I took another deep breath as I felt the cold wind blow more intensely. I could see the tall grasses sway with the wind from the balcony where I stood. The night was set alight by the enchanting moonlight and the bright gleam of countless stars that peered down at the horizon.

The moon’s rays only seemed to remind me of how Anna glowed as the moonlight struck her fair skin. For many nights now, the desire in my heart haunted me; memories of her smile kept me from sleep. I felt my hand grip the Bible tighter I held as I realized the need for me to hear God’s instruction.

In silence I implored God’s will; not wanting to go on another night in confusion.

Oh, God… You said in Your Word, that before I was formed in the womb of my mother; You knew me. I know as well that indeed Your thoughts are higher than mine, Your ways are higher than mine… so, tonight Lord, I ask for Your Instruction…. Show me Your Will…

Peace began to surge my heart as I felt His Presence engulf me. I knew in my spirit that the peace I felt meant something beautiful. The desire to open my Bible began to compel me. It wasn’t very long when I found myself reading the passage of psalms, and like a loud trumpet the words of King David seemed to have spoken to my heart the answer I sought;

Delight thyself in the Lord, and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart…

“Anna!” the voice of Mercy captured my attention as I made my way outside the school.

“Yes, Mercy?” The view of her beaming smile became more clear as she approached.

“Did you hear? The professors in the English department were talking about your speech last week! My, I didn’t know you could preach like that!” 

I couldn’t help but smile as I heard her words. “It was purely because of the Holy Spirit, Mer. Beginning the day I knew Him I couldn’t stop myself from talking about Him in everything I do!” The joy I felt from being able to speak God’s Word in public was again awakened. I knew other people thought I was a crazy religious freak, but I know what I did was the most exceptional achievement I’ve ever had in my life.

“I know, right? Wow… I just couldn’t wait for the day I get baptized in the Spirit too. The way it empowered you gave me goosebumps!”

“Well, I have no doubt you’ll have the same empowerment when you get baptized,” I assured with a smile.

“By the way, Anna, I heard you’ll be going to one of our church partners with Melchour again this Saturday for their church anniversary. You must be excited, huh?” Another of Mer’s playful smiles was drawn from her lips.

Oh, if only she knew the uneasiness I felt whenever I think of being with him again; and the rage it will bring to Geneva if she saw.

“Uh… yeah, after going with him the last time I was surprised to be informed that Pastor Fernando officially assigned me to the task already.” I replied with my head lowered.

“Well, to tell you honestly, you two work perfectly well together.”

Did we? Because as Geneva has said; someone ordinary will ever be able to reach up to his level. 

“Ah, well… not many people think that way, Mer.”

“God knows you do, even Pastor Fernando noticed it, believe me.”

“Well… it’s all because of His Grace. Do pray for me though, alright?”

“Sure Anna, always.” A smile was drawn from my lips as I heard her response.

Lord, be with me as I spend my time with him again. Please, please steady my heart

---

I sighed in relief as we began to see the church in the horizon… two hours of walking felt like forever.

“We’re close Johanna…” Melchour remarked.

“Thank goodness we are.” I panted. The faint sound of the guitar and drums increased as we approached the building. As we came closer, we saw an elderly woman come out from the church door and walked to our direction.

“Oh, Pastor Melchour, my child, so good for you to have come here again! It’s been a year since I last saw you!” The woman exclaimed as she met Melchour with an embrace. A smile was drawn from my lips as I watched the cheerful woman exchange smiles with the man beside me. They must be really close.

“Oh…” The woman then let him go and anchored her gaze to me. “Is this your wife, child?” My face burned with embarrassment as I saw her alternately shift her gaze to me and Melchour.

“Oh…” I heard Melchour chuckle as he began to speak… “I’m afraid not yet, Aunt Louisa…” My eyes shot open as I heard his response.

Not yet?

“Uhh… n-no, ma’am. I’m not his wife.” I spoke up.

“Ah…” the woman nodded, smiling as though she was amused as she gazed upon us. “Well, everything is prepared now so come on in you two. By the way, my name is Louisa dear. I’m the overseer of the Mothers’ Ministry in this church.” The woman explained as we entered the church.

“It was a pleasure to meet you, ma’am… my name is Johanna Dumay.”

“Hmm, it was great that you could come, Dear. I do hope you won’t be scared off by the long walk and come back here again from time to time, eh?” Her sincere smile that went with the way she invited me warmed my heart.

“Sure, ma’am! I’d gladly come back again if the situation permits.” I assured. 

“Perfect! alright then, we’ll be starting in ten minutes so you can go ahead and freshen yourselves up, first.”

We nodded in agreement and she began to walk to the platform. “She’s quite the mother- figure isn’t she?” I heard Melchour whisper.

