CHAPTER FIFTEEN
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⠀The peculiar woman was staring me down, not taking any notice of the walkers that were slowly licking at the air around her. They snarled, clawed, but like the woman right in front of them, took no notice of the perfectly good piece of meat right next to them. They simply wanted me on the other side of the fence

⠀I didn't want to turn my back or take my eyes away from her. A once alive human is less frightening than a breathing one. But as I stood so far from her, she looked just like the others. She was a walker for all I could tell. My eyes felt scorched under the midday sun, and the flares of that star stopped me from fully taking in what I was seeing. And the heat in the air made the lines of her figure churn like I was visioning Monet.

⠀The sharp blades of grass beneath my boots squirmed together and made a sound, and I wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't for another noise making its way towards me. Despite my best intentions to keep this stranger in my line of sights, I turned my eyes over my shoulder and was slightly taken aback as Rick made his way down the hill as I had done. His steps were calculated, and unsure.

⠀I stepped to my left, letting him take the space I was once consuming.

⠀"Rick?" I almost gasped, not sure how to react to his sudden, unlocked presence. He simply gave a glance to me, then resumed to look at the woman on the other side of the fence.

⠀Deciding to leave any deep, fragile discussions for a better time, I continued with him. And this time, the woman didn't know who to look at for longer. I wondered whether she was trying to figure out who was in charge. She found me simply on the opposite end of her situation, and Rick wasn't the only one to look at. I simply pondered on the thought of what exactly she was reading in Rick and I's eyes.

⠀The woman winced, grasping her leg, then continued to cling onto the divots in the iron-link fence. Her wondrous ability to not be seen by the undead seemed to have faded in one instant, as the walker to her left inhaled the bouquet of her own blood. The red upon her fingers enticed it, and its nostrils curled at the sudden gift it was given.

⠀She advanced away from the fence, making room for only more walkers to smell her fresh wound.

⠀I looked at Rick to see what he would do, and he simply peered. I thought that maybe, he would be the one to do something about it. Or was I going to have to remind him, and fill in the cracks of his skull? That this wasn't just a new walker, a fresh one. This was a woman.

⠀My heart raced at the sudden realisation, and my eyes darting to the red shopping basket she had dropped; filled with tubs of baby formula. This woman could have a baby. My teeth clenched as she used her impressive katana to take down one of the walkers.

⠀I looked to Rick once again, and then towards his son who was at the ready with the gate keys. Carl looked to us both, wondering what we were thinking and why we were stalling.


























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⠀We had managed to save the woman from an oncoming slaughter of walkers, taking out a few before she had passed out in this Georgian fever. It only became more apparent as we were making our way through, and into the prison.

⠀Rick hauling her the best he could about the hallways, whilst I held her katana immovably in my grip. Carl marched in front of us, as our leader let out orders that must have felt undecided as he had only just managed to find himself through that foggy state.

⠀I imagined he was still swimming in it, trying to mask some sense of loss that still rattled its way through his bones. This wasn't like the other times... this was unparalleled.

⠀He ordered Beth for water and towels. He had only disciplined me to carry the katana and to keep close. I felt an unusual sense of responsibility when he had handed me the holster, and I only took a peek at the shiny metal, to see how sharp this woman would be if she were against us.

⠀No bites... but I still didn't understand why Rick was so at ease to lead her into our oasis.

⠀I looked around, seeing if Daryl was there, as I felt he was more adept to government these situations than either I or Rick.

⠀As the father and son lowered this outlander to the ground, in his struggled breaths the elder said. "She's not coming in the cell blocks." And I almost thanked him.

⠀The baby was in there, and all our livelihood. Those prisoners had made me agonize badly enough to want rid of them. But this time, I tried my best to keep my own wishes simply in my head.

⠀"Whoa, whoa, whoa..." Rick trailed off as her body settled on the ground, I leaned over, ready for anything. Her katana tight in my grip, there was no way she would fight against us and get out alive.

