ABLOCATE ▇▇▇▇ VOLUME TWO
━━ ❛ 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉 ❜

chapter no. 055!

❪ 𝚃𝚆 : 𝙼𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙸𝙾𝙽 𝙾𝙵 𝙴𝙰𝚃𝙸𝙽𝙶 𝙳𝙸𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙳𝙴𝚁𝚂. ❫

❝ LOVE IS A GOLDEN ROSE. ❞
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﹙ FEBRUARY 24TH, 2018 ﹚

     TODAY HAD BEEN THE LONGEST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF ALL THE DAYS IN CARA VALENTINE'S LIFE. Including the ones she'd experienced in captivity. From Spencer waking her up at three-thirty-two in the morning, cuddling, getting ready, talking in bed for nearly two hours, heading and arriving at the BAU, talking to the team, Spencer taking her to the side, her confession of why she wanted to go through with the interrogation, being thrown a curveball by Hotch and Rossi, being interrogated by Matt and Luke, visually and mentally reliving her trauma, having a panic attack, going to Taco Bell, and now being driven home by David Rossi, she was drained.

     It'd been a very, very long day.

     "Eight tacos, huh?" Rossi quirked a brow. Cara narrowed her gaze on him. "What? Your appetite's increasing. I'm assuming your sessions with Dr. Ruzek have been going well."

     Sarah Ruzek was a nutritionist and eating disorder therapist the blonde had been seeing for approximately eight months. Before being taken, Cara had shown consistent signs of anorexia. She'd always been thin, but most of that had been due to malnutrition and an undiagnosed eating disorder.

     Hotch had mentioned to Rossi a year ago that he should consider finding her an eating disorder therapist or nutritionist. With everything he'd observed in the past and her extreme malnutrition and starvation during and post-rescue, the woman would need help getting on a good meal plan to regain the weight and nutrients she'd lost.

     When the idea was proposed to Cara, she agreed and began making progress in getting her body back on track. She was already in physical therapy and trying to build up her strength. Why not add a nutritionist and eating disorder therapist into the mix? Once she began attending sessions, she realized how difficult it truly was going to be. It had taken a lot of time and effort to build her appetite back up without making herself sick, but in the end, it was worth it. She'd gained a lot of her weight back and was healthier. Something that made everyone in her life, including her, very happy.

     "The sessions are going well. I'm... proud," Cara admitted softly, shrugging a little, "of what we've accomplished, you know? I get hungry regularly and can eat food without throwing up. It's nice."

     Rossi beamed over at her, nothing but pride shining in his eyes. "'Atta girl."

     The pair fist-bumped.

     Frank Sinatra's voice played softly as they drove to her apartment. The night was basked in glowing red and yellow lights, twinkling stars looking down at the world. Barely any cars littered the road, and it was serene. There were no cars, buses, bikes, scooters, or skateboards on the road or sidewalks in use, and not a single sign of human life except for them.

     Not a word had been spoken about the interrogation or Cara's panic attack since it concluded. It didn't need to be said that it was a subject to touch on a different day. For now, she needed rest and time to recover. It'd taken a lot out of her physically, mentally, and emotionally. She would have to take it easy the next few days and give herself grace. Something Hotch had reminded her before she and Rossi left the BAU together.

     Initially, Cara was going to leave with Spencer, but after the breakdown, she changed her mind. Spencer was more than all right with the change of plans. He knew just as well as everyone else that the best thing for her was to go with Rossi and be alone for a bit.

     "When do you plan on telling Reid?" Rossi randomly asked. This was his way of preventing Cara from inevitably overthinking today's events. It was also his way of being blatantly nosy.

     Cara placed her soda in the cup holder to the left. "Telling him what?"

     He gave her a look, and she raised an eyebrow in response. Clarification was needed because he could literally be referring to anything. "Telling him how you feel, figlia mia," he elaborated, knowing good and well that she still hadn't told the genius about her feelings for him.

     Ah, hell. This again.

     "How about... never?"

     "Caralyn."

     "David."

     The car stopped at a red light, and they stared at each other. Rossi was wearing an unamused expression while her face was blank. This was a conversation they'd had on numerous occasions, resulting in the blonde falsely promising to tell Spencer and then never doing it. They'd been around this block so many times.

     Why should she potentially ruin such a great friendship over how her heart felt?

