BORN TO DIE

𝐕  mission impossible.

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The weeks leading to the end of term were coming to a close, and Esmerelda found herself overwhelmed with homework and extra studying. However, she had also been seeing James more often in the astronomy tower, despite still finding him annoying — with each encounter, it seemed that James was becoming more bearable to her.

As the months went by, sitting in the library became a routine for Esme, with or without Lily by her side. She had rested her head on her hand, flipping through the pages of whichever book she had chosen for the day. The screeching sound of a chair being moved across the floor interrupted her reading, but she didn't bother to look up. Her fingers delicately slipped through the pages as she absorbed the words on the page. Suddenly, Remus cleared his throat, catching Esmerelda's attention. She slowly lifted her head to meet his gaze, questioning him monotonously.

Remus sheepishly smiled and began apologising, "I just wanted to apologise for what happened on the train — I- I know it's extremely belated but I was incredibly rude and" he rambled but was quickly cut off by Esme surprisingly laughing.

"I'm sorry" she spoke breathlessly, "I don't find this funny — actually, I do but not in the way you think. It was already forgotten about, Remus. I assure you" Esme spoke shaking her head.

Relieved, Remus seemed to calm down slightly at her words, he sighed. "Oh thank Merlin, I just didn't want to go into the new term with bad blood with anyone besides snivellus... oh! Sorry your probably friends with him" he spoke, scratching his neck.

Esmerelda's face contorted into disgust, "not a chance" she denied swiftly.

Remus nodded, and curiously looked at the book in her hands. "so what are you reading?" He asked, speaking softly so as not to attract the attention of Madam Pince.

Esmerelda pushed the book, titled Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble, toward Remus.

"I've read the book numerous times. It's certainly educational" explained sheepishly, feigning confidence.

The book held chapters on Occlumency, resisting the Imperius Curse, and healing properties for the aftermath of the Cruciatus Curse.

Remus felt a pit in his stomach, knowing how pureblood families treated their children. He couldn't help but worry for Esmerelda, who was alone in her house without anyone to protect her.

"Is the book helpful?" Remus asked in a hushed whisper. Esme raised an eyebrow, questioning his intent. Remus didn't reply but instead looked at her with sorrow.

Understanding his unspoken message, Esme nodded and put the book back into her bag before standing up.

Just as she was about to leave, Remus reached out and gripped her wrist, "we all have secrets, trust me. I'm an owl away over the holidays — even a flu, remember that" he urged, releasing his soft grip he watched as Esmerelda silently walked away.

James, who had been eavesdropping, poked his head around the bookshelf Remus why he was talking to Esme. "why were you talking to Esme?" He quizzed with a raised eyebrow.

"I was apologising, James."

"Oh... for what?"

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The Slytherins were slowly disintegrating.  Esme had noticed they were lousily drifting into cliques of their own, and she wasn't pleased. They had been a family to each other since birth, a safe haven when their families refused to show love and care.

"Sit, all of you" Esme stated, slowly walking down the steps in the dungeon.

Without looking from his book, JJ began to speak. "Esme, most of us are already sat. It's only Rosier and Crouch having their little standing lover's quarrel in the corner."

"We are not having a lover's quarrel!" Evan protested immediately.

Placing a hand against his chest, Barty feigned a hurt expression, "is this nothing to you, my dear Evvie-wevvie?"

"Har har, now shut up" Donavon ridiculed.

Esme sat on one of the many sofas, waiting for everyone to pay attention. Evan came and sat beside her, placing an arm around her shoulders he leant into her ear. "I'm sorry about the other day, I hate when we fight.." he apologised softly.

Esme smiled, "it's okay, but if you say something like that again — I'll cut your balls off." And with that, she placed a gentle kiss against his cheek.

Barty sat on the arm rest on the opposite side. He flicked her temple before surveying the room.

"Now, I've called this — meeting of sorts, because we completely fallen apart. Everyone has separated into smaller groups or branched out to completely different people. More arguments have happened and most of you tossers need to work on your temper."

Regulus chuckled, "speaking of yourself, Es?"

"Shush brother. Now back onto topic, we don't do this. This isn't us, we are a family and we stick together no matter what—" Esme paused her speech, catching sight of shining hair. "Severus, why haven't you fucked off back to your pig sty?" She spat.

"You said yourself, this is a family meeting of sorts." He retorted.

"Your not family." She growled, looking towards Donavon she sent a nod and the boy immediately stood and grasped snapes ear.

He quickly returned alone. "Any hand sanitizer?" He questioned with a grin, Pandora waved her wand and a small tube smacked against his face. "Thanks blondie" he winked.

"Any who, as of now every Thursday mandatory family meetings shall be held in the common room. If you don't show up, I'll kick you where the sun refuses to shine" she smiled briskly, a sickly sweet smile that rarely reaches her eyes but this one did, and everyone noticed.

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On that particular night, Life seemed to slow down as the heavy clouds dispersed, revealing a mesmerizing display of twinkling stars. A serene atmosphere enveloped the surroundings, making everything feel remarkably simple, as if the weight of the world had lifted off Esmerelda's shoulders. Carefully, she retrieved the envelope from her pocket, the anticipation building inside her throughout the day.

The morning had heralded its arrival, gracefully carried by their loyal owl named Noctua. It was a moment of confusion and anxiety,  a mixture
of emotions that fluttered through her as she held the envelope in her hands.

