𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤
-𝟎𝟏𝟐-

The wind played with Valerie's hair as she held Francesca on her hip. They stared out at the grass as Maria's coffin was lowered into the ground. Francesca leaned against her mothers shoulder.

Tommy stepped forward and placed down a white rose. Then followed the rest of the Shelby's and a few others.

Tommy returned to Valerie's side and placed a hand on her lower back. She sniffed and forced back the tears that threatened to escape her eyes. He watched her carefully and she could feel his gaze. "She didn't deserve it," Valerie whispered. "She was a good person."

John eyed her discreetly from the other side of where she'd been stood. Esme was holding onto his arm and looked down at the grave. He wanted to hug her and tell her everything would get better but if he did they, he'd never be able to let go.

A car approached the graveyard and the family got deja vu from Freddie's funeral. Tommy stepped away from his wife to see what the matter was. A Peaky Blinder stepped out of the car and began having a hushed conversation with him. Tommy's eyes went back to Valerie and he nodded along to the words he was being told.

Upon returning, he whispered something in Valerie's ear which caused her to frown. "Okay.." she nodded. She took one last look at her friends grave and turned to get in the car with Francesca.

Tommy went to inform the family that they needed to return back to the house.

They had been told that there was somebody at the Shelby Limited office asking for Valerie Black. A man. They gave no name or any type of identity. It worried Valerie of course. Not many people knew Valerie by her birth name. Instead she was known as Valerie Shelby or even Florence.

-

Valerie walked confidently up the stairs to Tommy's office. He was close behind her as she walked. Lizzie looked up at the two as they entered and Valerie gave her a quick once over.

"I told him to wait in your office." Lizzie told Tommy. Tommy nodded and took his cigarette from his lips. Valerie twisted the handle to the door and carefully opened it. She was met with the back of a man who sat at opposite Tommy's seat at his desk.

"How can I help you.. Mr-" Tommy began. The man stood quickly and turned. Valerie's heart picked up and her eyes widened. "Black, sir.. Mr Black." The man said sheepishly.

Valerie dropped her coat that she'd been holding in her left hand.

"Robert Black." He added.

"Dad?" Valerie asked. The man smiled slightly and nodded to her. Valerie couldn't have walked quicker to the man and wrapped her arms around him. She leaned her head against his shoulder and grabbed a fistful of his shirt. "Is that really you?" She whispered.

"It's me, dear girl." Robert confirmed.

"What're you doing here? How did you find me?" She asked, pulling away and holding his face. Robert shook his head. "I heard talk from a few of the men in my workplace about the Peaky Blinders. One mentioned how polite Thomas Shelby's wife had been when they had met her. And when they mentioned the name Valerie.. I took my chances." He explained. "I checked the papers to get the number for the company and I asked for you."

Valerie sighed and looked to Tommy. "Well.. dad, this is Tommy. My husband. Tommy, this is my father." She stepped aside to introduce the two.

Robert offered him a welcoming smile and Tommy walked to the man. He placed a hand on his shoulder but yet didn't break his stone expression. "Welcome to Birmingham."

"Thank you, sir." Robert said. He knew all about Tommy Shelby and what business he had going on. He knew about the Peaky Blinders and what they did. But he also knew that meant his daughter had protectors.

"There's somebody i'd like you to meet, dad." Valerie said with a grin.

-

That night, Valerie introduced her father to Francesca. He couldn't get over the young girl. She was gorgeous. Francesca reminded Robert of Valerie when she was that age. She was a complete and utter replica of her mother.

Although something wasn't quite right. He couldn't put his finger on it but as he looked at Francesca whilst Tommy held her, something wasn't quite right.

Robert was a smart man. Too smart for his own good. So when John Shelby walked into the room, that's when he realised what it was that didn't feel right. Tommy wasn't the girls father. John was. Robert was unsure if his daughter had been unfaithful to her husband or he was thinking incorrectly and the Shelby genes were just strange.

He was beyond proud how far Valerie had come.

"When did you leave?" Robert asked Valerie as they sat in the living room together. The fire burned brightly and she sat with a cup of tea in hand. "Home? When I was sixteen." She said.

"So your mother didn't change once I picked up and left?"

