[ 1945 ]

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(Y/N) wasn't sure how she made it back to the base in London. Part of her was convinced that something else possessed her the whole trip back, because she has no recollection of anything from the last couple of days. That, or the fact that her mind didn't want to register the specific event. Either way, a shell of her sat in an abandoned chair in a silent part of the base, where no one could disturb her or say something that did the opposite of reassuring her, even Colonel Phillips saw her sat on the chair and instructed every passing agent not to disturb her.

She was too busy staring down at her nails in silence that she didn't hear the sound of footsteps approaching her bubble. It wasn't until a clear of a throat made her look up that she saw who those shoes belonged to, and it was none other than Howard himself in all his smug glory.

"Don't mean to intrude," he began.

"You don't?" she raised her eyebrows at him. "I'm not in the mood for your remarks, Stark. So, please, leave me alone."

"I didn't come here to poke your buttons, although I enjoy that quite a lot — "

"Is there a meaning to why you're here?"

Howard paused his words and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I came to see how you're doing?"

"I'm doing just fine, thank you," (Y/N) couldn't help but sneer.

"Dewitt," Howard said in a much serious tone, unlike to the one she was used to hearing of him. He grabbed a spare chair and dragged it so he could sit right next to her. "I just wanted to see if you wanted to talk about it with someone."

"What makes you think that talking about it would bring me some sort of comfort?"

"I thought that — "

"The only thing that would bring me comfort is seeing him again," she whispered in a harsh tone. "Seeing them again."

Howard pressed his lips in a thin line, not knowing what to respond. (Y/N) turned her face to look at him and immediately regretted her harsh words, jumping in to apologize after seeing his downward eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, blinking to avoid the tears from falling. "I'm so sorry. It's just. . . I don't know how to deal with this."

She placed her hands on her eyes to hide the tears. "People describe it as a heartbreak, but it feels like every part of my body is broken too."

"It's like I'm digging out my own grave, and when I finally realize it, I'm too deep in the hole for me to get out," her voice cracked as she spoke. "And I. . .all I can do is stay there doing absolutely nothing until death comes for me."

"No matter what I do, I'm still down that hole."

"No," Howard shook his head in disapproval. "No, you aren't."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because I once met this woman who wasn't afraid to stand her ground, and always found a way out the difficulties through an angle no one else could see," he explained, eyes set on hers. "And even though the world lost a hero that day, they also gained another, one that will avenge that his sacrifice wasn't in vain."

(Y/N) stared at Howard in a gaze that didn't radiate annoyance or some sort of irritation. In fact, she eyed him as if he had grown two heads, but also in a fondly manner, appreciated for his words.

She sniffled and held her head high. "I wasn't strong enough to protect him, but I damn sure will avenge his legacy."

Howard smirked proudly. "That's my girl."

"Oh, shut it."

"And she's back!"

(Y/N) shook her head with a weak laugh, eyes still in Howard's figure. She avoided his eyes when she felt his own gaze on her, not knowing why she suddenly grew so self away of herself in that moment.

He stood up from the chair and placed his hand on his hip. "I'm launching an expedition, in search of the plane or what's left of it," he raised an eyebrow. "Care to join me?"

"It's a nice offer, but I'll have to decline."

"Offer will remain open."

"I know it will."

He grinned and nodded one more time her way, causing his smile to widen even more once she corresponded his actions. From that moment, Howard promised himself that he would do anything in his power to find Steve and bring him home for her, no matter how unrealistic it might sound.

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In the following days, all agents on base were instructed to pack everything up or throw anything that won't be needed after this particular operation. The majority were stacking files into boxes, carefully searching through them before stacking them all inside the boxes, having been instructed by their superiors on the proper way to save files. (Y/N) and Peggy weren't an exception to the file stacking duty, and they had their small section as everyone else moved in panic behind them.

Colonel Phillips placed another heavy box on the table, but the look in his eye showed more than just another box added to the mix. Peggy opened it out of curiosity, finding a specific file with Steve's name on it with a big red stamp that read 'Inactive'. Once she held it in her hands, she moved it to the side for (Y/N) to see.

"Open it," she urged.

There were two pictures inside the file. One of Steve before the serum, and taking in the scenery behind him, it was probably taken in Camp Lehigh. The other was a lot more recent, revealing Steve, (Y/N) and Bucky huddled together inside the picture. It was taken in the middle of their series of raids, where Dugan had told them to pose and 'act as if they were friends', to which Bucky had responded with a laugh of 'but we are friends'.

