Happy New Year, it's 2023!!! We made it :DDD

I'm genuinely AMAZED by all of the popularity this book has gotten in the past 10 months. I never expected to exceed a thousand views, much less 40 thousand. And the couple pieces of fanart I've received are amazing, (shout out to misterglitch and NightlyLightbulb). Not to mention how I gained almost 250 followers, just this year. I'm so glad to be able to share my writing with so many people, and even happier that you all enjoy it so much. Making people happy is my favourite hobby :D /gen/pos

Anyway, enough with the sappy stuff. Major warning for a self-delete attempt (don't worry, everyone is fine in the end, I promise /srs), blood, and panic attacks. Please be safe, loves <3 /gen

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"Jeez, Etho, you only have cable?" Joel jokingly complained with a teasing smile, earning a half-hearted glare from the other boy. "Half of these are news channels, too."

Etho reached over from the other side of the sofa to swat at Joel, who laughed in response. "Oh, hush," Etho said, now smiling himself. "I have Netflix on my laptop if you want to watch something on there."

Joel stuck his tongue out. "I bet your parents have the settings set to PG-13 and below."

Etho scoffed and tossed a throw pillow at the brunette. "As if."

"Silly little emo kid can't watch his emo movies 'cause he's a little baby-" Joel squealed when Etho tackled him against the arm of the sofa, tickling his sides. "Etho!!"

Etho smirked as his friend squirmed, laughing and making squealing sounds. "Maybe this'll make you think twice about-" He stopped when there was a knock at the door. "Huh?" He glanced out the window. "Uh, Joel?"
(Sorry to everyone who was confused about this paragraph before... I'm genuinely so bad at English, I'm so sorry sjsbajsb)

Joel was taking loud, deep breaths to calm down from laughing so hard. "Yeah?"

"Are you expecting anyone?"

"No?" Joel sat upright after shooing the taller boy off of him. "Who is it?"

Etho squinted. "Some kid with messy hair," he answered. "Blonde-ish, short."

Joel got up off the sofa. "I think it's Grian." He walked across the living room to the front door, opening it. "Hey, Gri-" His breath caught in his throat when the crying boy looked up at him. "Kiddo-"

Grian shoved a box at him that had just noticed. "You have to fix it," the younger murmured, his voice sounding more childlike than usual. "Please."

Joel took the box. Whatever was inside moved around. "What is it?" he asked, and he stepped aside so Grian could enter the house. Though, Grian didn't move from his spot, watching as Joel opened the box. It was full of broken plastic, bent metal, shattered glass, and frayed wires. "Oh."

"You have to fix it," Grian repeated. He looked on the verge of tears again.

"Bud..." Joel looked between Grian and the contents of the container in his hands. "I can't- Grian-"

Grian had grabbed onto Joel's sweater. "Please, you have to!" he wailed.

Etho cautiously walked over and placed a hand on Joel's shoulder. "How about you come inside?" he suggested to Grian. "It's freezing out here. I can make you some hot cocoa."

Grian looked up at Etho. "Joel has to fix Grumbot," he said.

"Etho's right, buddy," Joel said softly, rubbing Grian's back. "Let's go inside, Etho can make you some hot chocolate, and we'll, uh..." He glanced back at the box then gave Grian a nervous smile. "We'll see what we can do about Gumbo."

"Grumbot," Grian corrected.

Joel snickered. "Sorry, kiddo." He started to nudge Grian a little inside so he'd actually move. "Go on, go sit at the table."

Grian reluctantly walked over to the table and sat down, waiting patiently for Joel to join him. When Joel sat down, he sighed and pulled everything out of the box to splay across the table.

"Oh, jeez," the brunette breathed. Maybe if I just pretend I understand what this stuff is for a little bit... "Let's see..." He hummed as he picked up a piece to examine it, giving the broken machine a puzzled look before moving on to something else. "Uh..." He occansionally glanced at Grian, the boy staring back intently and expectantly.

"You can fix it?" Grian asked desperately, ignoring the mug of hot chocolate Etho sat in front of him. He still had that toddler-ish tone to his voice.

