𝐁𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐓𝐨 𝐁𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤
-𝟎𝟎𝟓-
𝐒𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡, 𝟏𝟗𝟏𝟗

Valerie sat on the bed with her legs dangling over the edge. Her face had gone pale and her blood ran cold. "Are you sure?" She asked the woman.

"Listen, love, I know you're young and unmarried but I won't utter a word to anybody. Carrying a child can be hard." She explained. Valerie stared down at her knees and began feeling like she couldn't breathe. "What.. what can I do?"

"To get rid of the child would be a risk to yourself as there is no safe way to do this with how far along you are."

"And how far along am I?" Valerie questioned. The woman wiped down the countertop. "At least six weeks," she guessed. Valerie pulled her cardigan over her shoulders and tucked her hair behind her ears. "Okay.. thank you." She didn't want to spend another moment in there.

Over the past week, John had been avoiding Valerie like the plague and she didn't know why. All of a sudden it was like he didn't know who she was. Yes, he could only see her when he wasn't working but there had been two occasions where she was at the Garrison when he was. And not once did he even look at her.

Everything seemed off. And it was like torture to Valerie. She missed being in the comfort of his arms. Even when it was just for a little while.

Valerie was quick to return home as the sun had now risen and she didn't want to risk being seen in that part of Small Heath. If she was seen, anybody with a brain would know why she was there in the first place.

Deep down, she knew who the father of the child was. Because unfortunately.. or in some cases it was fortunate, work had been slow for Valerie and John seemed to be her main customer.

-

"Val, what's wrong?" Maria stood at the foot of the dark haired girls bed as she sat with her knees up to her chest. She said nothing. "Valerie, come on, you can talk to me." Maria urged.

Valerie looked up at her with teary eyes. "I'm pregnant." She croaked.

Marie's eyes widened slightly and her lips parted. "You're.. what?"

"I'm pregnant." Valerie repeated. Maria climbed onto the bed. "No I heard what you said. Do you know who the father is?" She asked. Valerie nodded once. Maria grabbed her friends hands in a reassuring way. "Will you tell him?"

"He'd never marry me." She cut Maria off quickly. "So i'm stuck. My child will be a bastard. I can't have an abortion."

Maria tutted out of sympathy. "You can talk to him, surely? He can't be that cruel that he won't want to be there. For you and the baby." She suggested.

"I can try but a man like him would never want to commit to a girl like me." She refused.

"There's no harm in trying, Val."

Except there was harm in trying. To tell John about the baby would be to risk a heartbreak she didn't even know was possible of happening. Valerie had grown attached to the Shelby man. And she hated herself for that. One thing she had learnt from being a prostitute was to never ever grow attached to a customer.

"I can't work like this anymore.. not with a baby growing inside of me." Valerie said. Maria looked at her with sympathy. "I can speak to a few people and see if there's somewhere else." Maria suggested.

Valerie was quick to refuse. "I know where i'll go." She replied.

And that night, Valerie made her way down to the Garrison as the sky grew dark. Her fur coat protected her from the cold as she walked. The pub was lively like usual and Valerie has automatically laid eyes on who she wanted to talk to.

"Grace," she said, pushing her way to the bar. Grace turned to her after handing a glass of whiskey to a man. "Florence, i've not seen you in here for a few days." She said, wiping her hands. Valerie nodded and peered over her shoulders. "I need a favour."

Grace tilted her head slightly but nodded.

"I need a job."

"But I thought.." Grace began.

"Yes but something has came up and I don't think I can work like that anymore. Grace, from one girl to another, please help me." Valerie was practically begging.

Grace could tell that whatever situation Valerie had landed herself in wasn't ideal. "I'll speak to Harry. I'm sure he won't mind taking on another barmaid." Grace said. Her words sent relief through Valerie's body.

"Thank you, Grace. Thank you so much." She breathed out.

Grace shook her head. "Of course."

"Is Mr Shelby here by any chance? Tommy?" Valerie had decided on her way over that she needed to tell Tommy about what had happened. After all it was his fault she had fell pregnant with his brothers baby. If he hadn't asked her to help John get over Lizzie Stark, she wouldn't be in this situation.

"I believe he's in the snug." Grace nodded toward the room.

Valerie sucked in a breath and pushed her way back through the crowd. The door was already slightly ajar so she just opened it further and cleared her throat.

All three of the brother's heads turned toward her as well as the two women that sat in there. "Florence, what a lovely surprise." Tommy said nonchalantly. John's face lost its colour.

"Do you have a moment?" She requested.

The older woman that sat in the corner seemed to be examining Valerie. A cigarette was perched between the woman's two fingers and her eyes were sharp as she read Valerie's body language.

"Can it wait?" Tommy asked.

"I'd rather it didn't." Valerie was quick to reply. Tommy put out his cigarette and stood, smoothing out his clothes. "This way," he placed a hand on her back and took her outside where it was much quieter. "What's troubling you?"

