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❝ i barely know who i am anymore. ❞

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CARINA LET OUT A FRUSTRATED groan, pulling herself up from her laid-down position to sit on the edge of her bed. Her honey eyes immediately sought out the window that showed the scenery she always adored.

The mother raised a hand to run it over her tired face, the loneliness getting more and more unbearable the longer she was left by herself.

It'd been over a week since Darth Vader had walked out on her after his need to deny what she was trying to make him see.

He was so blinded by what Palpatine had engraved into his mind, he couldn't see what was being laid out right before him. Carina knew that somewhere deep in his corrupted mind, he was aware of the lies he'd been told.

But Anakin's stubbornness always prevailed.

The brunette placed her head into her hands, slowly closing her eyes as she allowed herself to relive a memory from long ago.

Carina walked with one of the clones from her legion, in the midst of giving him orders for their next mission that they were supposed to set off for in a few hours.

"Master Yoda has requested we keep the details of our journey to ourselves for the time being." The Jedi Master informed her colleague.

The masked trooper nodded, "Understood, General."

Carina pulled her eyes away from him after having caught a glimpse of a green saber spinning around in the training room. The young adult met the troopers gaze once more, "I will meet you in the hangar."

The clone nodded before beginning to continue down the corridor as Algora treaded into the training room just as one of the blasts stunned Ahsoka, her body going limp as she blacked out.

Carina pursed her lips before approaching her husband who nodded to Rex who looked a bit worried for the padawan. "Is she getting better?" Anakin's attention immediately went to her as she joined his side, "She lasted five minutes without getting hit."

Algora smiled at that, "Good, in no time she'll be untouchable by a blaster." Anakin glanced down at his wife with a hidden glint in his bright eyes, "Care to join us?"

Carina gave him a half smile, "I leave soon. Master Yoda and Master Windu have set up a negotiation I need to handle." Anakin's expression fell ever so slightly, only two days ago he himself had arrived back and to hear Carina was the one now leaving upset him to say the least.

"Right." He softly trailed off his gaze shifting towards the ground beneath them. Algora noticed the small change in her lovers eyes, pursing her lips since she knew the frustration he must be feeling as she was feeling it too. The night before they had finally been able to sleep soundly in each others embrace and now she was off again without knowledge for how long.

Carina turned her head towards Rex and the other troopers who nodded their heads at her. The Jedi Knight smiled before glancing over at Ahsoka who still laid unconscious, "She'll get there."

Rex nodded in agreement, "Of that I have no doubt, General."

Algora lifted her eyes to meet Anakin's before beginning to excuse herself. The blonde Skywalker trailed after her, "I'll walk you out."

Carina fought the amused smile playing on her lips, "Real smooth, Ani." The Jedi Knight smiled softly at her, "Be safe out there." He whispered just as they approached the entrance to the training room.

The brunette nodded, "I will be."

Anakin clenched his fists as he fought back the urge to caress his wife, knowing Rex and the others were only a few feet away from them. Algora bowed her head slightly, "General Skywalker."

The blonde couldn't stop the grin that spread onto his lips, "General Algora." Carina chuckled softly under her breath, her eyes glimmering at her lover before she finally turned away from him as she began to make her way to her ship.

Carina reopened her eyes, her heart feeling heavy as the memory only served to remind her of what she lost.

The mother grew alert as the door to her chambers clicked open, catching her attention as her body went rigid only to slightly relax when she felt who had entered.

Vader's heavy breathing filled the room, the door shutting closed behind him as Carina turned to face him. "Thought you'd forgotten I was your prisoner for a second there." The brunette's voice cut through the heavy atmosphere.

"Carina."

The brunette tensed up again, her jaw clenching in agitation, "Don't say my name as long as you wear that mask. The distortion in your voice... I hate it."

Her hatred for that helmet only grew stronger each day, she couldn't bear looking at it for too long.

The man tilted his head upwards, falling silent upon what his wife had admitted. He never dared to take off his mask around anyone, no one had seen his true face since he first put on the mask. Yet the reasoning to which he hadn't taken his armor off before Carina was entirely different.

He was afraid.

Vader was truly terrified at the reaction his wife would have, taking off the part of him that he used as a shield for so many years now made him feel vulnerable— open. He knew the second he reopened that part of himself to Carina, there was no turning back. He would truly be at her mercy.

