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CHAPTER 1
Annie
THE MEANING OF LIFE
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OCTOBER 

<>Tell Me by: Johny Jewel ft. Saoirse Ronan

       WHAT DOES LIVING MEAN TO ME? Well for starters it's a question, but I can never bring myself into answering that type of question. At least that was what I thought. So then what does living mean? It means, being alive, remaining in existence, existing in a specific way, and enjoying life to the fullest. Unfortunately though, this won't happen for me. Why may you ask? Because I'm sick. I have a breathing disease called Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis or IPF for short, and a genetic breathing disorder called Asthma. I guess the odds aren't exactly in my favor.
        Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis mainly affects my lungs, making them scar. Asthma mainly affects my lungs making my breathing difficult. I suffered an asthma attack during swim practice 2 weeks ago before I was rushed to the hospital, falling into a coma right afterwards. I've lived with IPF and Asthma my whole life, most IPF patients only have a few years to live but I was born with it so that makes me the "miracle child" (according to the doctors and my parents). 

        I have to carry around a portable oxygen tank now, not all the time, only sometimes for when I go on long walks. Mom made me quit swimming because she didn't want "the accident" to happen again. I have to see a therapist named Dr. Tulsa to help deal with my illnesses now. Sometimes, Dr. Tulsa will make me play with picture cards and building blocks during our sessions to help me feel more at ease, she is the best therapist I know. To pass the time, I enjoy reading the bible, reading regular books, fashion, drinking milkshakes with my best friends, and trying to stay alive.

<>Roadblock by: Attaboy

       It's October, I sit in my bay window looking out at the colorful trees and autumn leaves falling down my window. It's cold but not too cold, the sun still shines as it should. It's been 3 months, 3 months stuck in the hospital due to my IPF. My parents and my best friends came to visit me at UCSF Benioff Children's Hospital this saturday morning, Wally and Winnie sat on my bed, while my parents stood next to me watching Dr. Atler take my blood pressure before reading my chart. "Well Annie's blood pressure is normal and her lungs are looking a lot better, but I would like to keep her here a little bit longer in case anything happens. Remember, her lungs are still fragile and they need time to heal on their own, We should''t push it too much" Dr. Atler explains in his southern accent, folding up the blood pressure meter. Dr. Atler is my regular doctor. Him and his wife moved from South Carolina to San Francisco when he started his new residence here.
     Everyone lets out a sigh of relief. "Does that mean that Annie will be able to go with us to Greece for spring break?" Winnie asks. Wally & Winnie have been my best friends since we were infants. Only because our parents were friends before we were even born. But throughout school, we had a lot of class trips (mainly in San Francisco).
     A lot of those trips were the ones I was able to go on but my parents and I fought over my sick problem. (And I won those fights) so it's yet another hope towards this bigger trip. I wouldn't say this was a school trip though, it's more of a trip we planned since we didn't have anything better to do, and besides, it's only October there's still time, right? "I'm afraid not, it's too risky." Dr. Atler says.
     But this is unexpected. As heat rises to my face, with tears welling up my eyes, I realize that this is the first "trip" in my life I can't go on without my illnesses getting in the way, I mean it's not like I'm going to die all of a sudden. Well, I just sit in silence admitting to my own defeat, trying to space out and imagine my life without IPF and asthma; running around tirelessly, not getting short of breath all the time, being able to take breaths without coughing, doing normal things normal teenagers do (without inhalers or medication). 
     But before I could space out like I wanted, I heard Nurse Kim in the hallway talking to someone. I hear the name "Julian" and then see her approach my room with a boy. Stopping the boy in his tracks before walking over to me. I glance at the boy who is standing in the doorframe staring down at his phone wearing a grey sweater, tan khaki jeans and black sneakers and wearing a nose cannula just like mine. Kim walks over to my parents, my eyes travel from my parents talking with Kim to the boy. Both of our eyes meet before Kim interrupts, 
      "Annie, can I borrow your regimen? I have to get Julian here set up in his room and he doesn't have his regimen." 
     "Yeah of course." I say leaning on my bed and grabbing my tablet with my regimen on it off my bedside table. I hand her my regimen and glance back at Julian for a second. 
     Kim takes my regimen and hands it to Julian and leaves. Dr. Atler leaves, my parents following, leaving Wally and Winnie alone with me. 
    "Well that's just great." Winnie says sarcastically. "Guys, don't worry about it." I say, hoping to reassure them a little.
    "It just sucks that we planned all this and you don't even get to go." Wally says, looking down at the floor. "Well, there's always Skype and text. Honestly, you guys are gonna have fun." I say, and they pout. "Come on, go home now. You're starting to annoy me." I say as we all laugh. They linger in the doorway pouting, I playfully shove them out into the hallway.
     "Bye. I love you guys." I say giving them hugs. Closing the door, I look around my room, pictures and drawings hanging on my walls, books everywhere, and my suitcases on the floor.

