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I will always be right here

──● elinor
BRAVE

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A week.

It had been a goddamn week since Sage and Elijah had a normal conversation. A goddamn week since he kissed her, and the lingering feeling of her mouth against his drained into every single one of his waking thoughts. It was horrible, and distracting, and absolutely infuriating.

She barely even looked at him, and he was getting sick of it.

On the brighter side, those two girls, from some white town somewhere in Utah, had shut up. They'd barely even looked over at their table now. Of course, this did lead to a less infuriating chem class -- at least in one sense. On the other hand, Sage's silence made him feel unsettled. 

Sick, even.

The conversation he'd had with Keitaro and Yume lingered in his thoughts. He and his older brother had some differing personality traits, but Elijah trusted both him and Yume implicitly with advice. He'd gone to both of them, individually, to talk about whatever had happened. He'd gone to Yume first, because of his hysterics, as she so lovingly put it. 

Elijah had never been described as hysterical.

Devilishly handsome, maybe. Prideful, sure. A bit of a narcissist - without a doubt, but not hysterical. 

----------

"Well, did you do something to her?" Yume's voice was light, as it always was in the twilight hours of the night, when stars scarred the plains of the sky high above them. She was loomed over her desk, calligriphic letters fluidly coming into sight with each brush of her pen. He assumed she was writing love letters, or poetry of some kind. It didn't matter, neither of those things were what was on his mind.

"I don't think I did-" Elijah wasn't hysterical. He wasn't, but maybe he was panicking on the inside just a little. To be fair, his best friend wasn't even talking to him, and he had no clue what to do. "I just kissed her-"

Yume spun in her chair, whipping to face him, clutching the pen in her hand, "You what?!"

"Yu, not so loud."

"Not so loud?!" She half-snapped the words, then paused, sitting back in her chair and forcing in a breath. "Fine." His sister sucked in another breath, glancing out the window before looking back to him. "Go on then, tell me what happened then."

"Some girls were making fun of her weight, I don't know, and she just - she made a dumb joke about me kissing her and they started laughing." Even the memory sent that same spiraling anger deep into the pits of his stomach. How dare they laugh at Sage, as if they were better, or smarter, or prettier in any way possible. Forcing his attention back to his sister, he crossed his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall. "So I kissed her."

This time Yume leaned forward, her eyebrow furrowing in thought. "You just kissed her?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No buts." She again fell into thoughtful silence. "Did you ask?"

"To kiss her?"

"Mhm."

Elijah hesitated in his answer. He told Sage she could say no, but he hadn't really asked, had he? Oh God, what if he'd pushed himself onto her? What if he'd ruined everything? What if she thought he was some kind of pervert or creep??

The anger in the pit of his stomach turned to agonizing dread, and Elijah suddenly felt dizzy. "I told her she could say no."

"But she didn't give you a verbal answer?" Yume's question was careful, but it didn't help when Elijah shook his head, and that sickening feeling was quickly accompanied by the conflicted emotion that was stuck in his oldest sister's gaze. "So, she didn't say yes, exactly." It was a clarifying question, and more likely for the realization of Elijah rather than for the comfort of his sister.

There was silence then, and slowly Yume again looked towards the deep skies of the night. Yume and Kei always said that the night shows the truth behind a person, the darkness calls only to the honest version of yourself.

Elijah thinks they're right, even if he doesn't want to admit it.

It's a thick quiet, and evolving sickness runs up his spine, clutching at the broken remenants of his heart. He wants to fix it, he needs to fix it, he just doesn't know how. 

His grandparents would know what to do.

His mother would have.

But none of them are here. All he has is his hodgepodge of a family, and whatever soul is still left caught in his lungs. "Yume?" Elijah's voice is soft. Maybe softer than it's been since the day of his mother's funeral, where that same mix of dread and anger remained fixed in his stomach. He watched his sister's gaze again flicker to him, in silent acknowledgement. "How do I fix it?"

Yume would know what to do.

His entire life, and he's always trusted in that. She knew what to say, how to think, what to do. She may not be the top chemist in the country, or anything even close to that, but she was good with people, with words and writing. Kei was the same way, even if they approached things from different sides. 

If Yume is the sun, then Kei is the moon, and the rest of them might as well be stars in the sky, or clouds in a rainstorm. 

"You should apologize to her, in my opinion." Yume was quiet for a moment, then spun back to her writing. "Explain to her that you didn't mean to make her uncomfortable in anyway, because I'm sure you didn't Elijah."

Yume was right, he hadn't. He didn't want to hurt Sage at all, he'd just wanted to defend her somehow, to show her that they were wrong, and he didn't care that she wasn't perfect to them. She was perfect to him.

"And, Elijah." She tilted her head back, glancing at him, "Be okay with whatever response you get, even if it's the hard one." His sister looked back to her work; a silent dissmissal, but as he headed for the door, she spoke again. "And talk to Kei." Her words turned fond, warmth bleeding into them even if she didn't want them too. "He's always given me good advice."