Valerie stared at her feet and realised it wouldn't be as easy to tell him than it was to tell Maria.

"Florence?" Tommy asked when she stayed quiet. She met his eyes and he noticed the way they had now glossed over. "Whatever it is.. if you're wanting help you'll need to tell me. I can't read your mind."

"I wish you could." She looked away, feeling ashamed.

"Well I can't." Tommy said and leaned against the wall. Valerie crossed her arms over her chest. "Listen, Florence, i've got things to be doing.."

"I'm pregnant." She spat out. Tommy's eyes widened and he dropped his arms to his side. "You're.. with whose baby?" Tommy somehow didn't put the pieces together straight away.

"Are all you Shelby men incredibly dim?" She insulted. "John's baby! Why else would I be telling you if it wasn't your brothers?!" She grew angry.

Tommy raised his eyebrows as he began understanding. "And you'll keep it?"

"I'm going to have to." She said. Tommy ran a hand over his mouth and began thinking. She was quick to catch on that he wanted to say something but was avoiding it. He was hiding something. But what? "Why did you so desperately need to tell me?"

"Because this is a fault of your own, Thomas!" She scolded, "if you hadn't used me to help John get over Lizzie then i wouldn't be in this position!" She shouted.

Tommy winced and raised a hand to quiet her. "Alright, alright. Just.. be quiet." He hushed her.

"Be quiet? Are you serious? I go about life unsure if i'll be able to keep a roof over my head and you're telling me to be quiet?" She was furious. "John hasn't even looked in my direction for weeks! He wants nothing to do with me so why on earth would he want anything to do with this child?! Nobody wants to be the father of a baby who has a whore for a mother!" She ranted.

Tommy turned his head when the door opened. John. "Can you give us a sec please, Tom?" John asked awkwardly and avoided Valerie's eyes.

She scoffed and crossed her arms.

Tommy looked between the two but left them alone. "What did you need to speak to him about?" John shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Why do you care?" Valerie retorted harshly.

John frowned and noticed she wouldn't meet his eyes. "Florence, if something has happened.." He trailed off, trying to be sympathetic. "Don't." She cut him off, "don't you dare try and act like you're concerned. Not now. Not when you have not even came to see me in over a week!" She was so upset she didn't know what to do.

"Florence." He tried and reached out for her arm but Valerie quickly smacked his hand away. "Don't touch me."

John retracted his hand and his chest heaved up and down. "Listen, I can explain it.. i swear."

She shook her head, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Go ahead. Nothing is stopping you." She whispered. John swallowed hard and couldn't talk. "Florence please can we go talk about this some place else?"

Valerie blinked a few times to push away the tears and began walking away.

"Flo, please." He begged, staying outside the Garrison doors. She didn't even look back. "Florence!" He shouted.

But again, nothing.

The doors opened again and this time John's aunt Polly appeared. "What have you done, boy?" She asked seriously. John stared at the path Valerie had just walked down. "John. Look at me when i'm bloody talking to you." She scolded.

"Nothing, aunt Pol. Just leave it." He pushed past her.

Polly stood with raised eyebrows at her nephew's behaviour.

-

Valerie sat with her head in her hands whilst sat on the floor. She didn't have a clue what she was going to do. Hopefully Harry would listen to Grace and give her a job because there was no way in hell Valerie would do prostitution whilst being pregnant.

She leaned up on her knees and opened up the drawer, pulling out her old watercolours and a piece of paper. She hadn't touched the paints since she moved to Birmingham.

Valerie sat there for a while just staring at the products but after a few moments of thinking, she began aimlessly painting.

There was muffled talking outside which sounded like arguing but she payed no notice.

John stood at the top of the staircase near Valerie's room but was stopped by Maria. Maria knew who he was and what connection he had to her friend. "I need to talk to her." He argued, knowing he wasn't planning on laying hands on a woman.

"Well she's not here!" Maria lied, standing before him to stop him from going further.

John huffed and peered over the girls shoulder to see the light that was seeping under the door from the lamp Valerie had in her room.

"There's something she needs to know and i'd rather she heard it from me than somebody else." John pushed. Maria bit her tongue but looked at the door. "Fine." She gave in, stepping aside.

John knocked once but didn't wait for a reply. Upon entering, Valerie looked up at him and just stared. "Can I help you? My prices have gone up." She said sarcastically.

John took a breath and closed the door. "There's something you need to know."

"I'm listening." She continued painting.

John scratched the back of his neck and felt his heart beating against his chest. "I'm getting married." He blurted out. And this made Valerie stop what she was doing. "What?" Her voice was quiet.

"I'm sorry. I should've told you earlier but it's all happening so quick and I thought that the longer I put it off the. the less it'd hurt."

Valerie felt her eyes burn harshly. "So you kept it from me?"

