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friends ? i thought he said
we were the enemy

──● banzai
THE LION KING

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Breathe.

One. Two. breathe.

Junpei thinks it helps sometimes to count his steps in between breaths while he ran, especially when he needs a distraction from his thoughts. It helped, at least somewhat, to prevent his thoughts running rampant in the unpaved corners of his mind. Maybe it is a little silly, and he probably won't be announcing the habit to his friends or his family any time soon, but it helps, and there are always much worse ways of coping.

Habitually, his nose scrunched at the recongnition of his wandering thoughts, shaking away itching feelings that crawled up his spine in chills and vibrations. Instead, his eyes wandered to the scenery around him, early morning light sending kisses of painted light across the city in scattered spotlights. At least he didn't have any classes first thing in the morning, otherwise he'd have been thrown into an immediate panic. His first year as a college student, on a track scolarship no less. And cross-country, but he'd already managed to get through that season, now he just had to get through this one.

He didn't really mind all things considered. Running was one of his favorite things in the world, and Jun already knew he was well on his way to one day being in the Olympics.

The thought soared up his chest, and a huff of laughter echoed from his mouth, replacing his headphone back in his ear as he took only a minute to catch his breath. The Olympics. His dream. And one that would have been unachievable if he'd simply given up running when he'd failed once or twice.

"Junpei!"

The sound of his name startled him, and he turned from the breathtaking sunrise that had begun to envelop the entirety of the skies, pulling his headphone back out again. One of his friends was jogging after him, waving her arm to motion to him. A quick smile darted across her face as she skidded to a stop before him. Junpei mirrored the motion before turning to her entirely. "Hey Ruth, I didn't know we were on the same trail today-"

"We aren't." Soft features morphed into something annoyed and hardened. "I came to warn you because I know who is."

The tone of her voice gave away the name before she could say it, and with his own exasperated sigh, he twitched towards the sound of a new voice, one that was obnoxiously familiar. "Don't be jealous Ruth, it's not a good color on you."

Junpei sighed again, turning to face the unwelcome newcomer entirely, only to find a grin waiting for him. "Really Seth?"

"What?" He sighed, "I'm the innocent one here, just for your information Junpei."

Ruth rolled her eyes that time, hooking arms with Junpei before petulantly sticking her tongue out at Seth. "Jealous of what exactly? You?"

"Yes, because I get to run with my favorite person."

Junpei shook his head again, ignoring him entirely before looking over at Ruth, "Don't worry Ru,  just because we're running together doesn't mean I have to talk to him."

Ruth sighed again, more dramatically that time, but relented. She jogged off only after sending a scalding glare in Seth's direction, who held up his hands in mock defense, watching her hurry off.

Junpei shook his head again, fighting back a smile as he pocketed his headphones entirely, looking up only to meet Seth's bright gaze almost immediately. "Don't play dumb." Junpei just stood beside him, biting back his own smile (badly, most likely) as he sent him his own glare. "You're being patronizing."

"Come on, don't pretend you aren't happy to see me Jun."

"That's ridiculous."

"No it's not." Seth's response, matching his flirtatious grin sent sticky sweetness up his chest, enveloping his chest in something that could only be described as internal laughter. "Come on Jun, I traded with someone so we could run together today."

For a minute, he was struck with confusion, searching for a reason as to why Seth would do that. Junpei's eyebrows furrowed, mouth tipping into a small frown. "Why?"

"One, because I wanted to see you. Two, it's April fifth."

"How is that relevant?"

"I thought you said you didn't like the number five? It's like, your least favorite number or something. Which kinda sucks, considering I was born on a fifth."

Soft warmth quickly consumed his previous confusion, and once again, Junpei found himself biting back a smile. "You're pretty sweet to me considering we're enemies."

"Well, do we have to be?"

"Yes, Seth. We go to rival colleges, we're both on the track teams, and we're both amazing long-distance runners. So."

"Well, actually, technically speaking, you're an amazing long-distance and short-distance runner, so I don't really think-"

"Seth."

"Okay." He shook his head, his own smile never fading as he ran a hand through his hair. "I get it, you don't ever want to see me again-"

"Seth."

"No, it's fine Jun, I understand. We just - we weren't meant to be. It's fine. Doesn't break my heart at all."

"Seth.."

"I'll just..sail away..and die of consumption or something." Seth sighed then, wistfully looking at Junpei, then slumping against a tree. "It's fine, just go on without me."