     "The truth's going to come out eventually. Don't you want to know if he feels the same way?" Rossi questioned, pressing down on the accelerator when the light turned green.

     Pressing her lips together, she shook her head slowly. "No... No, not really. I have so many parts of me that are already broken. I don't need nor want to add my heart to the list."

     He huffed, puffing out his cheeks. "When will you believe me when I say that the kid is head-over-heels for you?"

     Humming, she pretended to consider how she was going to respond. "When Hell freezes over."

     "Cara, Reid stares at you like you hung the damn galaxy."

     At his comment, Cara rolled her eyes. "God, you are so dramatic," she groaned, throwing her head against the headrest. What he said wasn't entirely false, she was smart enough to know that. The way Spencer stared at her sometimes was indescribable; he looked at her like she was the only person who mattered in the room. Whenever they were together, alone or with others, he never stopped looking at her that way. And she knew she likely mirrored the same expression.

     "You're not the first person to tell me that." Rossi quipped, winking cheekily.

     "Oh, I know." Cara snorted, rotating her head on the headrest and glancing over. "All three of your ex-wives have said the exact same thing."

     Scowling, he sent her a playful glare. "Sometimes I regret telling you things."

     She gave him a crooked grin and reached for her soda again. "You're not the first person to tell me that."

────

     IT WAS WHEN THE APARTMENT DOOR SHUT BEHIND HER THAT EVERYTHING CAME FLOODING BACK. The events of that day were mentally on replay while Cara stood motionless at the entrance. All the members of the BAU team were now knowledgeable about some of her time away. Not that they weren't before, but now they were by her own choice. Prior, the Founding Fathers had shared the torture she went through without her consent. Today changed that, though, and she wasn't sure if she was comfortable with it.

     Despite the small sense of pride she felt for what she'd accomplished, there was a nagging feeling of insecurity. She kept telling herself that what she shared wouldn't change anyone's view of her, but the fear that it might lingered.

     "Front door opened. Front door closed. Armed away on. Fifty-nine seconds to disarm."

     Cara's eyes flashed to the light grey touchscreen box on the wall next to the door. "Shut up," she grumbled, typing in the passcode. The security system was exceptional and excellent to have, but the automated voice that parroted every single time a door or window was opened or closed was beginning to irritate her. It'd been infuriating that morning when Spencer was over, but luckily, he slept straight through it.

     "Armed away off. Armed stay activated."

     Under her breath, she mimicked the voice with a scowl. She switched all eight locks and deadbolted it twice. Suddenly, her stomach rumbled and she glanced down with a sigh. "You shut up, too," she hissed, poking her abdomen. "I'll order pizza after showering."

     A slight frown tugged at the corners of her lips and she trudged to her room. Once entering, she flipped on the lights and dropped her bag on the wooden dresser. Her eyes hesitantly flickered over to the clock on her bedside table and she almost groaned when she saw that it was only seven-thirty on the dot.

     Of course. Of course, it was.

     A string of curse words and colorful phrases left her mouth and she dragged her hands down her face. "Shower, Patsy Cline, pizza, reading. That's self-care," she muttered to herself, forcing her feet to move toward the bathroom.

     For the next hour and a half, Cara shut her brain off and went on autopilot mode. She was simply going through the motions. After taking a hot shower, despite the fact that she took one that morning, and scrubbing away every grimy feeling and thought, she got into her favorite black tank top and sweatpants. She even threw on the red cardigan Spencer had given her years ago. She slid on her glasses and slippers and grabbed her current book.

     Then, she put on a Patsy Cline vinyl, ordered a large spinach and black olive pizza, made herself a cup of hot chocolate, happily took the pizza from the delivery woman, and sat down in the corner of the L-shaped tan couch with her book. Pushing her glasses up with her pointer finger, she turned to the last page she was on.

     With her third slice of pizza in one hand and her book in the other, Cara chewed silently. The sound of Patsy Cline playing on the record player in the library echoed through the apartment. She hummed along to the melody of Cry Not for Me as her eyes scanned from left to right.

     "Cry not for me, my love. When I am far away, there's nothing more to say. Cry not for me, cry not for me, my love. You've found another thrill and though I love you still, cry not for me. Love is a golden rose that grows within your heart unless the petals fade and fall apart..."

