BACK TO YOU

eighteen. you lied

▬▬ LENNOX SAT ON THE floor in the family room, an ice pack on her ankle. She kept her head down, her eyes closed and her hands tucked under her thighs in hopes of easing the shaking. But to no avail.

“I’m so sorry the night turned out like this.” Susannah spoke, her eyes moving from Conrad, who sat on her left. To Jeremiah, who sat on her right. To Lennox, who sat in front of her, her back towards her. “It’s not how I wanted you to find out.” She placed her hand on Jeremiah's cheek, using her thumb to wipe at his tears before she reached out and placed her hand on Lennox's shoulder.

A sob wrecked through the girl as she reached up, squeezing the woman's hand as she leaned back against the couch. She let her head drop against Susannah's thigh, but she kept her eyes closed.

“Mom, you're gonna do the trial, right?” Jeremiah asked.

And only after a beat of silence did she answer. “No, honey.” She shook her head, tears brimming in her eyes. “I'm not. I can't.”

A silent sob shook Lennox's shoulders, but she bit her lip, not wanting to make a sound. She didn't even move when Conrad dropped his hand, feeling around for hers almost desperately, and she moved her hand towards his. His fingers slipped between hers and he squeezed.

His grip was tight, but she didn't care. She just squeezed his hand back, hoping to bring him some sort of comfort.

“Chances are slight. Um… non-existent, really, and… I just can't go through that again. It was too hard the first time.”

“Mom, but you can try.” He pleaded. “You have to try.”

“I just wanna be me when I go. Does that make sense?”

“No.” He shook his head. “No, it doesn't make sense. None of this makes any sense.”

“I know, I know.” She nodded, placing  her hand on his cheek again. “I'm not good at this. Okay? Mommy's not good at this.”

The boy swallowed around the lump in his throat, fighting back tears as Susannah turned towards Conrad, placing her hand on his arm and he only turned his head a little, his eyes meeting hers.

“I should've known that you knew. I just didn't want to believe it.” She told him, and his hand tightened around Lennox's, like she was his lifeline, like he needed her to keep breathing.

“Mom, if there's any chance, you have to.” The youngest argued. “I mean, you have to. Come on, tell her, Conrad.” He just looked over at his brother, his leg shaking and his hand in a vice grip around Lennox's. “Why aren't you saying anything?” When he said nothing, he looked at the girl on the floor. “Len?”

“I-I…” she couldn't manage to get anything else out. The words lodged themselves in her throat, only worsening her ability to breath.

“Mom, this is crazy. You have to try. You can't give up on us.” Jeremiah tried again.

“Mom?” Conrad spoke, his voice heavy with unshed tears. “Can't you just… can't you just try? For us, mom?”

“Please.” Lennox sobbed, her shoulders shaking uncontrollably. “Please.”

“I need you.” Conrad added. “We need you.”

“Come here.” She patted Lennox's shoulder and the girl pushed herself and sat on the edge of the couch – the ice pack forgotten. She leaned against the woman as she cried. Jeremiah curled into his mom's right side, while Conrad moved as close as he could, resting his head on her shoulder. He didn't want to crowd Lennox out, he knew how much Susannah meant to her.

He wrapped his arm around the brunette, pulling her into him as Susannah wrapped her arms around them as best as she could.

>>>>> • <<<<<

▬▬ LENNOX STOOD IN FRONT of the mirror in the bathroom, her hands absently wiping at the tears that lingered on her cheeks. She let her eyes take her reflection in, the red rimmed eyes, the puffy cheeks, the small smears of makeup she had missed. She felt like she had when she heard the news that her brother was gone. She had only been thirteen when she got the call, and it had completely broken her heart.

This felt like that.

At least this time there was some sliver of hope, it was small but she held onto it with everything in her. She turned the sink on, letting the warm water rush over her cold hands, then a knock came at the door in three soft rasps. “Yeah?” She called out, only turning her head a little, but she knew who it was.

“It’s me.”

“You can come in.” She hummed, turning back to the sink, her eyes solely on the water as it warmed her fingers. The door opened and he moved to stand behind her, his eyebrows creased in worry. “Don’t ask.” She mumbled, before he even opened his mouth, then she cut the water off and reached for the hand towel.

“I wasn’t going to.” He shook his head as she turned towards him, her honey eyes meeting the depths of his blue oceans. “Baby,” it came out a sigh as he stepped towards her, his hand lightly resting on her cheek. She let her eyes drift closed as she leaned into his palm a little.

“You lied, Connie.” She mumbled.

“I know. But it wasn’t my secret to tell.” His voice was soft as he spoke, tears brimming in his eyes. “I know how you feel about my mom, I couldn’t tell you.”

“I get it.” She nodded, her eyes meeting his again. “But you’ve been carrying this for months, all by yourself. I’m sorry-”

“You’re sorry?” His brows creased, his hands finding her and wrapping around her palms. “For what?”

“I should’ve realized sooner, I could’ve-”

“There’s nothing you could’ve done.” His thumb drifted over her knuckles.

“I could’ve been there for you.”

There was a moment where they just looked at each other. It felt weird that just a few hours before, they were smiling and laughing and now… they weren’t smiling or laughing.

“Can I kiss you?” He asked, his voice a mere whisper and her brows creased.

“You’re asking?”

“I need to know that it’s okay. That you’re okay with it. I don’t wanna-” She silenced him, her lips against his and he instantly wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer to him as her hands sank into his hair. His arms tightened around her as he ran his tongue along the seam of her lips, but she didn’t budge. She just pressed her lips harder against his, stretching up farther.

