❝ the past is a heavy burden ❞

―

WHITE WAS THE FIRST thing in Carina's sight as she slowly peered open her eyes, gazing up at the ceiling before blinking a few times to adjust to the bright lighting.

The Jedi Knight slowly began to pull herself upright, wincing slightly at the feeling of her head pounding as a slight ringing went off in her ears. She let out a soft groan, placing her fingertips to her brow bone, pausing for a moment as she felt a slight indent.

The brunette shuffled on the bed as everything flushed back into her mind, the fight with Dooku, Obi-Wan getting injured, her losing control of her emotions, and Anakin losing his arm. Carina's train of thought was disturbed as the door to her bedroom suddenly creaked open, the girl glanced up to see Anakin peeking his head in, eyes brightening up at the sight of her finally awake.

Carina clasped her hands together as the padawan strode into the room, taking a seat on the edge of the girls bed as concern laced his expression before he gently spoke, "How're you feeling?"

Carina tilted her head at the question as she averted her eyes to look down at the boys bandaged arm, "Me? What about you?"

Anakin gazed at his injury and shrugged in response, "I'll have the lost half of my arm back, I'm getting a mechanical one to be attached to me." Carina's lips made an O shape as she nodded in understanding, guilt flashing through her eyes as a frown tugged on her lips. Anakin caught of the act and firmly pursed his lips, "Don't."

The Jedi Knight looked up at the blonde, confusion written across her features as he continued, "Don't even try and blame yourself for this. It wasn't your fault, no one's but Dooku's."

Carina's gaze fell to her white comforter, fumbling with her hands as she nibbled on her lower lip, "I just— feel like I could've done something to prevent it."

Anakin's eyes went to the scar forming on the brunette's brow bone, extending his hand out as he delicately traced the healed scar, "I know what you mean, I should've been stronger." his chest tightened as he realized he hadn't been able to keep the girl from harm, anger bubbling up inside of him as Carina leaned into his touch and Anakin's gaze immediately softened at the gesture.

Carina let out a soft sigh, "We really got our asses handed to." Anakin gave the girl a look as he tucked a loose curl behind her ear, "You were a second away from finishing him off, Carina. More like Master Obi-Wan and I got our asses handed to."

The Jedi Knight chuckled at the blonde's response before leaning back, stretching her arms out as she let out a yawn. Carina rubbed her left eye as Anakin intently watched her, having a mental battle whether or not to voice his thoughts.

Anakin swallowed thickly as he hesitantly spoke up, "Did... did you mean what you said the other day?"

Carina furrowed her brows, "The other day? Wait— I've been out for days?" An amused smile spread across the padawan's lips as he nodded, "Three days."

Carina gaped at the male before her, processing what had just been told to her. "What the actual hell?"

Silence fell over the pair, tension could be felt in the atmosphere as Anakin contemplated his options. The blonde padawan made a move to stand from the bed but Carina instinctively reached her hand out, grasping the sleeve of his robe, "I meant it."

Anakin felt his heart pound in his chest as he slowly turned to gaze down at the Jedi, who held a vulnerable yet sincere glint in her eyes, "Every word and action."

Anakin's gaze flickered down to her parted lips, staying there for a moment too long as the bedroom door was suddenly swung open.

Carina was quick to let go of the padawan's sleeve as she clasped her hands together, wearing a composed look as Obi-Wan strutted into the room.

The Jedi Master gazed at the brunette, "How are you feeling?"

Carina mustered up a smile as she replied, "A bit lightheaded but I'm alright."

Obi-Wan glanced over at Anakin who was giving him an annoyed gaze before turning his attention back to the brunette who was fumbling with her hands.

Kenobi pressed his lips firmly together before speaking to his padawan, "Anakin, you are to head to the clinic to get your arm installed. They are waiting for you."

Anakin curtly nodded before looking back at Carina who didn't dare meet his eye with Obi-Wan in the room. He turned on his heel as he treaded out the room, closing the door shut behind himself.

Obi-Wan gave Carina a look and the girl tilted her head in confusion, "What?"

Kenobi shook his head before sighing out, "You two will always remain a mystery to me."

—

Carina paced around the front entrance to the clinic, lips pursed in concern as she awaited for the blonde boy to step out.

Carina pulled her robes closer to herself before she let out a sigh, anyone who knew the young Jedi Knight knew she was very impatient.

The brunette knew Anakin had told her it wasn't her fault, but she couldn't help feeling as if it was. She could have done something to prevent it, she could have stopped Dooku, but she hadn't. She wasn't strong enough, not until she lost control of her anger. An act she had thought she'd gained control over, but it seems she was back to square one.

