Sorry about the wait for this chapter. I just finished band camp and I genuinely didn't have any clue what to write for this chapter.

Also this is just filler for in between plot points because I felt like there was too much plot all at once in the last few chapters lmaoo

CWs/TWs: gender/body dysphoria, mentioned sh thoughts, mentioned suicide/suicidal thoughts/suicide attempts (it does go into detail), mentioned character death, vomiting/coughing up blood, PTSD, making out/lime

.•°*°•.

Scar woke up before Grian did, forgetting he'd taken off his binder to sleep and freaking out for a second. He had a brief moment of insecurity thinking about what Grian must've thought about his chest, then remembered all the words of reassurance when he officially came out to his boyfriend. It didn't make all of his bad thoughts go away, but it helped some. It did make him nervous that Grian wouldn't love him anymore since he was afab, even though Grian had said many many times that what Scar's body wasn't what made Grian love him.

Shaking himself and refreshing his thoughts, he slipped out of bed and put on his binder before going to the bathroom. He stared at himself in the mirror for longer than he should have; the more he stared, the more he looked like a girl. Of course, he did have long hair again, but that was his choice because he liked his long hair. What wasn't his choice was how his features were much softer than Mumbo's and Grian's, or any other guy he knew. Though, Scott had a more "girly" looking face, too, he supposed. Not that it made him feel better.

Scar wasn't one to dwell on how he looked. He hated his face and his body, but it wasn't a big deal. He didn't have to look at himself if he didn't want to. And it wasn't like he would ever hurt himself; he was too chicken to do it even if he really wanted to. Besides, other people usually needed comfort from him so he couldn't be down all the time and make his gender dysphoria his entire personality. Not that he ever tried to, of course, but it did feel like sometimes that's all he thought about or talked about. Typically the topic of conversation never really was him anyway.

Sometimes he thought about killing himself in hopes that maybe the guilt that others felt would make them finally accept him as a boy. He'd spend nights awake in bed thinking of how he could do it in the least painful way possible or how to do it in the most discreet way possible. And he actually tried it a few times.

Once, when he was in the sixth grade, he drank hydrogen peroxide, but got scared when his throat started closing up and he began to choke. He couldn't breathe or talk, so he ran to his parents for help. He was hospitalised for a week and had to have a babysitter to make sure he didn't hurt himself again.

Another time, still in junior high, he tried overdosing on ibuprofen because of his parents' death. He heard someone in his school ended up in the hospital and almost died so he figured if he didn't tell anybody about it then he'd get away with it. However, he ended up getting sick off of it and vomited blood as well as the ibuprofen, which gave his attempt away.

He tried it a third time in his freshman year of high school and was the closest he'd ever gotten to succeeding. He jumped off of the Wool Water Bridge during the early winter and nearly drowned, but was saved by some kid named Bdubs in his grade who was looking for his phone on the riverbank. That was when Scar was the most upset about not succeeding.

Since then, he'd kept everything to himself. His dysphoria, his anger, his sadness, his anxiety, anything that would make other people worry about him. He didn't need the extra attention or sympathy, or anything else like that. It wasn't until his junior year of high school (one year ago) that he began to open up again and talk about things that made him upset. But even still, he kept most of it inside. He was never center of attention if he could help it. Other people's problems were always more important.

Sighing, Scar washed his face and left the bathroom, walking down the hall back to Grian's room. Though, he stopped when he heard crying coming from Lizzie's and Joel's bedroom. It was Lizzie.

"Here, I'll grab the heating pad," Joel said, his voice slightly muffled from behind the door. "Shh, it's okay, babe. It's okay." Scar wondered what she was crying about until Joel continued, "Yhese cramps are normal for pregnancy. Your uterus is expanding because the baby is growing-" He was cut off when Lizzie wailed. "Honey, I know it hurts, but-"

"Make it stop," Lizzie sobbed, and Scar wanted to cry with her all of a sudden. "Make it stop, make it stop, please-"

Scar walked away at this point, yawning and deeming himself too emotionally unwell at the moment to handle listening anymore. He knew pregnancy was hard because his mother was pregnant before she died and her experience was god-awful. It was upsetting that Lizzie had to go through the same thing.

Grian was still asleep when Scar got back to his room, so he decided to get changed whilst he waited for Grian to wake. He wore a beige button-up with his cat's face embroidered on the front pocket (thanks to his Nana) and dark brown khakis that were actually pretty comfortable for once. He braided his hair into one long braid that curved around his head to rest on his shoulder, adding clips, beads, rings, charms, and other accessories into it as he did so.

You know, sometimes he really liked being "girly."

.•°*°•.

Scott was absolutely livid when they found out they had to stay in the hospital for another day when they woke up the next morning.

"Scott, you beed to relax," Nathan said after Scott's tantrum. "All they want to do is monitor your symptoms."

Scott rolled his eyes and scoffed. "I'm fine, I always was," he said as he crossed his arms.