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The day was daunting, and the hours of school continued to drag onward until finally, the time for A.P. Chemistry arrived. Hurriedly, Elijah darted past the usual group of girls and boys alike that flirted with him on his way to differing courses. Most of the time he would entertain them, but he didn't have the time, or energy, or patience for that today.

He wasn't interested in any of them anyway.

It's not that they were mean, or ugly, or anything of the sort. No, each of them were realatively kind, genuine people. Or- most of them that is. There was the occassional nuisance who somehow thought Elijah was dumb enough to not realize they were just gold-diggers and guilt-trippers. He wasn't stupid. The group that did flirt with him often -- they were just flirtatious people, and none of them were bad, per-se. No, he just had one real stipulation with them.

None of them were Sage.

Sage. Who was smart, and witty, and snarky, and came to Elijah's games in the rain. Sage, who brought her little brother to baseball practices because he loved them. She was smart, and kind, and didn't have to pretend to understand Elijah's stupid, hilarious chemistry jokes. She liked the color pink, even if she said it washed her out, and sang to old songs by Katy Perry. Her favorite was Firework. Sage, who had gotten him a graphite ring, because graphite was forever, and had eaten every one of Elijah's cooking experiments, even if they'd been bad. She told him they were, but she'd eat them anyway, and hide her smile while doing it. She is resiliant, and strong, and beautiful.

God, she was beautiful.

Maybe that makes him shallow, but he doesn't care, because she is.

Even in a sweatshirt, some vintage worn thing, and leggings. Her hair half-tied up as she silently gets her textbook, setting it on the table. That's what she looked like when Elijah walked into the room, eyes not even sliding up to greet him, and the feeling in his throat thickened with suspense.

But he takes his seat quietly, gets his own materials, and waits. And while Elijah waits, his conversation with his oldest brother is on repeat, words flooding in and out his thoughts as he stares at the textbook in front of him.

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"So you kissed her?"  Keitaro raised his eyebrow at him, looking up from the glass of wine that sat at his desk. It didn't look like much had been drunk from it, and Elijah knew better than to ask. Yume and Kei ever hardly drank, usually because most of their siblings were underage, and their father had a firm belief in keeping them from it as much as he could. It was one of the only things he was strict about. Or relatively so.

Elijah's voice was exasperated. "Yes, I kissed her."

His oldest brother sent him a grating glance, but set his book down after marking it with some pressed flower of some kind. Elijah would have teased him about it, but at the moment, he needed his brother's advice. Then he turns to him, spinning in his chair. "Okay, why?"

"Because two girls were making fun of her. And they said I would never kiss someone like Sage."

"So you did it out of retaliation?" Keitaro's eyebrow raised, but his expression remained flat. Elijah resisted the urge to squirm from his judgemental half-glare.

"I guess."

"You guess?" Again, his voice was accusatory, as if Elijah had done something wrong. The tone worsened the dreadful feeling in his stomach. Retaliation. Well, hadn't he done it out of spite of some kind for the two girls? He'd just wanted to defend Sage, but maybe in all reality all he had wanted to do was defend himself. 

In front of him, his brother stood. "I have this friend-"

"You have friends?" Desperately, he tried to stop the insult before it came out, but his brother really had set him up too well. He watched Keitaro pause, then turn and point his finger to the door.

"Get out."

"What?"

"Get. Out." 

Elijah knew his brother had always been on edge, expectionally so recently since one of his best friends had flown to the other side of the country. All the way to California, in fact. However, like most of his siblings, Elijah knew very, very little about the situation.

Yume was probably the only person who did know much about it.

"If you're going to be rude, while I'm trying to help you Elijah-"

"I'm sorry, okay?" He sighed, rocking back on his heels, "I'm sorry Kei, I do want your help. Really."

Keitaro regarded him for a moment, but relented after a sip of wine, looking back at the window before returning his gaze to Elijah. "I have this friend. She doesn't come from money, and doesn't have a lot to spare, but she got this wonderful opportunity in California. I'm proud of her, and she's proud of herself, like she should be. She sent an online audition to L.A. somewhere, for a new T.V. series, and they accepted her." He went quiet for a moment, then looked back to the window, "She couldn't afford her flight there, and pay off her tuition, so I bought her ticket." Another pregnant pause. "She called me, just two days ago, and asked me if I bought the ticket out of pity. I told her I didn't, and she told me that the worst feeling in the world is to be pitied."

Slowly, he turned again to face him, fingers pulling at his clasped hands. 

"Did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Kiss her out of pity, Elijah." He could hear the judgement lacing the words, but he didn't take it personally. Keitaro sounded a little judgemental with everyone sometimes.

"No."

"Did you tell her that?"

Elijah's response was hesitant at best. "No."

"Did it mean anything?"

"What?"

Keitarou sighed again, reaching up to run a hand through his hair, almost exasperatingly. Elijah didn't blame him in all honesty, and he didn't have the bite to again bully his older brother about much of anything at all. Kei only went to his chair, sitting down at it and opening the book. "The kiss. Did it mean anything?"

Elijah didn't know.  

Had he done it out of spite and retaliation and whatever bitter feelings those two girls had left broiling in his chest?

