Book Name: Hellhound and his Witchy mate

Author:  Amber_Gilbert

Reviewer: Anika ( FrozenHeartsGalaxy )

Cover: 01/05
It is designed in collage style which isn't suitable for book covers. However, the choice of image displayed is relevant to the plot but there is no attraction that would catch the eyes of readers nor any title. Kindly work extra hard on it if you want people to try out your book.

Title: 02/05
The title is long and matches the plotline. You are supposed to capitalize the pronoun and first letter of the last word in the title.

Synopsis: 01/10
The synopsis reveals too much unnecessary information. Either you should have used the interaction part and exclude the plot summary. Although I recommend doing the opposite because the description about the plot seemed more worth seeing in the blurb than the scene about the first kiss. Nevertheless I'll still let you know the mistakes and I advise you to improve your vocabulary to enhance it into an incredible writing style to catch reader's attention. Speaking of the first and second paragraph, you should keep the speaker and their action in the same paragraph before moving on to the new line in the next paragraph when someone else begins speaking. There is an ellipsis mistake in the first paragraph too. Now regarding the third paragraph, "smiling slightly nervously clear on her face" The sentence requires 'and' after 'slightly'. The suffix 'ly' doesn't go with the word nervous, instead suffix -ness is the correct way here to show an instance of a state or condition. There should be a comma after "and" before introducing a new topic about heartbeat. When asked a question "why not" close it with a question mark before continuing again. Last but not the least, the author ended the blurb with information that Aaron is distant and cold but in my opinion Aaron is opposite in the story. I suggest re-writing his reserved personality in the book again.

Execution: 3/10
The plot doesn't have balance flow, every scene occuring in the story isn't polished and deserve better execution. You need to see your story in both the perspective of the author and reader, as author you may know the whole story but you also need to figure out what may thrill, entertain and catch interest of readers.

Plot: 8/20
The author is very creative when it comes to planning and arranging back stories with the plot. The author also displayed some mystical facts I never heard about. The main plot was about Amber meeting her mate after the rescue incident, however the sub-plots that kept the story moving seemed more intriguing. I suggest making important elements of the story memorable such as the main characters' encounter, plot twist, conflict, climax etc, in good or bad ways. Aaron and Amber's encounter wasn't that good, since it was one of the main focuses, the readers didn't wait for it to happen in a dry and plain way. Other aspects shouldn't be cliché too, the reader desires uncommon or something that contrasts to their own expectations which may take them with surprise or at least hook them around the edge. Duels with female pack members look thrilling but repeating this once more with someone else again becomes boring unless it is a common way of werewolves to establish dominance or if the protagonist would've lost the first round which wasn't the case of Ashley. Unfortunately, some things that were supposed to be kept slowed paced were revealed too fast. One of them is Aaron's point of view, the author gives away his true personality too soon. It would have been much better if the readers may have discovered them with the main character Amber herself.

Writing style: 03/20
The introductory chapters were ruined by writing style meanwhile the climaxes failed to leave an effect on readers. There's no detailed narration, description or something well-written about scenarios, appearance and actions. The author didn't put much effort nor tried to create a picture of the imaginary world in readers' minds through her writing style. I advise you to be more descriptive and improve explaining skills so the readers can play the scene in their mind without any missing puzzle. One of the examples is when Amber hit the Silas with her car, you didn't narrate properly how the car hit him which includes illustration how the victim got hit in protagonist's point of view, the sound it created before it went silent, and how did the car screened violently as she push her brakes, jerking her forward in result and much more. I thought she ran over him until I found out that Silas was still in front. Furthermore, when you seperate long dialogue into the next paragraph, make sure to add opening quotation marks at the beginning of the second paragraph too. Moreover, some of the dialogues convey poor communication, the cameo female pack members and other antagonists is one of the examples. Their arguments sounded too unintelligent meanwhile the protagonist effortlessly defended themselves. Don't make the bad side too ignorant to make protagonists look very smart, it ruins the balance and realistic view of characters. Regardless, the author is great at writing the character's inner thoughts and opinions.

Grammar and Vocabulary: 5/20
Your grammar is good but you struggle most of the time with punctuation and vocabulary. I picked some of the mistakes so you can fix the rest of them because they're not the only ones I found.

Vocabulary:
1. Beginning: "Hey, darling you are finally free?" I said.
Correction: She 'asked' her, not said

2. Beginning: "you care about this junk more than me?"
Correction: Many times you begin a sentence without capitalizing the first letter.

