𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤
-𝟎𝟏𝟖-

Valerie leaned on her side and watched John dress. "Leaving so soon?" She joked. John laughed slightly. "I've got a job to do." He said. "Need to get Arthur out of jail then i'm blowing some fucking house up." He said.

"Tommy's orders?"

"Tommy's orders." He nodded. "Just make sure you say goodbye to Francesca before you leave. She'll probably still be asleep but I told her you'd still be here." She said.

"Can't leave without saying goodbye to my favourite niece, can I?" He smirked. Valerie winced. "She's your only niece, John." Valerie reminded him. His mouth fell open and he let out an 'ah' sound.

Valerie got up and quickly changed into something appropriate before going over and pecking John on the cheek. "You can't stay for breakfast?" She asked. John nodded. "Nope." He said. "But you'll see me sooner than you think." He held her face.

Valerie didn't know what he meant by that but nodded.

John kissed her quickly before leaving the room and going to Francesca's room quietly. Valerie followed and stayed by the door. He kneeled beside the bed and kissed the sleeping girl's forehead.

Francesca stirred slightly and John stayed still, waiting for her to settle before standing again. "Will you tell Tommy that you know about Grace?" He asked when getting back to Valerie.

She shrugged. "I'll figure it out."

"I'm sure you will." John smiled. "Go on. Go back to bed. It's only six in the morning." He said, kissing her once more.

She hummed and closed her eyes. "I'll need my sleep for whenever Tommy comes home. God knows how it'll go down if i'm tired." She sighed.

"You need anything," he pointed at her, "you call."

Valerie nodded and let him go, returning to her bed soon enough and drifting straight back off to sleep.

-

The door closed and Valerie was quick to look up, cup of whiskey in hand. "Valerie?" Tommy called out. "In here." She sighed. He walked in and automatically went to pour a drink. "Where's Frances?"

"Doing school work." Valerie answered and leaned back in her chair. "How was your night?"

Tommy nodded. "Went to see Charlie Chaplin." He said. "A film?" Valerie asked. He shook his head. "In person." He corrected.

She took a breath. "And Grace? How is she doing?" Valerie watched the look in his eyes shift. "Oh don't worry, somebody called me to tell me. Did you have a good time?"

Tommy said nothing.

"Was she a good fuck?" Valerie whispered.

"Valerie.." he muttered. She shook her head. "That night at the Garrison re-opening I told you that if you were to ever go back to Grace, you'd never hold Francesca again. I said you'd never see her again but i'm not that cruel." She reminded him. "And you heard me say that because I said it loud and clear. Yet you willingly met up with Grace and you fucked her. Does Francesca mean nothing to you?"

"Of course she does!"

"I had stayed loyal to you since the moment we married, Tommy. But you couldn't get enough of the whores could you? Grace is married." She said. "And so was I." Valerie ripped the ring from her finger.

"Valerie don't do that." He said.

She slowly placed it onto the table and shook her head. "I've got a lawyer. A good one. Be expecting divorce papers by the end of the month. That is unless you plan on fixing all of this."

Tommy closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. She slammed the door behind her and went to see Francesca whilst Tommy finished his drink. He didn't expect anything to come from his night with Grace. Nothing but a reunion.

With Espom Derby approaching quicker than he expected, he knew he had better things to focus on. He had a plan. A dangerous one at that.

-

Those next few weeks, Valerie avoided Tommy like the plague. She tried to keep Francesca away from him whenever she could and she was beginning to ask questions that Valerie did not know the answer to.

So there she sat in the house on Watery Lane after being told that she had somewhere to go.

"Arthur gets out of jail today." Polly spoke, tidying up the kitchen. Valerie raised her eyebrows. "Does he? When John told me that I thought he was joking because it has been weeks and nothing had happened."

Polly shrugged. "Tommy and his fucking plans. I don't know how he does it."