     Swaying side to side, Cara flipped to the next chapter.

     "Cry not for me, sweetheart. But if a tear should start, cry not my broken heart, cry not for me. There is a golden rose that grows within your heart unless the petals fade and fall apart. Cry not for me, sweetheart. But if a tear should start, cry not for my broken heart, cry not for me."

     A small smile spread across her face when the next song began playing.

     "Once you were mine and we were so happy. I never thought that the end soon would be, but now that you are gone, and I'm so lonesome, it's just another crazy dream for me." Cara sang softly, still reading. "Crazy dreams linger on as I face an empty dawn with no end to it, all can I see for I've surely reached the end. Lost your love to a friend. Just another crazy dream for me."

     This song and the next one— Gotta Lot of Rhythm in My Soul— were ones that she and her father would dance to when she was a child. Most of the time, Ross was high when these moments occurred, but they meant the world to a five-year-old Cara Valentine.

     It was those small moments in time that made her forget about taking care of her father and the demons he faced, and forced her to face with him. She would forever be grateful for being able to slow dance with him and for when he would spin her around in a million circles in the living room until she was so dizzy that she couldn't see straight and her laughter bounced off every available surface. Sometimes Blue would weave in between their feet, meowing when they got too close or when he wanted to join.

     It was a time when the world disappeared and it was just her and her father. They were the only two people to exist, and she wouldn't have wanted it any other way at that age.

     "Come on, Dad, get with the jive. Let's let 'em know that we're alive until the break of dawn. We'll yell for more, more, more. Gonna live it up and tear it down, get in the groove, and paint the town. Gotta lot of rhythm in my soul," Cara sang joyfully, briefly tearing her eyes away from the book. The pizza slice was long gone and she reached for a napkin, wiping her hand off. Then, she resumed her position.

     "Well now, baby, baby, let's go tonight. Together, you and me. Baby, baby, when ya hold me tight... Oo wee, whatcha do to me! The big black hands on the clock tell me that it's time to rock. Gotta lot of rhythm in my soul!" she continued, swaying again. "Big Bad Pete with a crazy bop, when the lights are low and the music's hot. Dance from two to three and then a half past four. When that sun peeks over the hill, I won't stop—"

     Suddenly, the handle to the apartment door jiggled loudly, and Cara slowly peered over the top of her book. From where she sat, she was able to see precisely who would walk through the door. She had enough time to grab the gun Rossi helped burrow in a compartment underneath the coffee table. Her brows scrunched together, and she glanced at the table, debating whether she should grab the weapon.

     However, she didn't make a decision fast enough when she heard the final lock snap. It took less than two seconds for the door to fly open and for Spencer Reid to rush inside, locking all eight locks and deadbolting it twice behind him. She'd forgotten to deadbolt it after receiving the pizza.

     "Front door opened. Front door closed."

     Casting the security system a glare, Cara flashed it the middle finger. Then, she brought her attention back to the doctor. "Uh, hi..." she greeted awkwardly, perplexed as to why he was audibly out of breath.

     "Why would you do that?" Spencer panted, spinning to face the blonde. He put the eight sets of keys on the small table next to the door. Rossi gave them to him earlier at the BAU.

     Tilting her head, Cara lowered the book a bit more. "I've done a lot of things..." she trailed off, not having the slightest clue what he was talking about. "You going to have to be a little more specific, Spen."

     In the background, the beginning beats of I Cried All the Way to the Altar could be heard.

     "I told you that you don't owe the team anything," he breathed, rounding the couch, "but you still pushed yourself to an emotional breaking point. Cara, you've been through so much. You don't need to go through any more."

     The book in the short-haired woman's hands was placed to the side, and she pressed the palms of her hands to the cushions. Sitting up, she furrowed her brows. Where was this coming from? This conversation had escalated out of, seemingly, nowhere. Was he okay?

     "Since the day I met you, all you have done is push yourself to give the team whatever they asked of you." Cara blinked, feeling a little disoriented. So much had happened that day, she was having a hard time processing anything else. "You've done everything you can to protect us. You turned your back on the Red Scorpions, you turned your back on yourself when you gave Hotch all those documents on everything you've done as a trafficker, you pushed yourself to physically be there for Garcia during the Sam Russell case even when you didn't feel comfortable—" Her head reeled back an inch. He'd noticed and remembered that? "—you protected the team from the Founding Fathers by choosing to not ask for help, you protected me and all of our conversations. Hell, you were willing to kill yourself for me.