A nostalgic smile covered (Y/N)'s features, taking the picture in her hands when Peggy handed it to her. She hovered her fingers over it, scared that if she touched it for too long, she might damage it.

(Y/N) was about to say something when she saw Peggy's eyes never leave the other picture of Steve by himself. Her heart twisted inside her chest, being reminded that she wasn't the only person who lost him that day and wasn't the only one affected by his death.

"Keep it," (Y/N) told Peggy.

"What?" Peggy was immediately startled by the request that she nearly dropped the photo.

"That photo," (Y/N) specified. "Why don't you keep it?"

"Oh, (Y/N), I can't."

"Yes, you can. In fact," (Y/N) gestured to the own photo in her hands and then pointed to the one in Peggy's. "This way, we both can remember him on our own."

"Are you sure it's a good idea?"

"Of course," she nodded firmly. "It'll look nice on a frame, don't you think?"

"Indeed."

"Now, off across the ocean I go."

(Y/N) playfully saluted in Peggy's way and held onto her new photograph, before heading down the hall. There were people who caught her eye on her way down the hallway and nodded as a way of farewell. Peggy finally registered her words and frowned, so she took two steps forward as she called (Y/N)'s name to get her attention.

"Whatever do you mean?" she questioned once (Y/N) turned around. "We aren't leaving until next week."

"The Colonel allowed it."

"Why?"

"There's a Dodgers game coming up."

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(Y/N) didn't know how much she missed her hometown of Brooklyn until she returned. Of course, there was no way she missed the horrid smell of cigarettes in the air or the blaring sound of car honks bouncing from building to building. There were some obvious changes around the city after almost 3 years, but the one that she came to visit in particular didn't seem that different from the last time she saw it.

People were piling in crowds throughout the several entrances of the Ebbets Field, welcoming everyone to presence another Dodgers game. (Y/N) adjusted her coat over her body before walking forward toward the nearest ticket booth. She had arrived yesterday afternoon and purchased the ticket then, almost screaming in delight when she heard there were still tickets left. Today, she handed it to the employee, who inspected it before giving her a curt nod.

(Y/N) thanked him silently before entering the stadium, feeling out of place due to everyone's else's bright attire to support their team. There were even children on their parent's shoulders, yelling out of enthusiasm.

But what caught her eye was the elder man selling out bags of peanuts, a paper hat on his head. (Y/N) made her way to him quickly, offering a smile when she caught the man's eye.

"Can I have a bag, please?"

"Sure, darlin'," the man grinned happily. "That'll be 5 cents."

(Y/N) pulled out the money and handed it in his open palm, accepting the peanut bag after that.

"You here by yourself?" the man asked.

"No," she shook her head, easily lying. "My friend. . .he's just running late."

"Well, make sure you leave enough peanuts for him."

"I will."

The elder man offered one last grin along with a laugh, patting her in the shoulder. He told her a short word of gratitude because of her purchase before she walked away to find her respective seat. Even though she payed for the bag of peanuts, she made no effort to eat one of them; they were mostly there symbolically.

As (Y/N) walked deeper through the stadium, she bumped into a small figure that lost their footing. She saw how something flew out of his hands due to the impact, and (Y/N) reached downward to grab it while the kid stood up to his full height.

"Be careful, buddy," she muttered to him. The boy dusted himself off and waited as (Y/N) reached out to grab what he dropped. "You don't want to ruin your — "

She froze when she saw the cover. There, in bold letters with the classic red, white and blue colors were the words 'Captain America' spelled out, almost taking half the cover. It was accompanied by a simple drawing of the famous captain, smaller letters written on the page's foot.

She blinked out of her daze when she saw the boy's waiting hands. "You like Captain America?"

"Yeah," the boy enthusiastically nodded. "He's a hero!"

"Sure, he is." (Y/N) reached to brush a smudge of dirt in the boy's face as he grew distracted by having the comic in his hands again. "Now, be careful, okay? Don't want you bumping into other people around here."

The boy only nodded before skipping away with the comic still gripped tightly in his hands as if it was his favorite possession. (Y/N) watched him go with a fond smile, finally finding a positive side to Steve's legacy. That's what he gave his life for, she told herself, and the kid will never have a clue of it. Just like she told Howard before, she'll make sure his legacy won't be damaged until her last breath.

The war was over, but at the end of the day, at what cost?

last chapter of this act !! can't wait to move onto the next one because it brings drama !!
also, our girl is going to experience some changes, since that's what ✨ trauma ✨ and ✨ptsd ✨can do to you.

-see you soon, bex :)