"Listen, i'm sorry." He began.

"How long?" She asked. John shrugged. "Just over a week?" He guessed. "Who is she?" Valerie asked. She had so many questions.

"A girl from the Lee family. Tom wants me to marry her to end this fucking war between the families." He told her. Valerie had a lump in her throat and couldn't talk. "Please look at me." He said quietly. "I don't want you working like this anymore."

Valerie stood and ran a hand through her hair. "Do you love her?" It was a ridiculous question of course but she still had to know.

"Don't be ridiculous, Flo. I haven't even bloody met her!"

"Well because we seem to be getting secrets off our chest," she sat down. "My names not Florence." She admitted. "It's Valerie. And I wish to never see you again, John Shelby." Her voice got quieter as she spoke.

John's eyes darted across her face and he shook his head. "Please, Valerie." He whispered, his voice on the verge of cracking.

"What? Do you just want to use me for another fuck - Is that what it is? You don't want me to work like this anymore because you won't get to fuck me!" She shouted, a tear rolling down her cheek.

"No.. not at all. Valerie why won't you let me talk to you?" John asked, trying to get closer to her but she stepped away. "You made me feel wanted, John. And now you're getting married." She said with hurt lacing her voice.

"I do want you!" He raised his voice.

"So don't marry her." She replied.

"I can't do that." John refused.

"So leave." Valerie snapped. "Leave and don't come back. You've wasted my time and I don't know how I could be so stupid." She glared at him. "You made me feel.." she paused, unsure if she should say what it was she wanted to say, "you made me feel loved again, John. But I was wrong."

"No you're not wrong!" He grabbed her arm.

She looked down at his hand and wanted to pull away but something stopped her. "I do want you, Valerie. I do—" he stopped, his eye wide when he realised what words almost came out of his mouth. "I do love you." He said so quietly she almost didn't hear him.

"Clearly not enough." Valerie's lip quivered.

John shook his head slowly, his mouth parting but no words leaving it.

Maria stormed in and grabbed John's shoulder. "Get out." She demanded. John loosened his grip on Valerie's arm but didn't let go. "Flo— Valerie, don't do this." He looked at her with pleading eyes.

Valerie just pulled her arm away from him and said no more.

"Leave." Maria continued, her hands on his chest as she tried to get him out of the room without using force. John's eyes were fixed on Valerie as Maria pushed him out the door. "And don't let me see your face around here ever again." Maria pressed her finger into his ribs.

And with that he descended the staircase. Maria watched and waited till he left before returning to Valerie's side.

"Oh, Val." She muttered, kneeling down to her now that she was sat on the floor with a hand cupped over her mouth. "I'm okay, Maria." She said through sobs as if she was trying to convince herself. "I'm just being dramatic."

"Stop." Maria hushed, wrapping her arms around her.

Valerie held onto Maria and continued sobbing, trying to keep quiet. "I really liked him. I thought this time it would be different." She crowned.

"I know, Val, I know." Maria cradled her best friend like a baby. Never had she seen Valerie so vulnerable before. She wanted to wrap her up and keep her locked away from the world so she could never feel hurt again. But that wasn't possible.

-

The door to the house on Watery Lane slammed shut which caused Polly and Tommy to snap their heads toward it. "Jesus christ, boy, who has died?" Polly joked.

John ignored her and stormed through to his office.

"Whatever has happened, John, do not take it out on me!" Polly said sternly.

Tommy knew it had something to do with Valerie. "Did you tell her?" He asked his brother when he came back through to the room they were in.

"Tell who what?" Polly asked, looking between her two nephews.

"Yeah, Tom. I told her. And now she won't fucking talk to me!" John snapped, shoving a chair from the table. Polly wanted to scream at the pair for acting like children and ignoring her. "Will somebody explain to me what had happened?"

"John is marrying Esme Lee, Pol. And the whore that John had been sleeping with isn't too happy. Isn't that right?"

"Don't call her that."

Tommy forced his grin away and clicked his tongue off the roof of his mouth. "I'm just telling the truth, brother." Tommy shrugged.

After John stormed out, Polly gave Tommy that same old look that said if you don't tell me what is really going on i'll slap you silly.

But he didn't give in.

"Oh it's just our John being John, Pol." Tommy sighed.

And that night Valerie Black would lay staring at the ceiling with sore eyes and a sore heart. John Shelby would sit and attempt to smoke Tommy's pipe whilst he stayed downstairs drinking, wondering if losing Valerie in favour of his family was really worth it.

Valerie had never felt so god damn stupid. She felt embarrassed that she thought John Shelby really cared for her. It was a well known fact that the Shelby men didn't know how to treat women.

But Valerie believed he was different. And now that she had his baby growing inside of her, she truly felt stuck.

©-shelbysecret-

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Authors Note:

-Polly and Tommy are going to become Valerie's saviours. A little bit of Ada too.

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