     "And today, you pushed yourself to the point of a trauma-induced panic attack to provide answers. All because two members asked you to and because you care about us. You're selfless. Undeniably selfless and it is one thing I both love and hate about you." Spencer vented; his face was one of sheer astoundment, frustration, and an emotion the blonde couldn't decipher.

     Opening her mouth to speak, she was instantly cut off.

     "And you know what's even worse? Despite what happened today, you still walked out and forced a smile when you saw us after the panic attack. You comforted Penelope when you saw that she was crying. You let JJ hold onto you and not let go to reassure her that you were safe and sound. You let Tara hug you for the first time. You even let Alvez and Simmons, still strangers to a degree, shake your hand and compliment you on how brave you are after they questioned you. You sacrificed your comfortability and boundaries again, just as you have before countless times."

     "Spen—"

     He wasn't done.

     "Even after all the time that's passed. After all the changes the team went through, I went through, you went through. After everything, two things have remained the same: your selflessness and willingness to sacrifice pieces of yourself to make someone feel better. And God... sometimes it causes my head to spin just thinking about you and how caring you are. A characteristic you hadn't explicitly displayed in the past. Not until the last year and eight months."

     Now she was really confused.

     "I mean... in general, you cause my head to spin. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about you at least five times. Especially when you went missing. But now you're back, and you are one of the only things I always think and worry about. Sometimes having you here doesn't even feel real; it feels like I'm dreaming. Sometimes I feel like I'll wake up and you won't be here, and that terrifies me because I can't lose you again. I won't. I-I'm too far deep in this. I'm attached and I don't want to ever be separated from you again. And I... I think you feel the same way."

     Spencer was rambling like a madman, and Cara wanted to say something, but she didn't even know what she'd say. Every word he uttered made perfect sense to her, she was following what he was saying, but she was overwhelmed.

     "At least I'm hoping you do. After analyzing your behavior and tells, which I shouldn't have done yet I did, I'm quite certain you feel something for me. Just like how I feel something for you. M-Maybe you have for a while and it's been right in my face, but I've been too oblivious to realize it. I mean, that would make sense. Y-You were willing to kill yourself for me, and I've known that for years now, and I know I've never brought it up. I didn't want to unless you wanted to share that memory with me. I wasn't certain if Rossi had told you about the DVD or what the videos entailed, so I decided to play it safe and let the question I have linger in the back of my head.

     "But now, I can finally ask you and I'm scared. Honestly, I... I've been pacing outside your door for, like, fifteen minutes trying to work up the courage to come inside. That sounds stupid because it's just you that I'm talking to, but at the same time, it's you." Spencer paused, running a hand through his hair. "I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore."

     Cara blinked from where she still sat on the couch, palms planted on the cushions. She'd hardly moved an inch. "Spencer, you're—" She went to tell him that he was making sense, but he started talking again. At this point, she was convinced that she'd have to either hit him or do something stupid to get him to shut up for two seconds.

     "You are my favorite person in the entire world. I love every second that I spend with you. I-I shouldn't be nervous to talk to you, but I am. I'm scared that I've possibly read too far into all of this and are connecting dots that don't exist. I'm scared of your response and that me telling you how I feel and what I believe will ruin part of our friendship. I'm scared, but I can't keep any of this to myself anymore. It's driving me up the wall not telling you that I like you, like, a lot. The question of why were you willing to kill yourself to protect me is also driving me up the wall. After today, I want to know. I need to know."

     Finally, he let out a shaky exhale and his shoulders dropped. His face was flushed and he was trying to calm down. It seemed that he was done for the time being.

     So Cara stood from the couch and darted her deep blue eyes between his honey-brown ones. It was evident that she didn't quite understand where this or he was going. This was new and random to her. He'd just stormed in and dumped a pile of confessions she didn't ask for on top of her.

     "Spen—" Cara began when he reached over and grabbed her hand. Glancing down, the familiar feeling of her stomach twisting returned and her cheeks grew warm. "Spencer—" He cut her off again and pulled her to his chest. Swallowing harshly, she peered up at the man whose eyes had not left her once.

