— 𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐈𝐃𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 —
⁰¹⁶

Cecilia walked with her chin up, her heart pounding in her chest and a pit of nerves growing within her. She looked up at Tommy's large house and took a deep breath — she needed to do this sooner rather than later.

Her knuckles knocked against the door and she waited for a few moments.

And after mere seconds, it opened up and there stood the same woman that tended to the house. "Miss Abbott, do come in." She stepped aside, "does Mr Shelby know you're coming?"

"I don't believe he does." Cecilia sighed, stepping into the once familiar hallway.

"I shall go and retrieve him for you." Mary said, leaving Cecilia alone in the hallway with her thoughts. She stood, shifting her weight from one foot to another whilst she waited.

It wasn't long until the sound of Tommy's boisterous footsteps filled the house.

"Cecilia," sighed Tommy. "I wasn't expecting you this evening." He said, eyebrows raised. Cecilia shrugged and followed him into the drawing room. "Please, take a seat." He offered.

She did so and swallowed hard, slipping her coat from her shoulders. "I think you need to sit too." She avoided his eyes.

Tommy's heart dropped and he frowned. He hesitantly sat opposite her and waited.

Cecilia wondered whether to get straight to the point or dance around the words — she was unsure how he would react either way and that completely put her off telling him.

"Before I tell you, I want you to think before you utter a single word to me. I will not sit here and have you tell me what I should do.." She told him. He nodded slowly. Cecilia locked eyes with him. "I'm to have a child."

His face fell ever so slightly — his eyes widening. He sat up straight and blinked a few times. "Is it mine?"

"Of course it's yours you fuck— I'm not a whore." She hissed at him.

Tommy placed his hand over his mouth and rubbed his skin. "How long have you known?" Tommy asked her.

"A week.. I had my suspicions before finding out." Cecilia's eyes burned and she looked away. "Well.. will you keep it?" He asked hopefully. Tommy had always wanted a child, he had just never found the right person. But Cecilia.. she was different.

"I don't know." Cecilia muttered. "I don't know what I want to do."

"Do I get a say in the matter?" Tommy questioned.

She looked him in the eye. "I suppose you do, yes." She confirmed.

"If it was up to me— I would want you to keep our child." He said lowly, searching in her eyes for some sort of answer but there was no hint in those eyes of hers.

Cecilia stood abruptly and tried to walk away but Tommy was quick to grab her wrist and follow after her. "What is it? Why won't you talk to me, eh?" He asked with concern.

Cecilia inhaled sharply.

"Are you not certain that this child is mine.. is that it?" Tommy asked her, his eyes searching her face.

Cecilia pulled away from him and shook her head. "I don't want to have your child!" She shouted at him. She turned and dragged her hands over her face.

Tommy backed away slightly. A look of hurt was painted across his features and his chest rose and fell quickly. "What.." he whispered, an upset feeling washing over him at her harsh words. "You don't want to have my child.. or you don't want to have any child?" Tommy suggested.

Cecilia slowly turned to look at him and her eyes were burning. "I don't want to have any child, Thomas."

Tommy swallowed the lump in his throat and approached her. He stood before her. "How can you say that like it means nothing to you?"

"It means everything to me." Cecilia corrected, "I am not fit to be a mother. God, everyone will think that when they find out what is going on." She whispered.

Tommy shook his head and tried to hold her face but she fought against him. "Cecilia stop." He said. She did. A silence lingered over them and Cecilia could practically see the cogs turning in his head. "I have loved you since I first saw you all those years ago— and now you tell me you're pregnant with my child.. but you don't want to keep it. Why?"

She shook her head. "Don't you make me feel guilty."

"I'm not. That's not what i'm doing. I want an answer— I deserve an answer." He pleaded.

She tried to pull away again.

"Why do you deny the love that I give you?" Tommy whispered. She stared up at him. Her heart pounded.

Her lip trembled which shocked Tommy. He hadn't seen her cry. Nobody had ever seen her cry.

"Fine— I admit it, Tommy. I'm scared. And forgive me for feeling that way because I have never felt like this before." Her words were harsh and it was like she was telling herself that rather than him. Cecilia Abbott was never scared — she had never admitted to being scared.. this was the first time since she could remember where something had made her feel sick with fear. "I'm scared of getting hurt— i'm scared of being a mother." She whispered. "I'm worried that i'll be like my own mother."

"Just because your mother couldn't show you what it was like to be loved by her does not mean you'll be the same. She has given you a false sense of motherhood— it won't be like that, Cecilia. You have to trust yourself."

"I don't want to bring a child into this business that we're in." She said.

"Our business would not have an impact on our child— I wouldn't allow it." He told her.

"You can't promise that." She refused. "Nobody can promise that." She said.

"No but we can try." Tommy held her face.

"And what if I don't want to?" She croaked.

He slowly dropped his hands from her face. "That decision is up to you." He said, "but, Cecilia, I want this with you. A child is a blessing— it's Polly that says that. Think about this before making your decision."

Cecilia could see the look in his eyes and how it was his way of begging her.