Junpei sighed, watching him for a moment, finding himself again fighting back that sweet, warm feeling that crept up his heart, enveloping it in liquid sunshine. He squatted next to his supposed enemy, tilting his head at him. "Are you done? Cause we have a run to finish."

Seth peaked open his eye, frowning once he saw he got no response, and instead pushed up from the ground, nodding. "Alright, you win. Let's go."

"You're such a baby you know." Junpei laughed a little at his own words, breathing in the cool morning air that spring often promised. His chest felt lighter, it usually did when he ran, but there was something else about having company. It's why he often asked his siblings to go on runs with him, even if they did decline a majority of the time. Not to hurt his feelings or anything, but a lot of them couldn't keep up with Junpei, and if they could, it wasn't for near as long as he usually went.

"That's just mean." Seth raised his arm over his head, tilting his head to watch the captivating sky as it was painted in pretty hues of orange and yellow. "I guess I am nothing to you but a rival."

Junpei's own smile was warm. watching his companion for a minute. "Don't be dramatic Seth, I like you fine."

"I mean I'd hope so." Glittering eyes locked on his own, and Junpei felt his heart skip a beat. "I am your secret boyfriend after all."

Heat flushed up his cheeks, and Junpei turned his head away, choosing to instead focus on the stretching of his legs rather than his rapidly skipping heartbeat. Fortunately, he was saved with a prodding touch on his arm, and Seth's overwhelmingly flirtatious voice. 

"Come on pretty boy, like you said, we have a run to finish."

Junpei shot him a half hearted glare, but hurried to fall into step beside Seth once he started, sending his own lopsided grin in return to Junpei. 

Boyfriend.

The word sent that same sunshine feeling up his chest, but it was unfortunately accompanied by that lurking feeling of guilt and dread. He did have a reason for not telling his siblings, his friends, and his father. Quite simply enough, he didn't feel ready for it. Maybe he was a little scared. Despite knowing that it was perfectly okay in his family to date a guy, sick thoughts still lingered in his head, echoing into the hollows of his mind. 

It was still new, to both of them really. Seth seemed a lot more comfortable, but he was also a much more extroverted person than Junpei was, and probably ever would be. Sometimes those thoughts hurt too, thinking too much about their differences. Maybe that's another reason why he hadn't told anybody yet. Seth was out, and so was Junpei, technically anyway, and yet Seth hadn't pushed him at all when Junpei said he wasn't ready to tell people.

Although, after watching Heartstopper for the tenth time, he feels even worse about it. 

He isn't forcing Seth to hide, right?

Yes, you are.

His thoughts ricochet with their own response, and that sick, swirling feeling deepens in his stomach. The same kind of feeling you get when you wake up from a nightmare, and you know something is watching you. Or the feeling of thick dread, when you just know something horrible is going to happen. The kind that drags claws through your throat, ripping the air from your lungs as you wait for the inevitable, the unavoidable. 

Breathe.

One. Two. Breathe.

The feeling of running is something else entirely. It's like flying, only he isn't scared, and he's very, very safely on the ground. Each step grounds him a little more, not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, and in all other ways. Each count is just another step he can take, one that he knows he can take. It's something he's not scared off, something he can trust, and something that is entirely, completely, his.

Junpei is very aware of the fact that each of his siblings have something that make them special, make them notable to the world and to society around them. Yume is an author, and an amazing one at that. She's dramatic, and bright, and bold above anything else. Keitaro is a musician, a poet in heart and soul, and sometimes he can reduce his emotions to one word.

Junpei sometimes can't believe that they're his half-siblings, biologically, that is.

Sometimes he doesn't think he deserves it.

You don't.

Again, he swallows his thoughts to that same chant in his head. One he knows by his own heart and soul.

Breathe.

One. Two. Breathe.

Kasumi is a breathtaking artist, who can paint emotion better than some people can express it. She's always been so gentle with him. Reysa is a wonder. She's one of the strongest people he knows, and despite being abandoned by one family, she's never taken it out on her new one. Delaney feels like a mirror of himself, at least in a way. She makes everything look easy, and regardless of anger around her, she's gentle with everyone she comes in contact with. Jasari is something like a princess, someone bright and feminine and happy with exactly who she is. She's aspiring. Elijah is intimidating. He's popular, and smart, and witty, and Junpei can't help but feel like he's something that Jun will never live up to even compare too. Merlene is a spitfire. Unafraid of the unknown, and willing to jump into it if need be. He's almost constantly glad that she's on his side, and not the enemy. Akiho is cold, but in the way that he won't break at most things that come at him. He's relentless if his family is attacked, and won't panic in the face of it. Elliot, even if he is the newest adopted to the family, is hardly afraid to offer a silver lining, or some form of bright side that Junpei can hardly even think of. Jady is persistant. Determined in every thing she does, and throws her whole heart into every movement she makes.

