Am I Gay?

Hawk stared at the quiz as he answered the questions, huffing and puffing between each one as he thought ridiculously too hard on them. His phone lit up his face in his dark room, biting the inside of his mouth as he waited for his results.

49% gay.

He huffed, because that hadn't answered anything. Hawk groaned as he rolled around on his bed for a second, sitting up and looking through his phone. He realized the only friend he had, that liked the other gender, was indeed his secret lover. He groaned again, rolling around in anger and confusion. He didn't understand why it was so hard to figure out what he was. Kody told him it was okay to be unlabeled, but Hawk didn't feel like he fit into that category. He felt like he wanted to feel content in a label.

His eyes fell onto a name, a particular name that he hadn't messaged in months. She likely hated him, she definitely hated him. He texted her anyways.

"I believe in forgiveness and second chances." Moon exhaled as she handed Hawk the herbal tea. "Still, I haven't fully forgive you."

"I know, you don't have to." he promised her with a forced smile. "But, I didn't know who else to go to."

"What's going on?" she sat down across from him.

Hawk inhaled, opening his mouth to say something, shutting it again. Words, where were the words? "I think i'm having a full out sexuality crisis."

Moon had to snort. "So, it's finally came to you?"

"What?" Hawk looked in disbelief, thunder heard outside.

"I do hope you know that all of us knew way before you figured it out, clearly." she had to laugh. "You brought Kody on every single one of our dates."

"I know. How did I not know?" he held his head and sighed loudly. "I'm freaking out."

"No need to freak out, drink your tea." she encouraged as he sipped at it. "People make sexuality out to be a massive ordeal, and it's definitely important to find yourself, but it shouldn't be scary. If you're worried people will judge you, then all it's gonna do is make you realize who your actual friends are."

"But, I don't know what I am." he exhaled loudly. "And I know everyones so supportive and okay without putting a label on things, and just liking who they like. But...I think I need a label to feel content."

"Okay." Moon nodded her head. "So, you like Kody."

"So much." he exhaled with a look in his eye. "I think I always have, I just didn't know or figure it out quick enough."

"Does this mean that you've liked other boys before?" Moon looked curiously.

"I've never really thought about guys like that." he said honestly. "It's always ever been just girls."

"Is it still girls?" she tried to navigate for him.

"I-well, yeah." he nodded his head, thinking about it. "But, now that I like Kody, I can tell that I think other guys are attractive too."

"So what i'm hearing is you like girls still, and now you like boys too." Moon nodded her head with a smile. "Just like me."

"So, what does that mean?" he asked her hopefully.

"Well, here the trick question." she nodded. "Whenever you're attracted to someone, like you say you are, do you take their gender into mind or do you simply not see a gender?"

"What?" Hawks eyes bulged from his head.

"Like, do you notice gender or is it not really something that comes to your mind." she explained a little bet. "Like, let's make Kody our topic. And let's take....okay, me."

"Okay." Hawk seemed uncomfortable for a moment.

"Would you say that your feelings differ based on weather you like a guy or a girl?" she asked, he seemed to think hard for a second. "Or are your feelings not based off gender at all?"

"I definitely think it's different when it comes to girls and guys." he nodded his head. "But, that doesn't necessarily mean that i'm, like, gonna treat a guy or a girl differently."

"Yeah, but, when it comes to liking them, do you see their gender or would you consider yourself gender blind when you like them?" Moon nodded her head.

"No, I for sure see gender." he nodded his head.

"Then, that leaves us to how you feel." Moon nodded with a serious look. "Do you think you fit the term Bisexual?"

"Jesus, it's really coming down out there." Jimmy spoke as he looked out at the rain. "Guess you don't have to water the garden, honey."

"Good, I was getting sick of running from those lizards." Dotti shook her head as she set her schedule for the week, looking to Kody at the counter. "What are you doing, Kody?"

"On my computer." he said in return.

She hid a laugh. "Yes, but what are you looking at on the computer?"

"New cooking shows because I finished all of Great British Bake off, and the Christmas spin off." he sighed loudly, a loud knock came from the door. "The rain is knocking?"

"Mrs.Sharmin might have lost her key again." Jimmy spoke as Kody stood up. "It's on the key rack if she needs it."

Kody grabbed the key, opening the door as his face fell. "You aren't Mrs.Sharmin."

"Sorry to disappoint." Hawk gave a smile from under the rain, his Mohawk completely ruined and red hair was pushed everywhere. "I really need to talk to you."

Kody grinned, opening the door more to let him in.

"Oh." Jimmy looked back. "You didn't think to bring an umbrella?"

"Or take an uber." Dotti added in.

"He's protecting the environment, don't question it." Kody shook his head, leading Hawk down the hallway as he let him go into his room first, shutting the door before Mantis could come in and make things weird. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm still not completely ready to come out to everyone." he spoke, trying to catch his breath after the sprint he made from Moons to here. "But, i've figured out that i'm definitely Bisexual."

Kody nodded with a small smile. "Love Bisexuals."

"I just- it felt like something I should tell you." he nodded with a faint grin. "I mean- I wanted to tell you."

Kody nodded with a little laugh. "Well, i'm glad you wanted to share such an important milestone with me."

"Yeah." Hawk grinned. "Are you still okay with waiting?"

"It took me a long time to be open with liking whoever I like." he said honestly with a nod. "Even though I knew my parents would accept it, and all my friends would too, it was still this massive deal to me. I get it, not everyone just wakes up and is completely content in having to explain to everyone that they are with a guy now after only ever being with girls."

"Exactly." Hawk grinned at him. "I knew you'd understand that."

"My greatest quality." he smiled, holding his hands out for Hawk to latch onto them, pulling him close to press their lips together.

•

kylie speaks

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