Book Name: Torn

Author:  tannyprecious

Reviewer: Anika

Cover: 00/05
There's no cover

Title: 3/05
The title is simple and short, it matches the vibes of the plot. It isn't eye-catching but the cause could be the absence of the cover.

Synopsis: 8/10
The description isn't long nor too short, It's excellent and very fitting for a summary of the plot with appropriate information to hook the readers. I suggest replacing 'dad' with 'father' because you shouldn't use informal words in narration or description. The suspense question is chef kiss and that cliffhanger will definitely grab the reader's interest to check out the story.

Execution: 3/10
The storyline is great but sometimes the parts are way too short which cannot leave an impression on the readers. I suggest giving appropriate length to the particular scenes instead of increasing the pace. This cannot be achieved just with numerous dialogues or discussion between the characters, rather try adding their internal monologue, action tag and brief description of settings more often in the favourable or significant parts where it looks right.

Plot: 14/20
The plot is common but the attraction of the storyline depends on the authors when they spun it differently in their own creative way and so far the story has been in a rising action which was very interesting to read. For now the character's goals and plans are flowing smoothly, it makes me curious about the twist or unexpected problems the protagonist may face and thrill the readers. The main character's background and their chemistry was intriguing as well.

Writing style: 3/20
There are many errors which may lose the attraction of your writing style, one of them is dropping an unnecessary explanation such as 'She folded her arms in front of her chest' Everyone knows arms are folded in front of chest so it is futile. Also hold back using 'I smiled' too much, it gets cliché, you can tell they are smiling in different other ways. When you italicise their thoughts, don't align the text to the center, it looks messy. Moreover, avoid giving line breaks in one paragraph, let it completely end before giving a paragraph break instead. Don't join the dialogue and action tag of different characters together in one paragraph. Furthermore, the emotions are quickly described without much detail "I wiped the tears that fell on my cheeks" rather than being so direct, just go with natural flow. For example, when she is talking, her voice should've cracked, pause for sharp intake of breath or at least stammering while being on the verge of crying. This way the dialogue won't lack emotions nor look plain either, let the reader know the tone whether she is mumbling or whispering instead of using dialogue tag 'said' all over again. Describe how tears well up in her eyes with her sight turning glossy before she blink them away but instead they slide down her cheek, or a bile forms in her throat. This little description of gestures conveys the same message of weep and agony. And when you shift to another scene or short narration, let the feelings linger in detail unless the time has passed for too long. Not only that, sometimes the number of dialogues is too consistent without an action tag that it looks empty. Add their internal monologue between the dialogues that may help to predict the course of their next action, reasoning or describe the pain she felt hearing Lucas's story, just the way you did when Rylan took side of Mia. The narration about her feeling hurt and getting pang helped the readers to empathize with her. Make sure to show instead of dictating things. For instance, don't say 'My demeanour changed at the mention of his name' rather write that her spoon pauses mid-air and her smile fell when his name was mentioned which clearly shows the shift in her demeanour.

Grammar and Vocabulary: 13/20

There are many misplaced quotation marks and typos, make sure to edit the chapter and fix minor mistakes since they are quite noticeable. In the heading 'MADDISON POV' adds an apostrophe with letter 's' after her name and don't end it with full stop, you wrote other headings correctly except for hers. Here is the list of other errors I found in the book.

Chapter 3,
I wouldn't want so guy playing with her heart like a toy.
Correction: to be a somebody

Chapter 5,
Her face was red with anger as everyone in the restaurant's attention was now on our table.
Correction: everyone's attention in the restaurant.

Chapter 6,
I'm going to be waiting to hear from you
Correction: Shorten this to 'I'll be waiting to hear from you'

Chapter 7,
I sat on my bed still in my nightgown tracing my fingers on the last piece of object.
Correction: There should be comma after nightgown

Chapter 7,
Because you don't what people to step all over you
Correction: Replace 'what' with 'want'

Character development: 5/10
I love how the characters have flaws, selfishness and some good traits which make them realistic. Some of their parts helped the reader to empathize with them, the flashback of her eighth birthday was very heartbreaking and it enhanced the story more. I would suggest not portraying Rylan as a soft person unless he lowers his guard sometimes. Normally, he should grow resentment toward her but he seems too lenient and just lets her have her own ways. Therefore, I expect some resistance from his part and there should be a clash between them, a drama or spice that may intrigue the readers which slowly turn into love. Also Lucas cannot be described as someone with a poker face since he showed many different expressions during the first meeting.

Total Marks: 49/100