Each of them are something else entirely, something phenomenal.

He really can't help but feel the pressure to live up to what they must think of him too. He wants to be great. More than that. He needs to be. He needs to prove to someone, to anyone, that he was worth saving.

He wants to prove to his mother that he deserved better. Deserved more. 

He hates it a little bit, that he still thinks of her so much. Hates that the memory of her at Benjiro's funeral echoes into his mind like a scream into the void of nothing. Hates that he still wants her to look at him, just once, with something like pride, adoration, anything except disgust honestly. Hates how much he craves her love, even now.

Maybe he's just that desperate.

Even the routine run can't distract him from his thoughts, and without the accompaniment of his music, he's left to delve into his own head, with thoughts he really doesn't like revisiting. He almost wishes Seth would keep talking to him, but there's no way he could do that without being even more out of breath. Talking isn't really something you can do while on a run. Still, it's nice to have company, and the pattering sound of his companion's steps alongside his own offers little comfort to the whirlpool of his undying mind.

Around him, the city is alive. It always is. Even then the sound falls into a background of some sort as his thoughts swirl with viscious intent, the deafening feeling of his drowning emotions sinking deeper into his chest. 

Breathe.

One. Two. Breathe.

All in all, he's glad Seth is here. It gives him something else to focus on. And Seth is great to focus on. Sometimes Junpei doesn't think Seth could actually like him. Maybe that's another reason why he just can't bring himself to tell other people. He hasn't really talked to Seth about it, but Seth hasn't pressed the issue. Then again, it's only been a week since they made it official. Or, at least official between them.

That snake of sunshine slinked up his chest, through the pooling darkness in his stomach, and forced the smallest smile to dart over his face. Even if they are supposed to be enemies, Junpei really can't resist a good enemies to lovers arc. 

Sometimes it makes him feel like he's in a book.

The feeling is squashed by the looming terror that takes over him at the thought of books, or rather, his sibling's books. He doesn't know whose turn it is yet, but he's not exactly ecstatic about what might happen to him, or to Seth if it's his 'turn'. He really doesn't want something to ruin their relationship, but he also knows that one little thing going wrong might send Junpei into a spiral, and force him back to the dark days of his younger years.

He barely resists the urge to pull at the long sleeves of his shirt, to silently assure that Seth can't see them. 

He doesn't know why it scares him so bad.

You're pathetic.

He bites his cheek, pushing onwards in his running.

Breathe.

One. Two. Breathe. 

He's not pathetic. He's not. He can't -

A sudden jerk from his arm startles him from his thoughts, and Junpei forces himself to blank, taking in his surroundings all of a sudden just as a car zooms past in front of him. Jerkily, he backs up, as if the car would turn around and hit him simply because it missed the last time. Finally, he realized there's a hand on his arm, and rapidly he turns to face Seth, whose eyebrows are furrowed, a frown pulling at his lips.

"Jun, hey, you okay?"

It takes him a moment to register the words, then he shakes his head. "Yes, sorry - no, i'm fine." He looks past him for a moment, at the cars going by before looking back at him. "Sorry, I'm good."

"You sure? You seem kind of out of it."

"I"m sure." His response is without hesitance, even if guilt again begins to pool into his stomach. Not that it would matter. Regardless of how he answered, Junpei would have felt guilty. Seth looked unconvinced for a moment, but relented, letting go of his arm. He held his gaze for a moment longer, and instinctually, Junpei glanced away "..I have to go, we have class."

"Alright." Seth nodded, glancing at his watch, then back up at him "..text me if you need something." Then patted his arm, almost hesitantly, before turning down the opposing road and jogging off.

For a moment, Jun just stared after him, then shook his head, retrieving his music, and letting the sounds sweep him away as he started on his own path to school.

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✦ WYN ✦

- welcome to junpei's arc!!

- i may or may not be on a writing
spree, so if there is more than
one update this weekend don't 
mind too much, i promise
not to overdo it though <3

- don't forget junpei's opinions please !!

how does your character feel about running?

──● answers