Had he done it because he wanted to?

"Did you want it too?" Keitaro again spoke clearly, soft, but firm, much like their father. He picked up the bookmark, spinning it in his fingers as his eyes scanned the place he'd left.

Elijah didn't say anything at all, and Kei didn't expect him too. Instead, he slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind to let his brother read in peace, as his words roared in his ears.

----------

"Elijah."

Elijah blinked, eyes burning from staring so long at his textbook, registering the voice in his ears. it took him a moment to realize it was Sage. His brain had been left reeling, and he looked up, seeing new information on the board that had apparently sailed over his head. 

Frustratingly, he realized he'd practically blocked out the whole lesson. Quickly flipping to the pages in his chemistry books, and attempting to change his mindset from Sage, to whatever the fuck was happening.

His brain couldn't seem to focus, bouncing between the conversations, and whatever lingering lecture that Mr. Harrow had given. The attempt sent rising frustration in pinpricks down his spine, furiously reading in some desperate manner to somehow be able to grasp what had happened in the last forty-five minutes so he could do his stupid homework.

"Elijah?" There was the brush of soft fingers on his arm, and Elijah snapped to the side, blinded momentarily by infuriating feeling of stupidity.

"Jesus Christ- what??" He said the words loud enough that the surrouding tables looked up, and sharp enough that Sage's hand had retracted almost immediately to her chest, staring at him in silence. Elijah's features softened almost immediately, anger once again quickly replaced by that ugly feeling of dread and sickness.

"Geez, okay..sorry. I was just checking to see if you were alright." Her eyes were cold as she regarded him, before snapping her head back to her already half-finished homework, frequently glancing up at the textbook, and mumbling under her breath. 

"Well, I'm fine." Again, the words came out sharper than he meant them to, and he watched Sage roll her eyes at his words, ignoring him entirely. For some reason, it made him infuriated to be ignored by her. It was upsetting, and stupid, and Jesus- it wasn't Sage. Instead, he softened his voice, teasing her the same way she'd teased him. "Why are you so moody?"

Sage's glare could have wilted a field of flowers, but she snapped back at him regardless. "Am I not entitled to have a bad day once in a while? You have them so often, I figure it's my turn."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not repeating myself." Her words echoed the harshness of the room, reverbrating into cold silence, and Elijah could feel the burning glares of other students directed at their table.

"I have them so often?" Emotion bubbled deep in his stomach. Not quite anger, but something like hurt. He bit his tongue, refusing to give into the feeling and scowling at his own textbook. "Well, I'm sorry you had to deal with me for so long then."

"Apology not accepted."

Elijah fell silent then, and distinct emotion rose into his throat as he looked at her. This time, he knew it was anger. "What the fuck, Sage-"

"God, can't you just shut up!" She slammed her book onto the table, standing as she glared at him. "Can't you just be quiet for one goddamned second, Elijah!" Everyone was staring at them now, searing glances burned brands in his skin. "Maybe you should realize that not everything is about you, okay!" Her words bit at the emotional wounds that had long scarred over in his youth, but all he could do was stare.

Suprisingly, his voice came out calm. Cold, calculating, and calm. "What did I ever do to you?"

She laughed, and it was a breathless, angry thing. "You didn't do anything. It's not about you, because you didn't do anything to me-" Her voice raised, and her chest hitched. Elijah watched as silver began to rim her eyes, but she shoved past him "It's not about you! So stop thinking it is, you- you selfish, narcisstic, piece of shit." Her voice broke on the last word, but she pushed open the door, and the room again fell into silence.

Elijah barely waited a moment before he booked it after her, desperate to understand. Sage was his best friend, wasn't she? Surely she couldn't actually think those things - something must have made her upset, someone must have made her upset-

He had barely made it to the doors of the school, when he nearly bowled over a short girl, brunette. Elijah recongnized her almost immediately. Cara Berwin, one of Sage's friends. She was from somewhere south, he wasn't exactly sure where. He opened his mouth to apologize, but immediately he was cut off. "Now, what in the hell is wrong with you?!"

"Sage- I- she- she was crying, and I don't know-"

Cara scowled at him, "You don't know?"

"No!" Elijah's desperation was finally voiced, "No! I don't! I don't even know what's happening!"

It took a moment, but Cara's features softened, her eyebrow raised. She must have seen the desperation on his face, because she clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth, muttering something under her breath before looking back up at him. "She lost her father" Cara looked back towards the parking lot of cars, where surely Sage was curled up into one of them. Then looked back at Elijah. "I guess she figured you, of all people would understand, losin' a parent and all."

"I didn't even know-"

Cara stuck her hands in her pockets, voice thick with a mix of her accent, and the solemn situation. "I don't think she wanted to tell you."

"Why-?"

"She doesn't want the pity."

✦

✦ OPHELIA ✦

- long chapter sorry <3

- figured you deserved an
extra long one for how
patient you've all been

- ily all , and hope you
had a great valentines !

how many funerals has your character been to ? 
which one's were the hardest and why ?

──● answers