Funny how easy it is to blend out pain.

I only noticed when I got home again, as a complete mess. Leg hurting.

I tried to hide the fact that I feel like going insane because my plan failed. Hiding that I'm on the verge of tears and breaking down.

When I got back home I just threw myself on the couch, tired.

It felt like my muscles didn't work properly, like they're weak. My bones felt like giving in, like they're not strong enough to hold me up.

I can't remember the last time I felt at peace, relaxed and not worried about anything.

Now my mind is full with thoughts that seem like overflowing, I got pills on my mind. Endlessly. And Thomas sometimes. But I keep avoiding the incident. The accident. Whatever.

Don't wanna go through that again.

"Hope's that you?" Elliot's voice echoes through the house. "Yeah." I reply.

I hear them coming down the stairs by their loud, stomping footsteps.

"Ready to bake?" They ask in unison. A forced smile tugs on my lips, "Yeah."

When I get up, a shot of pain runs through my whole leg and I get dizzy, having to sit down again for a bit.

The boys are already in the kitchen, so I stand up again, grit my teeth at the pain and shake the dizziness off.

//°°\\

"Do not throw the flour!" But it was too late. My face, shirt and probably even my hair are now white.

"Thomas!" I grab a handful of the powder and throw it at him. To my luck he just wanted to say something so some of it lands in his mouth.

A muffled 'Ew' before he coughs and tries to spit it out, creating a big cloud. In Eli's direction.

"Why do you aim at me?" He also takes a hand of flour, places it in front of his face and blows as hard as he can, making the flour fly around Thomas and I.

"Stop it, you idiots! I'm trynna bake us something and you said you wanted to help" I slap them both with a towel, making powder clouds linger in the air again. "So don't use up all the flour."

I try to concentrate on mixing the dough again but can't help but smile a little.

It's moments like these that I worship the most.

Even if it took about two hours to finish the cake with sprinkles that form out initials- which was Eli's idea (that happened to turn out not so good, but we won't tell him)- we sit down at the couch to watch a movie.

The cake tastes decent and Elliot can't stop bragging about how nice the sprinkles taste because he was the one decorating.

You can't even read the initials but that indeed doesn't change the fact that they taste nice.

I yawn and lean back. Pulling a blanket over myself, I get comfortable, snuggling into the couch.

I may habe gotten too comfortable as I have to peel my eyes open, soon noticing I fell asleep on a shoulder.

Slowly, I sit up.

Of course it's Thomas's shoulder.

He's also asleep, as well as Elliot.

We all fell asleep. It's Sunday, and starting from tomorrow I'm going to school again. Should I wake them up, though?

I decide to slowly stand up and let them sleep.

After I take a picture of both of them sleeping, I let myself fall onto my bed.

I'm worn out. Yet I still have to function.

With mixed feelings I try to continue sleeping.

//°°\\

I don't even mind going to school again.

It takes my mind off of things.

Standing in front of my locker, I take out my books for the next lesson. The hallways are nearly empty because I'm late to every lesson.

I refuse to walk with crutches so I'm limping a little bit which slows me down even more.

Becca is still not feeling very well, though she texted me she'll come back to school in a few days. Ana is nowhere to be seen when it comes to me being late again.

Thomas closes his locker on the exact opposite side of the hallway and waits patiently for me, leaning against some lockers next to mine.

He never complains about me being slow. Not when I take my time sorting my books back where they belong, not when I walk slow or need to make a quick pause.

Like right now, only after a few feet of walking.

"You really should take crutches." He suggests for the billionth time by now.

"No. It's just a cut, I don't need crutches." I insist for the billionth time by now.

The teacher doesn't say anything as we enter the classroom and just nods. Thomas sits down as well, right behind me.

Ana sits beside me, focused on her work. "What are we supposed to do?" I whisper over.

"It says on the board." She doesn't even look up.

I finish the task right on time for the bell to announce the end of the lesson.

The day continues to drag on.

Ana just rushing off. Thomas bringing me to my next classroom, waiting for me to sit down even if he has a different lesson. The teachers saying nothing. Doing my task. Thomas picking me up. Ana just rushing off.

As my science lesson ends, Thomas isn't there yet. It's okay, though, he doesn't need to be there in time all the time and he has PE, completely opposite side of the school.

I walk around the corner and bump straight into somebody.

A yelp leaves my mouth as I loose my balance and fall to the ground. Everybody went quite as I reach out for my leg. It hurts.

When I look up to apologize, it gets stuck in my throat. I know enough to recognize the boy as Tyler, the one who Ana told me about in the hospital.

"Both became their punishment, of course, though Tyler is acting off since then. He's being really aggressive over small things and tends to violence more. So when you go back to school, you better watch out for him."

Great. Out of all people.

"Can't you watch your step?" He starts. "I'm sorry-" but he cuts me off. "Are you blind!? Can't you see that I'm standing here?"

I shrink in my own skin. Everybody is staring. They're watching.

"I didn't see-" "Yes you see! You have two working eyes on your stupid face! You should watch out!" He then looks up, speaking to everybody else.

"Y'all just watch! You all should better watch out!" Then he looks back at me and steps closer. I'm shaking and on the verge of tears.

"Can't you talk? Huh!? Are you dumb?" He shouts and he shouts. "What is everybodys deals with me, huh?!" His legs are beside mine, he's too close. "I asked you something you little-"

"Step the fuck away from her!"

Tyler gets pushed to the ground. By Thomas, of course.

He punches him in the face, hard. Little blood drops fly to the ground.

Spats of blood fly through the air as the bullet pierces through my brother's skin with such force he stumbled backwards.

Tyler turns them around, sitting on top of Thomas.

A whimper gets past my lips as he throws the first punch. "Please stop." I cry out but nobody hears it. It's too loud and I'm too quiet.

Many people have surrounded us and watch the two boys roll around, hitting and kicking each other. Why don't they do anything?

The sound of a bone cracking reaches my ears.

The sound of his skull hitting the floor was loud. Maybe even louder than the bullet rushing through the gun. I was surprised I could even hear.

I press my hands on my ears, also trying to hide parts from my face.

I feel weak. Helpless.

"Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop. Stop." I keep repeating the words but nobody hears me.

Something hurts but everything feels numb. Ringing in my ears.

Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop.

But it's all in my head. I'm not capable anymore to talk out loud. Am I overreacting?

But even if I am, the panic is real. The fear. The blood and the pain. Everything is real and I feel everything at once. The shaking. The cold sweat. The feelings all mixing together, no difference between numbness or feeling everything at once.

I want to scream and I want to be silent forever. I want to be heard but I don't want to talk.

I hide my face and cover my ears and I roll myself to my side and I pull my legs to my chest and I feel pain and I want to scream and I want to be anywhere but here and I can't breath and I feel pain and-

And somebody grabs my wrists and pulls them away to my face. Hands hold me in place and I get lifted up, feeling myself press to a familiar body.

My hands have reached my face again and I try to hide in his big arms.

"What are y'all staring at huh? Move out of the way!" Thomas' voice is loud. Like he knows his place in this situation.

I just feel like I'm the center even though I don't want to, so I feel even more out of place than before.

Everything around me rushes away. I don't look, I don't even hear. I just want it to be over. To stop.

It should all just stop.

//°°\\

I don't know what to think of this honestly.

What are your thoughts?

I feel like nothing has progress even though I tryyyyy.

Anyway, hope you still enjoyed.

Have a great day or rest of it!

WrittenBy09