     It was taking everything not to succumb to his anxiety and listen to the tiny voice in the back of his head telling him to stop. "Why were you willing to kill yourself for me?" Spencer whispered, snaking his arm around her waist.

     The simple touch caused her pupils to widen, and he noticed. "I uh," she stammered, averting her stare as her confidence was fleeting. This felt like uncharted territory, even after that morning. And she couldn't tell if she was okay with it.

     Four years had passed, four years worth of time, in and out of captivity, where she could correctly figure out what she felt for him. Luckily, she had but like he said... things had changed, and they'd changed. She didn't want to voice her feelings and possibly get a negative response even though he'd made his feelings for her abundantly clear. She could've handled it in the past, but not right now, not after the past year and eight months of recovery, not after today.

     "I don't want to lie to you, but I'm scared, too," Cara admitted, going to take a step back, but his hold stiffened.

     "You're safe. I'm safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you ever again. Le is never going to put his hands on you. I promise." Spencer vowed, dipping his head so she could see him. "You don't have to be scared to tell me how you feel. I'm asking to know, Ara. Why were you willing to kill yourself for me?"

     It wasn't that she didn't know the answer to his question, 'cause she most certainly did. It was that the memory and events associated with that question were ones that she almost wished she couldn't remember. Especially since she already had to face it earlier.

     "You were the one person who believed that I was worth a second chance," she forced out, unknowingly resting a hand on his chest. "You bent over backward to get me out of a life I was trapped in. You went against your own team by sticking up for me and insisting that I was worth it. No one has ever done that for me. Especially not a stranger who had no idea whether I was someone they could trust. You changed me and my life and never expected anything in return. There were no strings attached. You did what you did out of the goodness of your heart."

     Spencer's face burned. "There's more to it than that. There has to be," he murmured, casting his eyes between hers. The answer couldn't be that simple. "I was willing to kill myself without hesitation in exchange for my first girlfriend's life because I loved her. I'd rather die than go one day without having her here. You were put in a similar situation."

     "And because of those correlations, you want to know whether or not..." Cara trailed off, realizing that she'd just been cornered. Shit. "Spencer..." she muttered, not knowing what to say. She knew her feelings and was apprehensive, but he was asking. He needed to know. He told her how he felt and now it was her turn.

     "Please. Please don't tell me I'm reading too much into this because I'm not. I know I'm not. I know you feel something, too. Especially after this morning, and you don't have to be scared to tell me," he stressed, moving his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear before resting it on her cheek.

     Instinctually sinking into his touch, she held her breath. The quiet voice in the back of her head was right. This morning meant something to him, too.

     "If you already know I feel something, why are you asking me?"

     The atmosphere shifted when Spencer noticed where her gaze rested. "I-I need to hear it from you."

     When their eyes met again, Cara was almost certain he could hear her heart beating against her ribcage. She gulped, unsure of how to react. She didn't like being thrown off-guard like this. "I was willing to kill myself for you then, and I am willing to kill myself for you now," she admitted quietly, tempted to reach down and rub her wrist. "I'd rather die than hurt or betray you. I'd rather die protecting you and everything I shared with you as opposed to taking the easy way out and talking."

     "Why?" Spencer pushed, bringing the two of them closer.

     Cara let out a shaky breath. "Because I care about you," she replied, her fingers curling around his sweater vest. "I care for you, Spen. I-I don't know if it's love, but—" Her words were cut short when he impulsively pressed his lips to hers.

     For a second, Cara was taken aback before her eyes fluttered shut. They remained still, their lips mashed together before Spencer pulled back. Both of their eyes were closed and he placed his forehead against hers.

     "I've been wanting to do that since the moment you woke up in the hospital," he confessed, smiling when he felt her hand run through his hair.

     She didn't lean in slowly, but her intentions were clear. The curve of her elbow pressed into his chest and he felt her body rest against him. With the fabric of his top still in her hands, she tugged him an inch closer. If that was even possible at this point.

     The second kiss itself was gentle but sensual. Spencer felt every movement she made and he loved every second of it. Her lips were the sweetest thing, and he never wanted to stop.

     They broke apart a minute later, breathless from the lack of air. Cara let out a tiny gasp, her chest rising up and down. "I've been thinking about this for a long time," she murmured, unsure if he'd heard her. Those were words she never thought she'd ever say to him.

