__________________________

No one can rewrite the stars
How can you say you'll be mine?
Everything keeps us apart
And I'm not the one
You were meant to find

__________________________

YEOSANG

Yeosang used to be someone who felt every emotion so very deeply, as if his feelings were running through his veins - as if it was what kept him alive and going. He used to believe in the silly thing called love, maybe it had been from growing up in a loving and caring family, his parents' healthy and happy marriage being an inspiration to him. A motivation to find the same.

If there was one thing Yeosang had always wanted, it was to find true love himself. In his mind lived a foolish dream, of a fairytale life with a cheesy proposal from a man who would love him endlessly. But as years have gone by, he has learnt that love doesn't come easy. Not to him at least.

And for the first time in his life, Yeosang feels completely empty inside - and not only because of the drugs that keep his body from hurting after being crushed outside the airport. But maybe... Maybe the last spark of hope has finally left him?

But in the dark eyes that so anxiously are looking at him, in the dimmed light of the hospital room, he sees something reflecting - a glimpse of the hope he used to have himself.

"Yeosang... I'm Choi San and..." As his head tilts downwards the dark hair falls over his eyes, covering the hurt, but it still lingers in his voice as he goes on, "Even if you don't remember me now, I hope that you from this day forward will remember this; I love you, more than anything and anyone. And I will make things right, I promise you that."

A hesitant hand is reached towards Yeosang's, and he lets his own be embraced, fingers intertwined. His body is too weak to protest, but the warmth against his skin convinces him that he wouldn't want to anyway. San holds his hands tightly, as he sits down in the chair next to the hospital bed.

"I know I fucked up, a lot of times, probably more times than when I didn't... And I know I hurt you, even if I didn't mean to. I'm a fucked up being, but I want to change... I really do... So... I will tell you something that I've never told anyone before..."

San's eyes fall to the floor, as he continues on, starting from the day he lost his sister. Yeosang feels a lump forming in his throat, as he sees the tears well up in the dark eyes, and the story of how San's twin sister so tragically died when they were sixteen years old. A loss no one should ever feel in such a young age. But as the story goes on, Yeosang's heart breaks more and more.

Yeosang briefly looks at Hyunjin and Felix, who are standing like frozen by the end of the bed. A painful look is unfolding on both of their faces, as the story they never have heard either is being told with a shaking voice.

"My brother has always hated me, blaming me not only for stealing the attention from him when we were younger, but also getting all of Sana's love. She never got along with him, although he tried to force that strong sibling bond between them. When she passed away, he blamed me. It was my fault, I should've known better than to go to that party with her, I should've protected her. I should've been the one who died, not her."

San's brother had yelled hateful words at him every time they were home alone, he had beat San up at any given chance he got. The hatred from his brother and the pain of losing his sister had become too much for San to handle, resulting in one horrible decision in the darkest hour of his life. He slit his arm open, watched how the blood ran down onto the floor until he fell onto his knees in the middle of the red pool on the tiles. His mother had found him, crying and screaming, but her voice had faded as darkness took over.

He woke up in the hospital the day after, feeling weaker than ever and with no will to live on. A failed suicide attempt only proved that he was a failure at anything he set his mind to. His grades fell, and he lost all his friends at school as he shut them out one by one. His parents started to distance themselves from him, or maybe it was the other way around, but the therapy they sent him to - instead of ever talking with him themselves only hurt more than it helped him.

"My relationship with my parents never became the same again. My father was furious that I couldn't keep my focus on my studies and become something great, like he had always expected of me," San mumbles, rubbing his hands against each other, "Instead Sanggyu did that, lived up to all the high expectations he had avoided by living in the shadows of Sana and I."

His brother's hate only grew stronger as San became weaker by the day, at this point neither probably knew the actual reason why - maybe it was simply just something they both had gotten so used to that there was no other way of living.

"When I was nineteen, Sanggyu got engaged. My hate for him was so big it blinded anything else. I wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt me. So I slept with her... Seducing her was easier than expected, and to be honest he should be grateful that I saved him from a woman like her... After that living at home became even more unbearable, calling it pure hell would be an understatement, and I moved out."