Amanda sighed. "Sweetie, you were high off a fever," she said softly. "And you could've died. Can you please cooperate and just relax, okay? You'll be fine."

"But I already am fine!" Scott whined. "It's not fair!"

Nathan turned away, pinching the bridge of his nose as he sighed.

"It's just in case," Amanda continued, lifting her hands placatingly. "If you get sick again, you might end up worse."

Groaning, Scott laid back down on the bed. "Whatever," he grumbled. "This is the worst." They blinked and noticed Jimmy sitting in the corner, looking like he was having a panic attack. "Babe?"

Jimmy's eyes snapped up to look at his partner anxiously.

"What's wrong?" Scott asked as they sat upright. Amanda and Nathan looked over when they asked the question.

Jimmy swallowed thickly before shaking his head, rocking back and forth slightly. He didn't say anything, but it was obvious that it wasn't nothing.

"Jimmy?"

"Please don't die," Jimmy whispered, then broke down crying, shoving his face in his hands.

Oh. Scott crawled off the bed and knelt next to Jimmy. "I'm not going to die," he said softly, and Jimmy sobbed louder.

"That's what Dad said," Jimmy hiccuped, flinching a bit when Scott tried to hug him. "This- th-this is exactly what ha-happened-" He sniffled. "And h-he died right in fro-front of m-me-"

Scott cupped their hands around Jimmy's cheeks and gently turned his face so he was looking them. "I promise that I'm okay," they said with a gentle smile. "I feel so much better, and I'm not dying." Jimmy looked away and shook his head, and Scott lifted his chin up some more. "Look at me." Jimmy hesitated and swallowed before making eye contact with his partner again. "I'm fine, I promise."

Jimmy's lower lip trembled. "You- you promise?"

Scott nodded. "I promise."

.•°*°•.

Grian yawned and stretched out as he woke up, subconsciously searching for Scar with his hands. He sat up when he couldn't find him, then spotted him at Grian's desk doing schoolwork on his laptop. His eyes widened at the sight of his boyfriend, especially his hair. It was so...

"Gorgeous..."

Scar turned and looked at Grian, who was still gaping at him. "Hm?"

Blinking, Grian smiled a bit at the fact that Scar was wearing Grian's blue light glasses - the ones with the golden wire frames. "You're so pretty," the smaller boy said, then felt himself tearing up a bit at how lucky he felt. "I love you."

Scar smiled brightly, beaming at Grian. "Thank you," he said. "I love you, too."

Grian got up out of bed and waddled over, nearly tripping, to hug Scar. "You smell nice," he murmured, situating himself to sit on Scar's lap. He pecked a short, sweet kiss to Scar's lips, pulling away to smile brightly at him.

"I do?" Scar asked, his gaze focused more on Grian's lips than his eyes as the other nodded. "Maybe I should wear this cologne more often, then."

"Yeah," Grian breathed, staring down at Scar.

They sat like that for a while, silently admiring each other and how pretty the other was, before Grian went in for long, gentle kiss that had Scar's hands trailing down the smaller's waist to his hips. They parted only to gasp for air and their lips met no more than a second later, both of them yearning for the other. Grian cupped Scar's face in his hands, shifting in his lap a bit. Scar's hands slipped under Grian's shirt and grazed lightly over his skin, making him shudder. Grian's skin felt like it was on fire, but he wanted more of it. He wanted Scar-

The door opening startled both of them into falling out of the chair. When Grian saw Joel standing, confused, in the doorway, he scrambled to grab a stuffed animal off a shelf to cover his crotch with.

Joel blinked. "Am I interrupting something?" he asked, giving Grian a suspicious look.

"Yes," Grian blurted, simultaneously with Scar's shy, "No." The two looked at each other and blushed.

Joel shook his head and sighed. "I'm too tired for this," he mumbled, then cleared his throat. "I'm taking Lizzie up to the hospital. She's having cramps and she thinks something's wrong with the baby, so we're gonna get that checked out. I assume you two will be fine here by yourselves?"

They both nodded.

"Food's in the fridge, call me if you need me." Joel gave a thumbs up and earned an awkward thumbs up from Grian before he left, closing the door behind him.

Grian let out a long breath when Joel was gone, turning away from Scar so he wouldn't notice the little problem he had going on.

"You okay, Gri?" Scar asked.

Grian nodded stiffly. "Mhm," he hummed, not turning to face his boyfriend. "Just, uh..." He glanced down. "Um..."

Scar quirked a confused eyebrow, then thought for a moment. It took him a second to realise, his face turning redder than a tomato when he finally did. "Oh!" He blinked, then snickered a little. "Want some help with that?"

It was Grian's turn to turn red. "Scar!"

.•°*°•.

Some Scar angst and some Scar fluff. Scar <3

This took a really long time for me to figure out what to write.

Anyway, I do hope you enjoyed the chapter and have a wonderful rest of your day/evening wherever you are. Love y'all <33 /gen/p