Thomas POV

You know, I can just picture what you're thinking: "Nothing that could happen today could ever be as bad as what happened last time.", right? Right? I mean, you know me: it always gets worse and worse. I don't think we need to recap one of the worst days of my life, right? Perfect, so let's just move on. Looking back at those times I guess that what really drove me to the absolute breaking point were two specific occurrences, and the effects they had on me and my feelings. I imagine it's time that I finally tell you about the first one.

The next morning I woke up feeling...well, like shit, as always. But this time, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't manage to get up from bed, do my morning routine or my daily workout. The day before I was excited to finally tell Nadine about my feelings, to finally let out everything that I've been keeping to myself for all those years, but...that message really made me rethink it. What were the chances of me succeeding? If she was really into me, then why hadn't she already acted on it? Nadine has always been a direct person, so when she wanted something she didn't need to be encouraged to move her ass and get it. If she had the chance to hook up with that douchebag she calls "the hottest guy at school", she would take it. The same couldn't be said about me. Blame my childhood, blame my insecurity, blame whatever you want, but I sucked at just taking what I wanted: I was way too much preoccupied with overthinking everything that was happening to me to notice that what I wanted was at my reach, and that stretching my arm and just grasp it was all it would take. Of course the lack of noise coming from my room and my lack of moving worried my sister, which steps I clearly heard approaching from behind my closed door. She knocked two times before calling me

Krista: "Tommy? Tommy, are you awake?"

It took just a second for me to reply with my blank and bored voice

Thomas: "I don't even know if I'm still alive, sister."

She must've understood the reason behind my grumpy tone was what happened yesterday, but she still didn't know about my love situation, so I can't say that she completely understood me, yet it wasn't her fault

Krista: "Tommy, I promise you, today is going to be better. C'mon, get up, big bro."

But I wasn't having any of the cuteness she emanated with that nickname, and answered with the same tone

Thomas: "Let me die alone, Krista, you shouldn't see me like this."

A few seconds of silence passed before she replied

Krista: "C'mon, Nadine's going to be there, it's the perfect chance to renew our common vow: 'till death do us part, remember?"

But, again, I wasn't having that, so I answered

Thomas: "I'm not in the mood to see Nadine. Plus, the argument is between you two: I'll leave it to you."

I know she was weirded out by me not wanting to see her, but she didn't ask further. It's a twins thing: sometimes we sense something is off. Instead, she replied with a bit lower tone

Krista: "Do you really want to stay here with our parents?"

She was obviously hinting at their beating, but honestly in that moment I didn't much care

Thomas: "It's okay: they had their fun the other day, dad fucked and came home late last night and mom drank herself to sleep, she'll have a huge ass hungover. I'll be good."

I heard her sigh on the other side of the door before she said

Krista: "Okay...look, I have to go, but if you need anything please call me, okay?"

I merely rolled on my right side, covering myself up, and replied

Thomas: "Whatever."

After she left I picked up my phone, rereading a text from Nadine I received that morning

My Rizzo ❤️

Hey there, dummy!

I expect you to come here ASAP!

You're literally the only one that can turn a biology lesson into something actually interesting.

And you need to tell me everything that happened at the party.

I heard Kristine Baxter was there 😏

Did you two 👉🏻👌🏻? If yes, I don't need all the details.

But srsl come here!

Do you understand what other reason I had to stay in bed? I could just picture Nadine's face the moment I would walk into that classroom: she flashing that megawatt, beautiful smile of hers, me trying to ignore the goddamn butterflies flying wildly in my stomach every time I see her while sitting down on my spot beside her, she smirking at me asking if Kristine and me banged, and me having to explain why we didn't do it, or having to lie about her not being there. Granted, I didn't know if she was even at the party, so I would've lied in any case. But there was even something else...

