As you read by the title it's not really interesting so read only if you like reading rants 🤷🏻

I've realized I'm nothing in this world recently.

I haven't done anything, I have no special talents, even my friends aren't affected by me being gone. I'm always the one to start conversations so then I feel like a bother to them

I started talking with Will and I'm bouncing between having a crush on him and not and now recently I feel like I've just been annoying him a lot more and I'm driving him away...

I mean when I talk to him he's the only one that's talked to me throughout the day and I feel like he's just realizing how annoying I get.

I feel like I'm driving everyone away honestly....

Not to mention I want to literally kill myself because I can't ever do anything else besides sit at home and do nothing

My parents are either way to overprotective or it's the fact I have no friends or no life and can't go anywhere fun...

And I think it's all getting to me because I feel really sick lately and can only make it through half the day before I start feeling like I'm going to vomit and I just get exhausted and need to sleep despite having probably 8+ hours of sleep the night before.

Maybe I have seasonal depression...idk if I do that's just great because then I get to hear my dad say it's just all in my head like he tells my mom and sister

That's another thing...I want to leave this house...My family isn't helping any. They're always negative and rude to me and it sucks that even when I try to lighten up the mood because it's killing me I get snapped at and asked why I'm being like that.

Our moneys going down the drain because my dad can't work and my mom is too much of a pussy to go and find a job that will support us.

She didn't take her latest job offer because "she didn't fit in there"

I can't breathe right anymore...it's always restricted and I can't even go on walks because I feel weak and do everything I can so I don't pass out

I want to start working out and dancing but again my family will just make fun of me and I'm just sick of it.

I want my own apartment

I want a boyfriend that would be there for me

I want a new body

I want health

I want even just a kitten or puppy that can cheer me up and keep me company

I want a new life

I want a fresh start but as long as I'm stuck in this house

I'm not going anywhere

The school I've planned on going back to is horrible...I don't want to go back and have the memories of him hurting me and embarrassing me...

I don't want them to laugh at me and taunt me then be shoved with the outcasts that even the teachers don't care about or know exist.

Will told me that his school said they closed off taking new people in but he's not sure and he said I should give it a try despite him being my only friend there it'd still be a clean start and it's way better than the school

I want to...so bad.

I want to start fresh in a school no matter what. I want new and real friends and I don't want to go back to a school where I know it will just crush me again.

I want to be with Will, my only friend I have left from Kindergarten. The one I can trust will keep returning as long as I don't screw anything up.

I see everyone starting to get their lives together while mine is falling apart piece by piece and making me nothing.

I want a different school so I can start off better and show the real Teddy that I am inside. Not the shy Teddy that sits back and lets whatever happen.

Which is why I'm talking to my parents and in going to try and get them to let me either go to my friends school or a different one.

I really want to change and not be depressed like this all the time because I have too much time to think.