"What the hell?"

Sighing tiredly, I forced myself to tear my gaze away from her retreating frame and focus on my hopefully still best friend. "Spence-"

I was forced to swallow the rest of my words, as his right fist collided with my cheek in a solid punch. My vision clouded with pain, the damage from his strike came off twice as bad since he'd hit me right where she had only minutes ago.

Lovely. Now I had two temperamental girls to deal with.

I raised a hand to my jaw, flexing it to try and aid the dull sting in my face. I didn't make any move to retaliate – not even with words – because how could I?

Fuck, if the roles had been reversed and one of the two of them had pulled a stunt like the one I had, I would've flipped my shit much sooner, much worse.

Hence, I relented.

"Deserved that," I mumbled, nodding before clearing my throat and facing forward again.

I knew that it would be miles easier to get Spencer to forgive me – and thank fuck for that; the last thing I needed was for him to write me out of his life. See, unlike with (Y/N), I could be totally honest with him about what I'd been doing all this time, and I knew he would understand. But it was far more complicated when it came to her.

"No shit," Spencer spat, blue eyes wide, "You're a fucking dick, you know that? Do you have any idea what the past year has been like? The hell that (Y/N) and I have been going through?"

I don't want to think about it.

"I know-"

"No, you don't!" he yelled, letting his anger spill over, "You couldn't possibly know what it was like to lose-"

Hold the fuck up.

"Really?" I interjected with a frown, narrowing my eyes infinitesimally, "I don't know what it's like?"

That shut him up. He knew that that wasn't true. I've lost far more than was every necessary.

He stared at me for a long while, eventually looking away and shaking his head, exhaling shakily.

"I wouldn't have done it if I didn't need to, Spence."

"That doesn't make it any better."

"I know."

I did know. But there wasn't anything I could do about it, now.

Spencer ran his hands through his hair in frustration and began pacing up and down the length of the hallway.

"What the fuck were you doing, anyway?" he scoffed, clearly confused as to why the hell I had decided to fuck off for almost an entire year.

I held my tongue against the inside of my cheek for a couple seconds before taking a deep breath and answering. This was bound to get a wonderful reaction. "I went looking for Mason."

Spencer stopped dead in his tracks, and turned to stare at me in blatant disbelief. "Mason?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Glancing out in the direction that she'd hurried off in, I clenched my jaw as my mind churned out possible locations of where she'd headed. I really didn't have the time or patience for 'storytime with Brendon' right now.

I wanted to tell Spencer everything and, again, I would, but not right now. She was my first priority. Finding her and getting her to somehow trust me again – regardless of how fucking long it would take – was the only thing on my mind at present.

Because I couldn't protect her if she didn't trust me to.

I knew that Spencer would always be there with me and for me, regardless of how badly I fucked up. He was my brother. Her presence, however, was not guaranteed – and that unsettled me.

"Look, Spencer, I'll tell you everything, alright?" I held out my hands and arched my brows to show my sincerity, "Later, I just gotta-"

"She's gonna kill you," he warned, arching his brows too and nodding, "She's literally, legitimately going to kill you."

"She's not gonna kill me," I argued, shaking my head once before following in her invisible footsteps.

Spencer scoffed, "Yeah, how do you know?"

Because I know her. And...

"Because if she wanted to, she would've done it already."

~

"I'm gonna fucking kill him."

I heard her muffled voice resonating through the thin, transparent material of the office she was in, followed a mere one second later by the piercing sound of glass shattering.

How wonderfully reassuring.

Tentatively, I stepped over the scattered shards on the tiles and stopped in the doorway. She had her hand raised, clearly ready to tear down the entire office, but lowered it once she spotted me.

I opened my mouth to say- wait. What the fuck was I gonna say? What could I say? I- oh fuck. She was raising her hand again, this time aiming at me instead of the glass surfaces around us.

Awesome.

"I'm gonna kill you," she said softly, just loud enough for me to make out.

