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TW// This chapter contains sensitive topics, including mentions of suicide. If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional or a local suicide hotline. Remember, there is help and support available. ‼️‼️

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↳ currently playing ;;
[Never felt so alone] - [labrinth]

By the time Friday arrived, it was just another normal day for Sora. However, that changed a little when he came.

"Mr. Park, welcome back," she said, giving him a smile as he walked towards the chair.

"Looks like you're expecting me," was the first thing he said as soon as he sat in front.

His eyes scanned her desk, and something caught his attention. "That thing wasn't there last time."

"I see you have a good memory," she said, taking the doll.

Jay did have a good memory, so good that he couldn't forget all the bad things that happened to him in the past, no matter how much he tried to.

"This is you, Mr park."

"What the fuck?"

she quickly looked at him, even though she suspect as much, she was still a bit taken aback by the fact that he really doesn't have filters when it comes to profanities.

"This is called Matryoshka dolls, most commonly known as Russian doll."

"And how the hell does it have something to do with me?"

sora smiled, placing the doll on the table in front of him. "Because this is not just a normal doll. If you take this out, you'll see another doll."

she took out a wooden figure, and then another and another until the doll decreased in size.

"It's a good representation of you, mr park," she said, taking the smallest doll. "And this is your core."

jay's disdain was evident in his face leaning back om his chair and folding his arms he scrunched his nose showing her that he does not like her words.

"You see, Mr. Park, as a psychologist, it is my duty to understand my patients until I reach their core." She put the dolls back together one by one.

"Just like this Russian doll, you have numerous layers, shells that protect your core." She tapped the wooden doll, and Jay tore his eyes from her to look back at it. "By allowing me to open each shell to reach your innermost core, I'll be able to help you."

"Fine," Jay said. "Whatever floats your boat."

She gave him another smile before composing herself, her demeanor changing slightly.

"So, Mr. Park, let's start our session," she said, leaning a bit closer, eyes locked to his brown hues. "Tell me anything."

Jay furrowed his brows. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything that's on your mind. Whether it's a thing, food, the weather, anything."

There was a momentary silence that seemed to linger longer than it actually did. Until Jay spoke.

"I think of death more than I do of life. I play heads and tails to choose my ending."

"There's always one bullet inside the revolver. I would spin the cylinder, and if I'm lucky, the bullet would be at the right place when I pull the trigger."

"One out of six," she said. "That's your chance of being lucky. Or unlucky."

By the fact that there is only one bullet, she knew he isn't exactly planning to die. Perhaps he wants to, but his resolve isn't too strong. Otherwise, he would have put all six bullets in there. Even if it's just one bullet that could potentially end it all.

"Dying, Mr. Park, what do you think about the word? Is it freedom? From this world, from the past, from the future, or from the present?"

"Everything at once," he said, looking straight into her eyes, his gaze clashing with her brown ones. "I suppose."

"While everyone has a reason to live, you believe you have a reason to die. What is that reason?"

"I want to be free."

"Free from what?"

He stares to the side, unable to answer her. Maybe because he doesn't know the answer or he doesn't trust her yet to open his heart, but he just chooses to tell her one word, one reality that has been dawning on him.

"The expectations from the past and the present."

"Then live."

"You do know that's easier said than done, right?" He chuckles coldly at her words, giving her a sarcastic answer.

"If it's harder to live, then would you not be torturing yourself more by living than dying?"

It feels like catching a fish by its own mouth, putting one tasty bait on the hook so it would be more willing to bite. Not to mention, it was Jay's own words that had Sora invading his mind, questioning his own thoughts.

It's not like she is gaslighting him; she is simply providing some rationality in his own reasoning.

"Mr. Park, what happened in your past?"

The look that passed through his eyes and the change in his gesture made her realize that he isn't going to tell her anytime soon.

Instead of answering, Jay took one layer of the wooden doll out, and Sora averted her gaze to look at it.

"Very well then, that's for another time," she concluded, glancing back at Jay and giving him a smile.

That "another time" came sooner than later, or perhaps sooner than Sora expected it to be. Not that she was expecting him to never show up again.

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i will never forgive him for this