𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤
-𝟎𝟏𝟎-
𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝟏𝟗𝟏𝟗

Valerie and Tommy had their wedding in the September of 1919. It was a beautiful wedding. Valerie did enjoy herself. She had forced herself to let go of John after their small argument outside the Garrison the night that Tommy announced the engagement to the family.

Tensions were still there between John and Valerie whenever they crossed each other but they tended to steer away from one another's paths.

Valerie was 7 months along to be exact and the winter nights were starting the creep in slowly. As they got deeper into December, Valerie found that it was harder it was to work.

Tommy was taking care of her as much as he could but putting up the front of loving her was kind of difficult for him as he already wasn't much of a loving man anyway. But he still tried.

"Valerie, love, you wouldn't mind handing me that book would you?" Polly asked from the office. Valerie placed a hand on her baby bump and took the book from the betting table and into the office, dodging the men that walked to and fro.

"Thank you," Polly said, taking it from her hands and giving her a once over.

"Why don't you go down to the Garrison? Thomas and some of the others are there." The older woman suggested.

Valerie let out a breath and placed a hand on her hip. "I might as well. Maybe then Tommy will think about coming home earlier." She gave Polly a half hearted smile and picked up her coat. "I'll see you later, Pol." She dismissed, walking out of the house and carefully down to the Garrison.

The cobble was beginning to ice over due to the cold that was settling over Small Heath.

Valerie had grown more comfortable around Tommy after they got married. She knew he'd never love her which would sometimes sadden her because she never wanted to be married to a man who didn't love her. She always dreamt of having someone truly love her. And she did have that. It's just a shame she couldn't keep that.

"Here she is!" Arthur shouted the moment she stepped in through the door. She smiled to him and he hugged her from the side.

"And what are you doing here, eh?" Tommy asked with a slight smile, wrapping an arm around her. She looked up at him and sighed. "Polly let me go for the night." She said.

Tommy nodded once and moved beside her, his glass of whiskey in hand.

John kept his head down and played with an unlit cigarette between his fingers, rolling it back and forth.

"Ey, ey.." Arthur grabbed their attention, "wouldn't it be funny if your baby was born on Christmas, eh?" He chuckled loudly. He was drunk.

"Yeah that would be really funny Arthur." Valerie replied, unsure what to say.

Tommy squeezed her shoulder lightly and went off for a moment to discuss with Grace. A certain tiredness came over Valerie despite her short time being at the pub but nevertheless she thought it best to go home.

"Tommy," she said to him. He turned his head. "I'm going back. I don't feel the greatest." She said to him. Tommy muttered his last few words to Grace and went to Valerie's side again. "It's late anyway." He nodded. He took his coat from the hook and shrugged it onto his shoulders.

"Right. You two get an early night, we have business tomorrow." Tommy pointed at his brothers. They didn't know what type of business as Tommy hadn't explained a single thing.

The pair walked out of the pub and began walking back down Watery Lane when Valerie came to a sudden stop. She grabbed onto Tommy's arm and winced, putting a hand on her lower stomach.

Tommy frowned. "What's happened?"

She took a sharp breath and shook her head. "I just need a second." She said, her chest rising up and down heavily. Tommy could tell something was wrong.

Her eyes widened and she slowly looked up at him. "Tommy, I think i'm having the baby." She uttered.

Tommy's eyes widened and he mumbled a few 'shits' and 'fucks' whilst helping Valerie toward Polly's house. He had no idea how to deliver a baby.

She held onto his arm tightly and tried not to panic. "Pol— Polly we need your help!" Tommy said when opening the front door. The woman appeared from the kitchen with a look of concern.

"She's having the baby." He said.

Polly put down her cup of tea and automatically seen to the girl, helping her onto the couch. "You're sure?" She added. Valerie shook her head. "I don't know — i think so." Valerie closed her eyes and tilted her head back.

Her breath hitched and suddenly the floor beneath her now had a puddle covering it. "Shit, water.." Polly said. "Thomas go get some towels." She ordered, finally making Valerie sit on the couch.