Joel looked back up at Grian, his heart breaking at the younger's expression. "I can't," he whispered, biting the inside of his lip when Grian let out a single broken sob.

"B-but you're- you're supposed to kn-know how wires work," Grian murmured.

Joel set down the pieces to cup Grian's cheek. "I know how car wires work," he said gently. "I'm really sorry-"

Grian shook his head and stood up to hover over Joel's shoulder. "Look, you just-" He sniffled and wiped his nose with his sleeve, reaching for two plastic pieces. "You just fit them together." He frowned when they didn't fit, and reached for another piece. "And then" - he switched one piece out for another, and this time they fit - "and then you glue them."

Joel blinked, watching as Grian set the parts down and started frantically searching Etho's kitchen. He slammed open cupboards, tore open drawers, and pulled everything out of every nook and cranny. Joel glanced toward Etho, seeing his friend was completely unbothered. He looked concerned, like he didn't want to startle Grian by stopping him.

Once Grian was finished rummaging through the last of the cupboards, he started panic even more. His chest heaved as he struggled to regulate his breathing, hyperventilating to the point of feeling like fainting. He stumbled backward and hit his back against the counter, his hand brushing against something wooden. His head whipped around, his vision blurry and spinning. The thing his hand touched was a knife block.

There was only one clear thought that crossed Grian's mind.

Relief.

There were no second thoughts before Grian was reaching for the knife closest to him and aiming it at his chest. He closed his eyes and smiled, though not missing the distant sound of shouting and things breaking.

This was it.

This was the end.

This was Grian's relief from the world. From stress and pressure. From life.

Finally.

Suddenly, hands were grabbing him, stealing the knife, and pulling him away. The sound of sobbing cut through the fog in Grian's mind cleaner than a sword made of obsidian would, and it took him a moment to realize who was crying.

It was Joel.

Joel was holding Grian as tight as he could to his chest, a hand in his hair and tears pouring from his eyes as his throat burned at the wrecked sobs that were forced from him.

Like a boulder on his shoulders, the weight of Grian's day finally settled onto him and he dropped to the floor, Joel falling with him. There was nothing holding back the flood of tears that escaped him.

The two stayed like that for nearly an hour, crying and holding each other as tight as they possibly ever could. Neither knew who stopped crying first, but at some point Joel began whispering sweet little nothings to Grian, rocking them back and forth as he ran his hands through Grian's hair.

"It's okay," Joel whispered hoarsely, his voice absolutely wrecked. "You're okay, just relax."

Eventually, they both calmed down until the only sound was glass sliding against tile, which was just Etho cleaning up the mess that had been made in the kitchen.

Joel let Grian be the first to pull away, though he only moved enough so he could look up at Joel.

"I'm so sorry, kiddo," Joel said, brushing hair out of the other boy's face. "I wish I could fix Grumbot and I wish I could make whatever happened today disappear, but... Promise me you'll never do that again?"

Grian's eyes grew wet again and he nodded frantically, shoving his face into Joel's sweater. "I won't do it again, Dad, promise," he answered.

Joel felt his own tears build up again at the word dad. "I love you, Grian." He wasn't sure if Grian would hear him, his voice choked by more cries that threatened to come out. "You are so talented" - he hiccuped - "and smart, and you have so many people who love you so, so much. Mumbo and Scar are so lucky to be dating you, and they care for you more than you'll ever know. I care for you more than you'll ever know, love. Daniel, Lizzie, Jimmy... We all love you very much, Grian. You're so special and beautiful." He pulled away to look Grian in the eyes. "You're so special to me. You got that? You're like a son, or a little brother, to me. I have no idea what I would do without you. I love you, so much."

Grian looked up at Joel. "Really?"

"Yes," Joel answered, smiling. "You deserve so much more than what you've had to deal with your whole life. And you especially don't deserve to feel like death is the only way to feel any kind of relief." He kissed Grian's forehead and rested his chin on top of his head. "I'm so sorry that you feel that way. If I could take it away, I would do it in an instant. If I could make you see yourself the way I see you, the way Mumbo and Scar see you, I would." Joel's grip around Grian tightened as he continued, "But I can't, and I hate it.