The ivory parchment was adorned with the family crest, the seal marked an auspicious significance that filled her with fear. Carefully, she used her nail to peel away the seal and pull out the envelope.

dear daughter,

I am shamed I have to write this letter, as it is not a mere formality to inquire about your well-being or the progress of your education. Rather, it has come to my attention through the whispers of your friends and acquaintances that you have chosen to associate yourself with individuals who bring dishonor upon our most noble and pure house of Nott.

To my dismay, I hear tales of your involvement with mudbloods, halfbreeds, and bloodtraitors – individuals who stand in stark contrast to the purity that our family line holds so dear. It is my duty as the head of our household to convey unto you the weight of the shame your actions could bring upon us.

Upon your return home, make no mistake – there will be repercussions for these transgressions. But let it be known that this is a warning, for if any further accounts reach my ears bearing news of such improper conduct on your part, I promise you that my response will not be as lenient as this first encounter.

Notwithstanding these grave disappointments, I do hold onto hope that you have at least maintained the highest standards in your schooling and studies.

sincerely
Alaster Nott, from the most noble and pure house of Nott

Esmerelda's hands trembled uncontrollably, causing the letter she held to slip from her grasp and float to the ground in slow motion.

Overwhelmed with a mix of emotions, she pressed a hand against her chest in an attempt to steady her erratic breathing. The weight of her actions and her father's warning about the potential consequences weighed heavily on her.

Tears welled up in Esme's eyes, obscuring her vision and adding to her distress. With unsteady steps, she stumbled backward, her back colliding with the unforgiving chill of the stone wall.

Sliding down to the cold floor, she curled up in a ball, her mind racing through the various possible outcomes of her situation.

Should she stay at Hogwarts for Christmas, risking further punishment? Or should she return home, where she knew unimaginable pain awaited her, a pain that had plagued her since childhood?

As a lump formed in her throat, she couldn't help but feel a suffocating tightness in her chest.

In the midst of her despair, a voice called out her name. Through the foggy haze of desolation, a familiar voice floated softly toward Esmerelda, like a lifeline beckoning gently for attention.

James appeared before her like an apparition: tentative in his concern and unsure of how best to offer comfort. With kindness and empathy woven into each word he spoke.

She remained fixated on the wall, unable to tear her gaze away. James, with cautious steps, approached her, crouching down in front of her.

Tentatively, he reached out to touch her forearm, but she recoiled, retreating further into her self-imposed refuge against the wall.

Realising the fragility of the situation, James held his hands up in a gesture of surrender, assuring her, "Listen to my voice, okay? Sirius and Remus have had panic attacks too. We've all had our moments. Just breathe in and out slowly."

As he settled down in front of her, crossing his legs, her breathing slowly began to normalize, but her sobs continued to echo through the tower top.

In an attempt to comfort her, James rested a gentle hand on her shoulder, and in that moment, Esmerelda crumbled against his chest, seeking a safe haven in his embrace.

For a moment, James froze, unsure of how to respond, before he instinctively wrapped an arm around her, his other hand cradling her head with tender care.

Softly, he inquired, "What happened?"

Her voice raspy and broken, she revealed, "My father wrote to me. Someone informed him about my interactions with..." Her words trailed off, drowned out by the persistent tremors shaking her shoulders.

James knew. "With people who aren't pure-blooded? And blood traitors?" James surmised with empathy, understanding the gravity of the situation.

He knew all too well the consequences that loomed over her once she returned to the imposing Nott manor. "Why can't you stay at Hogwarts for Christmas?" He asked tentatively, attempting to provide an option.

Pained, Esmerelda shook her head and whispered, "Staying at Hogwarts for Christmas would only make things worse." Filled with a deep sense of shame and vulnerability, she couldn't help but feel embarrassed about crying and finding herself cradled by a boy she has long despised.

Attempting to offer some form of comfort in the face of her helplessness, James proposed, "If you need to, you can write."

However, Esme shook her head, confessing, "It's too dangerous now that my father knows I'm friends with Lily. He could intercept my letters."

Understanding the magnitude of the risk involved, James fell silent, resting his chin gently against her head as they sat together in the astronomy tower. The night sky, adorned with a sparkling array of stars, seemed to offer a momentary respite from their troubles.

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"JAMES!" Sirius yelled once the boy wandered into their dorm. The boy stood from his bed and placed his hands on his hips with an expecting expression. "Why did the map show you and Esmerelda Nott practically on top of EACH OTHER in the astronomy tower?!" He scolded the boy like a mother. His frustrations and confusion evident in his tone.

James stood with a far off look in his eyes, before collapsing on his bed.

"Prongs?" Remus asked, rightfully conceded he sat up from his bed.

James sighed, "I found her mid panic attack in the tower, it took me a while to calm her down.." he explained briefly, his words emitting breathlessly.

"And?" Peter curiously questioned.

"She got a letter from Mr Nott, he found out she's been chatting to us all and that she's friends with Lily." James recounted. Esmes pained sobs lingering in his mind

His words left Sirius with a bitter taste in his mouth and quickly joined James on his bed, "we all know what the all mighty sacred 28 do when their heirs aren't prissy sods" Sirius mulled, a venom tainted his tone that all of the marauders have heard many times.

"We all have our secrets and we all have trauma, we shouldn't be speaking about Esmerelda's like the second year gossips" Remus shook his head, laying back down and reopening his book.

"He's right." Peter agreed.

James and Sirius exchanged knowing glances before casting their eyes to the ceiling. Esmerelda Nott just became more than a game, she became a mission.