we've been talking for hours
'bout how we shouldn't talk for hours on end

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AMARA KIM could never lose. Her life may have been crazy– being a demigod always kept it interesting, but it was constant. She would always win. Always.

Victory was natural to her, just like Danny and Sam were both natural flirts, and how Aiden was a great pickpocket. The Kim family was full of people who were just... naturals. Amara's mom being the goddess of victory just made sense—she was extremely competitive and she was good at everything she did. Amara was a born winner.

Amara came from a family of champions. She and her cousins were all members of the First Cohort—or, she, Danny, and Sam were. The children of Venus were both incredible fighters and had gained the trust and respect of almost everyone in their cohort, even those who figured children of the goddess of love and beauty were a joke.

Aiden had served his years in the legion and was now living in the city of New Rome. The twenty-six year old legacy of Mercury (from his mom's side) liked to pretend he raised his younger cousins all alone and always gave them shit for everything, but they knew it was his way of being there for them.

Amara got to live a life that was as close to perfect as it could possibly get. She was one of the stars of Camp Jupiter, she was blessed to have a family as supportive as she did, and, although she had to deal with some assholes on the daily, she still managed to live life to the fullest.

Unlike what people would think, Amara never got tired of winning. Whether it was beating Sam to the bathroom every morning or bringing her cohort yet another war games win, Amara lived for the thrill of competition.

She didn't mean to come off as rude or cocky, it was just how most people saw her (all thanks to her mom, but that was okay with Amara). However, there were always those who saw through that, like Sam, Danny, and Aiden. Like Jason.

Jason Grace was a pleasant surprise in Amara's life—and Amara was rarely ever surprised by things.

The son of Jupiter did what Amara did best; he made sure everything between them was a competition. It was an odd thing to see, Jason and Amara making everything between them a challenge to be won, but that was just how they worked.

If you looked at who their parents were, it made sense that the two got along – the son of Jupiter and the daughter of Victoria being close would only be logical, but still, it seemed to take almost everyone by surprise when the two started hanging out together.

Maybe it was because of their difference in cohorts, the best and the worst, or maybe it was because Amara and Jason were both very good at winning, and everyone knew about Amara's competitive nature, but something about them just made sense. At least, that's what Danny would tell her when he'd tease her about having a crush on Jason (which, at the time, she didn't! that came later).

Nobody was surprised, however, when Jason and Amara started dating. It was as if that wave of shock that came from their friendship had completely disappeared and was replaced with a sort of knowledge that they would eventually get together, it was only a matter of time.

And so, for months, Jason and Amara were happy. But like some people say, all good things must come to an end.

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but i'll take three short hours over three long weeks
pretending that we don't exist

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She remembered that night clearly.

It started off just like all the others. Amara and Jason had barely seen each other that week, and they had probably an hour or two to be together before Jason had to get back to his praetor duties, and Amara had to get back to her own cohort issues.

But Amara was so glad to finally see him. Jason had this energy about him that made Amara feel so happy. Maybe it was the way he smiled, or the challenge he held behind his gaze, but she loved that feeling of seeing him for the first time in a long time.

It was hard, being with someone but not really being with them. Amara couldn't help but be a little jealous of all the couples she'd see around New Rome, spending all day together, laughing, talking to each other. She and Jason used to be that way, but things were different now that he was praetor.

Of course, Amara was happy for him—she knew that if anyone deserved such an honor, it was him. But still, it was a bittersweet feeling, seeing him.

On one hand, she was beyond happy to finally have him all to herself, but, on the other, she couldn't help but wish for more.

Jason was good at pretending to be okay. That was one of the first things Amara had come to learn when she really got to know him. He carried everyone's burdens on his back, even if it wasn't his place. He was a good person, he truly was, but sometimes he didn't realize he was hurting himself in the process of helping everyone else out.

Amara could relate.

She and Jason were sitting on the roof of the Fifth Cohort building, a habit Jason had picked up from watching Amara sit on the roof of the First Cohort whenever she needed time to breathe. It sort of became their thing after that, and, even though Jason didn't technically live with his cohort anymore, he still considered it his home. Besides, the two were comfortable enough with its members to know that nobody inside really cared they were up there. It's not like they ever noticed, anyway.

"So, I was thinking." Amara had told him.

"I love it when you do that, Mar." Jason joked.

