____________________________

I never want to leave this sunset town
But one day the time may come
And I'll take you at your word
And carry on
I'll hate the goodbye
But I won't forget the good times

____________________________

YEOSANG

"Yeosang, don't make any rash decisions," Seonghwa mumbles, as Yeosang is about to leave the cab. For once the older chooses to keep his voice on the low, probably already aware that his advice won't be taken into consideration anyway.

"It's not rash if it's necessary..." With a long sigh, Yeosang opens the car door and steps outside. An apologetic smile, as sincere as he is able to force it to be, is send Seonghwa's way.

"Forget about San," Seonghwa adds, just as Yeosang is about to close the car door between them, "Don't let anything coming from such a toxic person affect you."

Yeosang nods as a response, knowing that Seonghwa is right, although actually doing as he is advised might not be as easy as a simple nod.

The sound of every step up the stairs inside the apartment complex, bounces back at him as waves filled with the reminder of what happened tonight. Just like every step resounds in his head, following along with his heavy heartbeat. The tears are aligned on the very edge of his lower lid, but he stubbornly holds them locked in place - this time being the hardest ever.

San's spiteful words are still clawing their way through the very last of his defenses, trying their best to take root in the soil of his bleeding heart. If only tonight had just been a horrible nightmare, if only those hateful, humiliating words had never seen the light of day. If only...

As soon as Yeosang has slammed the apartment door behind him, he falls to his knees - hesitant sobs turning into agonizing cries, rivers of tears that seem so endless he might drown in them. With his hand clenched against his chest, Yeosang gets up and staggers towards the bed, but even the softness of wrapping himself in the duvet doesn't feel comforting anymore.

With San already ignoring him prior to tonight, Yeosang couldn't have imagined things to get any worse. No calls, no texts, no contact at all since the night Yeosang had asked San if he loved him. And the silence had been worse than a no. But even with all those things happening beforehand, San still managed to tear him apart even more.

Maybe Seonghwa is right. San is toxic, his words are pure venom to Yeosang's mind and even thinking about him will only cause more harm. But Yeosang already knows he'll have a hard time getting over him. Or, perhaps it's the degrading realization of his own naivety that is the hardest after all?

✦

As the days pass by, Yeosang does his very best to keep his head high, but his impulsive idea of wanting to move back home is still standing stronger than anything else. Classes have been dreadful and in the end he even decides to just drop out. Maybe school isn't for him at the moment, and he will go back to London to work for a while, while sorting things out within himself.

While his mother is both concerned and thrilled to hear the news of him returning, and his father not saying too much, as always - Wendy seems more than skeptical.

"Sangie, what is going on?" she asks for the seventeenth time, one day over a Skype call.

"Nothing. I just miss being home. I guess Seoul just wasn't for me anyway," Yeosang lies, pulling a smile across his face, and hoping that the bad lighting will hide most of the falsity from shining through the camera lens.

"If you say so... Can't say I'm not happy to have you home again soon, though," Wendy says with a small shrug of her shoulders, "I need you to help me plan the wedding. If... You want to, of course."

Her careful, soft smile warms Yeosang's heart, but the worry is clear as day in her eyes as she looks at him.

"Of course," Yeosang smiles, and this time he actually means it, "I'd love to."

Love.

Love is strange. Nothing can make you as happy as love can - and nothing can hurt you like love.

Every night, when the moon is at its highest in the night's sky, and Yeosang has fallen asleep with the thought that he doesn't need San in his life - no matter how much it hurts, he wakes up to the brutal reality.

When he tosses and turns in his bed, reaches out towards the emptiness next to him where San used to be, he knows that the decision of moving is the right one. A small voice in his head has tried to convince him to stay, telling him that he should stop running away from all his problems - but in the end that voice doesn't stand a chance.

✦

"Please don't leave," Felix begs with big puppy eyes, this not being the first nor the last time the blonde will say those words. The coffee he had ordered is still left untouched, cold as well from standing still on the table for more than twenty minutes.

"Sorry, Felix," Yeosang mutters, "I just have to do it... But hey, you guys should come visit me in London. That'd be fun!"

