CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE

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LUCIA HAD DECIDED NOT TO TAKE A SEAT WITHIN THE CROWD THAT HAD GATHERED INSIDE THE DINING HALL. It was way too crowded and the brunette never faired well with large groups of people. The woman was no anxious person but she always felt trapped, like there was no way to run if things went south.

Perhaps that was the trauma that had stayed with her from outbreak day. Lucia had never seen so many people running for their lives that day and she preferred to stay on the sidelines.

The front was mostly filled with children as an old film played on the projector screen. Ellie sat somewhere in the middle, trying to focus on the scene in front her but it all felt too strange. The thought of watching a movie was amazing, it was a luxury she had never known much, but with everything that was going it it felt as if she didn't belong there. Not now and probably not in the future, especially with the kids her age.

There was no sign of the smuggler anywhere and when Tommy passed her in the crowd all he did was offer her a weak smile and disappeared again. It was evident that this place was safe and Lucia didn't want to be there anymore, so the moment she could she slipped past the strangers and out the door, opting for waiting outside so Ellie could finish the film.

"Not really your scene, huh?"

Lucia blew out a breath, seeing the shadows of it waft up into the air before her. Tommy leaned against one of the lamp posts as he studied her. The woman met his gaze and shrugged her shoulders, trying to see Joel within his eyes but there weren't many similarities.

"Is it that obvious?" Lucia sat down on one of the benches, not caring that the snow now seeped through her jeans. Her hands were in her pockets, trying to keep herself warm as the laughter from inside the dining hall echoed to where they were outside.

"Not at all." he smiled, though she knew it was a lie.

"Is your wife always so judgmental?"

Tommy blinked at her as if he wasn't expecting that coming from her mouth an mulled it over for a moment. "Maria worries. That woman worries way too much for the people she loves. And yes, it can come of a bit rude sometimes but she means well. Might be the pregnancy hormones, at least that's what she keeps saying."

Oh. Lucia grimaced and gave him a slow nod. "This is a nice place."

"It is." agreed the youngest Miller. "Uh, can I ask how you met Joel?"

"Uhm," she breathed, shrugging her shoulders slightly as she tried to come up with something that was true but not entirely true for Ellie's sake. "I lived in the Boston QZ for years, never met him before. I wanted out, so did he and we sort of got stuck together for awhile. Guess it was safer to travel together then alone."

Tommy hummed at her response and pursed his lips. "There more to it, isn't there?"

"No," she clarified. Had Joel spoken to him? What did he know? "unless you're talking about the countless of times we were almost murmured by either raiders or infected, then no."

"Alright," he drawled, but she knew he didn't believe her. "you have a good night, then."

Lucia watched as Tommy began to make his way down the empty street, illuminated by the fairy lights that littered the buildings like a string of happiness. But Lucia didn't feel happy, she felt dread deep within her veins but she had no idea why. Nor did she know why her eyes began to water and she blinked them away furiously.

The brunette closed her eyes and turned her head toward the sky, focusing on the snowflakes that fell onto her face, melting immediately as they touched her skin.

More laughter echoed from within the dining hall and she wondered how many people had forgotten what a shit show the world was. How dangerous it was. They must have been here for years, safe behind walls of steel while others went outside to protect them from all the death and gore. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair how she had to struggle while they could sit back and relax.

Of course Lucia knew that it wasn't that simple, probably not even true, but it's how she felt and she let herself wallow for a moment while she still could.

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ON THE OTHER SIDE OF JACKSON SAT JOEL IN A SMALL WOOD WORK SHOP, TRYING TO TAKE THE SOLES OFF HIS BOOTS IN ATTEMPT TO RESCUE THEM. His sock covered feet stood firmly on the floor as he cut at the shoes with defeat.

Joel glanced up when the door opened and Tommy walked in, brushing the snow from his dark hair.

"The guys said I might find you here." he said, ignoring the awkward tension within the shop as he put a pair of new boots beside his brother. "Figured i'd save you the trouble." Joel just looked at the shoes numbly and Tommy continued, "I shouldn't have said what I said. I don't even believe it. I know you're happy for me. It's just ... it's complicated for you, and i'm sorry."

