________________________

You keep me alive
On the edge of tonight
Chasing tomorrow
With fire in my eyes

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SAN

San drags Yeosang towards the bar, his own eyes wandering across the event hall on the way. Everyone around him seems like a completely different species; the way they walk, talk, dress – everything. San has never felt more out of place in his life, but he will do whatever it takes to hide the fact that he doesn't fit in at all – to keep up the act of him being, not only worthy to be here but also the chosen one of Yeosang's heart.

"Hi, can I order two Sazeracs, please?" San asks the bartender, deliberately going for something strong to calm both his and Yeosang's nerves.

Yeosang is standing next to him at the bar, anxiously tapping his fingertips against the counter, while scanning the room with an almost terrified look on his face. He keeps trying to blow a lock of hair away from his face, and every time it fails he makes a quick frown but nothing else than that. His nervous behavior is soon starting to rub off on San as well.

"Here," San says, handing the younger a drink, "you need this. We both do, I guess."

"Thanks..." the word is barely verbal, as Yeosang takes the glass and downs half of it in one go.

"Okay, I know I said we need to get you drunk. But, you've got to slow down a bit," San chuckles, remembering how much of a lightweight Yeosang is when it comes to alcohol.

Yeosang just glares at him over the edge of the cocktail glass, but he reluctantly puts it down again. San looks at him, with a smile growing on his face. Yeosang looks too good to be true tonight, and San regrets not having complimented him earlier. But as he opens mouth, to tell Yeosang just how amazing he looks, the younger's face changes drastically. His eyes are staring at something behind San, who already knows what's happening.

With a deep inhalation, San turns to look behind him.

Everything happens as in slow-motion, when this tall, slender figure is coming towards them – it might just be in San's head, but he swears that the crowd divides around the guy, as if he was pure royalty. San recognizes him right away, even though he's only seen that one photo on Yeosang's phone.

Lee Taeyong. And he looks even more perfect in real life.

"Yeosang. I'm so happy to see you," Taeyong says, speaking in what might be the most upper-class, face-punch-inviting voice San has ever heard, and he cringes by the very sound of it.

The second Taeyong leans in and embraces Yeosang in a hug, an intense feeling of rage rushes through San, and his hands are itching from wanting to just grab Yeosang and drag him away. When Taeyong lets go again, Yeosang is left standing, pale as a ghost and with lips parted as if he wants to speak – but no words are coming out.

"Hi, I'm Choi San, and you are?" San cuts in, stepping in between Yeosang and Taeyong, which makes the latter look at him in surprise.

"I'm Lee Taeyong." Taeyong's voice remains polite, as he turns to look at San, but the look in his eyes is cold as ice. 

"Oh. Nice to meet you," San says, with a sugar sweet smile that almost hurts his face, "and how do you know my wonderful boyfriend?"

An evanescent frown runs across Taeyong's perfect face, as the word "boyfriend" lingers in the air between them. He side-eyes Yeosang before looking at San again.

"Yeosang and I go way back," Taeyong simply replies, although through gritted teeth, "so... You're his new boyfriend? How very lovely."

"Yes, it truly is."

San feels absolutely victorious when Taeyong can't seem to keep up his perfect facade anymore, and the shadow that has laid over his face only fuels San to keep on going. Is there anything better than getting to piss off some rich kid?

"I'm the luckiest guy in the world. He's just so amazing, isn't he?" San then says, leaning in closer against Yeosang and wrapping both arms around him. "And I'd be a fool if I ever let go of him."

With his fingers stroking against Yeosang's jawline, their eyes meet and San doesn't even realize how he starts to smile softly, looking into the younger's eyes.

"Just look at this face," San whispers, the sincere tone in his voice enhancing the smile on his face, "how can someone not fall in love with him?"

Yeosang looks back at him, the brown eyes shining like the evening sun resting over the ocean waves, and San catches himself thinking that he wouldn't mind watching that sight forever. To dance in the beautiful waves of Yeosang's eyes.

"Well. I should get back..." Taeyong's cold voice cuts through, not taking his eyes of them for one second, before he turns around and walks away.

"So... I can't be romantic, is that what you said?" San chuckles, as soon as Taeyong is out of sight.