He let out a low groan, his hands sliding down her body. Then he gripped her thighs, forcing a gasp from her lips as he lifted her up. He took the opportunity to slip his tongue into her mouth, letting it slide against hers as he sat her on the sink.

He shifted her dress a little, pushing the skirt up just enough for her to wrap her legs around his waist, using her heels to pull him in closer. One of his hands gripped her hip as the other, traveled up her spine before he gripped the back of her neck, angling her head up a little more. She tugged at his hair, a soft moan falling past her lips.

It was like they needed each other to breathe. Like the only thing holding them above to rushing waves of sadness, grief and utter heartache was this kiss. Every breath that mingled in the small space between them, every moan, every groan of appreciation, it all kept them from drowning.

Or, at the very least, it distracted them as they sank into the depths of the unknown... of the unthinkable.

“Connie…” She mumbled, her breaths heavy as she pushed against his chest lightly.

He pecked her lips once more, before resting his forehead against hers, the gesture enough to melt her from the inside out. “I know.” He nodded against her. He let his eyes drift to her mouth, his hand sliding around to cup her jaw as he lightly drug the pad of his thumb over her swollen bottom lip.

And she just watched him. Mesmerized as his sad eyes flashed with something warm, something that washed the pain from his deep oceans, if only for a moment. She smiled a little, watching as it all sunk in, as the hope took root and it made it all that much easier for her, too, to feel the same way.

“Can you…” she spoke, her voice soft as she rolled the lapel of his suit jacket between her thumb and forefinger. “Can you help me out of my dress?” His eyebrows rose, nearly shooting up his forehead as surprise crept into his eyes. She giggled lightly, the sound barely there but it made his heart thump in his chest. “I can’t reach the zipper, and I wanna change.”

“Oh.” He nodded. “Yeah, yeah, of course.” He took a step back, helping her off of the sink. She took his head and tugged him with her as they left the bathroom and crossed the hall towards her room, the door closing behind them.

It was quiet, albeit the staggered breaths that left them. She turned her back to him as she stepped out of her shoes, pulling her hair over her shoulder. He moved towards her, his long fingers easily tugging the zipper down, then she let it pool around her feet. “Thank you.” She gave him a smile over her shoulder, before stepping out of the pubble of the dress and making her way towards her clothes, keeping her arm over her chest – which was otherwise bare.

He let his eyes drift down her body, watching as she let her, somehow still perfect, ringlets cascade down her back. His eyes continued down her spine, to the curve of her hips, he appreciated the black lace that covered her ass. His eyes trailed down her thighs, and he could see the faint tan line from where her shorts usually rested, but you had to be really looking to see it… and he was.

He only tore his eyes away when she stretched onto her toes, her right arm stretched over her head, her left still covering her chest. When she finally got her hands on what she wanted, she dropped back to her heels and tugged the hoodie over her head, smiling softly as it engulfed her.

She turned, pulling her hair out of the collar and he hummed lightly, smiling at the fact that she wore his hoodie. It wasn’t anything new, she had been taking his clothes for years. “What?” Her brows creased when she saw the look on his face.

He simply shook his head, “nothing.”

“Okay, everybody down here!” Laurel called out. “We still have to eat.”

“Good, I’m starving.” Lennox mumbled, grabbing the cutoffs off of her bed and stepping into them. “You’re still looking at me weird.” She mused, stopping in front of the boy as she fastened the button of her shorts.

“I just… I like you in my clothes.” He told her, his fingers toying with the bottom of the hoodie she wore, and her cheeks flushed.

“Let’s go eat.” She breathed out, taking his hand in hers. Then they made their way out of the room, joining Belly and Steven in the hallway. They all exchanged sad smiles, because no words were needed. They all felt the same way. Then they made their way down to the kitchen.

There was a sense of hope in the air as Conrad passed Lennox a slice of pizza, earning himself a smile from the girl. The interaction received a groan from Steven, who sat on the other side of the girl. She stuck her tongue out at him and he placed his hand on her head, ruffling her hair. She swatted at him, then refused to give him any pizza as the others at the table laughed at the interaction.

It felt almost peaceful, even after the shitty night they’d had. It all felt safe, warm, like a hug from your favorite person. Or the embrace of your coziest blanket.

To Lennox, it felt like home.

“Oh, Angel,” Susannah spoke as she stood from the table, all eyes moving towards her. “I have something for you.”

“Really?”

With a smile, the blonde placed a yellow envelope in front of the girl, getting a confused look.

“What is it?” Steven asked, reaching for it but Lennox smacked his hand.

“Open it.” Susannah encouraged, and the girl did. Her brows creased when she pulled out a stack of pictures, the first one of a little girl around the age of six, and next to her, a boy around fifteen stood. Both were smiling.

Her jaw fell open, her eyes watering. “How did you...” She couldn’t form more words as she looked up at the blonde, who had taken her seat at the head of the table. “These are…”

“Conrad told me about the pictures, I called your dad.” She explained with a soft smile. “I know what they mean to you, what Owen means to you.”

She didn’t have the words, nothing seemed good enough to truly explain the gratitude she felt. So, she pushed herself up and rounded the table, wrapping her arms around the woman. “Thank you.”

“Of course, Angel.” She kissed the side of her head, rubbing her back. Lennox eventually pulled back, taking her seat again as she flipped through the pictures, showing the others as she smiled at the memories those pictures held.

She was so happy, elated even, to have the pictures back that she didn’t even question why the envelope didn’t have a postage stamp, not even an address. And Susannah’s smile dimed only a little, because she knew something the girl didn’t.