⠀Our ruckus had disturbed the silence that had fallen upon us these past days, and my ears were more susceptible to everyone's movements around me. It took me back to yesterday when I reused my threats. Trying to be something to be feared... hoping to be that thing no one would pass.

⠀I squinted down to her wound, eyeing the blood staining her trousers. She was trodden with more than that, and I could only guess that she had voluntarily slathered herself in walker blood. This only made me grip her weapon tighter.

⠀Her simple presence left me on guard, imagining situations left and right on what I could do to prevent her upper hand. Going around, and around reaching my consciousness to every corner of the room.

⠀If Rick was still swimming, I had to be afloat for him. No matter how much he convinced us he was okay.

⠀After our incident with those prisoners, an outsider... who knew. They were the dangerous ones.

⠀Again, looking for Daryl. He would know what to do. I was worried Rick was taking more on than he could handle.

⠀I watched the man I was worried about carefully drip water onto the stranger's chest. And she blinked feverishly, looking up towards him.

⠀I bent down onto my knees, trying to get a better look at her whole body. Trying to find weapons, bites, anything.

⠀"It's alright," Rick assured her. Bringing a hand up to mirror her own as she reached it up, probably to shield herself.

⠀After those moments earlier, apologising to a dead woman for not saving her, and thinking I had cursed everyone after what I had done... I didn't want a rogue asset on our hands. I didn't want to tell her this was alright.

⠀She was not staying.

⠀I am not putting these people in her line of fire.

⠀That is what made me pull at the katana on instinct, but she heard the slicing, and scraping noise it had made. Just as Rick was asking who she was, she lunged for me.

⠀The woman grasped onto her weapon, and therefore onto my wrists. She gripped them tightly, digging her fingers into my burning skin. She pulled taught at the long sleeves of my shirt, simply wanting that sword back.

⠀I yelled out, feeling a guttural scream crawling its way around my stomach. "Hey!" Rick and I roared out in unison. The former pushed me out of her reach, sending my knees scuffling across the concrete floor. I felt my kneecaps shift under the sudden pressure.

⠀Quickly crawling backwards, I put the katana back in its place.

⠀I should have watched her eyes.

⠀Carl came up from behind me, and his sudden, light enclosing on my shoulders made me jump upwards from my position. Still feeling the indents of her grip on my arms, I backed away from him.

⠀Letting out a sigh of relief at the sight of the young boy in the hat, I breathed out a short apology.

⠀I didn't hear what Rick said to her next, but then another voice from behind me made me turn on my heels.

⠀"Rick!"

⠀It seemed we all turned towards Daryl as he slowly entered the cafeteria. All eyes on him, he looked down towards the man he was calling.

⠀I felt my bones relax, and a slight curl to my lips as he was the one I was hoping would sedate this situation. The room was silent, and he commanded us all.

⠀"Who the hell's this?" He asked us, and I shrugged my shoulders in response, only for Rick to enquire for the proper answer.

⠀He leaned over the woman once more. "You wanna tell us your name?"

⠀No answer.

⠀He asked again, bringing his volume down to her level. But all she did was look at him with those hardy, stubborn eyes she didn't have before. Out there, she was lost. But now she was safe, she was still.

⠀I furrowed my brows at her muteness. Silence. Nothing. She was still a stranger, and it made me fidget with unease.

⠀After getting no answer from her, I turned to Daryl once more, wondering why he had grabbed our attention in the first place.

⠀"Y'all come in here," he said evenly, leaving no note unhinged. I felt his eyes, more than see them trail over to me as he motioned his head in a herding manor.

⠀"What is it?" I finally spoke, looking for his gaze and to the space behind him.

⠀"You're gonna wanna see this." Daryl wasn't one for surprises, and his words only made me worried.

⠀I took his offer, and quickly walked myself into the cell block, putting a fair distance between the woman and her weapon. All I wanted was to not deal with her. This was a sticky situation I could have helped keep us from.

⠀But as I looked to see who would follow me, through the cold bars of the gate, I got a better comprehension of what exactly that woman had been carrying in the red shopping basket ━ reminding myself.