I was really starting to be annoyed at the fact that she could ask me anything, and I was expected to give her all she asked, without receiving anything in return. And I had a right to feel that way. A tip for you, guys: if the girl doesn't give you something in return, or she doesn't even try to give you something in return, don't pursue further the relationship. None of us wants to feel used, so why did I put myself in the same exact situation every single time? What was the point of giving everything to someone, and not receiving anything in return.

I seriously should've followed my advice back then, it would've spared me a lot of unnecessary pain...

And, speaking about pain, more or less ten minutes later, I heard a continuous loud banging at my door, with my mother's voice coming from behind in slurry shouts

Mother: "Thomas, open the door! Open the...ffffucking door!"

I was sitting on my bed the whole time, watching with fear the door banging, and hearing my mother's shouts. It was evident that the alcohol she had the other night wasn't enough. She wasn't stopping with the bangs and the shouts

Mother: "If you don't open this damn door right fucking now, I swear you're going to regret it, young boy!"

She went with it for another few instants, until she stopped with the bangs. There was silence coming from the other side, except for the sound of a few hard gulps. She must've had the bottle in her hand. After a few seconds, she started talking again with mock in her voice

Mother: "You think you're better than me? You're not worth the shit you walk on." she chuckled a bit before continuing with her slurs "You're just a loser that doesn't know a shit about life. A poor, insignificant, worthless, heartbroken, shit."

Her words didn't affect me too much, I was used to hear those. What really struck me was the 'heartbroken' part. The hell did she know about my heart's condition? She never cared a damn thing about my feelings. The hell did she know about me?! Then what I feared the most revealed itself to be true as she spoke

Mother: "You think I'm that stupid like your poor excuse of a father? I know why you keep hanging out with that lonely Nadine girl...you're in love...you're so stupid."

She knew about my feelings for Nadine. She knew what I was feeling for her. And she knew that that was the button to press to really hurt me, and in fact she continued after chuckling more

Mother: "The stupid little boy still believes someone could ever love him! You're stupid, ugly, and no one likes you. How could she ever love you?"

And then, while I was desperately trying not to cry, she drank a few gulps and threw her final bomb at me, something I could never expect to hear

Mother: "You're the biggest mistake of my life. I should've gotten an abortion long ago."

That was something neither her, nor my father ever dared to say. I suppose there's a first time for everything, including escaping from the window of my room. I couldn't handle that anymore, so I quickly dressed myself and got out of the window, using the hard branch of the tree. I climbed on it and made my way to the tree itself, then I slowly climbed down. After securely descending, I just ran as fast as I could to the only place that I felt like home: the local park. Upon arriving, many old childhood memories came up in my mind. Memories of a simpler time, when me, Krista and Nadine were simple friends who enjoyed playing together. No romantic feelings in the middle. How I wished I could just forget everything. Forget how I was feeling. Forget all the pain I had to endure every single day. Forget even my name. It would've been so easy if I just forgot about everything and simply started over.

As I dragged my feet towards the swing, I really started to think about my mother's words. Was I really so stupid in thinking that Nadine could actually love me back? Could I actually be loved? Then I thought about Kristine, about what she confessed to me. Was she even serious? Did she truly feel something for me? Or was my subconscious just playing games with me? What was there even remotely special about me? A stupid, naive loser who just couldn't get over a girl that would never reciprocate his feelings.

In that moment I made the mistake of believing my mother was right, that I was indeed stupid to feel love, to expect someone to love me when everyone around me seemed in need to find a reason not to hang out with me, or even be near me. It seemed that everyone in the world was against me, that everyone somehow saw some...defect in me, something that not even I could see, that just lead them to hate my guts. My family...my school...everyone seemed to find that defect in me, that reason enough to avoid me or hate me. I was tired to feel that way. I was tired to feel constantly out of place. I was tired to have to endure every single episode my parents were having. I was tired to feel like a stupid ass loser. I was so tired of everything...

