The day after Elliot and I went to the cinema, was also the last day before school starts.

I gathered all my stuff to go take a long everything shower, though before stepping into the bathroom I made a stop. Water was already running so the bathroom was taken. Before turning around to leave, I heard a faint voice.

It was Elliot. Smashing my hand over my mouth to prevent me from laughing out loud, I listened to him singing 'I'm just Ken', as if he lived for that movie. He wasn't very loud, probably 'cause he thinks nobody hears him like that.

Ha! Sucks for him, I'm never gonna forget that.

Back in my room I put my stuff on top of my desk to pick up later again. Should I pack my school stuff now? I mean, who knows when Elliot is gonna finish his shower. Nah, later is still enough time.

Spinning around, I already want to decorate my whole room again. My old stuff doesn't fit into this. I need new stuff. Maybe some new clothes. Maybe that'll help me with letting go.

I shake my head to keep those thoughts away.

The doorbell rings, followed by my mom shouting, "Hope, can you get it?" I ran down the stairs and opened the door.

"Hey." I greet Thomas. "You here for Elliot?"

"Uhm, yes. We wanted to go to the cinema." He rubs the back of his neck. "They show the new Mission Impossible Film"

I nod. A really awkward silence falls. "Come in." I let him walk past me and close the door.

"Hello Thomas, nice to see you again! How are you? Are your parents doing good?" Mom stepped out of the kitchen, greeting the boy. "Uh, yeah, they're doing great, talking about a dinner with you guys they want to arrange."

"Amazing." She smiles again and vanishes back into the kitchen.

It's silent again and I lead him to the living room, though he ready knows his way around here. Why did I even sit down? It's not that he is my friend. Jeez, Elliot better be hurrying up. This is more awkward than our first meeting.

"You wanna join?" He randomly asks, which shook me out of my thoughts.

"Sorry, what?" I blink. "The movie, do you want to join us?" He repeated. "Oh, no, imma pass on this one, Elliot and I already went to the movies yesterday."

"So he already saw the movie?" Thomas's eyebrows furrowed.

"Yeah no, we went to watch Barbie." I fastly explained. "And she fell asleep during the movie." Elliots sudden voice makes me jump in my place.

"Dude, don't scare me like that!"

"Don't call me dude!"

"Sucks for you, Ken." A smirk curved up my lips in victory, as Thomas bursts out laughing, probably following the context.

"Ohhh, you shouldn't have said that, which isn't even true, by the way." He took out his phone out of his back pocket and scrolled through I don't know what.

"Take a look at that wide mouth of hers, it looked like a whole waterfall was coming out of her mouth." At his words, I jumped up. No way I'll let Thomas see pictures of me sleeping in a cinema.

I smacked Elliots phone right out of his hands. With a bang, it landed on the floor.

" Are you out of your mind, Hope?" Elliot bend down and picked it up again. The screen had one big crack from one corner to the other. "Look what you've done!"

"Come on! It's only on your protection film. I hope you learned your lessen to never try to show anyone photos of me sleeping again."

I got up. "Bye, Thomas. Have fun."

As I walked away, I snatched Elliots phone out of his hands. No way I'll riks him showing it to him while I'm gone. "Hey!" He shouted at me.

"Not risking it! Bye, Elliot!"

Back in my room, I close the door shut. Well, that was one very awkward experience and a very awkward exit I brought to daylight.

//°°\\

After Elliot and Thomas left, I took my shower and was back in my room.

My hair was still a little damp, though I didn't bother it much. They could air dry.

I nod, only to myself. Look around, but nothing needs to be done.

Except packing my school bag. Do I want to do this? Absolutely not. Will I do it anyway? Yeah, no.

Not now. I took my time with the shower and still am not ready. What could I possibly do?

I slurf downstairs and place myself next to the kitchen counter. Scanning over everything, I decide on an apple.

Very healthy.

Slowly, like, slow motion slowly, I take my bites.

"Honey, are you okay?" My mom enters the kitchen, making me jump.

"I would be if you wouldn't creep up behind me." I sigh. Too many people jump scare me. Or slap me with a Twizzler. Not the right time.

"You're eating as if you just fell asleep. Is it the apple? Is it moldy?" She wonders.

"No, no I'm fine. Tired, I guess." I throw the stem away. And walk away. Midway up the stairs I hear my mom sigh and come to an halt.

Did I do something? Should I go back? No, I can't do the 'are you okay' talk again. It's exhausting me.

I plop down on my bed and grab my headphones. Not doing this without music.

As The Neighbourhood with 'Fallen Star' starts to blast my ears, I was ready.

I got up and walked to the last unpacked box. Then Iet myself fall to the floor, lying on my back with my arms and legs spread around me.

Why was this so hard to do?

I felt like crying, but I couldn't. As if something tried to press out my cries, choking me, blocking my windpipe.

At the same time I felt as if I was alright, as if I could get up, pack my shit and laugh, maybe dance around the room.

It felt like joy was pumping out of my heart, but sadness spread from my brain and enveloped the joy. Making it sad joy.

But then when I tried to focus on my feelings, there was nothing. Just emptiness. Numbness.

That was so frustrating, I wanted to cry and the whole cycle repeats itself.

Why was is so hard to do?

It makes me angry. Furious. At myself. Makes me hate my feelings. Meaning, it makes me hate me.

I groan loudly and get up. The door to my room suddenly opens and slams directly against my arm and I startled. "Oh my! Hope are you okay? I'm sorry!" Mom hugs me from the side.

I'm uncomfortable due to my little aching arm and the whole situation. Why don't parents get that we grow out of some things?

"I'm fine, really." I reassure her, "Didn't hurt much. You wanted to tell me something?"

