Title :: The Blueties and the Beast

Author :: everydaydreamingxxi

Reviewer: Nola  (@/SURREALGGUK)

READER INTERACTION :: 5/5
You definitely performed well in this area. In some instances, the amount of comments exceeded the amount of reads, and many readers were commenting on the story and whether they liked it or not. Good job!

COVER :: 2/10
I think more can be done to make your cover look more pleasing to the eyes. First of all, I can’t find your username anywhere on the cover. Second, if this is a Jimin fanfiction, why are other members on the cover? This would only confuse readers and mislead them into thinking that the book features OT7 as main characters, which is clearly not the case as far as I can tell. The font style and positioning can be improved, i.e put them together at the top, center, or bottom, depending on where your face claim is. Overall, this cover looks like it’s from a generic and cliche fanfiction, and I believe more can be done to entice readers. After all, readers are swarmed with many books on Wattpad, leaving them no choice but to judge by the cover most of the time. You need to have a good and aesthetically pleasing cover in order to draw your readers in.

TITLE :: 8/10
I have no issue with the title, except for the fact that the title suggests that there is only one ‘beast’, but the description states otherwise. Maybe something can be done about that?

DESCRIPTION :: 4/5
I was able to grasp what the general storyline was, and at the same time you didn’t reveal too much of the plot either. With some fixing of the grammar, the description would be good to go.

PLOT :: 8/10
Your plot is pretty unique for a fanfiction. It’s rare to find books like these, and the concept is interesting as well. However, as the story progressed, I just got bored, and I’ll explain why in the ATTRACTION section.

GRAMMAR/VOCAB :: 8/20
I notice that most of your sentences are incomplete. Take a look at this sentence for example: [While most of the other humans who were vaccinated didn’t feel that insane side effects.]. Since you used the word [while], the sentence can’t end there just yet. Typically, after this word has been used, there should be another part to the sentence. Here’s the appropriate way to use [while]: [While I was waiting at the bus stop, three buses went by in the opposite direction.].

I’d also like to point out that dialogue tags should not be capitalised, except when the tag is a name.

Your grammar mistakes are quite difficult to notice, but they’re still there, and there are many of them. Here are some of the mistakes I found, and how to correct them:

[Because of this issues, the leaders of every countries in the world…] is grammatically incorrect. Depending on whether you want it to be a single issue or multiple issues, the word [this] must change accordingly. Here, I will assume that you want it to be a single issue. Next, the word [every] should be used before a singular noun to refer to all individual members of a set. Therefore, the corrected sentence should be [Because of this issue, the leaders of every country in the world…]

[He and 2 members of his team would leave this morning, hoped to get results after a few days ended with nothing.] does not make any sense. First of all, [2] should be spelled out as this is formal writing. Second, you’re mixing past tense with the present perfect tense, and the way you wrote the second part of the sentence made me really confused. Is the mission over already? Are those the results? I can’t correct this sentence for you because I have no idea what you’re trying to express.

[...who was bussy arranged medical kit to the box in front of him,] is wrong. [busy] is spelled wrongly, and the tense for [arranged] is wrong too. This part of the sentence should be [...who was busy arranging medical kits to the box in front of him,].

Overall, I can tell that English is probably not your first language. Hence, you need to put in more effort than native English speakers in order to deliver a good piece of work to readers. I suggest that you do some research on the various tenses and how to pair words correctly. When in doubt, please do not hesitate to search it up. Google is a wonderful tool for authors, so please utilise it to its fullest potential.

ATTRACTION :: 4/10
While the plot is interesting and unique, I believe this book is more of an action-adventure book, but I rarely see it in your chapters. Instead, there are unnecessarily large amounts of dialogue, which is something all action fans hate to see in both books and movies. I suggest that you decrease the amount of dialogue and add in more descriptions, spicing up the ‘action’ and ‘adventure’ part of the book.

CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT :: 5/10
I didn’t find anything unrealistic about your characters, but I also didn’t feel anything either. I couldn’t empathise with them and didn’t feel like I could relate with them. https://theeditorsblog.net/2011/01/30/creating-emotion-in-the-reader/ is a website with tips on how to create emotion in the reader, and I hope it’ll help you.

WRITING STYLE :: 8/10
I have no problems with your writing style. The dialogue was segregated properly, and I could understand and follow the flow of the story well. Good job!

OPINION :: 4/10
The cover threw me off in the beginning, and the grammar mistakes just made it worse. The obvious lack of action and too much dialogue ended up boring me even further.

OVERALL ::
The plot and its concept is pretty interesting and unique. You stated yourself that it was an action and adventure book, so you should really write more action such that it’s equal to or more than the amount of dialogue. The grammar mistakes really need to be fixed as well. I think that this story definitely had the potential to do well, and I hope you learned something from my review.

TOTAL SCORE :: 56/100