me

i'm literally begging for one of you to come w/ me. i've no idea of how to do this. i can't even speak freaking hungarian

anya t joy

And what makes you think one of us does? Stop being a whiny bitch, you'll have assistance all the way there.

me

okay no need to be such a bitch u bitch. keep that attitude of yours away from me !

lauren j

omg why are you two bickering again?

is this because of the EMAs?

me

YES

i'm in need of a friend and no one's willing to step in

would you come with

lauren j

i would love to help babe, but i've got big meetings these days for the album release.

why don't you ask Ariana?

anya t joy

For your information I was not being a bitch! I was just pointing out the obvious. Now, I've got the solution to your problem: go with someone who's already going. I heard Olivia's nominated, so she'll probably be there, too.

me

...

you know why I need one of you there.

anya t joy

Is it because your ex is gonna be there?

me

WHAT do you mean?

i meant u know how nervous i get when i have to perform, imagine TWICE. that's why i needed you.

seriously anya what the fuck

lauren j

way to go Anya.

anya t joy

I hate myself.

But it's not my fault she doesn't read Twitter these days.

me

can any of you explain this?

I DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BE THERE.

now i definitely need you. or a shot.

anya t joy

There's someone calling me. I hope you can solve this! Ttyl.

lauren j

what a hoe omg.

we thought you'd know by now, Max. they're trendy and they're nominated for an award.

me

would they believe me if i said i've got a really bad flu?

i'm not sure i can face this. it's been a long time since i saw her for the last time.

lauren j

i thought you were over her?

me

i am

it's just

it's been a long time. i don't know if i can trust myself around her

anya t joy

She hurt you, Max. Stop crawling and woman up. You are going to be in there, look her in the eye and tell yourself 'I don't need you anymore', and you'll believe it. Besides, you're performing twice, don't you think you need to focus on enjoy that rather than waste your time thinking about her?

me

damn woman that was deep af

thought u were busy tho

anya t joy

I have to be ready in 10, but I've always got time for you hun.

me

and you're totally right

i need to focus my energy on not tripping on stage

ana d.a

38 messages in four minutes, you guys.

me

you know what you got yourself into when u decided to befriend someone who's ten years younger than you.

ana d.a

Are you calling me old?

By the way, I've read all of those. I could go with you, I've got some free days off set.

me

i'm calling you GORGEOUS.

are you for real???

ana d.a

Of course!

me

it'll be two days, free music, free hotel and i'll cover the costs of whatever you need

i feel like i could kiss you right NOW

anya t joy

That's it!

All you need to make Victoria jealous is going with Ana. The girl is drop dead gorgeous, she'll be red with fury if she sees you two together.

lauren j

five minutes ago you were giving a pep talk about getting over her, now you're pushing Max to make her ex jealous?

anya t joy

It's not about that.

It's about giving back. Max's going to have a great time with a great friend by her side, who just happens to be a fallen angel. Who could that hurt? No one, right?

ana d.a

I'm beginning to feel a little used here.

Thanks for the compliments, though.

me

nobody's going to use nobody !!

i just want to have a good time

@anyatjoy stop with those ideas

@laurenj thanks for talking some sense

@anad.a dinner on me tonight

pack warm things bc it's hella cold over there

see you all soon !

anya t joy

Okay bitch I was just thinking out loud.

Or typing. Out loud.

What I meant! Is that if she still has an eye on you she'll be jealous as fuck when she sees Ana by your side.

But whatever. We'll do it your way. Have fun and that shit.

lauren j

you're fucking crazy lmao

Max sets her phone on the table, throwing herself on the sofa with a long sigh. The mere thought of knowing that she's going to see Victoria again after so long makes her legs tingle, her stomach turn a hundred times, but she doesn't know if it's pure nerves because she hasn't seen her in a while, or because there's something else she doesn't want to see: for example, that she misses her, that she wants to see her, that she still loves her....

The British girl shakes her head, denying everything to herself. She doesn't think about her as much anymore, she barely looks her up on social media, eager to know what's going on in her life; fans don't mention her as much in photos of the two of them, assuming that their relationship has cooled down since Max left for the US and Victoria stayed in Rome, something normal that happens in all relationships between artists.

Still, she opens the wardrobe with the intention of finding some clothes that will impress people, and can't help that by 'people' her brain actually says 'Victoria'. But Anya is right: she has to stop pinning after her, she has to forget about her for good because it's clear Victoria doesn't miss her, she's let go of their relationship and she's let her go, at no point writing to her, not even to wish her a happy birthday, and Max gets the hint. She's been taking it for months, as much as she doesn't want to admit it.

Her heart still skips a beat when she hears a song of theirs on the radio, but it hasn't hurt to talk about Italy for a long time. The reason why Victoria decided to break off their relationship is becoming more and more distant, because since she came to the United States she feels much freer. She is no longer so afraid of being who she is, and although she hasn't come out to the public, she has come out to her friends, who are supportive and would never leave her aside for something like this, but rather accept her. She often makes jokes with her boy friends, pretending they are on a date, or with her girl friends, uploading photos of them kissing each other on the cheek and calling them 'my love', and no one says anything. No one speculates, no one asks her if they're really dating, no one judges her and, of course, no one looks at her the way Simon looked at her that day in his office, and that makes her feel good.

hey sylvia, ana's going to be my 'plus one' to the EMAs, that okay right?