⠀Two, almost pristine cans of baby formula. The images of those laughing children upon the labels made me realise... maybe she had a child. Who were they for? What was she doing coming up to our fences with baby formula?

⠀Her silent stance would not give me an answer, so I would never ask. But the peculiar array of supplies she had set me on edge of what our future with this woman held.

⠀"Go ahead," Rick calls out to the rest, ordering his son to bring in that basket and her bag. He assures the woman that I will keep her katana safe, pointing out towards my figure through the bars. "That girl there... will keep that safe and sound."

⠀The woman's eyes trail over to me, and I feel a sudden chill run down my spine as I try to mirror her offended glance.

⠀"The door's are all locked. You'll be safe in here, and we can treat that."

⠀She finally speaks. "I didn't ask for your help."

⠀I wondered exactly what her deal was. We bring her into a safe space, after she comes to our fences. Yet she denies the need for good treatment.

⠀She made me feel like something was terribly, terribly wrong.

⠀"Doesn't matter," the former sheriff replies, turning towards Daryl and me, waiting for him. "We can't let you leave." He gives her that with a sudden sense of finality, as she is left to bask in no option but to receive our help.

⠀In these times, and decisions, I didn't know whether I was being a bad person, or entirely cautious. At every turn where I saw either Axel or Oscar, I still felt like they were people not to be trusted, and to be thrown out.

⠀Even when I remembered T-Dog's objection to their exile, and still felt it beyond his grave. I didn't know how to feel and anyway... it wasn't my decision.

⠀Before we left her entirely, I watched closely as Daryl turned and locked the keys to the gate after Rick had joined us in the block. And I waited for Daryl's hand to leave the metal of the gate completely, before taking my eyes off the woman.

⠀Now I was only left to wonder what the man beside me meant when he said: "You're gonna want to see this."

⠀Rick and I followed him towards where everyone was gathered around a certain cell door, left wide open for any surprise to greet us. I faltered for a second, unsure of what that open door would entail. I guessed whether it was a bunch of new baby supplies Daryl had somehow acquired in this dank, unforgiving prison. Somehow my mind followed a different path because what I saw as I followed the two men should not have been true.

⠀Carol.

⠀All thoughts of the stranger left my mind.

⠀Under the soft light from the windows, she weakly stood up to greet our leader, smiling widely as her arms came up to circle his shoulders. "Oh God," she let out in an exasperated sigh. I couldn't see Rick's expression from where I was standing, but as I took a few more steps forward, I saw the remnants of a smile fall across his face.

⠀I couldn't help but do it myself, feeling my eyes burn.

⠀We had lost so many people ━ Lori, T-Dog, Carol, Harvey... and in some sense, ourselves. Carol became that breath of fresh air we all needed, sending a cooling wave amongst us all including me. I let out a gasp of air I didn't realise I was trapping. Feeling that oh so sweet sense of relief as she continued to embrace the misplaced man.

⠀All of us gathered closer as we fell into a choir of alleviation. The others letting words of benediction cross the halls around us; we couldn't believe what we were seeing.

⠀And I suddenly felt a pang of guilt as I realised that when I found out she was lost, I did nothing to help. But that subsided as my pride in the crossbow-wielding man beside us all swallowed that feeling.

⠀I clenched my fingers over my own, trying to feel like I was in that structure too, and as I placed myself next to Daryl, I looked up to him. He had that look on his face he rarely had. He was happy too... relieved.

⠀Hershel limped over saying "How?" Interrupting the two, wanting to embrace her himself. Carol didn't move very quickly, obviously worn out from whatever she had been through.

⠀"Solitary," she revealed, taking the old man's grasp in welcome.

⠀"Poor thing fought her way into a cell," Daryl continued, bracing an arm against the wall. "Her and Harvey must have passed out, dehydrated." My ears perked up at the mention of my high school friend's name, and I took a quick look around to see if he was in view.

⠀I wondered why he wasn't here for a reunion we all needed, but kept quiet for the moment Carol placed her eyes on the baby in Beth's arms.

