Title: Faith against fate

author: Naveena_bts

Reviewer: Suzy 

No. of chapters: 14

Title: 4/10

The point is...aren't fate and faith both in the same direction? If we try to answer this in a rather philosophical manner, Taehyung and Jungkook were FATED to meet again but there are many more incidents where fate and faith aren't against each other, you get my point? They were fated to break apart and meet again and Taehyung had FAITH that Jungkook would care for him. The title, though okay, is a very controversial one for your book and I'd suggest you change it. Go for something rare and unique yeah? A title with a dark meaning, one which would suit the book well. 

Cover: 4.5/10

It looks more like a magazine cover and gives off CEO vibes so try to add some elements and filters which gives off mafia vibes. 

Description: 0.5/5

So...the thing is, you don't write descriptions that way dear, it's long, very long to the point that until the readers would reach the end, their interest will be long gone. When you play a game, you don't show all your cards, keep some hidden, save some for the end and reveal them slowly. That's how you write a book as well, if you spill every detail this easily then I'm sorry to say that your book would be barely enjoyed by your readers. Plus, there are quite some grammatical mistakes, 

sentence: 'What has going to happen now…' 

corrections: 'What is going to happen now…' or 'What might happen' 

Also, you sound like a news reporter giving out news instead of a writer describing their story, so work on your writing style. I'll give you an example for a part of your description,

Original: What has going to happen now....... will jungkook

kill the 6 year old boy.......... Who was the person

whom jungkook was finding ?? Why he was finding

that person ?? What he was going to do with that

person if he find him ??

Will taehyung be able to find his son ?? and

Who had kidnapped taehyung ??...... What the

kidnapper want from him ??............

Original with corrections: What has ***is going to happen now....... will jungkook ***Jungkook

kill the 6 year old boy.......... Who was the person

whom ***word not needed jungkook ***Jungkook was finding ***looking for ?? Why he was finding

that person ?? What he was going to do with that

person if he find ***finds him ??

Will taehyung be able to find his son ?? and

Who had kidnapped taehyung ??...... What the

kidnapper want ***wants from him ??............

Rewritten: What the mafia Jungkook would do? Would he kill the 6 year old boy or would he rather look for the person he's been searching for? On the contrary, Taehyung is himself lost, will he be able to figure out where his son was gone? 

This still has extra details, cut short your description and use impactful dialogues from the book instead. Trust me, your description is where everything is going wrong.

Reader’s Interaction: 3 /5

You have an average amount of commenters even with 6k+ reads so it does indicate that your book isn't maintaining the suspense.

Plot: 6 /10

A good one, I did read many books with similar plot and many incidents were predictable, though it didn't meddle up much with the readers interests so you're good to go with it.

Grammar: 10/20

Many tenses mistakes,

"took" instead of "take" 

Major spelling mistakes and typos,

'Ravnnete' is wrong spelling, right one is' 'ravenette '

'valnurable' *** Vulnerable 

grammatical errors in dialogue formation and major tenses errors. The book needs  major editing. Your vocabulary isn't that diverse so I'd suggest you to read more books and learn better adjectives and phrases, that'd improve your language a lot. Never think that you can't ace a language only because It's not your mother tongue or because it isn't your first language, read and write as much as you can and one day you'd turn better than a native speaker.

Plot twists and attraction: 7/10

Amazing plot twists, only a few of them though because you made the rest of them very predictable. As I said before, don't reveal your cards unless it's necessary. The introduction is also revealing a good amount of details, make it short and intriguing to keep your readers hooked up.

Emotions and character development: 5/10 

Taehyung always cries and Jungkook always stays too inhumane. The book is flooded with violence and abuse and that gives out a VERY messy impact on the readers, there are books which have violence but the author needs to write out the scenes in such a manner that it doesn't look flooded with violence. I know few books which are well written even with loads of violence so if you're interested to read and learn then pm me and I'll be glad to send them to you. character development? Well it's going downhill as of now, especially Jungkook's character is underdeveloped and I believe it'd need a few more chapters to make it right. 

Creativity and way of writing: 3/10 

Your work is creative but you really need to work on your writing style. I've seen linguistic errors in your book as well, 

"I told you na!"

"na" comes from hindi/telugu or native language dialect, there's no "na" in english and since your book is written in English language you can try your best to avoid such errors. 

Also, you keep on questioning the readers in between the incidents taking place in the book, either stop adding those questions or rephrase them in a better manner. For an instance, consider the example below:

'Jungkook wouldn't forgive him that easily. Do you think he'd forgive him huh?'

can be written as,

'Jungkook wouldn't forgive him that easily.' or 

'Do you think Jungkook would forgive him that easily? His short temper and thirst for revenge says otherwise.'

Your opinion on the book: 6/10

If I wasn't a reviewer I'd say that I really liked the book but now that my perspective of reading a book has changed a lot, I'd say it's an average book and if all the advices are taken into account, the book would actually turn out to be a great one. 

Also, your book has loads of mature themes, if you don't want it getting reported anytime soon then turn it into a mature book, you can do this through the settings option in your book. To sum it up, change the cover, MUST change the description, cut short the introduction chapter, work on your descriptive writing, work on your grammatical errors and change your plot revelation pacing. That was all, thank you for choosing me, please do take my criticism constructively and show the world what you're capable of. Keep going!✨💜

Total Marks: 49 /100