"Why are you here?" Carina's stern voice cut through his thoughts, regaining his attention as her dark eyes bore into his. Vader stood silent for a long moment, gathering his thoughts that had been scrambled over the past few days.

Algora grew more irritated the longer he simply stood there, not a single word leaving his mouth nor did he make any gesture that he'd even heard her. She knew precisely why he was there, knowing it of course had something to do with what she'd told him over a week ago.

She could feel the distress radiating off of him, he masked it well she noted, but Carina was able to pick him apart immediately.

"Is it really that hard to believe Palpatine manipulated you?" The brunette softly questioned, her brows pulled together with her eyes scanning his reaction to her words.

Vader clenched his fists at her words, his breathing picking up slightly. He couldn't remember the last time coming face to face with something left him to petrified. The man turned abruptly, ready to leave when he went to pull the handle to the door open— but it wouldn't budge.

Darth turned back around to see his wife with her jaw clenched, eyes narrowed as her hand twitched slightly at her side. "It's rude to walk out on someone who is trying to talk to you."

"Carina." He had started but immediately held in his words upon seeing her tense up as he said her name. The man let out a heavy sigh, "Ironic how now you want me to speak."

A flicker of emotion flashed across Algora's features before she quickly hid it, gritting her teeth as she scoffed out, "You know what, whatever. I don't care." A lie, an annoying little voice echoed in the back of her mind.

Vader took a hesitant step towards her, hating the way a part of herself was slightly on the defense. She was cautious around him— always watching his every move and he hated it. He hated it so incredibly much because he knew it meant she didn't trust him, that she thought at any given moment he'd attempt to hurt her.

He knew she had reason though, his mind wandering back to the time he allowed his hatred to consume him completely to not even realize it was his own love he'd hurt. The guilt weighed heavy on his heart, because never did he think he had the capacity to cause such damage to his wife.

And yet he had.

There was nothing he could to remedy that now and he had to pay the consequences for it. He would never regain the undying trust Carina once held in him— and that would always be what hurt him most.

"I don't know what to think." He finally spoke, giving Algora a small idea of what was roaming his mind. Carina pursed her tainted lips tightly, "Why? I know that some part of yourself feels the truth in what I am saying. Palpatine's been twisting your mind since day one, he turned you against everyone you loved. Why is that so hard to grasp?"

Vader raised his head, "Because it doesn't matter."

An incredulous expression settled onto Carina's features, her lips slightly parted as she blinked at him, "It doesn't matter? How does that not matter? It's the entire reason you and I are standing here right now."

Darth wasn't about to go into how his mind was spiraling at how everything he had done over the years meant nothing— how the entire reason he gave into his blazing anger and hatred was founded on a lie.

He couldn't simply take back all the damage he'd caused because he now felt guilty— no, he was too far gone. There was no point in it.

"Say something!" Carina shouted, her frustration beginning to get the better of her. Vader watched his wife's chest heave, slight curiosity coursing through him, "Why do you care? You demand me to believe it as if it would change anything."

Carina clamped her mouth shut, her chest rising as she breathed heavily. "Because it could change everything, you know that."

The man blinked at her, "Where is this coming from?"

The mother licked her lips, her own mind searching for the answer to her husbands question. Where was this coming from? She thought she had long given up on the man before her... but had she truly?

Carina was now the one who had fallen quiet, a single sentence floating around her mind but she refused to utter it. Vader took a small step towards her, watching the woman's reaction to it before inching closer towards the brunette.

Algora swallowed thickly before she tipped her head upwards to gaze up at the man who was a few feet away, but was closer then he ever had been before. She quickly took notice of how he pressed a button on his bulky suit, staying silent as she continued to study him before he softly spoke once more, "Why do you care, Carina?"

The woman felt her breath hitch in her throat, a lump forming as his voice echoed in her ears. He'd turned off his voice changer. She was left stunned in place, finally remembering what his real voice sounded like— after being left to hear a robotic distortion for too long.

Vader watched a small glint shimmer in her honey eyes in reaction to his true voice. The small effect made his chest tighten, taking the moment to relish in the fact that she still had some sort of reaction to him that wasn't negative.