"I hate that you have to live with this mindset that you're not good enough and you never will be, that you deserve to suffer. It's not true. Never has been, never will be. You never did a single thing wrong to deserve to be treated the way you've been treated your entire life. It's not fair to you."

Grian let out a soft sob. "I love you," he cried, letting the tears fall freely down his face again. "I'm sorry."

Joel shook his head. "There is no need for you to apologize," he said. He let out a long breath as Grian's body shook with every sob. "You don't owe anyone anything."

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Grian ended up passing out after calming down, and Etho convinced Joel to carry the boy to lay on Etho's bed rather than the sofa.

"I'm so sorry about the kitchen," Joel whispered, closing Etho's bedroom door behind him. "I can pay for new dishes."

Etho snorted. "Seriously? My parents are practically millionaires, you think they care about a set of plates that don't make a dent on their paycheck?" he deadpanned.

Joel blushed. "Well-"

"Listen, I don't care about the dishes, and neither will my parents," Etho assured him, a hand on the smaller's shoulder. "I'm more worried about you and your kid."

Joel nodded. "Right." He sighed. "First of all, technically he's not my kid yet. I have to wait until I'm eighteen to actually adopt him."

Etho hummed in acknowledgement. "Makes sense." He laughed, elbowing Joel playfuy. "I was wondering why a kid who looks like he's only six years younger than you was calling you his dad."

"Oh, hush." Joel rolled his eyes.

"So, how are you doing?" Etho's tone was suddenly very concerned, and his face showed it all a little too well.

Joel shifted, shrugging a bit. "I'm just... y'know... shaken," he said with a small, joyless laugh.

Etho didn't look satisfied with his answer. "Is that all?" he pushed patiently. That was one of Etho's greatest qualities - he would push, but he was careful and he knew when to stop. "You screamed pretty loud back there."

Joel had noticed that Grian started to get very panicky when he didn't find what he was looking for, but he'd connected the dots just a second too late. Grian had already been reaching for a knife before Joel thought to even stand up. Etho had been the first to shout, but he froze when Joel screamed. The brunette had nearly knocked over the entire table trying to get to Grian before he hurt himself, but ended up getting cut across his cheek when he was prying the knife from Grian's hands.

"Joel?"

The boy in question blinked and looked back up at Etho, who was looking even more worried than ever. "Sorry," Joel said. "I, uh... I'll be okay."

"But are you okay now?"

Joel turned away and started to walk down the hall, a hand covering the cut on his cheek. "Yeah, don't worry about me," he said quietly. "I'm alright."

Etho sighed. "And I'm in Peru meeting Padington's Aunt Lucy," he grumbled. "Look, I know you're stubborn about this sort of stuff, but I can tell when you're-"

"I'm fine, Etho," Joel snapped, stopping at the end of the hall. He didn't turn around, pausing for a moment. "Can you take a look at Grumbot? I know you're kinda into robots and stuff." He glanced down at his watch and cursed under his breath.

Etho didn't answer for a moment, almost shaken by the way Joel raised his voice. "Uh, yeah," he said finally. "I can try."

"Thanks."

"No problem..." Etho followed a short distance between Joel into the living area, shooting Joel a confused look when the latter grabbed his coat. "Where are you going?"

Joel sighed. "I'm supposed to be at the hospital right now," he explained. "They're taking students from the med school to get first-hand experience as a nurse."

Etho raised his eyebrows, looking impressed. "That's cool. I didn't know you would actually pursue becoming a doctor."

"Yeah, it's cool 'n all, but I'm late by almost fifteen minutes now," Joel grumbled. "Can Grian stay here until it's over? I should be back arount ten-thirty."

"It's fine."

Joel smiled. He looked relieved for the first time in almost two hours. "Thanks, man."

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I promise that things get better for Grian from here lol /gen

Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts about the chapter, and I hope you enjoyed it! Have a wonderful rest of your day or evening <33 /pos