Valerie shook her head and pursed her lips together. "I wish i'd have taken you with me, Val." Robert said honestly. "I hate that I left you behind." He said. "Not a day went by where I didn't regret not fighting harder to take you with me."

Valerie reached for his hand. "It's okay. Sometimes we have to make sacrifices if it means saving ourself. I understand."

"You've grown to be quite the woman. I'm proud." Robert said to her. She smiled. "Thank you, dad." She looked down at her tea. "What do you think of Tommy?" She asked.

He hummed. "He's a hard working man. I appreciate that. I also appreciate that he's going to keep my daughter and granddaughter safe." He nodded. "But I can't help but notice the resemblance between Francesca and her uncle." He raised a brow.

Valerie's face dropped. "It isn't what you think, dad. I can assure you that." She lowered her voice. He waited for her to explain. "When I left home.. I found myself in a bad situation. Prostitution if you want to be specific. But then I fell in love with John and ended up pregnant with his child. Tommy then married John off which left me pregnant and alone so he married me instead. He's a cold man but he isn't cruel."

Robert wasn't ashamed of his daughter's past work. Not at all.

"Do you still love John?"

She paused to think. "I think a part of me always will."

Robert nodded. "True love never goes away, my girl. It always comes back." he pointed a finger at her. "And if it comes back, don't let it fade away. Chase it."

-

Valerie stood before the mirror as she painted the deep red lipstick onto her lips. There were light footsteps downstairs before the front door closed. She frowned and picked her necklace up from the bedside table.

She lifted her dress with her free hand and made her way down the stairs. "Can you help me-" She walked into the betting den where she expected to see Tommy but instead was met with John who stood staring down at his tie as he tried to do it up. "Put my necklace on.." She trailed off.

John slowly looked up to meet her eyes and cleared his throat. "Yeah." He muttered. Valerie handed it to him and turned to face the wall.

The house was empty. Francesca had been left with Robert and Thomas who had gone down to the Garrison in time for the re-opening. That left Valerie and John. Alone.

He stood and carefully placed the pearls around her neck. She held her hair over her shoulder and tilted her chin down as he fiddled with the clasp. Valerie could feel his breath against her skin as he concentrated. She bit down on her bottom lip and closed her eyes.

"Done." He said quietly and remained where he stood. Valerie slowly turned to face him and sucked in a breath. "Thank you." She swallowed hard.

John looked down at her and refrained from brushing her hair away from her face. They stood there for a few moments just looking at each other. That was until the door opened and closed again. The pair quickly pulled away from each other.

"Finn?" John asked.

His younger brother peered from the doorway and nodded. "Just.. getting my cap." He said sheepishly when reaching for the flat cap that had been sitting on the table behind John.

Valerie avoided both the Shelby's eyes and gently scratched the skin on the back of her hand.

"I think it's best we get going.. don't you?" She spoke up and looked at them both. John looked at Finn and shrugged. "Yeah.. yeah." He agreed awkwardly. "Esme and Tommy are already there." Finn informed them both.

"Very well." Valerie touched the necklace and went to retrieve her coat.

-

"Valerie, here you are love! Here have that!" Arthur shouted from behind the bar upon the dark-haired girl's entrance. She smiled and took the glass of gin from his hands. "It's on the house." He winked, his accent strong.

"Thank you, Arthur." She said gratefully and scanned the room for a familiar face.

She spotted John who was being greeted by Esme and Robert who was speaking with Polly whilst holding Francesca. But no Tommy. She pursed her lips together and looked around again.

Esme's eyes had landed on the lost girl and waved her over. Valerie hesitantly walked over and avoided John's eyes. "You look gorgeous, Esme." Valerie complimented and watched the Lee girl smile happily. "So do you, Valerie!" She said in an excited tone.

Seeing how much of a nice person Esme was made Valerie feel somewhat guilty for however she felt toward John.

"Look who it is-" John's eyes traveled to behind them. He departed quickly. "Arthur, look who it is!" He shouted over to his brother. Ada stood with a happy smile on her face beside Tommy. "Hello, trouble.. oh you're spilling my drink." She chuckled as she hugged John.

"Francesca." Esme spoke up which startled Valerie due to her lack of attention. She hummed. "She's beautiful, isn't she?" Esme's gaze was fixated on the young girl.