     It appeared that he did when he chuckled, shaking his head. He tilted his chin and reconnected their lips, smiling when he heard her sigh contently. They quickly fell into a steady and smooth rhythm.

     This felt better than the dream she'd had years ago. This felt better than Cara could have ever imagined, and she didn't want it to end.

     Feeling Spencer lift the fabric of her tank top and lightly brush over her skin, she inhaled deeply. Normally, she'd flinch, but she knew who was holding her. It was Spencer and she knew nothing bad would ever happen to her while she was with him. So, she relaxed and re-curled her fingers around his sweater vest.

     A few seconds passed by and Cara took a tentative step back, intending to head toward the couch. Spencer followed her lead, running his hands through her hair while he lost himself in the kiss. He felt her slowly spin them and gently push him onto the couch. Before he had time to react, she was straddling his lap and putting her lips back on his. Naturally, his hands landed on her hips and he smiled. An identical one appeared on her face and they pulled apart, out of breath.

     "I've been thinking about this for a long time, too," Spencer said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Cara's face flushed. "I've thought about being with you for a long time. Not just in a physical sense, though. Being with you in any and every way. You've been my first and last thought every day for years now, and I—"

     Spencer never finished his sentence as Cara had placed her lips over his, silencing him completely. This was the first time she'd cut him off while talking, but he didn't care. Not in the slightest. Not when it resulted in them kissing.

     Tilting her head to the right, she took him by surprise when her tongue traced his bottom lip. All logical thinking and rationale officially went soaring out the window as Spencer tilted his head, too, parting his lips. A trail of goosebumps spread across his skin and down his back.

     "You're... not alone... in... that..." she spoke in between kisses. "This..."

     "Feels... good..." he finished, saying each word in between a kiss. Pressing his thumbs into her hips, he guided her until there was barely any room left. Breaking away, he beamed when their eyes met. "I really like this."

     Cara's stomach twisted and she smiled shyly. "Me too." Tracing every feature on his face with her eyes, her heart melted. "I uh," she cleared her throat, not entirely sure where she was going with what she was about to say. "My feelings for you are absolute. I've known that they are for quite some time. So, you weren't wrong in saying that I feel something here and have for a while. After the past four years and all the changes that have taken place... The one thing that hasn't changed is how I feel for you. This morning solidified that for me.

     "I uh, um, I-I would..." she puffed out her cheeks and shook her head at herself. "Goddammit, I can't talk properly."

     Spencer chuckled, removing a hand from her hips and bringing it up to tuck some hair behind her ears. "You're fine," he reassured her. "Take your time." After how long it took him to get to his question, she could take all the time in the world and he wouldn't mind.

     Pulling it together, Cara let out an even and controlled breath. "I would really like to pursue something romantic with you, but I'm more than okay with being friends. However, I am going to make an educated guess based on everything you've said and us making out, and say that I believe the feeling is more than mutual."

     "It is," Spencer confirmed, on the verge of breaking into the biggest grin he could muster. This was the most forthright she'd been with him about her emotions toward him. He could feel himself falling further with every word she spoke. "You and my mom are my entire world. Obviously, I mean that in two very distinct ways, but yes, you mean everything to me. I-I would really like to pursue something romantic with you, too. If you're ready or whenever you are, I would also really like to take you on a proper date."

     Another smile spread across her reddened cheeks, and Cara nodded. "I am ready," she whispered, cupping his face.

     Suddenly, Spencer's lips were on hers and the force of his actions made her bend backward for a second. Regaining her composure and driving forward, she reciprocated the kiss. He lifted up the fabric of her sweater and tank top again, spreading his fingers out as he ran his hands up her back. Scar tissue and dents in the skin could be felt against his fingertips, but he couldn't care less. If anything, he thought they made her more beautiful. Even if he couldn't see them.

     Breathing in sharply, it dawned on Cara that Spencer could fully feel the imperfections in her skin. Every scar, scratch, dent, burn, and bump in her skin from the Founding Fathers— he was aware of, and that fact made her insecure.

     "Spen..." she drew back, anxiety engraved into every letter of his nickname.

     Spencer blinked and took in the timid expression forming and how she'd said his name. "Oh, shit. I'm sorry," he immediately retracted his touch from under her clothes, "I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have done that. W-We'll go at your own pace. I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Ara." Guilt flooded his nervous system and he grimaced, mentally kicking himself.