Valerie lay on her back and breathed heavily. "You need to get John." She said quickly. Polly looked at her with a frown. Valerie shook her head. "I need him here." She said with pleading eyes.

Polly hesitantly nodded and rushed to the phone to call the Garrison.

Tommy came back down the stairs with a few towels and handed them to his aunt. He took his coat off and left it on the floor, kneeling beside Valerie and allowing her to take his hand. She squeezed it lightly and looked to Polly.

"They're on their way." She said. "Do you feel like you can begin pushing?"

Valerie shook her head viciously. "I don't know, Pol." She said. "I'm scared." She admitted. Valerie knew it wasn't time for her baby to come. Not yet anyway. She still had a few weeks left.

Time seemed to drag but eventually John and Arthur barged through the door to the sound of Valerie's pain whilst pushing.

"Keep going, love." Polly urged.

John and Arthur hovered at the door and Valerie automatically locked eyes with John, looking at him with pleading eyes. All the hatred they had toward each other disappeared in that moment.

Arthur pushed him forward. "Go hold her bloody hand before she crushes Tom's fingers."

John offered his hand to her and she held it in her free hand. John ran his thumb across her skin and watched with slight fright.

"Thomas go get that blanket at the top of the stairs." Polly instructed, feeling that John should be at Valerie's side even if he wasn't aware that he was the baby's father.

When Tommy moved, John took his place and kneeled beside the couch, swapping hands. He wrapped both his hands around her right one and winced when she screamed out in pain.

John gently moved her hair from her face. Her forehead was gathering sweat as time passed. "It hurts!" She cried out. John hated every moment of it: her cries, the pain in her eyes.

Without thinking, John held her knuckles to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on them. Valerie moved her head to the side, leaning into the pillows. She mumbled a few things to herself and just prayed that it would be over sooner rather than later.

"One more, come on Valerie." Polly said.

John squeezed her hand reassuringly and continued pushing her hair back. Tommy returned and watched from beside Arthur, not wanting to move John from the position. It was only mere moments before the sounds of a baby crying filled the room.

Valerie let out breath of relief and watched Polly wrap the baby in a towel. "It's a little girl." She whispered.

John looked down at Valerie once she cradled the baby in her arms. He then looked at Tommy and stepped back with guilt. That could've been him. If he hadn't married Esme. They could've have a family together.

Valerie looked at her little girl with awe. If you looked at her close enough you'd notice the way hers and Johns nose were the same and she had light freckles dusted across her skin like he did.

Tommy peered over Valerie's shoulder to take a glance at the little girl.

"Francesca Elizabeth Shelby." Valerie whispered, holding the girl close to her chest.

John swallowed hard and wanted to leave the room but couldn't bring himself to do it. He just watched.

"That's a beautiful name." Polly said with a proud smile.

Francesca was a perfect mix of both John and Valerie even though she was only minutes old. She was a little bundle of beauty. And Valerie just hated that John wouldn't get the chance to love her like a father would. She just hoped that Tommy could do that instead.

-

Valerie went up to bed and left Francesca in the arms of Tommy. So there he sat with the small baby in his arms as the fire burned brightly, keeping the room warm. John watched attentively from the armchair as Tommy rocked Francesca lightly.

Tommy could feel his eyes and slowly looked up. "Do you want a hold?" He asked. John pursed his lips together and nodded slightly. He sat up straight and Tommy handed Francesca to him carefully.

John looked down at her and felt his heart pang. Tommy got up and left for a moment. He believed John deserved to hold her on the night she was born even if he wasn't aware that she was his kid.

He couldn't take his eyes away from her. Something just felt right when he held her. "You're going to be the luckiest little girl, yeah?" He whispered. "We'll look after you.." he added. "I'll look after you." John corrected. "Francesca Elizabeth," He said under his breath.

Tommy watched the interaction from the betting den and couldn't help but feel a bit guilty - like he had robbed his brother of such a moment.

