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CHAPTER 13
Annie
YOU'RE DIFFERENT 
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        MY PHONE BEGINS TO CHIRP AWAY, and I look away from my book, expecting it to be Julian, but I see a message from my mom instead. Cafeteria for lunch? My treat. Meet me in 15? 
        “Fifteen” means she’s already on her way. I’ve been putting her off for weeks, telling her that things are so routine that she’d be bored, but she’s not taking no for an answer this time, I still haven't told her about Julian so I hope she won't be mad because I tell her everything. I shoot back a yes and sigh, standing up to get changed. 
         I pull out a clean pair of sweatpants and a shirt, and head up the elevator and across into Building 2. My mom is already standing outside the cafeteria when I get there, her dark brown hair in a messy hair bun and dark circles hang heavily under her eyes. She looks thinner than I do too. 
        We manage to grab a seat in the corner by the wide glass windows, a comfortable distance away from everyone else. I glance outside as we eat to see that the snow is still gently falling, a blanket of white steadily accumulating on the ground. I hope my mom leaves before it gets too bad out there. “How have you and Dad been, while I’ve been gone?” I ask. I watch as she picks at her food, face tired. She looks like she’s been Googling again, up until the early hours of the morning, reading page after page, article after article, looking for treatments and cures. “We’re managing. We miss you though, so does Luna. The house isn’t as lively as it used to be.” She says, I smile at the thought of my little dog Luna. Mom and Dad got her from an animal shelter when I was 5 and Ginny was 10.   “How have you been honey?” She asks, she’s always been more worried and concerned about my wellbeing. “I’ve been fine, why?” I ask. “You look different, more happy.” She adds. I couldn't keep lying to her and tell her that it was nothing when it was. Something. "Well, you know that boy that was standing in the hallway with Kim when she asked to see my regimen?" I say, looking Mom in the eyes. "Yes I am aware, what about him?" She smiles. "Well I kind of like him."
          "Annie, why didn't you tell me, this is, this is great news." Mom says as a tear falls down her face as she takes both my hands. "I was scared that you didn't want me to have any relationships because I'm sick." "What does being sick have to do with you being in love?" At those words my heart immediately broke. Not because Mom's finally allowing me to date, but she's not seeing me as her sick daughter, but just her daughter. Mom looks at me, suddenly, her eyes start brimming with tears. I squeeze her hands gently, frowning. “Mom. What?”  “I look at you and think… they said you wouldn’t…” She shakes her head as she holds my face in her hands, tears spilling out of her eyes. “But here you are. And you’re grown. And beautiful. You keep proving them wrong.” She grabs a few napkins and wipes away the tears. “I don't know what I’d do without.” My insides turn cold. I don’t know what I’d do without you. 

☆

      "Why can't I find my pink headband?" I say throwing out all my clothes from my dresser in frustration. "Where exactly did you get your exotic taste in fashion anyway?" Julian asks, sitting at the edge of my bed, looking through all the clothes I had previously thrown out onto my bed.
 

    "Some of it was from Ginny." I ask, digging through my closet drawers. "Ginny's your older sister?" "Yeah." I answer, slamming my drawers shut and searching through my suitcase. If this is what a clothing crisis looks like, then this is definitely what I’m having.  "So where is this famous Ginny now?" Julian asks.  "She's in college studying psychology. Trying to study the mind and behaviour of people." Days turned into weeks, Julian seems more distant, he acts different when I move closer to him, he pulls away. I sent him a text asking him if he wanted to watch a movie with me but he never responded. I wait in the hall for what felt like hours when I see a figure appear in front of me. 
     It's Wally. "He's not coming.”  “What?” I manage to get out. “Why isn’t he coming?” 
     “He doesn’t want to see you. He’s not coming Annie.” He doesn’t want to see me? What? “He told me to tell you that this little thing between the two of you is over.” the shock and hurt change into anger, deep and real, clawing at my stomach. I hate him. I stand in front of Julian’s door, pounding as hard as I could, but still no still no answer. 
      “Julian.” I called out, hoping he would hear me. “Open the door.” I say, trying to open the door. “Go away Annie.” Julian’s voice sounds low, and sad. “No! I’m not leaving until you talk to me!” I say, getting angry. I could feel his presence up against the door. “Please Annie, just go.” His voice softened. “No, don’t shut me out. Talk to me. Please.” My voice softened as well. "I can't." I put my hand on the door. Getting angry again. "Julian-" I say but was interrupted by Julian yelling. "Go away." "Not until you tell me what's wrong." Julian doesn’t say anything for a moment "I don't want to hurt you. Annie, please just go." "Why?" I ask, feeling the tears in my eyes. "Because I'm a burden to you. And one day you'll realize that I was your tragedy." Tears start falling down my cheeks. I can't believe he would actually call himself a burden. "What are you talking about?" 
      "I DON'T WANT TO YOUR BLOODY TRAGEDY!" he said slamming his fist on the door, it scared me some much that I jumped back. I'm tired of living without really living. I'm tired of wanting things. We can't have a lot of things. But we can have this. We need this. “Fine.” "Maybe it's better this way." I turn around to see Wally, still standing there, his eyes sad but his voice resolute. "No, it's not." I say and walk away. 
      There has to be a way. I knew in that moment that this “little thing” between us wasn't over. It’s just starting. <>I Know Care by; Ellie Goulding The next few days blurred together. I ignored Julian. Julian ignored me. My parents came to visit, we mostly played cards all afternoon. Hanged out with Wally and Winnie too. I roamed the hospital, once and a while I would see Julian in the halls. I'm sure he saw me too but I never noticed. We haven't spoken to each other in 2 weeks. 
      Friday night, I lay on my bed when my door slowly opened and Julian appeared. I straighten myself and look at him. "What are you doing here?" I chuckled and smiled. "I thought this was my room honestly." he laughs. "Don't lie." I laugh. Julian kneels down next to my bed and places his hand on my right cheek. "I'm singing you to sleep, so I really hope I don't mess this up."  He clears his throat and starts to sing, softly. 
       "Somewhere Over the Rainbow, way up high." I start laughing as tears fall down my cheeks. "Go away." I wipe my tears away. "There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby." The tears start rolling down my face faster than I can catch them as I watch his dark-brown eyes. Julian stops singing and caresses my cheek softly. "I know that I’m going to be apologizing about this forever but I’m sorry." He whispers. “I know, I’m sorry too.” And then my eyes begin to close, the last thing I hear are the soft words of Julian's voice, "Goodnight, Annie Grace."