"Fine, I take that back," Yeosang replies, "because that was perfect."

✧

Yeosang's soft laughter runs through San's ears like the sweetest music, and he can't even remember why he used to despise the younger. It might just be all the champagne and drinks talking, but Yeosang looks so mesmerizing tonight, and it is hard for San to take his eyes away from him. Their fake-relationship sure comes in handy in this situation, saving San from looking like a complete, obsessed creep.

While sipping from the crystal champagne flute in his hand, San silently watches how Yeosang and Wendy are talking next to him. With the golden bobbles tickling down his throat, San feels even more captivated, when Yeosang sends him a cute smile.

"Are you having fun?" Yeosang asks as Wendy has left again, to go talk to the other guests.

San just looks at him, completely lost, and an awkward silence slowly sneaks up on them. A quick shake of his head, helps San come back to his senses. This is all just pretend, but he surely is doing a great job so far.

"I'm getting drunk, at least," San mumbles, his lips resting against the thin glass.

Yeosang snickers while shaking his head, his brown hair swaying in front of his face, and San suddenly leans in to gently brush it away. With one hand resting on Yeosang's cheek, something inside of San is screaming for him to let their lips meet in a kiss.

But just as quick as this surprising moment has occurred, just as fast has it passed away.

"Yeosang, San," Taeyong's voice sends shivers down San's back, "I hope you're enjoying yourself. I didn't get the chance to introduce you to my wife earlier."

San's eyes shift between Yeosang and the couple coming towards them. The younger's face instantly changes, his eyes glued to the floor and his lower lip trembling – not that much, but enough for San to notice, and the effect that Taeyong has is nothing but infuriating.

"It's lovely to meet you both, I'm Joy," the young woman smiles, and just as everyone else here – her politeness is too polished to be real.

"My love, this is Kang Yeosang, he's an old friend of mine," Taeyong says, emphasizing the word 'friend' as he gestures towards Yeosang who is frozen in his spot, arms hanging lifelessly down the sides.

"Well, I could use a smoke. Let's go, baby," San cuts through the heavy tension, repeatedly telling himself that murder is illegal and that he'd never survive in jail. He glares at Taeyong, while intertwining his fingers with Yeosang's. "It was so nice to meet you though. Excuse us."

San drags Yeosang away with fast steps, searching for a smoking area of some sort. He didn't lie about the smoking part; he most definitely needs it to calm down again.

"What am I even trying to do here..." Yeosang mumbles as they are standing outside the hotel.

While the smoke is dancing in front of his face, San turns to look at Yeosang who is staring out into the night, tears in his eyes. When he keeps repeating how big of an idiot he is, trying to make Taeyong jealous like this, San throws the cigarette on the ground and wraps his arms around him.

"Stop saying that," San softly smiles, "you are not an idiot."

"I am... I really am. What was I thinking? I'm so stupid. He doesn't even care about me..."

"Yeosang, stop it! I'm serious. That guy is not worth it. Have you heard him talk? You should be thankful you got away from him, he might be the most annoying person ever, and you already know how I feel about Seonghwa. But Taeyong is like, a million times worse!" San gently nudges his forehead against Yeosang's, trying to make him smile.

"Thanks..." Yeosang says, with wry smile, "and thanks for everything you've done. I actually thought he got jealous, but I guess I was wrong."

"What are you talking about? He got mad jealous! Why do you think he had to shove his stupid fake-wife in your face?"

"You're just making things up now..." Yeosang then says, not that easy to convince. "Also, why are you holding me? No one can see us out here anyway?"

"Right..." The thought hasn't hit San before, but as he realizes what he is doing, he quickly removes himself from Yeosang and takes a step to the side. "Should we go back inside?"

✧

"I don't know what you're talking about, but Taeyong is staring at us all the time," San whispers against Yeosang's ear, "I'd say this is working just fine."

Yeosang just shrugs his shoulders, emptying another glass of champagne. His eyes just blankly staring at the musicians in the live band, performing classic love songs for the guests.

"Come." San rises from his chair, reaching a hand out towards Yeosang who just looks confused at him.

"Where?"

"Let's go dance," San smiles.

Yeosang seems a bit hesitant at first, but he eventually nods and accepts San's offer – and his hand.