Cecilia exhaled and with a look of sorrow, she nodded her head.

She understood the cruelty of the situation if she chose not to keep their child — she understood that it could ruin everything they had built with each other over the years. She could be taking away something he had longed for.

And though Cecilia Abbott was a cruel woman, she wasn't evil.

"Despite what you decide to do— for now, you stop carrying out your jobs. No more killing men. You can work in your clubs but no more killing. Not whilst my child grows inside of you." He said to her seriously with raised brows

She nodded and wrapped her arms around him.

Tommy froze, completely taken aback by her action. She had never done that.. she had never been the one to do something like that.

He carefully placed his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. "Does your father know?" He whispered. She hummed. "He knows." spoke Cecilia. "And?" Tommy waited.

"And he said he wouldn't kill you as long as you married me." She pulled away to look at him. "But I don't want you to marry me just because I carry your child— if you're going to marry me, I want it to be because you want to." She spoke sternly.

Tommy almost laughed. He brushed a stray piece of her hair from her face. "I did tell you that i'd buy you enough jewels to go with any outfit you may wear." He reminded her, "i see no issue in making a ring part of that."

"As long as you marry me before I start showing." She winced, looking down at her stomach.

It would be strange to see Cecilia go from her thin frame to having a baby bump — strange but beautiful.

That evening, Cecilia found herself in Tommy's bed.. and all they did was sleep. He held her close as she slept but he remained wide awake. The sound of her steady breathing eased him as he began thinking of the reality of the situation.

A child — a baby. His baby.

With a forceful blink, Tommy repositioned himself to lay on his back, hoping that he would soon find sleep. He felt that if he thought of the situation any longer, it would drive him mad.

—

Cecilia cautiously stood outside the home of Ada Thorne. She kept her eyes on the large door whilst she waited for somebody to answer to her knocks. And, it wasn't long before somebody did.

"Cecilia?" Ada frowned with worry. "Is everything alright?"

"May I come in?" Cecilia asked the girl who was quick to nod and step aside to let her in.

The warmth of the home automatically consumed her and she looked around briefly. It was filled with love — every single inch of the house. From the moment she stepped inside she could feel it.

"Would you like some tea?" Ada asked her as they stood in the hallway.

Cecilia politely shook her head. "No, that's alright. I came because i'm in need for some advice." She breathed. Ada led her into the living room and the pair sat. "I'm listening." Ada said.

"If I tell you this, you have to swear it doesn't go anywhere." Cecilia stared at her seriously.

"I promise." Ada said plainly.

"It seems that I am pregnant—"

"Oh, my! Congratulations— it is Tommy's, isn't it?" Ada rushed with excitement. Cecilia forced a smile. "Yes, it's Tommy's." She breathed. "But i've came to you because i'm unsure whether or not I want to have the child."

Ada's excitement faded and she sat up straight.
"I see.. does Tommy know about this?"

"He knows." Cecilia confirmed.

"And?"

"He wishes for me to keep it but i'm still conflicted over the matter. I feel I am not fit to be a mother." She shook her head, staring at her hands.

Ada sighed with sympathy. "I thought the same when I was pregnant with Karl. I thought I wasn't mature enough because that's what I had been told my whole life.. that I was immature. But Freddie was ecstatic when he found out.. and I couldn't do that to him. I just couldn't. And as the time passed, i'm glad I chose to keep my baby." She looked over at the picture that hung on the wall.

Cecilia followed her eyes and looked at the picture of Karl.

"But at the end of the day, it's your decision. It's you who has to go through it all— carrying the child and birthing it. It sometimes isn't pretty. I'm sure you know the risks." Ada hated to speak of such things.

Cecilia nodded with regret. "Tommy says he'll marry me." She said. Ada smiled ever so slightly, knowing that deep down Cecilia wanted to keep the baby — she was just afraid. "My father wants me to be happy.. says he supports me either way."
Cecilia looked at Ada. "What do you think, Ada.."

Ada hesitated. "I think.. that you're afraid of what motherhood can bring." She tried, "but I also think that you're trying to convince yourself that you don't want this child."

Cecilia listened closely.

"You're trying to convince yourself so it doesn't hurt as much if you make the decision to get rid of the baby.. so you don't regret it." She continued. "Tommy will support you, I know that. He'll he hurt but he'll support you. Do you want to know why?"

She nodded.

"Because he loves you Cecilia." Ada said truthfully. "I know this because he's told me. And because of the way he looks at you— he fails to hide it." Ada found herself laughing lightly. "He's never been good at hiding stuff like that."

"He's told me that he loves me but I struggle to believe it." Cecilia shook her head.

"It's time to start believing it because if i'm right about one thing.. it's about his love for you." Ada held her hand. "And if i'm not mistaken, he want it to be you that he spends his time with. So, please.. just think about that before you make your decision. Think about yourself first but also him— it's just as much his child as it is yours. You have the upper hand in the situation no matter what but don't let yourself regret what you choose to do."

"Thank you, Ada." Cecilia nodded, "thank you."

After Midnight
Chapter 016
[gracessecretshelby]