⠀I didn't want to be a part of this... I didn't want to tell someone else she was gone. I had only just accepted it myself, even if only partly. How could you put into words that this newborn child was never to be cradled by her own mother?

⠀The thoughts of all these things were threatening to crash down on me as Carol brought a hand to her lips, as she fell into that emotion I had felt when I saw her for the first time too. A mix of surprise, elation, and turbulence.

⠀I didn't want to see it when she realised what had happened to Lori.

⠀I turned to the man on my right, carefully tugging his shirt to get his attention, whilst standing the katana I still had against the wall. And with that, he quickly looked down to my hand and then to my own face. I watched as his eyes held expectation, then perplexity as I lead him by that grasp on his shirt, away from the crowd watching as another discovered the real extent of what had happened a few days ago.

⠀As soon as we were a good distance away from the rest, I had settled my safe space under the cellblock stares.

⠀"What is it?" He started, keeping his voice low. I could tell he was exhausted by his tone of voice. "What's wrong?" I shook my head at him, looking down to my boots for a second before revealing what I was most concerned about.

⠀"Harvey?" I let it out in a whisper, squeezing my hands together more, feeling small cuts there I hadn't before. I was only hoping there was no bad news on his hand. A thousand different conversations rang through my head... all the possibilities grabbed onto the impulses running through my brain.

⠀"He━" Daryl caught the sentence before it fully left his mouth. "He doesn't wanna talk to anyone right now." From what I could tell, he was telling me the painful truth.

⠀"T-Dog was with them when everything went down."

⠀"Has Carol told you anything?" I stepped a bit closer when I heard the baby start to cry, and everyone hush around the sound of the woman in question started to sob. I didn't look over there, feeling my throat start to choke. "Where is he now?"

⠀As I asked that question, I looked up to the cells on the second floor, and there I spotted the man we were talking about, peering down at us with those icy blue eyes. They were lighter than Daryl's, as I noticed when I looked back down to him. When I returned my gaze to where I thought Harvey would be, he had disappeared.

⠀I took this as my queue to make my way up to those steps, ignoring the grip of Daryl's hand as he placed it lightly on my elbow. I wasn't sure whether he wanted to stop me or not, but he settled for following my rushed steps. I heard his breaths pan against the lower parts of my shoulders as he followed closely, as he was obviously very good at keeping with my pace.

⠀After trying to decipher where exactly I had seen Harvey, I settled for looking amongst all of them until I found him in the one on the end. Both quiet, and a conundrum.

⠀Settled in the far corner of the bed, was him. Clutching onto his soiled jacket tightly, he looked as if he felt every chill that made its way through our home. That image made me dig my short nails into my palms, suddenly having no words to say.

⠀"Why are you here?" I almost didn't hear him as he said it, but the forthright tone that hit me was sharp, and I could hear the acrimony is those few, first words he used.

⠀This was new; I had never seen Harvey in such a violent state. The simple way he stayed still was enough to set my teeth on edge, and I felt I wasn't talking to the person who got lost twenty-four hours ago. "Are you okay?" I tread over my own words without ease. To put it lightly, I was tiptoeing over broken glass around Harvey.

⠀"I don't know, are you?" He threw back, peeling away from the quietness he used to exude. He suddenly stood, letting his jacket fall from his grip. And it was then I saw, the probable reason Harvey was up here, and not down there.

⠀The man in front of me presented what could only be a horrid disfigurement, one that would haunt his face forever. Jagged cuts and burns snaked they're way over the complete right side of his face, criss-cross indents were placed along his cheek and over the edge of his eye. From what I could tell from this distance, this was a measly attempt at cauterizing a wound. It glistened, still appearing fresh, and hurting. Whatever pain Harvey was in, he didn't show it.

⠀What had happened?

⠀"I guess you're wondering, what happened?" He stood tall, strolling over to us in an accusing resonance, suddenly intimidating me enough for Daryl to pull me behind him. "Well, I'm wondering why you didn't kill them?" He suddenly went soft, letting the grief course through his veins.