Valerie kept her mouth closed and turned around when hearing Francesca. "Mummy look!" She held up a gun and Valerie practically jumped from her chair, taking it from her. "Jesus wept!" Polly exclaimed.

"Where did you get that?" Valerie asked the girl.

"It was in daddy's coat." She said with a cheeky grin. Valerie sighed. "You don't take things from peoples coats, okay? You could've gotten hurt." She scolded softly. "Now go on, go find Uncle Finn."

Valerie looked at Polly and put the gun on the table. Polly couldn't help but laugh. "Finn did the exact same a few years ago except it was John's gun. He almost blew Ada's tits off."

"Yeah well, if Tommy was here i'd have shot him with his own gun for leaving it somewhere for my daughter to get it." She breathed. Polly chuckled and picked up her cup of tea. "Are you coming today? To Epsom?"

"Epsom Derby? Is that where i'm being sent to?" Valerie rolled her eyes.

Polly nodded. "Only to watch the race. John told me he wanted to teach Francesca young. Said she'd love it cause she loves horses anyway."

"He isn't wrong."

"Does he know?" Polly asked. Valerie nodded slowly. "No but I get the impression he will find out soon." She admitted to the woman.

"And?"

"And i'm hoping it's sooner rather than later because it is quite literally eating me up inside, Polly. I can't even face Tommy after these past weeks." She said. "He is never home anyway so it works out well." She said.

"So you and John?" Polly teased and Valerie rolled her eyes. "No, Polly." She said. "I'm not talking about that just now." She said. Polly grinned and just shook her head. "You're both like two teenagers in love." She said jokingly.

The commotion that could be heard outside is what made Valerie get up from her chair and peer out the window.

"Arthur.." she said to herself, pulling the front door open and walking outside. "You're a bloody dead man walking, Arthur!" She called out. Arthur turned and a wide grin was displayed on his face after seeing her. "Ello, you." He said.

Valerie wrapped her arms around him. "How did Tommy manage to get you out of this one?"

"I've been asking myself the same bloody question, I have." Arthur chuckled.

Valerie smiled at him. "Well you're back now." She sighed gladly.

Arthur's eyes glanced to over her shoulder and she followed his gaze. Tommy was walking toward them. "Valerie." He nodded as he threw his cigarette to the floor. She pursed her lips into a line and walked back into the house.

"Lovers spat?" Arthur asked.

John had a devious grin on his lips as he was leaning against the wagon beside him. Tommy took a deep breath. "Something to say, John?" He asked, noticing his brothers expression.

John shook his head once. "Nah, nothing." He grinned wider.

Valerie remained inside, watching Finn and Francesca. "You should be out there, boy." Polly told him. Finn swore under his breath and rushed outside to join his brothers and the blinders. "He's a good lad." Valerie commented.

"Yeah. Compared to the rest of them." Polly laughed.

Robert walked in and Valerie turned her head. "Hi, Dad." She greeted. Robert nodded at her and leaned down to ruffle Francesca's hair. "Will you be joining us at the races?" She asked.

Robert but his hands on his hips and took a deep breath. "I believe so." He nodded. "Only to watch, though. I'm not involved in any of the other business." He told her. She stood to fix his collar for him. "Good. Because if they ever involve you i'll cut them with their own razor blade." She said half jokingly.

Her comment got a light chuckle from Polly.

The door closed and Tommy came in which caused Valerie to roll her eyes. "Valerie," he nodded toward the getting den. She sighed and followed him through the doors. "Listen." He said to her. "I'll have a car take you down to Epsom. Isiah will be with you. After the race, you'll meet me where everybody places their bets." He said.

She nodded along. "And after that?"

Tommy frowned. "What do you mean?"

"What happens after today? With us?" She asked. Tommy looked down. "I don't know, Valerie." He replied. She sniffed and crossed her arms.