"Ha. Ha. You're so funny." Amara rolled her eyes at him. "I was thinking maybe you wanted to come over to Aiden's for dinner on Saturday? Sam and Danny will be there. And, I figured, since we haven't really seen much of each other recently, it could be nice?"

"Amara..."

"You're busy, I know." She frowned.

"Hey." Jason had told her, reaching out to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Don't look at me like that. I'll try, okay?"

Amara gave him a half-hearted smile, taking his hand in hers. "Okay."

Jason looked guilty. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." She'd said, "I get it."

"It's not." He whispered, looking down.

Amara stayed silent. This wasn't the first time Jason and Amara were awkward. The last couple of times they'd seen each other, there was a pause to their regular dynamic, where they'd indirectly ask each other if things would be different if they'd just remained friends, but Amara never really thought much of it. Pretty dumb of her, right?

But Amara was in love, and love makes you blind, or whatever.

So, call her a fool, but Amara was genuinely caught off-guard when Jason had suggested they break up.

"I think we should stop seeing each other." He'd blurted out in the silence. His eyes were wide, as if he hadn't expected the confession to come out of his mouth, but it was too late to take it back.

Amara blinked at him. "What?"

"I think we should break up, Mar." Jason repeated. It was so quiet, Amara could tell he was getting into that weird 'I don't know what to do now' mode, looking at everything but Amara.

Amara bit the inside of her cheek, staying silent.

"Look," he had told her, "I really have to go right now, but, I promise, we'll talk about this."

Amara should've known not to trust empty promises, but she couldn't help but hold on to the thought that she'd maybe get to know why.

She sat up on the roof for another hour, staring blankly at the night sky, until Sam and Danny came looking for her. It took them a couple of tries, but they had managed to convince her to go back to her cohort with them. If anything, she was thankful they'd come looking for her, because she knew that if they didn't, she probably would have stayed on that roof until the sunrise.

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how am i supposed to close the door when i still need the closure?

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Amara should've seen it coming. She should've known it was all too good to be true—but how could she?

Amara had never felt so lost in her life.

The signs were there. They always had been. But Amara had been too lost in the moment to see what was right in front of her. She knew she and Jason were going through a rough patch, she wasn't that oblivious, but she'd always figured that if you really wanted something, you'd work through it. It seemed that wasn't the case here.

Amara couldn't help but overthink every single interaction she and Jason had throughout their relationship. Sure, it was great at the start, but Amara couldn't help but focus on how rocky it had been near the end.

Jason was so busy with his praetor duties, they hardly got to see each other. And, Amara couldn't blame him for being a good leader, but, she couldn't help but wish she was more than an afterthought to him.

And, as much as she hated to admit it, Amara knew that she should've done more to spend time with Jason. She could've gone to visit him when she knew he was in need of a distraction. She should've offered to train with him when she knew he needed to let off some steam. She should've done a lot of things, but she didn't.

Amara couldn't lie and say she fell out of love with Jason Grace. She knew that, regardless of their breakup, she would never stop loving him. Even as her heart shattered when he told her they shouldn't be together anymore, she knew a piece of it would always belong to him, because she gave it to him, and she'd never even thought of asking for it back.

No, Jason took that piece of her heart with him when he disappeared.

The more she thought about it, the more upset she'd become with herself. It didn't matter if she'd tried to stop it, they would've had issues eventually. Amara just wished she'd gotten the chance to actually talk to Jason about everything.

Because, even after everything, it didn't hurt that Jason thought they shouldn't be together—it hurt that she got a half-assed breakup two days before he went missing. Amara couldn't help but harbor a little bit of resentment over the fact that Jason had to leave just as he ushered those words that changed her life. She couldn't exactly blame him for going missing, she knew that he wouldn't have run away, but she just wished he'd talked to her that night, told her the whole truth.

But Amara couldn't just blame Jason. It was her fault too. Amara had the power to see the opportunities with every battle she faced, she had the capabilities to make the choices that led her to victory. She could see all possible outcomes if she tried hard enough. So why didn't she see this one? It was so obvious things were tense between them, but she didn't see it. Even more than that, why didn't she try to go after him?

Amara didn't lose. It wasn't in her blood. So why did it feel like the world was shattering all around her, leaving her behind in an empty void of nothing?