There's a shocker.

I entered the room with my hands raised in defence – a silent statement that I didn't want to fight with her.

"I know you're mad at me – and you have every right to be," I begun, figuring that acknowledging her feelings were at least a good start, "And-"

"Where the fuck were you?" she demanded.

I shut my mouth and breathed in deeply through my nose, coming to a halt a few feet away from her. Fucking hell. I mean... I knew that question was coming, but that didn't make it any less of a pain when it eventually did.

Even if I wanted to, I couldn't tell her the truth. At least, not the whole truth. It'd push her away forever, and I couldn't have that.

"It's..." I kept quiet for a beat, then looked at her with a lowered head as I continued, "a long story."

That's truthful, isn't it?

"You conned me into thinking you were dead for eleven months," she retorted bitchily, squinting slightly, "I have time."

Yeah, she wasn't about to let this go. Beautiful fucking frustration, that's what she was.

"Trust me, you're not gonna like what I tell you, (Y/N)," I said, kicking some stray pieces of glass out of my path as I moved even closer to her; she didn't shift away, hallelujah, "So can we just leave it at 'I needed to do something important'? Please."

"More important than protecting me?" she whispered.

I felt my stomach drop. Everything about the way she spoke those five words made me hate myself. And her eyes... fuck... they were so filled with hurt that I had to look away for a moment.

If I had a gun on me I would've shot myself right then and there.

"You were in good hands," I tried defending my reasoning, but both of us knew it was bullshit. There were no excuses.

"Yeah, but they weren't your hands," she countered, once again finding her loud voice as she stepped up to me, "Didn't you promise you'd always protect me? Or was that just another lie?"

I came back to protect you.

She was getting riled up again, and I could see it. I reached out to touch her, to try and relax her, but she denied me and swatted my hand away.

"No, don't fucking touch me," she hissed with a frown, "It was a lie, right? Just like everything else. Just like everything you've ever said to me. Because that's what you are."

Her voice gradually got louder with each word that spilled from her lips, and her hands had taken it upon themselves to start shoving against my chest.

"A liar! A fucking liar!" she yelled, starting to hit her fists against me as her breathing became ragged and tears started to form, "I can't believe you would do this; you're such an inconsiderate, self-absorbed piece of-"

There were probably a thousand words she could've said next, but she opted instead to let out a scream, all of her pent-up emotions boiling over in the form of angry yells and repeated punches to my chest.

The truth is – the reason that I had put off my return for so long was because of this. I couldn't bring myself to come back to her, because I had failed her. I betrayed her. I lied to her. I knew the true identity of the person that killed her parents and I didn't tell her; even worse, when I found him, I did the unforgivable and let him go.

How could I explain that to her, and how was I supposed to ease her pain when I couldn't?

How was I supposed to deal with her tears, knowing that they were because of me?

I let her get her anger out for a couple seconds, allowing her to continue punching my chest, before gathering her into my arms and pulling her close.

I might not have been able to give her the spoken truth and consolation she was looking for, but I hoped to God that holding her was a worthy substitute. Before she had the chance to yell out again, I tilted my head down and pressed my lips to hers, instantly silencing her.

Kissing her was my own personal heaven. It was the best fucking thing I'd ever felt, and even better than I remembered. And I remembered. It was pure ecstasy, and it was something only she could give me. Only she could do to me.

She struggled against me at first, still fuelled by her rage, but I kissed her harder and eventually, she caved. Tangling her hand in the hair above my neck, she tugged on it and kissed me back.

Thank you.

I pulled away a moment later, pressing my forehead against hers and still holding her as close as I could. Her breaths were shallow as she shook her head, pushing a sentence through her quivering lips as a few tears ran down her cheeks; I wiped them away gently.

Don't cry, baby.

I'm not worth your tears.

"I hate you!" she choked out.

I pecked her lips softly.

"I missed you, too."

And I'm never fucking leaving you again.

_______________________________

Thank you for reading x