Carina blinked rapidly, forcing herself to pull it together before swallowing thickly, "I don't." she whispered, embarrassed by the way she was reacting by simply hearing his voice again. She needed to get it together.

A small smile tugged on his lips behind the mask, another step towards her was taken— again he noticed how she didn't back away. "You're lying, Ina."

Now Carina could feel her heart thudding loudly in her ears. Ina. How many years it'd been since someone had used that nickname on her... much less him. Yet, hearing it come from him made a familiar spark ignite within her. She forced herself to push the feeling aside— she really hated how her heart reacted to him against her will.

"I'm not." She ushered, continuing to push her lie while he tilted his head at her, "Then why are you toying with your fingers?"

The brunette immediately looked down to see her index finger rubbing against the pad of her thumb, something she did when she was lying. She wasn't even sure why she did it, it was simply her bodies reaction to her dishonesty.

Carina slowly looked back up, her hands now clenched as a sudden overwhelming sensation took over. The true answer to his question lingering in some part of her mind.

Algora finally pulled herself out of whatever trance her mind had put her in before she took a large step back, placing more distance between themselves, "You should go." Her voice echoed through the room, her eyes now looking anywhere but at him.

Vader pulled away, treading closer to the door as he turned his voice moderator back on, glancing back slightly at his wife before leaving the chamber.

Carina let out a heavy breath, feeling out of air for no reason at all as she ran her fingers through her brown locks. Her mind tortured her with that one damned sentence she hadn't been able to tell him.

Everything would be different the second she spoke it, that much she knew.

What scared her was that she was truly beginning to believe it too.

I know there is good left in you.

―

Luke ran a hand over his face, getting up from his bed as R2 let out a beep, the blonde looked over at the droid before nodding, "Soon, R2."

The boy had been more at ease lately after the plan that was currently being made to rescue Carina. Yet Han still lingered in his mind, they had much work to do to get their team back together.

The doors to the Skywalker's room slid open, revealing Leia who walked in with her arms folded before her, "At least you're resting now."

Luke pulled his brows together in confusion before smiling slightly as she gestured towards the droid at his side, "I've had R2 keep tabs on you for me."

The boy rolled his eyes playfully, "Of course."

Leia paused for a moment, taking a moment to gather her thoughts before informing Luke of what was taking place at the moment, "The Imperial ship has been acquired."

Luke's expression immediately brightened up slightly, knowing they were finally getting closer to being able to rescue his mother.

Leia raised her head slightly, "I sent three star fighters to scan out the area where the star destroyer Carina's on is."

Luke's eyes widened, "What? Why didn't you send me? Especially knowing how risky that is."

"I need you here ready to pilot the Imperial ship, the pilots orders were to see how many ships are patrolling around the cruiser." Leia explained, carefully watching the blondes expression.

Luke nodded absentmindedly, "Okay."

The Organa girl pursed her lips tightly, "Luke," She hesitantly started off, "Are you sure you wanna go in there alone?"

The blonde Skywalker firmly nodded his head, "We can't risk anymore people, I'm already thinking about the way out of that death trap. I can manage on my own plus I'll have Carina with me once I find her."

Leia's gaze softened, Luke was beyond determined to get the brunette back. She didn't think she'd ever seen him so devoted to a plan before.

"Okay." Leia said, her head tilting slightly at the boy who, unbeknownst to either of them, was her brother, "You find Carina and you get out of there immediately."

Luke hummed in understanding, "I will."

Soft silence fell over the two, a nagging question pricking the girls mind.

"Luke, do you know if she's..." The princess trailed off, feeling a horrible sensation settle in her stomach upon what she was trying to ask the Jedi. She could barely bear the thought of the woman being gone.

Luke straightened up instinctively, "She's alive. I know she is. I can still feel her."

Leia nodded, allowing herself to find comfort in his words. The princess also needed Carina to be okay, because she didn't know what she'd do with herself if she wasn't.

"I'll have your ship readied for when it's time."

Luke reached for his lightsaber before slipping it into his utility belt while R2 let out a long distressed beep.

The blonde placed his gloved robotic hand upon the droid, "We're getting her back, I promise."

—

AUTHORS NOTE,
i have a love hate thing going on with this chapter rn BUT my motivation is back so expect more chapters soon my loves im so incredibly sorry for having fallen short on updates lately