Sighing, Tommy walked back through and gave John a somewhat apologetic look as he took the baby back in his arms. "Get yourself to bed, eh?" Tommy raised his eyebrows at him.

John sniffed and nodded.

Tommy went up the stairs where Valerie was supposedly sleeping and he pushed the door open with his elbow. She automatically turned to face him. The only light was coming from the hallway.

"Tommy?" She asked quietly. "Yeah.. it's me." He responded, putting Francesca down in her crib. It wasn't often that Tommy and Valerie would sleep in the same bed but seeing as they were in Polly's home, they had no choice.

He climbed in beside her and pulled the sheets up to cover them both.

Without thinking, Valerie placed her head on Tommy's shoulder and exhaled. He didn't mind though. He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and closed his eyes.

-

That next morning, Tommy was up and ready before 9 am. Valerie woke up alone to the cries of her new baby. She squinted and sat up for a moment, letting her eyes adjust to the light. She hushed Francesca quietly and lifted her from the crib and began rocking her very gently.

Deciding that she could not bear the screams any longer, Valerie chose to take Francesca downstairs where she was met with the face of Polly as she cleaned up the kitchen.

"Morning love — listen, i'm about to go into that family meeting but I think you ought to come too." She breathed. "So just stay here until I let you in."

Valerie didn't get time to reply because Polly went into the betting den and closed the door behind her.

"Right, i've brought you all here today because this is the day we replace Billy Kimber. This is the day that we become respectable. The day where we join the official national association of race course bookmakers. But first we do the dirty work — now, we all know that this works been coming I just haven't told anyone the date." Tommy began.

Polly tilted her chin up.

"We're going to the Worcester races. The tracks open at one we get there at two. Now Kimber thinks we're going there to help him fight the Lee brothers but thanks to the efforts of our John and his lovely knew wife Esme—"

John looked at Esme as she smiled and forcefully smiled back.

"They are now our kin. So it'll be us and the Lee's against Kimber's boys. We take them out and then we leave the bookies. I expect a swift victory that will send a signal all the way to London that we believe letting legitimate businesses run peacefully."

"And what about Kimber himself?" John asked. "I'll deal with Kimber." Tommy responded. "Any other questions.

"Yes," Polly answered and walked to the door. "Oh, does anyone object if I bring a newcomer to the meeting?" She asked. Silence. Polly opened the door and nodded to Valerie before opening it fully to allow her to enter.

"I'd like to introduce the newest member of the Shelby clan." She smiled.

Valerie held Francesca close to her and walked into the room. Everyone began clapping and John shifted his weight from one foot to another.

"Named her Francesca," Valerie told them all.

She joined Tommy's side and he looked down at the baby. John swallowed hard and tried his best not to look over. "Isn't she just beautiful!" Esme gasped when Tommy held Francesca up to face everybody.

Valerie smiled and leaned into Tommy's side.

"Looks like her mother." John chimed in — meaning two things by his comment. One being that she did indeed look like Valerie and the other agreeing with Esme's statement and calling Valerie beautiful.

"Do you want a hold, John?" Tommy asked just like he had the night previously. John's eyes widened and he cleared his throat. "Er..yeah go on." He said. John was beginning to feel like Tommy was taunting him.

Esme watched in awe and looked at the small baby. "Hello, Francesca." She whispered, gently touching her face. John, once again, couldn't help but feel so right by holding her. Valerie looked at Tommy with wide eyes and pinched his arm. Tommy hissed and pulled his arm away from her.

-

The three Shelby women sat peacefully in the living room before the door swung open. "Ada wake up!" Tommy's voice rang out as he stormed in. He pointed at both Ada and Valerie. "You and the baby get in the bullring where there's lots of people."

"What's going on?" Polly asked.

Valerie scooped up Francesca with slightly panic. "We've been fucking betrayed. Someone let slip. Kimber's men are on their way here." Tommy paced.

"Yeah but you can handle them, Tommy." Polly said.

"It's just us. All the Lee's are on their way to Worcester — we're outnumbered!" He sent his fists into the table. "Fuck."

