like simple things" He hums lowly, thoughtfully like he takes all of my responses to his nonstop questions and stores them somewhere safe. Somewhere to keep remembrance of.

Minho doesn't ask me any more questions, both of us settling to watch the rest of the movie. I felt it was a bore of a movie because of how predictable it was, this was with Georgia's spoilers. Still, without them, we all knew the two would end up together.

After the movie Chan and Jeongin started playing a video game and Georgia scrolled through her phone, leaving me to do the same for a few minutes before realizing Minho had got up and left.

A slight frown on my face as I look toward the kitchen and see Minho cleaning up. I stand up and grab the glass cups from the coffee table and walk to the kitchen where Minho did the dishes, placing the glasses by the sink and he grabs them immediately and starts to clean them.

I didn't start a conversation with him, the two other males shouted in the living room and that's what surrounded us. I grab a drying rag, I start to dry the clean dishes, and push them where they belong.

Normally I wouldn't mind the lack of conversation, it wasn't like I felt awkward—forcing me to speak, as I said before, I don't do small talk but for some reason, my mind was yelling at me to talk to him.

"My mom would always get me cheese pizza for dinner when I felt sad," I tell him finally, the full truth on why cheese pizza was my favorite food. It was my comfort food. To me, it felt like a warm hug because it was the food that made me realize how much my mom cared for me. She wasn't the type of parent to give me a hug and tell me everything would be okay, but she knew when I was down every time and would take me for my favorite food as a kid—yet, it stuck with me. Cheese pizza, that was my hug and her way of showing me that she cared.

I put up the last plate up and turn around to Minho who looks at me silently, drying off his hands. I lean against the counter and shrug lightly, "Jeongin is right though, I am a picky eater"

Minho chuckles, the sound crashes into my ears and floods my mind like some virus. One I don't think I mind having and the worst part, nobody likes having a virus. It was contagious and made me want to break a smile but I didn't. I weirdly just stared at him, instead taking in his smile.

"I noticed something else," He tells me, making me curious.

I hum lightly, wanting him to further explain, "And what's that?" My voice was soft, at ease.

He doesn't think before he speaks, because he too is comfortable in this space, "You're also very picky with who you spend your time with" He says to me.

Suddenly this easy atmosphere around him came crashing down in an instant. I no longer remember what his laugh sounded like a few seconds ago, all I heard was my own heart beating in my ears and my throat tightening.

It's not that I'm picky with who can have my time. It's not that I rather keep my circle small. Sometimes I wish to scream in people's faces and ask them to see me. To see that I don't make new friends because I simply can't, that I can't build up any sort of relationship past a certain point because what if one day they wake up and realize I'm not all that they want or that their life is better without me? I want to scream it. I want to write it out for them a thousand times for them to comprehend that it's not that easy for everyone to make friends or to fall in love.

Instead, I push away from the counter and say "Goodnight" walking out of the kitchen area and to my room. With the closing of the door, I realized yet again that people like to see what they want to see. To believe what is easy.

[Song rec - Sparks Fly (Taylor's Version)
by Taylor Swift]