Joel took in a sharp breath, glancing down at his feet and when he still didn't reply his brother got worried and leaned against the table. "You gonna let me off the hook or what?"

"This ride to the University, is it a suicide mission?"

Tommy frowned at the question and shook his head but Joel didn't see. "No. It's dangerous, but it's nothing you can't handle. Just prepare and do what you do."

Joel clenched his teeth together and continued, "You've had people go that way and come back?"

"All of 'em." he confirmed. "What is this?"

Joel swallowed before he looked up and met Tommy's gaze. There was something behind his eyes that his brother had never seen before and if he wasn't worried before he sure as hell was now. "She's immune."

"What?"

"Ellie." said Joel. "She got infected but she didn't get sick. Tommy ..." His brother widened his eyes and peered around to see if anyone could hear them, but they were alone. "Tommy, I saw it myself. That was months ago. Months. She's immune."

The youngest of the Miller brothers slowly made his way to a chair opposite of him and sat down, deep frown evident on his face. He looked up at Joel and nodded, "From the beginning."

"It was Marlene," began Joel, trying to get the story flowing as smoothly as possible. "She hired us to smuggle her to some Fireflies. It went bad. Tess got bit. She made me swear to take the kid. It was her dyin' wish what the hell was I supposed to do? After Boston, Lucia decided to stay with us, for Ellie. We made it as far as K.C., and then ... You know, she saved my life there from another kid."

Tommy didn't dare interrupt him, trying to keep his emotions together at the mention of Tess' death.

"Five years ago, I would have destroyed him. But Ellie had to shoot him to save me. Fourteen years old. And then Lucia got shot and there was nothing I could have done to safe her. I was too slow and too fuckin' deaf to hear him comin'. And I saw ... I saw a man kill his own brother to safe her, while I just watched. And today I thought that dog was going to tear Ellie apart because it smelled somethin' on her. And all I did was stand there. I couldn't move. I couldn't think of anything to say. I just - I was so afraid."

His voice cracked and he hadn't even noticed the tears that had spilled from his eyes. He had never admitted this before and it felt as if a weight had lifted off his chest as he told his brother everything.

Tommy swallowed, taking in a deep breath as Joel continued. "You think I can still handle things but ... i'm not who I was. I'm weak. Lately there are these moments the fear comes up outta nowhere and my heart, feels like it's stopped. And I have dreams. Every night."

"What kind of dreams?"

"I don't know." he sniffed. "I can't remember. I just know that when I wake up, i've lost somethin'. I'm failin' in my sleep. That's all I do. It's all i've ever done, is fail her. Again and Again."

Tommy Miller had only seen his brother cry a handful of times and it was an awful sight to bare. Joel wasn't meant to cry, he was meant to be the stronger of the two.

"You want me to take her?" asked Tommy.

"I'm just gonna get her killed. I know it. I know it. I have to leave her." decided Joel with a tear streaked face.

"Joel -"

"It's why you took off on me, right?" asked Joel. "To make up for the things we did? Well, here's your chance to bring your kid into a better world. You're younger than me. You're still strong. You said it yourself, you'll come back. You have to take her."

"What about Lucia?" tried Tommy, meeting his brother's desperate eyes. "What is this Joel?"

The smuggler glanced at his fingers, pulling at the raw skin around his thumb. "She's not going to leave Ellie. Lucia is a good shot, you'll work good together out there."

"That's not what i'm asking, Joel."

"Lucia is way better off without me." he shook his head, unable to stop more tears from flowing down his cheeks. "She's young, she's got her whole life ahead of her. I'm no good for her, i'm too old. She'll go with you to Colorado and she'll stay there. I know it."

"I don't think it's that easy." Tommy uttered, frowning at him. "You don't see the way she looks at you, Joel. Hell, i've only known her for a few hours but she cares about you. A lot, too. How are you going to tell her?"

"I'll figure it out." he stated. "You can't tell anyone about this. Not even Maria. You're the only one I trust. If anyone sees those bites on Ellie, they'll shoot her. This is the last thing i'll ever ask of you. I swear."

Tommy had already decided and nodded his head slowly. "I'll take them out at dawn."

Neither of the two gentleman noticed as a young teen rushed away from the window, and back into the darkness.

okay, are we ready for next chapter because I surely am!