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Kiss it off me
If you're gonna break my heart
This is a good start
Kiss it off me

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YEOSANG

"I-I need to sleep..." Yeosang mumbles, his face already snuggled into the soft pillow, ready to fall asleep. "I have classes in the morning..."

His complaint seems to be overheard, and the small whimper that comes from him is being swallowed by San's lips on his own. The older bites and teases Yeosang's lower lip, causing him to let out a quiet moan and open his mouth for him.

"I need to feel you," San whispers against Yeosang's lips.

Yeosang's eyelids are heavy, but his body slowly starts to respond to San's touch and kisses. With both of them lying on their sides, face to face, San wraps his arm around Yeosang's waist - slowly moving his hand down to squeeze the younger's butt.

"Don't you want me?" San then breathes between their lips meeting and parting.

His fingers slip up underneath Yeosang's boxers, the only piece of clothing he is wearing, and Yeosang whines into the kiss. Ever since they came back from Hawaii, San has spent almost every night at Yeosang's place. But the last couple of days, something has seemed different. Yeosang can't quite figure out what it is, but San has started to feel a little distant - even when they are lying so close together in bed.

"Don't you?" San repeats, biting harder into Yeosang's lip.

"Y-yes," Yeosang cries out, only a second before San's tongue fills out his mouth.

Their tongues swirl around each other, while San pushes Yeosang to lie on his back. He grabs Yeosang by the wrists, pinning his hands above his head on the mattress, and rubs his knee against the younger's crotch.

Yeosang closes his eyes, giving in to the heated kisses and the touch between his legs - although the touch is even more aggressive than usual. The grip around his wrists tightens, as San starts grinding his own body against Yeosang's. 

"I'm going to fuck you so hard tonight," San mumbles, as his wet lips travel down Yeosang's jaw and neck. "So fucking hard."

The look in his eyes is different, darker, and Yeosang wishes he knew what was going on. No matter how hard he tries, he can't find the soft spark that he had seen in San's eyes when they were in Hawaii. Nothing seems soft anymore. They had shared a couple of nights of cuddles and something that could probably be labeled as love-making instead of fucking, since they came back, but this isn't what has happened recently.

Yeosang buries his face in the pillow, heart is beating in his chest that is pressed against the mattress, as San has prepped both of them and starts to push himself inside. With the mixture of pleasure of pain rushing through him, Yeosang begins to pant heavily. San's hands on his hips are holding him still, as he whimpers into the pillow while being stretched out even further.

San's nails are digging into the skin around Yeosang's hips, but the pain is overpowered by the painful feeling of the hard thrusts that makes Yeosang's entire body tremble. It always hurts a little in the beginning, but intense pleasure should take over for the pain - but it isn't the case today.

Yeosang bites his lower lip, he doesn't want San to stop - but at the same time everything just feels so strange. He used to love it, when San fucked him hard. But not like this... Something is wrong.

Their bodies slam together, harder each time, and while his lower region is filled out with San's hard cock, his mind is exploding with a million thoughts at once.

"Why are you going soft on me?" San leans down to mumble in Yeosang's ear, noticing the clear indication that Yeosang might not be enjoying it just as much.

"I..." But Yeosang can't come up with a good explanation, not even to himself.

He pinches his eyes closed, trying to shut out all the frustrating thoughts in his head, and just give into the moment. He loves San, and he loves to feel his body against his own - why can't he just enjoy this?

"Okay. Whatever."

San suddenly lets go of him, promptly pulling out, and with a agitated sigh he rolls out of bed. The empty condom is throw into the small trash can next to Yeosang's desk, when San makes his way to the window. Yeosang lets his body fall onto the mattress, turning to watch San put on his boxers and shirt before lighting a cigarette by the now open window.

"San? What is going on?"

With the question dangling between them, Yeosang anxiously watches the older.

"I could ask you the same?" San replies, staring out the window.

The smoke is flowing from his lips, dancing in front of his face before disappearing into the wind. As Yeosang watches him, he slowly realizes that this is exactly how San is; something to feel, to see - but never actually touch. He is right there, so close, but yet so far away.

Maybe the thing that Yeosang had dared to believe was mutual love, is turning out to be nothing at all - nothing but smoke taken away by the wind.

A knock on the door causes both of them to look in the same direction, and with a quick wondering peek at his phone, Yeosang gets out of bed. It's late already, and he definitely isn't expecting anyone. On the way to the door, he gets dressed the best he can.

"T-Taeyong? What are you doing here?" Yeosang asks in surprise, when the person outside is standing face to face with him.

"I came to talk to you. I apologize for never calling you back. Things are... Complicated, Yeosang..." Taeyong responds, his hands resting in the pockets of his long coat, and his eyes look red and tired.

"When did you come back to Korea?"

"Just now."

Yeosang's eyes fall to the floor, staring intensely at his own feet as he feels lost like never before. He hasn't heard from Taeyong in weeks, and he had started to assume that they were over. Slowly, he raises his head, to let their eyes meet - but a hand is grabbing him by the shoulder and the situation escalates within a second.

"Stay away from him!" San growls, shoving Yeosang aside.

Taeyong frowns, his eyes shifting between San and Yeosang, who is standing surprised at the side - slightly worried by the fury burning in San's eyes.

"What are you doing here?" Taeyong scoffs, remaining in the same spot and not letting San's rage intimidate him at all.

"Doing what you couldn't, taking care of Yeosang. If I see your face around here again, I'll make you regret it!" San sneers through his gritted teeth.

His hands are clenching into closed fists, and Yeosang watches in despair. Yeosang has never seen that look that is showing in San's eyes, like he wants to kill something - or someone.

"S-San..." Yeosang quietly whispers, instantly earning an angry side eyeing glare from the older, which made him close his mouth again, right away.

"Why don't you let Yeosang talk for himself, San?"

"Because he's got nothing to say to you! He never  wanted to get back with you, so just fuck off!"

"Really? That isn't quite the impression I got, when we were alone."

Various emotions start to roam around inside Yeosang, as he stands next to the two - listening to them argue. But none of the words that are spoken seems to hold any actual affection towards him. And it hurts, so bad.

"Stop it!" Yeosang suddenly cries out, "You need to leave!"

Both San and Taeyong finally stops shouting at each other, and they turn to look at Yeosang who is shaking, with tears in his eyes.

"Yeosang..." Taeyong's voice softens up, but when he tries to reach out for Yeosang, his hand only grabs a hold on the air.

"I said, leave!" Yeosang shouts, heart in his throat.

Taeyong raises a brow, but he eventually - for once - seems to respect Yeosang's wish and walks away without saying anything else.

"Why did he show up? Did you invite him?" San asks, still looking as furious as ever, but Yeosang has had enough by now.

"When I said I want you to leave, I meant the both of you!" he mumbles, briefly losing the determination when he looks into San's eyes.

"What? I was trying to help you! He doesn't see you as anything but something to play with!" San says, rolling his eyes, stepping forward to pull Yeosang into his arms.

"No!" Yeosang snaps, pulling away from San's touch, "And how are you any different anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

Yeosang stares into San's eyes, deeper than ever before, trying - praying - to find the answer he wants without having to ask the actual question.

San looks back at him, a dark frown on his gorgeous face, but his eyes are cold. Yeosang feels the words pushing their way up inside his throat, fighting to get out although he wants to keep them in.

"San... Do you love me?"

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♫ Cigarettes after Sex - Kiss it off me