Ich schreibe oft Gedanken auf.
Das ist der vom 9.April 2021,  3:33 Uhr, nachts.
Ursprünglich waren es Luedtexte, sie verloren aber wegen der Wichtigkeit immer häufiger dem Aufbau.
I lost myself.
Who was I?
Who am I?
How can I go back?
Could I feel better?
What is wrong and what is right?
Should I try sonething New?
Or should I go to the old times?
Should I mix times?
Should I switch between now and before?
What should I do?
Nothing is wrong and nothing is right?
I want to Start a new life and I don’t know how.
I feel fake.
I doesn't feel alive.
I can't understand anything.
Which mood is the best?
I need Feelings.
I don't want anyone, but at the same time I want.
Do I feel lonely?
Yes, I think so.
But I don't know why.
Why can't I be myself?
Is there a original myself?
I feel lost.
I don't feel the connection to someone.
All people are so different.
I can't.
I often say I can't.
I want hugs, but I only like my Plushie.
I can't let go from this kid-things.
I don't want to grow up.
It feels so bad.
I am scared, that I will even more worst.
What do I want?
I don't want anything, I think.
At the Dame time I want to start a new life, but why?
I don’t think, it will be better.
And now I Listen to the sad Songs, that comforts me.
I hate happy songs, when I am sad.
I want something unrealistic, I think.
But I am not sure what I want.
I want a boy, that can comfort me.
I want to look in his eyes.
I want to hug him.
I want to feel protection from him, but why?
I want someone that truely loves me, I am not sure why.
I don't want a girl at this time-It would feel so weird.
Why do you want to live in a foreign country?
What are my reasons?
I feel to weird and different.
I think it's Bad, when you know too much about the World.
Can I kiss someone?
Why do I want this at this time?
It feels like i'm Trapped in Depreasion-No, I don't.
I can't sleep, I want so much to do, I think.
But at the same time I want to do nothing, because I don’t like to make this or that.
I don't fit in in this World.
I had to sleep.
I'm scared.
Why did I used to listen to happy songs, for a long time?
And also at the beginning if a new world, when I still feel bad?