"Yes, yes. I'm going out to meet up with a woman I met recently." Her face beams and I knew she found a friend. That was fast and probably easy for her. "Is it okay if I go?"

I blink in her face. "Why are you asking? Go out. I'm happy for you." I give her an awkward smile.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but your father needed to go to his office even today. He is working long everyday so I don't expect him to come home early. You would be home alone, Honey." She gives me a poor smile.

"Mom, I think I'm old enough now, besides, Elliot and Thomas wanted to come over here anyway, shouldn't be that long anymore." I motion for her to leave and have fun.

"Alright. Love you!" "Love you, too. Bye mom, have fun!"

The front door falls shut and silence falls over the house. I place my headphones over my ears once again and turn the volume up just a tiny, little bit.

With the music blasting so loudly, I hope to keep my thoughts quite. With a deep breath I open the box. This would be my new start. If I unpack this box, it would all be done, no going back.

I take out my backback. Then my books and blocks and pencils, until everything is spread around in an organized mess.

Sighing, I search for my phone. Dad send me my schedule so I start looking for my stuff, blasting 'The Night We Met'.

Tomorrow I will actually have to interact with people. Small talk and embarrassing silences. No friends, weird looks. Comments, tripping or even falling. Looking hideous. Getting dirty. Food stuck in my teeth. Toothpaste stains I didn't notice. Tripping over a foot somebody placed on purpose. Getting stuff thrown at me. Laughing. What if they all just laugh at me?

My breathing picks up. Getting faster. I need to take deeper breaths. Though no air reaches is destination. My palms and forehead now covered in cold sweat. I sit up straight, wanting to allow my body to function again. Why won't it work?

A panic as bad as never before rises in my stomach, giving me a weird feeling. First my hands start to shake a little, then my teeth chatter and I bet if I stand up now my legs would give in.

I press my trembling hand onto my chest. It burns. But I'm cold. Or is it the cold shiver running up and down my spine.

I push myself forward, needing to crawl to my nightstand. I dig through it until I find the package. Chugging down the pill, I wait for the relief.

I wait to breathe properly again. To stop the shiver running and calm down my hands and still clappering teeth.

I need it to stop, where is my reliefe? Why won't it just kick in.

My chest only tightens more. I cough, trying to get rid of the clump blocking my airway. Nothing. I choke on air I can't breathe, vision blurry. Am I crying? I bet I am.

The panic worsens, going from stomach to chest. The shiver up and down. It makes me sick. Cold. Burning lungs. Make it stop.

Stop. Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop. STOP.

But it doesn't. Will I die? Lack of oxygen? For the first time, I want help. But do I?

I don't want to suffer like this anymore.

"Hope? Hope what is wrong?" An unfamiliar voice.

"Uuhhh, panic attack. Alright you got this." The person spoke quite, like he was trying to encourage himself. While I felt like passing out.

I can't think straight anymore. I don't think I can think at all. Everything hurts. Everything terrifies me. Be gone. Breath, what?

"What is your name?" I feel him cup my face. Is he? Pain. Fear.
"Listen to me. Listen to my voice." It indeed was a nice voice. I couldn't see anything. Blurry. Hurting. But my thoughts kept on getting interrupted.

"What is your name?" I think he means me.

"Hope." My voice comes out as a raspy whisper. Nearly hearable.

"Good. Good yeah. You're doing great. Uhh."

Then, "Who is your brother?"

I try to only focus on his voice. It's so pretty. And I try to answer him, fully concentrate on him, not wanting to think, anyway.

"Eli."

"Good, so, what is your favorite movie?"

"Maze Runner."

"Awesome, I love that movie." Thumbs stroke my cheeks, drying my tears. Did they stop coming? "Do you see me? Look at me. It's me, Thomas."

He holds me in place so I don't fully collapse. It's Thomas. He's here. Somebody wants to help me.

"What do you like to eat?"

"Pasta." Air. Finally I felt air rushing all the way to my lungs. It felt so good. I felt myself weaken.

"Whoa, it's alright, I got you." He pulled my back to his torso, wrapping his arms just the right way to support me. My head falls onto his shoulder.

"Don't fall asleep. Please. So, what is your favorite color?"

Deep breaths.

"Purple."

"Very pretty. You have any favorite food?"

"Nachos with cheese." I sniff. "From the cinema."

"Nice choice. What song were you listening to?"

Only now I noticed my headphones lay on the floor. I couldn't care less.

"The Night We Met" My eyes grow heavier, making it hard to keep them open. Thomas's arms pull me closer once again, letting me feel his body heat.

"Who do you like?" He continues.

"My family. And I love Greg." I took a deep, shaky breath. Behind me, I could feel him tense.

"Who is Greg?"

"My dead goldfish from third grade." A yawn escapes my lips. I feel him relax again.

"Can you breathe?" He murmurs.

"Yes." Again, a big yawn forms on my face.

"Alright, I'll lay you down to sleep. Rest well. Just call out for me or Elliot if you need help."

I just nod, only half notice how he picks me up and carries me to bed, where I soon find myself falling into a sea of thoughts, though I don't have to worry.

Tonight it seems like a small lake.

//°°\\

A/n:

I had this scene in my mind for so long now and I finally get to write it!

This is by far the longest chapter I wrote and I want to keep that up, though short chapters will probs still slip through.

Anyway, I wanted to thank everybody for their support again, a few of you told me my writing is amazing and that this story is amazing and it motivates me so much. 💕💕

I have so many unfinished story's in my native language but I never puplished them, until now (in English).

I don't want to keep this too long, so thank you again, have a good day or catch some good sleep!

WrittenBy09