     "No. No, no," she grabbed one of his hands and interlaced their fingers. "You haven't at all. It's just... I have..." Spencer watched as she struggled to get the words out. He hesitantly kissed her nose and chin, hoping it would aid in calming her a bit. It did. Her shoulders sank and she relaxed. "I have a lot of scar tissue, like, everywhere. My skin isn't perfect—"

     "It is to me." Their eyes locked and she frowned, twisting her lips to the side. "Your skin is perfect to me, Cara."

     Not a single tell of his was present and Cara knew that he was being wholeheartedly honest with her. To him, her skin was perfect and he didn't care about the scar tissue or dents. He didn't and would never care about it. To him, she will always be beautiful exactly the way she is.

    "I know how I view you and your skin doesn't align with how you see yourself. It's all right. I understand and if you don't want me to touch parts of you or touch under your clothes, please tell me. I don't want to ever violate you, your comfort, and your boundaries. All of this is up to you, I promise."

     An involuntary lump got caught in her throat and she cleared it. Cara couldn't begin to express how much what he said meant to her. Nobody had ever treated her and her body with this much respect. Which was sad because it was the bare minimum. Spencer wasn't trying and wouldn't try to take away her ability to make her own decisions and decide what she would and wouldn't accept. She knew he never would, but hearing him say it meant more than she could comprehend.

     "Thank you." That was all she could say for a second. It was all her brain could conjure up.

     Spencer nodded and squeezed her hand. "You're welcome."

     Opening her mouth, she paused as she finalized her decision. "It's uh, it's okay to touch under my clothes. I'm okay with it."

     "A-Are you sure?" he raised an eyebrow, wanting her to be certain. He didn't want her to give permission because of him and not mean it.

     "Yes," she replied, untangling their fingers and pulling her body back a little. Spencer didn't do anything while she slid off the red sweater and tossed it to the side. His eyes widened a fraction, but he didn't say anything. Then, she leaned forward and kissed him. Instantly, his eyes shut and he felt her guide one of his hands down the fabric of her tank top. Not a moment later, she brought their hands under the shirt and placed his hand on her bare torso.

     Breaking away, Cara brushed her nose against his and nodded. "I'm sure," she whispered, smiling when she felt his fingertips trailed across the skin on her back. A trail of goosebumps was left behind and she kept her eyes closed.

     Spencer sunk into the cushions of the couch and lightly grabbed the bottom of her chin, guiding her face even closer to his. Connecting their lips, he smiled when he felt her relax further and place all of her body weight on him. Her arms draped over his shoulders and she opened her mouth against his.

     With a soft moan, he returned the action. Shivers ran down his spine as he felt her play with the curls by the nape of his neck.

     Their lips moved in tandem, melding together perfectly.

     The more time passed, the more comfortable they became with feeling the others' hands and lips on them. This was new to Cara and Spencer, and it felt so good. It felt right.

     Knotting her fingers in his hair, Cara added a slight pressure to the kiss. In response, Spencer inhaled harshly, chest rising and falling against hers. Without warning, his tongue entered her mouth and she moaned as he explored it. No matter how many times he could ever do that, Cara was certain that it would always make her heart stop and her toes curl.

     Their breath mingled together the longer they kissed and the air became hotter. Especially for Spencer since he was wearing multiple layers.

     "Do you, uh," he mumbled against Cara's lips, "do you mind if I take off my vest and tie? It's getting a little... hot."

     Cara kissed him one last time quickly. "Of course."

     For the first time in minutes, they separated just enough so the doctor could remove some of his clothing. Cara silently watched him lift the sweater vest over his head and toss it to the side haphazardly. Then, he reached for the black silk tie and untied it, also throwing it aside. Now, he was only left in his navy blue button-down.

     "Better?" the blonde asked, raising an eyebrow.

     "Oh, yeah," Spencer grinned, immediately erasing the distance between them.

     Three seconds was all it took for the pair to fall back into a slow and steady rhythm.

     An idea randomly popped into Spencer's head and he adjusted his grip. Holding onto Cara's thigh and back, he brought them into a more seated position. Her legs easily looped around his waist. Their lips never once disconnected as he slipped off his shoes and turned to the right, lowering until her back was pressed against the couch.