"I'm going to be honest with you, Tommy. Because I don't want to lie to you. There was a time where I did love you. Like I actually loved you." She said. He met her eyes. "And I'll forever appreciate what you've been like with Francesca. And i'll also appreciate the way you married me because of your own fuck up. Yeah, neither of us truly wanted it but you saved me from a terrible situation."

Tommy listened.

"And I know you don't love me— if you ever have.."

"I have." He interrupted and looked away. She furrowed her brows together. "I have loved you, Valerie." He said. "It's just that guilt is a powerful thing and I know you aren't mine. You're John's. You carried his child and he doesn't know that yet." He said. "So I let my guilt overpower my feelings and now I no longer love you."

Valerie could never understand the way he worked.

"So after today, if you want to end this all, end our marriage. We can. I'll sign the divorce papers. I could have treated you better so i'm sorry for that." He admitted.

"I didn't think Tommy Shelby apologised." She teased, trying to ease him.

He let out a breathy laugh. "Well, here we are." He shrugged. Valerie nodded. "Thank you, Tommy. You're not as bad of a man as people think." She said.

-

"Isiah," Valerie greeted the boy. "Mrs Shelby," he said with the same flirtatious tone and grin he always had. He offered his arm to her and she laughed, taking it and walking up the steps.

"Have you ever been to the races before?" Isiah asked her.

She shook her head. "Isiah, I was a prostitute who had ran away from home at the age of sixteen. Do you really think i've been to a horse race before?" She asked.

Isiah stifled a laugh. "Maybe not." He said.

They walked between the crowds and tried to avoid bumping into people. "You're not going to place a bet?" She asked him. "Of course I am, sweetheart." Isiah put a hand on her back as they weaved through people.

Isiah managed to push through a small cue to make a quick bet before returning to Valerie.

"The race is starting, come on." He said, leading her out of the tent and out to where they'd be sitting. "Get yourself comfortable, sweetheart. We're gonna be here a while."

-

All of a sudden, shouts could be heard from different directions. "Protect the king!" Was one of them. Valerie frowned and looked around. There was nothing she could see that could be a threat.

Valerie reached for Isiah's golden pocket watch that was hanging from his pocket. "What you doin' with that?" He asked. She hummed and checked the time. "Race is almost over, no?" She asked.

Isiah frowned and looked around. "Well, yeah?" He said.

She stood and so did he. Valerie shoved him back down into his seat. "I've somewhere to be." She said. "Somewhere that won't require your assistance." She smiled sarcastically at him.

Isiah looked her up and down in an admirable way and just nodded.

Valerie went back through the way they had came and entered the almost empty tent. The only people there were the two men serving drinks behind the bar and the people trying to buy drinks. There was also a handful of people ready to make bets on the last race.

Her heart tightened slightly when setting eyes upon Grace Burgess. "Grace." Valerie spoke when standing not too far from her. "Long time no see, hm?"

Grace looked to her left and her eyes widened. "Valerie—" She spoke.

"I guessed and then John confirmed it." Another voice spoke. Valerie looked at the woman who stood beside her wearing a red dress. May Carleton. "Guessed what? Who're you?" Grace asked.

"I'm May Carleton." She said. "I train Tommy Shelby's horse. And you're the woman who he said was going to sail away." May said. Valerie smirked. "I see he didn't tell you about me. He did tell me about you, I wonder if that's significant."

"Tell me what about you?" Grace asked.

"She was Tommy's mistress. Weren't you May?" Valerie said. "Do you have any idea where he is?" Valerie asked the pair, not really caring for whatever confrontation might unfold.

"I'm waiting for him here." Grace said.

Valerie raised an eyebrow. "Why, Grace? Why are you waiting for him here when his wife is here?" Valerie said. "You haven't changed have you? Still going for men who have a family."

Grace shook her head, looking away.

"There's been trouble on the track." May interrupted. "All the bookies have had their licences burnt. Which means they'll have to re-apply to their legal pitches."

