I hate hospitals.

I have always hated them.

And right now I'm sitting in one. Not laying, 'cause I'm not the reason I'm in here. It's my brother. But it's my fault he ended up here. And I have no idea if I can ever forgive myself for that.

Elliot, my brother, is currently having surgery. Since an hour, twenty one minutes and three seconds.

And it's all. My. Damn. Fault.

My parents are on their way. The nice nurse with the name Janice told me. She tells me everything, but everything isn't much.

My legs are shaking and my palms are covered in cold sweat. Not two hours ago they were covered with Elliots blood. My fault.

The lights flicker and the doors open. I flinch as the footsteps are coming closer. I don't have to look up to know that it's my parents. How do I tell them? I feel like crying.

Really. I wish I could just jump out of the window and land straight on my face. Or just wake up and let it all just be a nightmare.

But it's not. The flickering lights are real, Janice the nurse is real and my parents asking about what the hell had happened are just as real.
Scared, I looked up at their worried faces. What do I tell them? How do you even tell your parents that their son got shot and it is your fault?

They're gonna hate me. I just know it.

"Hope!", my father shakes my shoulders. But not too rough. "Tell us what happened, are you okay?"

"I-",

I wanted to tell them. I really wanted. But I just can't. I didn't realise I was crying until my cheeks got wet. "He-", but nothing else left my mouth. My throat was dry and it kinda hurt. Maybe from my screaming.

My father looked at my mom and the lights hit me right in the eyes. I squinted them together. My head started spinning as a quite sob left my mouth. Everything hurt and I felt numb at the same time.

How was that possible?

The lights stopped killing my eye sight and Janice approached my parents. She was talking to them but it felt like my ears where underwater. My brain felt fuzzy as everything started to spin faster.

My parents and the nurse seemed to become more distant by the second and the lights where dimming down.

My heart was pounding in my chest, very slowly. I could even feel the blood streaming through my veins, thick and cold and slow.

The fuzzienes in my brain kept getting more intense and I was loosing my thoughts. Flowing before my eyes into the darkness. Everything started to feel lighter with every heavy breath I took.

Everything started to flow away until I was left floating, pure darkness surrounding me. All my thoughts where gone now. The guilt. The bright lights. Everything. And it felt so, so relieving.

//°°\\

The darkness slowly left. The brights lights came back, and I was surrounded by people again. Yet this time I was laying in a bed. A hospital bed.

Everything now came back. The guilt and the thoughts and the memories, of course.

"Hope? Hope, you fainted. Your blood pressure was a little low, but you will be fine in just a few minutes." That wasn't Janice talking. It was a different nurse and I couldn't stop the disappointment before it came.

Then she left. And then it kinda hit me.

I fainted.
In the hospital.
In front of my parents.

"How do you feel, Honey?", my mom asked.

"Fabulous", I croaked. "You scared us back there, what happend?" My dad. "I fainted" No shit. My mom sighed "We know that, but why? Do you feel better now?"

Honestly, I felt even worse. And I didn't even know for how long I was out. Wait. It then completely hit me. My brother. Elliot. Surgery.

"How's Elliot, is he awake? Is he even alive? Is he-", my mom cut me of. "He made it through surgery, the doctor said he will be fine, just needs some rest now. So, back to you, Hope"

A groan left my mouth. The whole room, no the whole hospital made me feel uncomfortable and my parents asking so many questions didn't really help. In fact, they made it even worse.

Crying seemed like a good option, wouldn't really help with the questions, though.
Pretending to be unconscious again was a good idea too, but that would keep me in that bed even longer.

I only want to go home. Rest a little and handle the problems tomorrow. So I told them that.

"Fine, but tomorrow, you have to. No excuses.", my dad replied. I just nodded, tired.

My thoughts started to spin in my head again, but I just couldn't handle them right know. I needed something to stop my head. Stop the thoughts. A single tear left my eye.

"Mom, can you ask the doctor to give me something?", I asked with a quiet and shaky voice.

She just gave me a small smile and nodded. "Take some rest" Dad stepped closer, kissed my forehead and left the room.

Only seconds later not-Janice-the-nurse came in and gave me two pills. "Take these, they help you to relax. I prescribed you a bottle of those, but be careful and only take them if you really need them. And they help with panic attacks, too."

Fast, I took the two pills and offered the nurse a slight smile. After she left, it was only me again. And my thoughts who are screaming at me. Reminding me of what had happened and tell me it's all my fault.

But after a while, they became quiter. I could see them. Flying away. Soon my head felt lighter. I wasn't sad anymore. Just empty. Not a sad empty, though. A relieved empty.

I smiled. I could live like that. Elliot. I wanted to think about him, but that made me sad, so those thoughts just got pulled out of my head, too. And I was left smiling again, until I drifted of to sleep. Without all the heavy, tiring stuff.

//°°\\

A/N:

The first Chapterrrrr. I'm so excited to continue this and I will try to update this story weekly, but I don't promise this.

I know the story hasn't completely started yet, but it will!

What do you think so far (even if nothing much happened)?

Any Tipps?

I hope you have a great day, or the rest of it. (for me it's good night)

X WrittenBy09