     The pair broke apart for a moment, breathing heavily. Both of them were feeling light-headed from the lack of oxygen.

     "Is this okay?" Spencer checked, resting a hand above her head while the other brushed strands of hair out of her face. Her legs were no longer hooked over his waist. Instead, they were lying directly under his body, tangled with his. One hand was playing with his hair while the latter idly fiddled with the buttons on his shirt.

     Cara's chest was rising up and down laboriously and she fought to slow down her breathing. At his question, she bit down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling too big. "Yes, it is," she answered, eyebrows forming into a jagged line when he randomly dipped his head. However, the confusion vanished when she felt him graze his lips over her collarbone. Her eyes closed when he shifted and started kissing under her jaw. He gently grabbed her hip and she angled her head back, providing him with more access.

     "Is this okay?" Spencer murmured against her skin.

     Inhaling, she managed to nod. "Yes." The single word came out as a hoarse whisper, but he heard it nonetheless.

     Not wanting to overwhelm her or move things too quickly, Spencer took his time. He repeatedly kissed the soft skin under her jaw in different places for a couple of seconds. Next, he slowly kissed down her throat. His nose trailed right behind his lips, softly brushing against every kiss he left.

     Heavy breaths tumbled from Cara's mouth and she gulped. This was becoming her favorite thing in the world.

     When he got to her collarbones, Spencer stopped and hovered above her chest before moving forward. Once he could see her face, he broke into a grin at the sight of Cara attempting to catch her breath again.

     It took four seconds until she noticed his prolonged staring and she let out a breathy laugh. "Hi," she said shyly, fingers playing with his shirt now.

     "Hi," he echoed, equally as shy.

     This was officially the most intimate they'd ever been and neither regretted a single thing. Everything was perfect.

     "I think we should do this more often," Cara admitted quietly, blushing at how fast Spencer nodded. "Okay. Good to know we're on the same page."

     "We are," he confirmed, cradling her face with his free hand. She gave him a blissfully crooked smile and he almost folded right then and there. That rare smile of hers that she only started sporting more often since Christmas made him weak in the knees. It made him feel like he won the lottery.

     And tonight, Spencer finally told Cara how he felt and thankfully, she returned the feelings. So, yes, he actually did win the lottery— the lottery for Cara Valentine's heart.

𝒂𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒄𝒂𝒕𝒆   ───   ❪ CRIMINAL MINDS ❫
act two:     𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝚁𝙴𝙳 𝙿𝚁𝙸𝙴𝚂𝚃𝙴𝚂𝚂,       ²
╱ ✹     ▬▬     ❛ © CARDIIAC      2023. ❜
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𓄹 ━━━ 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝒌𝒊𝒍𝒍𝒆𝒓! ࿐ ໋₊ ˖

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Figlia mia ━━ My daughter

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     hey everyone!! i hope you all enjoyed the fifty-fifth chapter!

     (the chapter titled is a lyric from the song ❛ a little death ❜ ━━ by the neighborhood.)

     THE VERY VERY VERY LONG-AWAITED #SPARA KISS FINALLY HAPPENED!!!! IT TOOK 55 CHAPTERS (LMAOOOO) BUT IT'S HERE!!!!!! i felt bad for it taking so long so i added way more to this chapter than i intended to.

     i don't want anything too spicy to happen yet considering cara's past and her comfort level. good news, though! there will be more intimate moments between these two before the book ends! (would anyone want a smut scene?? i already have it written... just curious if anyone wants it. please, let me know! if not, i won't include it.)

     this is in my top ten favorite chapters from this book. i adore #spara so so much— those are my motherfuckin' parents.

     i hope this was worth the wait!

     meme time ━━ spara memes are superior.

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˒⠀𝑹𝑬𝑴𝑰𝑵𝑫𝑬𝑹. . . ▬⠀⤸

Thank you all for taking the time out of your day to comment on this story. It means a lot and helps the story be spread to a broader audience &&& allows me to grow as an author. All I ask is that people vote on each chapter, please. As a creator, it takes time to write and develop stories. Especially ones such as this that take a while to write and dedicate time to. So please, vote on every chapter. It means a lot more than I could ever express.

Don't forget to vote & comment!

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˒⠀𝑪𝑶𝑷𝒀𝑹𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻. . . ▬⠀⤸

❝ All Rights Reserved.
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