Francesca had gotten a fright by the sudden noise and began crying. "Sorry- i'm sorry." He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"But who else knew that today was the day you were moving on Kimber? You said you kept it a secret. Who else did you tell?" Polly asked.

Tommy's eyes shifted and Polly's expression faltered. "There's only one thing that can blind a man as smart as you Tommy.. love. It's that barmaid."

Valerie's heart dropped and she shared a glance with Ada.

"I'll deal with Grace. If you set eyes on her again you might kill her." Polly said. Valerie looked at Tommy with slight hurt in her eyes. "The barmaid?" She asked. Ada grew uncomfortable. "You love her?"

By this point Polly had left. Tommy said nothing.

Valerie's eyes watered. "You married me knowing you loved Grace?" She asked. Tommy wiped his mouth. "It's complicated, alright?" He said. Valerie shook his head. "I was starting to get the impression that you weren't heartless after all." She said.

"She loves me.. and I — I love her." Tommy admitted.

Ada's eyes widened. "Thomas." She whispered.

Valerie nodded slowly and bit down on her lip. "Now i'm stuck with a man who doesn't love me.. and won't ever love me." She croaked. "If you knew you loved her why did you marry me?"

"Because —"

"Because you like seeing people suffer She cut him off. "You like seeing John suffer. You had taken one of his women from him before so you thought you could do it again." She said.

"Valerie." Tommy said as she walked out.

"What have you done, Tom?" Ada sighed in disbelief.

-

Valerie sat with Francesca cradled in her arms. She wanted to cry but refused to. She wasn't going to cry over a man that didn't love her. Polly pushed open the door and joined her. "I'm sorry, love." She apologised.

Valerie shook her head and kept looking down at her daughter. "She looks like John." Valerie whispered, gently touching Francesca's face.

Polly nodded slightly. "You'd be right in saying that."

"Will it ever end, Polly? Will my time ever come?" Valerie asked. Polly sat opposite her. "Valerie, John loves you. I believe that one day you'll find each other again." She said. Valerie swallowed hard.

"But for now - it's Thomas. I had children. I don't ever speak of them because my heart breaks even when I think about them. But today... I do have reason to." Polly started. She already had teary eyes.

"They were three and five years old. Sally was three, Michael was five. Well... two weeks away from being six. It was Sunday morning. I was at church. "You're not forgiven." This...pinch-faced bitch said to me, "You're not forgiven." You see, some sheets I washed and hung on the line had the name of a hotel on them."

Valerie listened attentively.

"They'd been stolen in a robbery, and they said some porter at the hotel had been coshed. And a woman from round here told the police about the sheets - jealous, you see, of the new sheets. And when the police came, they found a spirit still for making a few drops of gin. And for that..they took my children from me. And they never told me where they took them."

Valerie glanced down at Francesca again and bit down on her bottom lip.

"And they did it because they could. And because I was weak. But they will never take your baby away from you." Valerie locked eyes with the woman.

"Do you know why? Tommy wouldn't let them. Because Tommy won't let them walk all over us. Now it is Tommy who has given strength and power to this family. Cause he knows...you have to be as bad as them above in order to survive. I'm telling you this cos I want you to forgive him."

Valerie was unsure if there was a matter to be forgiven. After all, he only married her because she was pregnant with his brothers child.

"Polly, i'm so sorry." She said genuinely. "One day they'll return home. I'm sure of it." She said. Polly shook her head. "They won't—"

"They will." Valerie cut her off. "I'll make sure of it." She said.

-

The phone rang. Valerie looked at it. Nobody was home. Ada had left. Polly was at the bullring. It rang again. And again. Francesca began crying. Valerie took a deep breath and took the phone in one hand, balancing it between her cheek and shoulder as she rocked her daughter.

"I think you should come down to the Garrison." A voice spoke. "There's trouble." It sounded like Grace.

"Grace?" Valerie questioned. The woman on the other end sucked in a breath. "Did you sleep with him?" She asked straight up. Grace's eyes widened. "Excuse me.. that's very personal." Grace said.