The job at Cobra came unexpected but conveniently, it provided San with something to spend his time on, and a limitless opportunity of sleeping with any girl he wanted to. Alcohol, one-night stands and soon drugs, would become his everyday life, something he wouldn't even think twice about - or think of as a bad thing at all.

"I've hurt a lot of people, my family, my friends... You... I know you don't remember asking me, but I couldn't say the words you wanted me to that night at your place. I was a coward. And I ended up hurting you instead. Yeosang... If you'll ever come to remember me again, I hope you can forgive me for all I've done... Although I know I don't deserve it."

San moves his hand away from Yeosang's, to cover his face as his shoulders start shaking. Behind his hands, tears are falling - they might not be visible, but Yeosang knows they are there, just like the tears that are rolling down his own cheeks.

"San... I love you too," he whispers, his dry lips barely moving.

Within a second his eyes are captured by San's - and they stare deeply at each other, Yeosang feeling it in every part of his otherwise numb body.

"What? ... I-I thought you didn't remember me?" San dries his tears away, the confusion on his face is almost too much for Yeosang to handle.

Yeosang share a quick look with Felix, and both of them look at each other with a growing guilt in their eyes.

"I... I do, actually. Felix and I just talked before you came back, and... We kinda agreed that you needed a wake up call. I'm sorry."

"I can't believe this..." San whispers, his eyes staring at Yeosang but at the same time it's like they are looking straight through him. With the silence following, Yeosang feels even more guilty, and when San finally parts his lips to speak again, Yeosang fears what his next words will be. "I-I guess I needed this... Thank you."

San reaches out for Yeosang's hand again, holding it tightly in his own as their eyes connect. When a soft smile forms on his lips, Yeosang instantly smiles back - just as softly.

"We'll give you guys some privacy..." Hyunjin says, yanking Felix' sleeve as a sign for them to leave. Both of them are carrying the same look of surprise and relief of hearing San opening up like this, as they leave the hospital room.

"Can't believe you did that..." San mumbles, his fingers playing with Yeosang's. "Yeosang... I've never felt so scared in my entire life. I mean, after I got the news that you had woken up... But do you... Actually still love me, even after everything I did to you?"

"Well, you know... I'm pretty bad at getting over guys. Especially those who have acted like assholes," Yeosang chuckles, San replying with a small squeeze of his hand.

"Does it hurt too badly?" San then asks, his eyes shifting to the cast around Yeosang's other arm.

"I don't know, to be honest. I'm pretty drugged up right now..." Yeosang says with a small shrug. "Can't believe I've lived twenty-three years without breaking any bones... And look at me now..."

"You still look as beautiful as always."

"Are you going to go all cheesy on me now?"

"Maybe?" San laughs, "I honestly feel like a completely different person after I told you all that!"

The hope has only grown stronger in San's eyes, but Yeosang has to look away. Hope is a dangerous thing, and Yeosang has fallen for the false pretense of it too many times already. Wether he and San can make it work, is not for him to decide. They may have taken the first steps, San taking the biggest of the two of them, but the road ahead is still long and full of pitfalls.

Recovery will take a long time, for the both of them - in each their different ways. Love simply won't be enough, no matter how much Yeosang wishes that it would.

"I'm still moving back home, I need some time, San... And... If you really want us to be together, there is one thing you need to do..." Yeosang says, a wry smile forced over his lips as he can't even say the word out loud.

"I will. I promise," San nods slowly, luckily understanding what Yeosang means without him having to say that certain word.

In the silence between them, Yeosang prays that San will keep that promise. Most importantly for his own sake, and Yeosang hates that he can't stay by him on his road to recovery, but at the same time he knows it will be better for them to be apart until it's over. Until both of them are able to see clearly.

"It's for your own sake too, San..." Yeosang adds.

"I know."

When their eyes meet again, Yeosang wishes life would just be easier than this. That he could lean in and feel San's soft lips against his own again, and that their feelings for each other would fix all of their problems. But he knows this isn't the case, and the scary reality of the chance that they might not even end up together, is hurting deep in his heart.

And so, he holds onto San's hand, tighter than ever, as if letting go of it would mean letting go of the older all together. At least for tonight, they will be together, maybe for the last time ever.

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♫ Zac Efron & Zendaya - Rewrite the stars