The Gentle Vampire | KSJ Oneshot ✅

Author:  preronasaha

Reviewer: Seokie

• TOTAL MARKS- ①⓪⓪

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ ɪɴᴛᴇʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 5/5

The readers were pleased with your work, I saw that. 

And from your part, you also reacted well with them but from next time try to use words instead of replying to them with only emojis, this will create a good impression on your reader. 

|-  ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴄᴏᴠᴇʀ.

~ 3/10

 I will suggest you change the cover as the cover looks too bland and simple to catch the attention of the reader. I saw you tried your best to give the feelings by adding the elements and the right face claim but it still did not give a good impression. The house in the back does not look like a castle but more like a burned house. Well, you can add a castle with forest parts and Seokjin as a face claim. The font for 'Vampire' looks pretty but the name of the author is not at all clear on the book cover. 

|- ⑤ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴅᴇsᴄʀɪᴘᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 8/10

Well, the description is sweet and small kinda felt cute to me. I think it gave the right information about the story but not too much as well. But here you also made a small mistake which you need to avoid I have suggested the part here : 

"After waiting for years, the gentle vampire meet his soulmate through a mistake" add 's' with 'meet' as the vampire is in the singular form.  

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴛɪᴛʟᴇ.

~ 7/10

The "Gentle Vampire" book title is unique cause I found no other book with the same title on Wattpad. And it also describes the nature of our boy Kim Seokjin who is indeed gentle with every living being. But the book title did not seems creative to me. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʙᴏᴏᴋ ᴘʟᴏᴛ.

~ 3/10

The story started with the same old style a dark forest which gives people a bad vibe and in the deep of that forest, there is a castle hidden from human's eyes where a vampire of 556 lives with no company of vampires whose name is Kim Seokjin the last decedent of Kim Clan. One day he attacked a girl of 20 whose name is Ruby and turned her into a new vampire which later became his wife. The story felt total cliche to me, I will suggest you change the opening and ending of the story. 

And don't give an unwanted gap between your writing it does not create a good impression for your reader. The story was sweet but cliche and grammatical error did not create a good impression as well. And I feel you should add more part about how Seokjin felt when he found his soulmate a partner to be with for the rest of his life. The story got completed in the right way but I still feel it's still not completed, well, you can understand my points, right, so I will suggest you add some more parts un the story. 

|- ②⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴛʜᴇ ɢʀᴀᴍᴍᴀʀ ᴀɴᴅ ᴠᴏᴄᴀʙᴜʟᴀʀʏ.

~ 5/20

 I found a lot of mistakes in your book which you need to change to make your reader satisfied with your work. 

I have pointed out some of the mistakes here as well as suggested the changes you need to make in your book. 

1. "An ancient castle exists the inside the deep (_) which human eyes can't identify but only vampires can" - Well, you missed the forest after deep. 

2. "Yesterday, le got... was in the tower" - Instead of 'le' use 'he' as the word 'le' denotes 'law enforcement' which has no relation with the story sentence and it does not make any proper sense here but when you use 'he' then you can indicate the exact person who is playing a role in this part of the story. 

3. "Today he has come to this spot to clean of his mind but he can't seem to  concentrate on anything." - Instead of  'spot' write 'place' or you can write 'He again visited the place in hoping to clear his mind but he failed to concentrate on anything' 

4. Write 'startles' instead of 'starlets' 

5. She gets startled by two things. - I feel using 'got' instead of 'gets' will be more appropriate. 

6. "No, you seems almost unreal... like that." she admits it... - change 'seems' to 'seem' as we do not add an 's' with a verb when it is being used after 'you' due to the rule of the grammar. 

7. "I think... that since someone found me at the ally" - Instead of 'someone' write 'as you' as 'someone' is not going well with the sentence. 

8. "This marks? You know anything about it... after getting attracted now I know they actually believe their existence" - Write "attacked" and not "attracted" cause you can't get a mark on your neck by a vampire when you don't get attacked by them. And using a comma before 'now' is highly appreciable. "now I know they actually believe their existence" - well, this sentence formation is wrong so either write "now I believe their existence" or write "now I know they exist" 

9. "So when I was hiding myself inside that alleyway to make sure that no human get attacked by me. When you came inside... attacked by me" - add an 's' with 'get' and add a 'But' before 'When you came inside..." to show a proper connection with the first sentence and story. 

10. "I suggest you say with me and not in the human world" - Instead of 'say' write 'stay' cause what will she say with him? And also over here 'say' does not make any sense if we connect it with the rest of the sentence. 

11. "One of the... say." Seokjin jin promises... in excitement. - omits 'Seokjin' or 'jin' as both of them are names and both names can't be written together with one after the other as it is repetitive and also wrong. 

12. "If a mistake... to live. It's not a mistake Jinnie" add a comma before 'Jinnie'. You did this mistake in many parts of the story. 

13. "My tough situation... easy to overcome" - Change 'my' to 'many' cause it's not your tough situation. 

Moving on to the vocabulary parts, well, I found no such use of good vocabulary in your book. You don't have to use Shakespeare's vocabulary but use some good vocabulary to attract readers, I found only one good vocabulary which is 'promiscuous' instead of that the story was too bland. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs Fᴏʀ ᴘʟᴏᴛ ᴛᴡɪsᴛs ᴀɴᴅ ᴀᴛᴛʀᴀᴄᴛɪᴏɴ.

~ 7/10

 I found no plot twists in the book but I don't think it's needed cause it's a one-shot book but if you want to turn it into a short story or long story then definitely plot twists are needed but if you want you can add some plot twists in the story, well, that will do some magic. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴇᴍᴏᴛɪᴏɴs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄʜᴀʀᴀᴄᴛᴇʀ ᴅᴇᴠᴇʟᴏᴘᴍᴇɴᴛ.

~ 1/10

I am sorry to say but I felt no connection with the characters. The characters happiness did not flutter my heart. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴠɪᴛʏ ᴀɴᴅ ᴡᴀʏ ᴏғ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ.

~ 1/10

The writing is not much creative as the book is made up of simple words making the story bland for readers. 

|- ①⓪ ᴍᴀʀᴋs ғᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴘɪɴɪᴏɴ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʙᴏᴏᴋ.

~ 4/10

Total Marks: 44/100

🆈🅾🆄🆁 🆁🅴🆆🅸🅴🆆 : I suggest you change the cover. The grammatical mistakes you have created in the description as well as in the story needs to be fixed. Also, the plot needs major editing. You need to develop the characters in your story and use good vocabs for creating a better impression for your reader. 

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