Carina remembered how it felt, having that much hatred course through you. Feeling oneself focus on one thing and that thing only. The need to kill, that was her biggest impulse in those few seconds where she gave into her anger, allowing it to consume her.

Master Windu trained the brunette how to control oneself in such situations, but upon the sight of Anakin being so heavily injured, all rationality had left her mind.

Carina was pulled out of her thoughts as the door behind her opened, she spun on her heel, a smile spreading across her lips as Anakin stepped into sight.

The brunette quickly approached him as she began to sputter out, "Are you okay? How did it go?"

Anakin chuckled softly before raising his right arm, a mechanic forearm now replacing the one he had lost. Carina inspected the device, looking up at the padawan, her eyes holding a questioning glint.

Anakin understood what the brunette was asking as held his robotic hand out for her to hold. Carina touch was gentle and soft as she took ahold of the mechanic arm, the cool metal catching her by surprise as she held his hand.

Anakin watched the girl who held an intrigued glint. The young padawan was entranced at the sight and took a step closer to her.

Carina glanced up, peering into the icy blue eyes that were admiring her, "Did it hurt?"

Anakin shook his head, "No." the boy gazed down at her lips, he wanted to feel them on his own again. Her touch was able to bring him peace and comfort like nothing else could.

Carina tilted her head at him, confused as to why he was giving her such a look, "What?"

Anakin reached up with his other hand, caressing the girls cheek as he gently rested his forehead upon her own, "I've never been so happy."

Carina's chest tightened upon hearing such words, she parted her lips to speak but quickly realized they were in the middle of the hall where they could easily be seen.

The Jedi Knight took a few steps back, earning herself a disapproving hum from Anakin as she spoke, "We're in the middle of the hall."

"So?"

Carina have the boy a look, "You know we have to keep us a secret." Anakin couldn't stop the smile that graced his lips, "Us?"

Carina narrowed her eyes, "You're infuriating."

"I don't think you mean that."

"That ego of yours is truly troublesome."

"And what of yours?"

"I will knee you in your crotch."

"I'll stop talking now."

―

Carina sat in the middle of one of the meditation chambers, legs crossed with her eyes shut. She slowly inhaled and exhaled, attempting to clear her mind as she now worked on control of her emotions.

The last she wanted was for her to allow her anger to consume her, much less to the point where she would kill someone out of hatred.

"Not everyone is who they seem."

Carina's features twitched as the voice cooed in her mind, her brows furrowing ever so slightly as soft screams began to purge her mind. The Jedi Knight's breathing began to pick up, feeling herself become overwhelmed with the amount of death she could feel.

"Vader."

Carina let out a gasp as she broke out of her trance, panting heavily as her eyes scanned her surroundings. She swallowed a lump in her throat as she thought of what she had felt, and the tiny voice she heard that spoke of a name, Vader. Yet, who this Vader was remained a mystery to her.

The brunette shook her head as she stood from her place on the ground, adjusting her robes as she exited the chambers and strutted down the hall when a voice called out for her.

"Miss Algora."

The Jedi Knight stopped in her steps as she turned to see Chancellor Palpatine making his way towards her. The girl clasped her hands together as she slightly bowed her head in respect, "Chancellor, what can I do for you?"

Palpatine gave the girl a smile as he stepped into her side, the two now walking side by side as he spoke, "I heard what happened with Count Dooku."

Carina pursed her lips, "My sincere apologies, I allowed myself to be blinded—"

"There is no need to apologize, my young Jedi."

Confusion morphed onto Carina's expression as she glanced over at the male, "What?" Palpatine smiled, "Everyday you prove yourself to be stronger and stronger, you did what Master Kenobi and even young Skywalker could not."

Carina furrowed her brows as she crossed her arms over her chest whilst continuing to walk, "I almost killed Dooku out of spite, I would assume it is not an occasion to congratulate me on."

Palpatine thought of his words before speaking once again, "That would be correct, but seeing as you, a young Jedi who passed her trials not so long ago, was able to defeat a Sith Lord with immense experience, imagine how much stronger you would be with control over your anger."

Carina didn't know why she felt wary of what she was hearing, but to be polite she merely smiled, "Thank you, your excellency. Your words are always encouraging."

Palpatine gave the brunette a look and Carina shuffled rather awkwardly on her feet, "I must speak of a few things with Master Windu, so if you'll excuse me."

The Chancellor nodded in agreement, "Of course."

Carina continued down the hall on her own, brows knitted together as she attempted to understand why she felt the need to be cautious around Palpatine.

Little did she know.

―

AUTHORS NOTE, the next like 3-4 chapters are going to be pure improvisation before ROTS so bare with me