Valerie nodded and smiled proudly. "She's a lucky little girl." Esme looked at Valerie. "Tommy is an amazing father." Valerie played along. "I couldn't ask for anything more from him." She added. "And as for Francesca herself.. she's just perfect." Valerie didn't care if she was being biased.

"Sorry do excuse me." Valerie said hurriedly when noticing Tommy was no longer talking with Ada.

She walked toward the back room and slipped inside where Tommy sat alone. He sat with an envelope in hand which made Valerie frown. "What's that?"

Tommy didn't move so Valerie got closer. "America?" Valerie whispered when seeing the address on the envelope. Tommy put the paper down and closed his eyes. "Who's sending you letters from America.." she trailed off when realisation set in.

Tommy nodded slowly.

"Grace?"

Tommy locked eyes with Valerie. "Are you in contact with her again?" She shifted her weight from one foot to another. He said nothing. "Thomas." She warned.

Again, he said nothing so Valerie took the envelop and opened it up. He shifted uncomfortably in his chair and swallowed hard as he watched her read over the words on the paper. "What business do you have with her.. with calling her?"

"I was.. curious." He responded lowly.

She scoffed and laughed slightly. "Curious? Curious of what— of if she was ever going to come back.. or if she still thinks of you?" Valerie asked with an angry tone.

Tommy stood up.

"Is that what it is? Did you realise that me and Francesca are a mistake?" Valerie began to panic slightly. Tommy frowned. "Valerie." He said. "I love Francesca as much as I would my own child." He said sternly.

But he didn't love her. Valerie knew he didn't love her.

"Do you still love her?"

Tommy scoffed and looked away. "Answer me." Valerie snapped. "Do you love her.. still love her?" She asked again. Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've not seen her in two years, Valerie." He muttered.

"You're not denying it."

"You don't know what you're talking about." He shook his head.

"If you didn't still care for her why did you reach out?" Valerie's eyes burned. Tommy tilted his head back. "Nothing is going on with Grace." He said.

"Believe me when I say.." she paused, "if I find out your hands have touched her skin.. you'll never see Francesca again. She will not be held in the arms of a man who cannot stay loyal to her mother. You don't love me, I know you don't. And you never will. But please, for once, Tommy please at least make me feel loved. Even if it's just for a night— or an hour. Let me know what it feels like to be loved."

Tommy locked eyes with her. "Just fucking look at John!" Tommy hissed. "That's where you'll find it."

Valerie shook her head. "You can't just admit what you did was wrong. You caused all of this, Thomas. If you hadn't have married him off, I wouldn't be sleeping in a bed with a man who didn't fucking want to treat me like his wife!"

"I do everything for you, for Francesca."

"Yes because you have to." She shouted. "But yet you cannot find it within yourself to love me. You treat me like a mere woman who means nothing to you. Francesca is your brother's daughter! Does that not plant guilt within you?"

"Of course it fucking does! I see John with Francesca. I see him. And I don't regret anything more than stealing fatherhood from him."

"So give it to him." Valerie whispered. "Do something right. For once, do something for somebody who is not yourself." She shook her head and swallowed hard. "My father knows." She said whilst taking a few steps backward. "He knows and he believes I shouldn't let John go."

Tommy nodded slowly. "You haven't let him go. I see it in your eyes whenever he walks into the room."

"And I see the look in your eyes when the phone rings. It's her you wish to be on the other end. It's her you wish to wake up beside. Not me. It's never been me. And I hate myself for agreeing to marry you." She whispered.

Tommy wanted to apologise to her. He wanted to tell her he could fix things but he knew he couldn't, not so easily. But truly Tommy was afraid of loving Valerie. She deserved a man who wasn't himself. All he would do would be bringing danger to herself and her daughter. And that was the last thing he wanted. He could see how much she could love someone if given the chance. And he didn't want to steal that opportunity from her. He didn't want to be the man she loved. Not when it was his own brother who she belonged with.

Tommy knew that one day he'd try and make it right.

One day.

©-shelbysecret-
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Authors Note:

- I suppose Grace's part in this whole thing will make us grateful for her in some way.
- Valerie loved in silent. Valerie loved in secret.

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