"Tell me now. Did you or didn't you sleep with my husband."

Grace stayed quiet for a few seconds. "I'm sorry." She said. This confirmed it. Tommy indeed had been seeing Grace behind Valerie's back. Yes, it was a loveless marriage but Valerie had hoped that one day they could learn to love each other.

"It just happened." Grace lied.

A scoff left the dark haired girls mouth. "Of course it did." She mocked. "Go fuck yourself, Grace." She said through gritted teeth before slamming the phone down.

After a few moments of contemplation, Valerie decided to make her way down to the Garrison to see what was going on. And when she arrived, she could hear Ada's voice and she was giving some sort of speech. But it sounded like it was coming to an end.

"Move." Valerie demanded as she swerved through the group of men. They parted and she ended up in the middle. 

"Valerie?" John asked and lowered his gun. Tommy looked over. "Jesus." He muttered. Valerie looked around at the two groups. "Move out of the way." Tommy shouted.

"Do not tell me what to do!" Valerie replied quickly.

John's eyes were stuck on the small bundle that was in Valerie's arms. She was yet to get a pram for the small baby.

Suddenly, before anybody could say another word or even think, Billy Kimber had sent a bullet into Tommy's shoulder which sent him stumbling backward. Only seconds later, John had dropped his gun and rushed to pull Valerie away to the side, no longer caring about what they were trying to settle.

Her face was pale as she panicked, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

John had moved her away and somewhat shielded her whilst a few more shots fired. He held her head against his chest, careful not to hurt Francesca whilst doing so.

"Stop!" Tommy roared and he shot Billy Kimber right between the eyes. "Go home to your families. It's done."

Valerie breathed heavily and shakily looked up at John. He looked down at her with wide eyes and moved her hair from her face. "Are you okay?" He whispered, searching her face for any injury.

She nodded quickly. "I'm fine.. i'm fine." She assured him. John let out a few breaths and looked down at the baby, moving the blanket from her face to ensure she was too okay. "Get inside." John ushered her toward the pub.

She looked at him for a moment whilst trying to steady her breathing and John just frowned. "Val — go inside." He repeated.

Valerie moved from her spot and went inside The Garrison where Tommy had been helped to a table where Jeremiah Jesus would begin removing the bullet from his wound. Valerie paced with Francesca in her arms.

"Here." Ada came from nowhere and took the baby from Valerie after seeing the stress on her face. "I'll take her over to Karl and Freddie." She informed her.

Valerie nodded and leaned her hands against the bar when suddenly a hand grabbed her upper arm and pulled her toward the back room of the Garrison. "Jesus Christ, John!" Valerie scolded. "I'm sorry—" He apologised quickly. "Didn't mean to scare ya." He looked over his shoulder. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm fine." She said. John raised a brow. "Why did you come here today?"

"Because Grace called the house and told me there was trouble." Valerie said. John looked down at her, a hand still on her arm. "Did you come for me or Tommy?" He interrogated. Valerie swallowed hard. "I came to make sure the father of my baby wasn't dead." She hissed.

Her answer didn't necessarily answer John's question because he was unsure if his brother was indeed the father to Francesca but he had nothing to prove otherwise.

"Did you know he was having an affair?" Valerie looked at his seriously.

"Who, Tommy?" John scoffed. "I don't know why you're surprised, Val. Because before you there was a new whore in his bed every other week." John told her. "But no.. I didn't know."

There was a silence for a moment. "He won't love you, Valerie." John really couldn't let her go. "He can't"

Valerie tried to pull away from his grip. "He can't love you because I already do." He whispered, leaning closer to her. "John if you don't let go of the idea of us, you'll begin hurting." She whispered, a hand on his face. John's heart beat rapidly.

"I don't want to let go of the idea of us. I don't want to let go of you."

©-shelbysecret-

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Authors Note:

-if you guys are getting sick of their love confessions i'll stop writing them but personally i love them because it shows how John can't forget about her.

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