⠀"You talk a big game, and yet, look what happened."

⠀I started to pull my weight in this conversation with my next words. "Who did you want me to kill?" I shook my head back and forth, not fully understanding what he was talking about. And then I realised... the prisoners.

⠀The prisoners lead to this. He reminded me so.

⠀"What happened, is because of them..." His voice raised as he stepped closer and closer. "T-Dog is dead. Lori is dead. Look what happened to my face! You think this was a circumstance?"

⠀"I had to dig into my skin and do this because I was going to turn... because of what that prisoner did!"

⠀"T told me about the farm. About how you wanted that kid dead, and how everyone here thinks someone else killed him. But I know what we all think. He told me about what you made yourself do, so why didn't you do anything?"

⠀"I remember those bodies, Marley. Those guys you slaughtered to protect yourself, why don't you do it for anyone else?!"

⠀"Hey! Don't talk that bullshit to her!" Daryl cut in, quickly putting his hand on Harvey's chest to stop him from getting closer. "What happened, happened. Don't be putting no blame on us for it." I watched Harvey look down to the hand, then back to me, still bringing a burning hatred into our small conference. He was furious, and despite the persistent haunting carrying across this still new atmosphere, Harvey found no solace in being found.

⠀I wanted to tell him I was not to blame, and neither was Daryl. But with that, I had no words to say. Harvey's face was an example being thrust into my view, telling me this is what happens when we do nothing. When we make the wrong decisions. When I let my threats find no footing, people got hurt.

⠀I felt that disgrace. Looking at what else had happened because of those alarms going off made me feel an unease his eyes made me feel like I deserved. I was right back to the moment Lori said goodnight.

⠀I had only just said sorry to a dead woman, and I had more sorries to say before I could forgive myself.

⠀"I'm sorry, Harvey." I looked down to the floor, shamefully. "I'm sorry there wasn't more I could do..."

⠀I thought back again to how T-Dog wanted nothing but mercy for the prisoners... he was one of the good ones. One of the best, and here was the person who held him closest, digging themselves into a hole of unforgiveness.

⠀"Harvey, I━"

⠀It wasn't just a feeling. I couldn't breathe under Harvey's prosecution.

⠀I looked to the only other person around me, yearning for some sort of reassurance that it wasn't my fault. And Daryl only displayed an expression of unsureness, watching every move Harvey made, still with his arm across my back, ready to protect me ━ that was what he did best.

⠀Harvey didn't seem to take it in stride, and I didn't expect him to. I knew that when you felt what he was feeling, it made every outside sound an out of tune interruption. Every word of concern was unwelcome. "Whatever, it doesn't matter that I lived... because they're dead," he finished, reverting back into the position I first saw him in, instead, laying down slowly so he faced neither of us. And with that, a tear finally let loose. It mirrored the sobs Harvey started to let out.

⠀I went to tell him I was sorry again... but words were just words, so I didn't say a thing. Who was I really without doing what needed to be done? I needed my vigilance back, but I knew it was dangerous. That face made my body urge itself to push me to the limits again. I could feel it dragging itself around my insides... that monster. She was threatening to burst through my eyes again.

⠀It doesn't matter that I lived... because they're dead.

⠀Harvey wanted to invite her back into a game no one could win. I wondered what was the point? I wish I hadn't ever laid eyes on him... because now I'm looking at what my entire purpose is.

⠀"Come on," I heard Daryl say as he pulled me away, but I could only feel the guilt that crawled on his skin too.


























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note ⛈

MICHONNE IS HERE BITCHES
and marley doesn't like her.
well, i'll just see about that.
IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE
WHAT IS NEXT YAKNOW THAT
FEELING WHEN YOUVE HAD CERTAIN
THINGS PLANNED SINCE THE
BEGINNING AND YOU FINALLY
GET TO WRITE IT YEEEEEEE

(please excuse the ugly
formatting bc wattpad sucks
and won't let me centre
certain areas)

words : 4232
2019 / 22 / 04
edited ✓

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