"Shouldn't you be down with the horses?" Grace said rudely. "Shouldn't you be cleaning tables?" Valerie fired back, not standing for any cruelty toward May. "Or maybe tending to your own husband. At least May is a widow, Grace. She isn't stepping on anybody's toes but mine."

"It's all apart of Tommy's plan for the future." May continued about the bookies, appreciating Valerie's defence.

"What do you know about Tommy's future?" Grace asked spitefully.

"The application's will be denied, of course. All the pitches will be allocated instead to Tommy's bookies. I know because i'll make sure of it. I have influence over the board." May said.

"There's business," Grace started, "and there's love."

"Is there?" Valerie winced as she asked, crossing her arms. "With Thomas Shelby?" May asked with a laugh.

"What do you want from him?" Grace asked May. "The same as you. I want to feel alive." May answered before turning to walk away.

Grace took a breath. "Did he tell you my name?" She shouted. Valerie almost died from embarrassment. "My name is Grace." She said. May said nothing and continued walking. "That must've stung, Grace. She doesn't give a fuck who you are." Valerie taunted her. "Now tell me what you're really doing here, Grace."

Grace took a deep breath. "Im afraid that's none of your business."

"When it's to do with my husband, it's all of my business." Valerie hissed. "But you're a waste of my time, Grace. You always have been." Valerie insulted before walking off. 

Valerie wandered off, unsure where she would go. It was only when she saw Lizzie Stark sat alone and smoking a cigarette that she knew where she'd go. "Lizzie? What's happened?" Valerie asked softly, sitting before her and noticing the bruising that was forming on her cheeks.

"Nothing, Valerie." She shook her head.

Valerie frowned and tutted. "Lizzie. We may not have spoken properly before. But you and I are a lot more alike than we care to allow." She said. Lizzie sniffed. "We both come from shitty backgrounds. Both been loved by John fucking Shelby, hm?"

"And both used by Tommy Shelby." Lizzie cut in sharply. Her words made Valerie's face fall.

"Were you working today?" Valerie asked. Lizzie nodded sadly. "Tommy's orders."

"Tommy's fucking orders." Valerie scoffed.

-

Tommy wandered into the Garrison where everybody was sat drinking and celebrating. John had his arm slung around Valerie's shoulders, singing loudly with Arthur.

Her eyes landed on the older Shelby and she departed from John.

"What happened to you?" She asked, carefully touching the cut on his face. He looked away. "We need to talk, Val." He said. She frowned and nodded slowly. "Okay."

Tommy led her into the back room and took a seat.

"Grace was there at the races today, Tommy. Said she was waiting for you." Valerie said. Tommy nodded and tutted. "Yep." He sighed. "Well that's what we need to talk about."

Valerie stood upright.

"She's pregnant, Valerie." He admitted.

Her eyebrows raised and her arms fell to her sides. "You're kidding?" She asked. Tommy shook her head. "I'd swear it on the bible if I believed but I don't." He said.

Valerie scoffed and shook her head. "How could you be so fucking stupid!" She shouted. "John doesn't even know about.. that and you've gone and gotten somebody else pregnant!"

"John doesn't know what?" Arthur stumbled in with his arm around John.

Valerie laughed pathetically. "Go on, Tommy." She nodded. "Go on, tell him." She said.

Tommy pursed his lips together. "Valerie—"

"No, tell him. He needs to know." Valerie insisted. John looked between the two. "What?" He asked. Tommy stood. "John, listen." He began. "Grace is—"

"Oh my god." Valerie whispered. "Unbelievable. You can't even be honest with him. Not even to his face. We agreed, Tommy. We agreed that after today was done we would tell him." She said. John was worried. "Tell me what?"

Valerie took a deep breath, relaxing slightly when Polly entered the room. "Francesca's your kid, John." Valerie said.

His face fell. "What?"

"And we were going to tell you but we just didn't know when the right time was." She said. Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose and John's mouth was open. He looked at Polly. "Did you know?"

"John." Polly tried.