“Yes, indeed. She reminds me of my Grandmother...”

“Oh really? How nice…”

“Yes. Well! I guess I need to go ahead and freshen up first.” I gave him a quick wave and made my way to the bathroom. His words earlier troubled me. Oh, sweet Jesus-- I hate the way he makes statements that make my head swirl.

---

I instantly felt a cold breeze of air brush my cheeks as Melchour and I headed to the Pastoral house.

“That message was so powerful, Manung… and, might I say, the church members of the church we went to was very responsive.” I commented as I watched him open the pastoral house’s door.

“Glory to Him, Anna,” He replied with a smile as we entered together. "The congregants in that church of ours are really enthusiastic,"

"Indeed, how wonderful would it have been if all churches were like that," I remarked wishfully.

"Truly, Anna, that would be such a blessing to us pastors," He chuckled.

The warmth of the room instantly eased my shaking hands; causing me to sigh in relief. The silence of the room, however, was unusual.

"Where is everybody?” I asked as I scattered my gaze around the place.

“I think Pastor Fernando is here… he probably already went to sleep though, it’s already 11 pm after all.”

“Oh, I suppose so.” I nodded in agreement.

“Would you like some coffee?” I heard him ask I placed my bag in the couch.

“Please, that’d be perfect.”

“Alrighty,” he replied and began to prepare mugs.

“Here you go, Anna.” His voice calm as he handed me the mug. “I’ll go freshen up, a bit. Go ahead and enjoy your coffee.”

“Thank you…” Warmth seeped through my body as I took a sip of the coffee I held in my hands. I made my way to the sofa and was held captive by the luminescent light that came through the large window behind the couch.

Hmm, come to think of it; it has been a long time since I last watched the starry skies. “Maybe I should go outside for a while,” I whispered.

I made my way to the door quietly and was immediately welcomed by the cold air. Thankful for the coffee I held in my hand, I headed to what seemed to be a pavilion beside the pastoral house. I’ve never actually tried coming in here before; the pink and white flowers stood out the most in the moonlight. The glass-walled room was set alight as the moon struck each side of the glass.

The view it gave was breathtaking. My gaze surveyed the flowers that grew beautifully around the pavilion as I slowly made my way to the edge of the room.

“Fascinating…” I sighed in awe as I anchored my gaze at the night sky. The moon shone brightly tonight; almost reminding me of the very first time I walked with him. One memorable night; one I should try my best to forget lest I be haunted by it forever…

“It’s beautiful isn’t it?” I was startled as I heard Melchour’s voice coming from behind me. As I turned around, a gasp escaped my lips as I felt a rock trip my foot; keeping it from reaching stable ground. Echoes of breaking glass resounded in the room; the coffee I held in my hand now lay waste in the ground.

I felt my eyes slam shut as I dreadfully anticipated the pain that hitting the floor would cause. When instead, I felt arms wrap around my waist; keeping me from falling.

In a split of a second, I found myself in Melchour’s arms. My eyes widened, mind blank as I tried to comprehend what was happening.

Why wouldn’t the ground just swallow me right now?!

I badly wanted to pull away, stand up and compose myself and forget this embarrassment ever happened, but as soon as I tried to lose myself from his embrace; I felt his arms tighten around me.

“Just for a moment,” I heard him whisper. “…Just for a little while, let me stay like this.” My heart jumped as I heard his words.

What!? More questions flooded my mind as his words seem to repeatedly run over my mind. I lifted my gaze to him in wonder; only to be met by his penetrating gaze.

“What are you--“I stuttered, meeting his gaze. For a moment I allowed myself to indulge in his eyes, his breath upon the tip of my nose as we locked gazes.

In a split of a second, I turned my gaze away. Forcefully removing his arms from me as I stepped away.

No- it would never be possible. This is timing and environment playing its tricks on us. If I fall for him knowing I’d never be enough, I might find myself in a more painful situation.

“What’s wrong, Anna?” I heard his deep voice implore.

“I-I can’t do this, this is a mistake. I’m sorry; you deserve a better woman, not me. You know my past, I... I have nothing to offer.” I argued as I felt unwanted tears run down my cheeks.

“Anna… what are you saying? You’re the only woman that made me feel this way.” A part of me wanted to believe him, but I couldn’t.

“I-I’m sorry…” As soon as I let out the words; the urge to leave overwhelmed me. With all my strength I took a step and began to run, the heaviness I felt in my heart intensifying with every step I took.

“Johanna, wait!” I heard him call out. But I couldn’t turn around. I didn’t have the strength to face him. My chest heaved heavily as I ran as fast as I can, tears continually flowing. I couldn’t, I couldn’t let myself believe that I could be enough because I know in myself; I wouldn’t be, and the fact broke my heart.