Yeosang looks at both Felix and Hyunjin, the regret of agreeing to meet up with them is growing by the second. It's not that he doesn't want to hang out with them anymore, but even before meeting them today, he knew what would happen - he knew that they would be begging him not to move away.

"I'd love that," Hyunjin smiles, although a little weakly. The beam of sunshine that used to be his smile, maybe even his entire personality, has seemed clouded lately. And everyone knows why.

"So, how are you doing... Like in general?" Felix then asks, his question and eyes aimed at Yeosang, "Did you talk with... You know who?"

The look on Hyunjin's face changes within a second, and before Yeosang even gets to answer Felix' question, Hyunjin practically slams his hand against the small café table.

"Could we just not... Talk about him, please?" Hyunjin's teeth are gritted, when he forces the words out.

"Hyunjin..." Felix whispers, "Come on, man..."

"Don't come on me. Five years, Felix. We've been there for five years, and what did we get in return? Nothing but shit. And now he's hurt Yeosang too, so bad he is moving all the way across the globe? I've had enough."

Yeosang sinks down in his seat, afraid to interrupt the others' conversation, one he definitely doesn't want to be dragged into.

"Listen, I know we're all hurt here..."

"No! You don't know! Because I was the one picking him up from the gutter, literally. I know you've seen him shit faced one time too many too, Felix... But nine out of ten times, I was the one picking him up - and I never told you, because I didn't want to make you worry even more... I... I was the one picking him up at the hospital after he overdosed. Do you have any idea how fucking hard that was to do?"

Felix nods in silence, staring at the table while Hyunjin's eyes fill up with tears with every painful word he speaks - and every single one of those words hang onto each other, turning into a hurricane of hurt that captures Yeosang inside of it.

Yeosang has never heard about this before, he never knew things used to be that bad with San. Yes, he has seen the scars, he knew San has had problems with drugs before. But the person Hyunjin describes seems like a stranger Yeosang has never met before.

Not until recently, at least.

The San he used to know was nothing like that. Or, the San he thought he used to know... Maybe the idea of San, of who he could be, was the one Yeosang had fallen in love with. And when the true San finally showed himself, it was clear that they were never meant to be together.

"I-I'm sorry..." Hyunjin whispers, his lower lip trembling as he rises from his chair and hurries towards the bathrooms.

"I.... I'm sorry too... I didn't mean for this day to turn into this..." Felix mumbles quietly, his eyes still staring directly at the wooden table.

"No, don't..." Yeosang clears his throat several times, but the lump that has gradually grown inside of it won't go away. In the end his voice is as thin as paper when it anxiously flows out between his lips, "Don't worry about it..."

Despite the friends' last meet up started off quite shaky, it slowly turns to the better when Hyunjin has returned back from the bathroom. Even smiles and laughter are shared over the small table, and the cold coffee, and Yeosang feels truly sad that he has to leave such great friends.

"I'm going to miss you guys so much," he says with a wry smile, as they are about to part ways outside the coffee shop. "Thank you for always being so kind to me."

And with the exchange of long, warm hugs Yeosang says goodbye to the others before walking down the street by himself. The decision of moving away feels more than a necessity than a need after the bittersweet goodbye, but it's too late for him to change his mind now.

✦

The bags are packed, and the things he couldn't fit into them will be send over later. Yeosang is ready to say goodbye to his unexpectedly short life in Seoul. The heavy luggage he is carrying in his mind is something he desperately has tried turning to the better. At least he finally got over Taeyong, and deep down he feels like he has learned a lot of things about himself as well. Maybe his move here wasn't so stupid after all... No matter what, Yeosang has decided it's time for him to stop making stupid decisions, time to focus on himself and not waste his time with bullshit. Like falling in love.

While crossing the road, the heavy suitcase dragged behind him, Yeosang walks with fast steps trying his best to hold onto his passport and the many papers he has printed out just to be safe. But just as he is about to reach the other side, the wind suddenly intensifies and catches a hold of the papers in his hand. In the middle of his own panic, he briefly loses focus - but it is more than enough for catastrophe to happen.

The sound of car wheels screeching against the concrete is the last thing he hears before everything turns into darkness.

Complete, silent, darkness.

________________________
♫ All Time Low - Good times

(A/N: this is one of my absolute fav. songs btw. <3)