A/N: I'm dedicating this chapter to someone who's truly amazing, and who deserves all good things in the world! This one's for you my love;; Teal_Sakura 💞

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Ask for forever
When the end is in sight
Showing what you want to
We're looking for light
Inside an ocean of night
But will we ever see it through?

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YEOSANG

"What about this one? No, I look kind of fat in this one, right?"

Yeosang is resting his chin against his palm, as he watches Wendy through their video call on Skype. She has been showing him a hundred dresses already, trying to choose one to wear at her upcoming engagement party. Her brown, curly hair has become messy from all the clothes she has pulled over her head, but she frantically goes on.

"Wendy, you don't look fat no matter what you wear," Yeosang tries to assure her, but she just shakes her head at him before disappearing out of the frame.

"Okay, I have another one. Hold on," her voice calls out from the side, and the sound of shopping bags being tossed around is heard as well – the fancy paper kind, not the plastic ones, of course.

"Alright, this one?" Wendy returns to the screen, wearing another beautiful outfit. "This is from the new Chanel spring/summer collection. I know, I know, it's a little bit casual but I just like the silhouette so much."

She does a quick twirl in front of the camera to show off the outfit, and Yeosang is convinced that Wendy has no clue what the word causal actually means.

"Honestly, all of them are great," Yeosang mumbles, drawing circles on the table with his index finger.

His mind is in a completely different place than trying to help his friend pick out clothes. The shame of what he did last night won't leave him alone, even after an endless, steaming hot shower and several minutes of staring at the ceiling trying to calm himself down.

Sex is a natural thing; he shouldn't feel so guilty of wanting it too. Even if it once again happened with someone like San. Yeosang fears that San is slowly becoming his greatest weakness. Whenever the older comes close to him, he loses all self-control and all he wants is to satisfy the craving for feeling San on top of him, to be pounded hard into the mattress and lose himself in the moment of pure lust. Just thinking about it makes Yeosang's body heat up, and he hates how he can't seem to control it at all.

"Sangie?"

"I... I'm sorry, what?" Yeosang looks at the screen, only now realizing he had been drifting off in his own thoughts.

Wendy has sat down in front of the table, which her own laptop is positioned on, and she tilts her head slightly to the side while looking at him through the screen.

"Are you okay?" she asks, and Yeosang isn't sure how to respond to her question.

"I... Yeah... Sure..." the hesitant mumble couldn't possibly sound less genuine, but how could he ever lie to her anyway?

"You don't seem okay though? What's going on? Is it the engagement party?"

Yeosang's eyes widen up and his lips part as he sharply inhales in surprise. The engagement party. He has been too caught up in the worry about the thing with San that his brain seemingly has forgotten the fear of having to face his perfect ex again.

'Well, now it is,' he thinks to himself as he sucks his lower lip in to bite it, while the thoughts are storming through his mind like a hurricane.

"Kinda, yeah..." he then says, finding her eyes through the screen again.

Wendy purses her lips while she slowly nods a few times. She nervously plays with a lock of her brown hair, making the diamond ring on her finger sparkle so beautifully when the light hits it.

The sight of it causes a lump to grow in Yeosang's throat. This is what he had wanted himself. Love. Real, true love, with someone special. With Taeyong. The one who lifted him up, helped him out of the darkest time in his life. Now he regrets his decision of breaking up more than ever.

Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad to continue their relationship even though it would mean they'd never be official. At least he would have someone to love, and to love him back.

Now, he is left with this... Meaningless hook-ups with someone he doesn't even like that much. Yes, San is gorgeous, he is sexy as hell and he most definitely knows what he is doing in bed. But Yeosang doesn't feel anything else than the desire for the other's body against his own. And it scares him.

"Sangie..." Wendy's soft voice cuts through his thoughts once again, "I know it's hard. I know... Just remember, he didn't deserve you anyway. If he did, he would never have treated you like that, he would never have let you go."

Yeosang looks at her with a wry smile, and all he wishes for is for them to be in the same room. To nuzzle his face into her long hair, inhale the familiar, sweet scent of Coco Mademoiselle, which has been Wendy's favorite fragrance for years, and cry his heart out against her shoulder. As he used to. A small tear escapes from his eye, as he watches Wendy's looking so worriedly at him.

"Thanks," he then sniffles, quickly wiping the tears away and clearing his throat at the same time. "I love you, Wendy. I wish I was straight, then I could've married you," he adds with a small laugh.

"Well, sometimes I doubt you're actually gay, Sangs. You're no help in picking out clothing! Are you sure you're gay?" Wendy smiles as she also wipes a tear away with her perfectly manicured nail.

"Pretty sure, unfortunately," Yeosang replies, and both of them slowly burst into a giggle.

"I know you'll meet someone amazing someday, someone who deserves you. Forget about Taeyong, he's..." Wendy quickly leans back in the chair, assumingly to make sure Jaehyun isn't in hearing range. "He's an asshole. I know we are going to be family soon, but seriously? Sometimes I want to punch him in his face."

Wendy furrows her brows and her lips form into a dissatisfied pout over her soon-to-be family member. Yeosang smiles in appreciation of her support, and a quiet chuckle leaves his lips as he imagines Wendy smacking Taeyong in his perfect face.

"You know... I could set you up with a date for the engagement party?" she suddenly says, her eyes lighting up immediately, "I have just the guy for you!"

"Oh..." Yeosang flinches back in the chair, unsure what to do this with sudden offer. "I-I..."

Various scenarios flash before his eyes. Sure, he could show up without a date and have to face Taeyong and Joy looking so nauseously happy together, alone. Or he could, apparently, go there with a complete stranger. Yeosang taps his fingers against his forehead while he thinks things over. If only he had used his time getting out there to meet someone new, instead of wasting it on being sulky in his room.

"It's okay," he finally says, "I-I don't need a date. But thanks."

"Sure... I'll keep the plus-one open for you though, in case you meet someone. There's still one month to go, and when you first get out on the market again, the guys will be all over you. You're amazing, Sangie. Remember that, always! Okay?"

"So are you, Wendy. Jaehyun is a lucky guy and if he ever hurts you, I'll kick his ass!"

"Oh... Yeah... Thanks," Wendy snickers, covering her mouth with her hand as she bursts into laughter.

"What? You don't think I can take him?" Yeosang gasps, holding his hand on his chest as he pretends to be offended by his friend's doubt in his strength. But she is  right though.

As they continue their conversation, and Wendy gets back to showing even more dresses to choose between, Yeosang's mind feels a little less heavy. One month, he has one month to find a date – or at least try to get over Taeyong as much as possible.

But why is falling in love so easy, when letting go is damn so hard?

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♫ CHVRCHES - Miracle