"You knew and you didn't fucking tell me?" John hissed. Arthur had a face full of shock.

Valerie kept quiet.

"All this time." He whispered. "And nobody fucking told me. Jesus christ. Why?" He asked. "Why didn't you tell me? I could've been there. I could have." He said.

"Because, John." Tommy spat. "I had married you off to Esme and then found out Valerie was pregnant. I couldn't leave a woman who was pregnant with my brothers child in the environment that Valerie was in." He said.

"This is your fault." John pointed at him. "Your fucking—" and then he ran at Tommy, punching him in the nose.

Tommy stumbled backward and Polly gasped.

"John, stop!" Valerie said.

Tommy fought against John's grip and pushed him against the wall and grabbed his face. "Stop." He said. "I know we made a mistake. I know. But now we're fixing that mistake. So you can either step up and be a father to Francesca or you can walk away and pretend we didn't tell you. Because if you walk away, i'll still be there for that little girl." Tommy whispered to him.

"We?" He asked, "No, this is your mistake. Valerie had no choice really."

"Enough." Polly said. "The both of you." She said. Tommy slowly let go of John and stepped away. "Go home. The lot of you. And we will discuss this when you've both calmed down." She scoffed.

Valerie's heart was pounding. John stared at her and didn't know what to say. He felt he should be angry but physically couldn't be. Not toward her at least.

-

"I calmed him down." Polly said. "You can go in now." She nodded.

Valerie walked into the living room where the fire burned brightly and sat opposite John. He didn't look at her. "I'm sorry, John." She said. "I should've told you earlier."

"Yeah you should've."

"Don't you think I already feel bad about this." She asked. "I had to live with knowing you didn't know you had a daughter. All because of your brother and his stupid hunger for business." She said.

"You could've told me."

"I was going to. That night you came to Arrow House and we slept together. When I told you I hadn't stopped loving you. That wasn't what I was going to say. Although it was true— i wanted to tell you about Franny. But I didn't."

"Why?"

"I was scared of how you'd react." She admitted. John shook his head. "Tell me what happened." He said. "The truth."

"I was pregnant when Tommy had you married to Esme and when he found out he felt bad. I was too far along to get rid of her and Tommy said you couldn't know because for the war between the Blinders and the Lee's to end, you and Esme needed to marry each other. And he also knew that if you were to find out I was pregnant you wouldn't have stayed married to her."

John leaned back against couch.

"And I wanted to tell you, I did. Honestly, I thought you'd have realised by now. My dad realised within moments of seeing her. I just didn't know how to tell you." Valerie said.

"That's what Esme meant.." he mumbled. Valerie furrowed her eyebrows together. "She had questioned if I believed Francesca was Tommy's daughter and I hadn't understood why she asked me that. But.."

"She realised." Valerie finished his sentence. "I planned on telling you just not yet. I didn't know when. But me and Tommy agreed to do it together. I see how you are with Francesca and I knew you needed to know the truth."

Silence.

"Are you angry?"

John faced her again and shook his head. "I'm angry that Tommy knew and still had me married to Esme." He whispered. "But i'm not angry that you kept it from me. You were eighteen and pregnant, living in a whore house and a man with money offered to marry you. What else are you supposed to do?"

She nodded and held a hand over his.

"But I know now.. and that's what matters." He said. "Will you tell her? Francesca?"

"Eventually, yes. When? I don't know. And I certainly don't know how." She admitted.

"I'll be there when you tell her." He said.

"Thank you, John." Valerie whispered. She wanted to cry at his ability of understanding. How could a man who had just realised he'd had years of father hood stolen from him be so understanding?

Why?

Because John Shelby loved Valerie Black too much to hold a grudge against her. And he loved Francesca too much. More now that he knew he was her dad. His excitement overruled his upset. He was a dad. Finally. And although he didn't know for those first few years, it didn't matter.

John was finally a dad. That's all he had ever wanted.

©-shelbysecret-
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Authors Note:
- So....

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