<>The District Sleeps Alone Tonight by: BIRDY

      Noticing that half of my bags aren't unpacked, I walk over to my book bag and pull out a drawing. I unfold it revealing a heart with flowers coming out from the top.
       I trace the outline of my mom's drawing with my pointer finger, every color bursts out in soft pinks, bright yellows, and even deep blues. My smile fades as I walk over to my bulletin board and pin it with a thumbtack next to our family photo; Mom, Dad, Ginny, and Me, goofy looks on our faces as the camera captures the moment. I start to feel homesick looking at my parents, my dad has his arm around mom's waist, my mom wearing her big bulky sunglasses kissing dad's cheek, and me and Ginny smiling into the camera both of our heads leaning on one another's. I miss that feeling of home. For the most part. 
      Sighing, I pull myself away, walking back over to my rocking chair, I pick up my oxygen tank and adjust my nose cannula around my nose, picking up my book, Butterflies Rising, I get through half of the book when I look at the time on my phone: 9:45am. Suddenly, there's a knock on my door, and the door opens not a second later, Kim sticks her head through. "Mind if I come in?"
    "Nope." I say and she walks in sitting at the edge of my bed. "Who's the guy?" I say not taking my eyes off my book. "His name is Julian Lensherr. Why?" She says in her spanish accent.
    "No reason." I say smiling into the pages of my book, lowering it down slowly looking Kim straight in the eyes. "You're not very good at hiding things, mija."
    "Gotta take advantage of the perks." I say and we both laugh. "Well I'll leave you to your book." She says and leaves. I closed my book and grabbed my phone and video call Ginny.
    "Hi sissy." She sings into the phone, her beautiful face brightens up when she sees me.
    "Hi." I wave into the phone, walking around my room. "Uh-oh, what's wrong?" She asks, furrowing her eyebrows at me. "Nothing." I lie. "Oh, okay." Ginny says obnoxiously.
    "What's up with you?" I ask, changing the subject.  "I got a new boyfriend!" She sings.
   "You broke up with Perry?" "Mmm hmm, too much of the grab hands." 
   "Figures."I say, nodding my head. "Whatever, I gotta go, classes are about to start soon, love you."  "Alright, see you later, love you too." I say and hang up the phone.

<>Change In Seasons by: Sweet Thing

       I got up from my bed and walked to my window and looked out to see a teenage couple standing in the parking lot kissing. I close my curtains. Realizing I didn't have breakfast, I grab my portable oxygen tank, bag and phone and walk down to the cafeteria to get breakfast. I don't even get ten feet down the hall towards the elevator doors, when a room door swings open next to me, and to my surprise, the profile of a tall boy is standing in the door frame of room 316 hugging his parents, his mom is crying into his chest, his dad is standing there looking at the both of them. I stop dead in my tracks.
       His tousled, dirty blonde neck-length hair is perfectly unruly, his eyes are dark chocolate brown, the corners of his lips crinkling as he talks except this time he's not wearing his cannula. His smile catches my eye as he lets go of his mother and gives her a reassuring smile, it's lopsided and then it hits me... The boy from the hallway, Julian. I quickly turn my head back in the direction of the elevator. I step inside and press the button to the 1st floor. Just as the elevator doors close, a hand manages to stop the doors from closing. The doors open and he walks in… Julian.
       Oh god.  The doors close and Julian and I stand only a few feet away from each other. My heart starts beating faster and I can't help but to stare at the buttons on the wall. I can feel Julain’s eyes on me as the elevator purposely moves slower and slower by the hour. Julian clears his throat, looks at me and says, “Kim told me about you, are you going to be here awhile?”
       I don't say anything and just nod my head. “Hello?” He asks. I still don’t answer. “Oh, you're deaf.” Just as I was about to say something, the elevator door opens to the cafeteria and I rush out

☆

       Entering the cafeteria that looks similar to a Mcdonald's, the brightly colored walls, different sized tables and chairs, and two of those touch-screen thingys that you can order your food with. I stop halfway inside to stare into the screen, looking at my reflection.
       Within seconds later I snap out of my thoughts and pick my usual breakfast; bacon, scrambled eggs, and 2 blueberry smoothies (mom's idea). I hit submit but turn to notice Julian standing next to me at the other machine. I slowly glanced over at him and he smiled but I quickly averted my eyes. We stay silent for a few minutes when he says:
         "And here I thought this was going to be another lame year filled with lame sickies. But then you show up. Lucky me." He says in a british accent.
         Oh, He’s british. Stop it Annie! I ignore him.
         "Are you really that repulsed by me that you can’t say a simple ‘Hello’?" He asks, trying to look at me. "No, I'm just trying to order my breakfast. Shouldn't you be doing the same?" I fire back.
        "Yes, but I thought I’d follow you and introduce myself."
        "So you're a stalker then?" I ask, making eye contact. "Absolutely not." He gasps sarcastically.
        "Does this amuse you." I ask. "I'm just getting breakfast." He says putting his hands up in surrender. I scoff and roll my eyes. So much for cute.