3. Rules: She looked hella worried. She seemed to calm down as she saw my car.
Correction: Hella is informal which shouldn't be used in narration.

4. What if: "it's fine, u won't get lost now go choose whatever u like."
Correction: Although abbreviation is acceptable in dialogues, "u" isn't right.

5: What if: and in vampires there eyes colour changes
Correction: Replace "in" with "for" or "among" and it was supposed to be "their" not 'there'

6. Meeting: And this man was the father of these children's father.
Correction: I bet you already realize what mistake you made here.

Clichés:
When you repeat the same words multiple times, it gets cliché and ruins your vocabulary. I found this in the introductory chapter a lot, Amber and Ashley's conversation kept starting with 'darling'. It was getting excessive.

1. Beginning: Sometimes I wish that a burglary happens or a robbery happens in my house.
Correction: You mentioned "happens" twice here which is unnecessary.

2. Meeting: I (now) noticed that this area was empty (now)
Correction: "I notice the area was empty now"

Punctuation:
You need to learn how to place punctuations at correct places, especially commas. Sometimes you don't even use them when needed and sometimes you add them in the wrong places.

1. Beginning: I slowly went forward and saw a .......child?
Correction: Here you made an ellipsis mistake. It requires only three dots, more or less is wrong unless there's a complete sentence who still needs its own period. So you would end up with a period and ellipsis, making four dots but it won't be counted as wrong. Although dialogue that 'trails off' doesn't usually need a period when ellipsis is there to indicate it.

2. Beginning: "What," I said and the children paused "Where are your parents, and why are you alone?
Correction: Although here the action tag of children is involved too, make sure to start other dialogue with lowercase letters if action interrupts previous dialogue. Add commas after said and paused but do not use commas before the 'and' in that dialogue.

3. Beginning: to grab that huge black (wolves) neck and pinned it on the ground
Correction: Since it was one wolf, instead of plural form, you was suppose to add apostrophe (') with letter (s) to indicate possessive case of noun

4. Rules: Ashley showed them their room while I on the other hand came to my room.
Correction: Add comma after room, letter 'I' and hand.

5. Rules: "Goodnight the two kids repeated"
Correction: Most of the time you disoriented the quotation marks this way.

6. What if: "What," I said
Correction: Replace comma with question mark.

7. Meeting: "Okay what about you two"
Correction: You are supposed to add a question mark here.

8. Meeting: After those two there, big, buffy creatures tried to attack me as well
Correction: Remove commas after 'big'

9. Blessing: *But I must say the novels she reads are quite bizarre*
Correction: Use italics to emphasise a sentence.

10. Diane shaw: "Let's go out an...."
Correction: Use em dashes to indicate interruptions.

11. Rules: " you are biggest kid here, it's funny to see you setting up rules when you love to break them"
12. She is mad: "She is pretty , she is brave, she is kind, she is short -tempered"
Correction: This is one of the errors I found multiple times, you gave space between dialogues, quotation marks and commas. Kindly edit your chapters before you publish them.

Character development: 3/10
The identity and personality assigned to the character is interesting but the way the author mapped them in the story isn't praiseworthy as it ruins their amazing characters' sketch. I couldn't empathize with their emotions. Every character clicked so fast without good chemistry. You didn't show much specialities of supernatural beings, Amber was a witch but all she did was snap her finger instead of showing more ways of summoning her capabilities which ends up becoming cliché as the story progresses. Aaron and Bryan didn't manifest their Alpha duties or abilities that would cause the readers to admire them as werewolves, instead you constructed common events such as training (which didn't lasted long) and playing games to form their bond which seemed too rushed as well. As much as I love games, the characters playing them wasn't an interesting demonstration, considering their personalities, positions and the fact they just met. They open up and get comfortable with one another too fast, if this would have happened at the end of story instead then It would've definitely been considered heartwarming. Sometimes their dialogues don't sound genuine too, it felt like the author forced it even if it is opposite to their original personality, except for Bryan because of his reasoning and logic. I believe he is one of the characters that was portrayed rightly. Moving on, Amber's choice to go to their territory seemed unreasonable, judging by how those two spiece see each other as enemies. Even if they both were their mates, I normally expected to see hesitation to visit their house, let alone live there. The presence of Simba and Mufasa was irrelevant in the story, they don't hold any purpose in the story and they were just left alone at her mansion.

Total Marks: 26/100