For awhile now this has been running through my mind

Every relationship I've been in has ended and the other person has already got someone else on the ready and stuff

Then one of my biggest insecurities is not being enough or not achieving anything or not being able to please literally anyone

So it must really be true...

The only problem is I don't know how to fix it

I've been too nice, and that's been the end of it

I haven't spoke my mind, that's been the end of it

I speak my mind and that's the end of it

I've not paid attention to my health and put them first and that's the end of it

Whether it's been cheating or just losing interest in me and developing other crushes

I've never been listened to after I give people advice to help themselves

Then I've also been like mentally broken down because of things that have been said even after the thing that broke me the most happened

I just don't understand is it me? What am I doing wrong?

I'm just tired of being hurt by people after all I've done has been nice and try to explain things, of course I'm going to get mad if it keeps happening or I'm not listened to

But I can't think of any other time that I've been mean?

I just don't know what to do I feel like such a lost cause like all I'm ever going to do is be there for people to shit on

So if that's the case then why don't I just end it? Am I just not meant to be with people or something?

Idk I just want it to stop

Another thing is

I'm so amazed my longest relationship took me so long to realize what a short of idk "abusive"? (it's a strong word I know but I don't know how else to say it) person they were

I was just being used and if I'd get sad or something they'd basically yell at me when it turns out they were cheating on me while we were together

And I got together with them twice I really thought they'd changed

I don't understand, I don't know I'm just letting my thoughts go today and it's bothering me

I hate being gullible

I hate trying to trust people (I try to get out of my bad trust issues and I get hurt in the process)

I hate having a heart where I'm still so concerned for the other that I can't just move on and forget them

I hate being so nice