She texts her new publicist and waits for a reply. The truth is that she has thought several times about what happened before Simon sent her to America, and although she feels a little guilty about Martha losing her job and Connor losing part of the pay that supported his family, she can't regret it because she feels freer from that moment on. She hates to think that England was stifling her, but on the other side of the world the possibilities are endless and opportunities are everywhere.

If there is one thing she lacks to be completely happy, it is to stop thinking about Victoria as she is doing right now. Will she at least think a little bit about her? Will she remember everything that has happened? If so, why hasn't she said anything to her all this time? She's talked to the rest of the guys a little bit, especially when they wished her a happy birthday, but she hasn't heard from Victoria. That should be a sign to let her go for good, right? So why hasn't her heart calmed down from the moment Anya confessed the big secret?

Reality hits her: in three days she's going to see Victoria, and she's afraid she's not as over it as she thinks she is.

Sure thing. Come by the studio later so we can get both your sizes and get clothes for you!

ana, mi amiga ! ¿cómo estás?

No need to be a bootlicker with me, Max. I do it because I'm your friend.

you're lovely and i adore you. how would you feel about going to the studio so we can get some clothes for the EMAs? my team will get your clothing as well, nothin to worry about.

I can pick you up in twenty, I'm leaving the set right now. Does that work for you?

absolutely. we're going to have a damn good time

i'll even dedicate one song to ya if i feel generous

A new notification arrives as soon as she sends the last message to Ana, and her fingers freeze. She's thankful she doesn't have the double blue check on, otherwise Damiano would have known she'd read his message seconds after he sent it.

hey, max. in case you changed your phone number, this is damiano.

The boy is online, still with the same photo from three months ago, and Max can't help but smile fondly, because she took it herself. Damiano must also be seeing that her number is online, and, if it wasn't Max, the person would answer, so she hurries to do so.

yeah no i haven't changed my number, i'm still me

fantastic.

i just wanted to check up on you. i've read you're going to hungary as well, and we're on our way there. i figure over there it's still noon.

anyways. i know we're probably gonna see each other, and i hope it's not awkward for you. we miss you dearly max, and we're very sorry about what happened. i know it doesn't change anything, but we're still your friends in case you need anything.

Max lets out a long sigh, running her hands through her hair and tousling it a little. She hasn't spoken to the boys in a long time either, only once to Damiano, and for reasons she now looks at and regrets having behaved like that. Anya is right: she needs to stop grovelling, especially when Victoria hasn't even tried to talk to her. Max is not to blame for the relationship ending, so she must stop chasing her memory if she really wants to get over it.

She feels bad because she hates that her failed relationship has led to the cooling of her relationship with the rest of the band. At first she missed Damiano's overwhelming presence, who always managed to get on her nerves but at the end of the day could put a smile on her face whenever he wanted; the quiet and calm that Ethan brought her, because he was the only one who kept the silence that Max so much appreciates sometimes; Thomas's joking and childish nature, but also his ability to chat with her and make her feel heard, because more than one night they told each other their problems in low voices, hoping that the dark sky of a starry night would have the solutions.

And of course she missed Victoria, and sometimes still does. The warmth that radiated from her body every time she came into contact with hers, the complicit glances, the soft caresses and the sleepless nights of loving each other deeply. Her tenderness, but also her mischievousness and the smiles cocked to one side for some matter. Victoria understood her perfectly, she knew she had chemistry with her, a connection she had never felt with anyone, and to have it taken away from her so suddenly, sometimes made her feel angry, and how much she missed her was lost in the wind.

i appreciate it damiano. this is far from what i'd imagined but it is what it is. i'll be happy to see you

besides, i know you've been nominated for an award, yeah? i knew you'd come far. you're totally winnin that

and i'll be cheering u on

i hope it's not awkward for you?

On the other end of the line, Damiano smiles a little.

"What are you smiling about?" Thomas asks, clapping him on the shoulder and peering at his screen.

"Max has answered."

The mere mention of the girl's name is able to make Victoria bend her neck in a way that she could have broken it. She quickly rises from her seat, tired of standing there idly waiting to board, and walks over to her three friends, who are already milling around Damiano's phone.

"So, what does she say?" Ethan is the first to ask, because he knows Victoria won't.

"From what I can read between the lines, things won't be business as usual, but we're not going to ignore each other. She says she's really glad we got nominated. That she knew we could pull it off."

Victoria's heart shrinks at the confession, feeling a mixture of deep guilt and excitement inside. She wishes more than anything that she had remained present in Max's life, seeing each and every thing she is achieving and will achieve, being the first to see her happy face, the first to cheer her up when things aren't going so well, the one to comfort her at home. But fate has a strange way of getting its way —if by 'fate' we mean 'Victoria', of course— and Victoria feels further away from the young brunette than ever.

we're all looking forward to seeing you

'All of you?' Max thinks to herself. She makes an effort not to bite her fingernail.

Victoria waits anxiously for the answer, seeing that the girl is still online.

i'll see you guys there. have a safe trip

Both girls close their eyes at the same instant. Max because she feels she should have included an 'everyone' so as not to make things harder; Victoria because Max hasn't referred to her at any point.

'How fucked up are things really, Victoria?,' thinks the Italian to herself.