San rests his forehead against Yeosang's, as they are slow-dancing closely to each other. Although they are surrounded by many other couples, San doesn't even notice. As the light dims down, he carefully leads Yeosang towards one of the corners, but still making sure that they are in sight from where Taeyong is sitting.

"Taeyong is staring at us again. I'm going to kiss you now, don't freak out, okay?" San whispers.

"Okay..."

It feels like it's the very first kiss they ever share; Yeosang's lips are smoother than ever before, and the kiss is gentle, soft, nothing like any other kiss San has ever had in his entire life. He slowly parts his lips, patiently waiting for Yeosang to do the same, and as it happens San cups the younger's cheeks with his hands while letting their tongues connect.

Yeosang hums softly into San's mouth, and memories of when he last did that, storms around in San's mind; how he had looked so amazing lying all naked on the bed, only for San to look at, and to touch.

But despite that being a great memory, it is far from what San wants tonight. Tonight he just wants these soft kisses. Yeosang slowly puts his arms around San's neck, their bodies moving so closely as they slowly sway to the music, and their lips locked together.

As the song ends, and everyone stops dancing to applaud the band, it feels like waking up from a dream. San feels out of breath, when he looks at Yeosang standing in front of him. A persistent thought keeps wanting to pop into his head, but he tries to keep it out. It doesn't make sense at all.

Because, even though the kiss didn't mean anything, it now feels like San's entire world is both complete and falling apart at the same time.

"Yeosang. I'm sorry but... Can I have a word with you? Please?"

San and Yeosang both turn at the same time to look at Taeyong standing next to them. Suddenly he doesn't look as cold and mean as earlier, instead he looks somewhat vulnerable and hurt.

"I... Sure, yeah... If... Is it okay with you?" Yeosang looks hesitantly at San.

And although San wants to say nothing else than no, he suddenly can't. Yeosang isn't his, and despite whatever they tried to portray tonight, Yeosang is a grown-up who can make his own decisions. And from what San can hear, he wants to go talk with Taeyong.

"Sure..." San mumbles, sucking his lower lip in to bite it - to prevent himself from screaming.

"Meet me in the lobby in ten minutes then," Taeyong says, before walking away.

San notices how Yeosang's eyes follows Taeyong as he leaves, and it feels like a knife in San's heart. He intensely looks at Yeosang, fighting his urge to just pull him into his arms again and tell him to stay. But he can't, instead he forces himself to fake a smile.

"Yeosang... Be careful, okay?" The wry smile on his lips is fighting to be let go of, and it doesn't cover up the sadness in his eyes.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Yeosang chuckles, his eyes lightening up in the cutest, wondering way.

"Because..." San's voice fails him, as he looks into Yeosang's eyes.

The words get caught in his throat, stumbling over each other to get out. But while nothing but silence is leaving his lips, the thoughts are going wild inside his mind. When Yeosang tilts his head slightly to the left, waiting for San to answer - everything stops, and San finally sees things clearly. And he sees Yeosang clearer than anything else.

Because, you're the most beautiful person I've ever seen.

"I..." San parts his lips in attempt to finish his sentence, but fails once again. The words he wants to speak are unwanted and unasked for anyway.

Because, I don't want you to leave with him.

"Because, you... Erm... You have a loose eyelash on your cheek," San pulls a wide grin, the fakest he ever has, as he leans towards the younger and gently flicks the non-existing stray lash away from the soft skin.

"Okay, thanks?" Yeosang smiles, before taking a deep breath. His cheeks starting to change into an adorable rosy shade, and his lips curl up in a shy, anticipating smile, but San knows it isn't because of him. And it hurts.

"I'll be right back, okay?" Yeosang then says, before turning around and walking towards the door.

San watches him leave in silence, he couldn't have made him stay anyway. Pain is rapidly growing inside of him, almost enough for him to fall onto his knees, but he fights to keep his feelings hidden inside. A persistent tear won't leave him alone though, and as he turns around he quickly wipes it away, biting his lower lip in pure agony.

"Fuck..." San mumbles to himself, as the realization of his feelings hits him like a wall to the face.

Because, I'm falling in love with you.

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♫ All time Low - Edge of Tonight