While I was still going back and forth on the swing I noticed a small family coming: a father, a mother, and a little girl. The two adults were holding one girl's hand each as they were swinging her back and forth, all three of them laughing together with the biggest smiles on their faces. They were carefree, having fun like any normal family, nothing out of the ordinary...and yet that image made me feel uneasy. Their fun time stopped when they saw me on the swing. They probably noticed my sad expression, or they were probably just wondering why was a boy like me all alone at the park. Their smiles slightly vanished as the embarrassment of our encounter sunk in their minds. The only one still smiling and also waving at me was the little girl. She was so cute: a little blonde, with her hair combed in two braids going down her shoulders and tied with a red knot, she was wearing a salopette and her little hand left her father's to wave at me with enthusiasm. I couldn't but smile warmly at the cuteness I was seeing and I returned the wave with the same enthusiasm. But the cute moment was interrupted as the girl's parents stared at me in a harsh way and led the child away from my sight. That image only strengthened my uneasiness. Why did that scene seem so...familiar in some way? And why did I start suddenly to hyperventilate? I couldn't stop myself as I breathed heavily, and yet I couldn't seem to actually get air in my lungs. After a few minutes I felt dizzy and stumbled on the floor. And, after feeling the green grass caress my pale and sweaty face, the world around me turned dark all of a sudden, making me fall in a dreamless sleep.

I woke up in a strange place. It wasn't my room, that I was sure of. But it wasn't even Krista's room, or Nadine's, or Darian's. I was still feeling dizzy, so, when I tried sitting up straight, I must've made the movement too fast, because the room started spinning uncontrollably. I held my head with my right hand as I propped myself up with the other, groaning from the headache I was feeling. Someone must've heard me, because the door to my left opened as a small girl came rushing in. When she noticed I was awake, she smiled widely as she turned to the outside of the room and yelled

???: "Hurry up, he's awake! He's awake!"

Then, when I payed more attention on the girl at the entrance, I noticed she had her blonde hair combed into two braids, tied together with a red knot, and she was wearing a deep blue salopette. She was the same girl that waved at me at the park. She now turned to look back at me as she walked forward, standing in front of the bed with the same wide smile adorning her round face, stretching her rosy cheeks. Then she said excitedly

???: "Hi! My name is Rose, and I'm ten years old. What's your name?"

I swear she was one of the cutest sights I had ever seen. I chuckled a bit before answering

Thomas: "Hi, Rose, I'm Thomas, but you can call me Tommy. And I'm seventeen years old."

At that she smiled even more, as if it was possible, and said

Rose: "Really?! You're the same age as my sister!"

Before I could question her about it, I saw someone else, a woman, walking through the door. I noticed that she was the same woman at the park, Rose's mother. She smiled softly at me and said

???: "Hi, I'm Sarah. How are you feeling?"

I stopped for a second to collect my thoughts and think about the question. How was I feeling? Not good. I wasn't feeling good at all: my mother just told me it would've been better if I was never born. That's not something you recover from quickly. But was I going to talk about it with this kind woman? Hell no. So I merely nodded my head in reply, then I asked

Thomas: "How long was I asleep?"

Just now I noticed that Sarah was holding a glass of water in her hand and giving it to me. I gently took it, muttering a small "thank you", and slowly drank it. After I put down the glass, she looked at me and answered with a calm and soothing voice

Sarah: "Almost nine hours."

At that my eyes widened as I asked with a slightly higher voice

Thomas: "Nine hours?!"

Then I realized the tone I used wasn't so polite and, after stuttering a bit, I said

Thomas: "O-Oh, I'm-I'm sorry, I didn't wanna yell, i-it's just that I wasn't expecting it."

Sarah smiled sweetly at me as she replied with the same calm voice

Sarah: "It's okay, I get it. Are you sure you're feeling good? It wouldn't be a problem for us to bring you to a hospital for a check."

I was almost mesmerized by the calmness emanating from her voice. Was this the way a mother normally talked? It was honestly one of the most beautiful sounds I've ever heard. Do you know, like, those kind of voices that, the exact moment you hear them, you feel calm, protected, and safe? All of that was emanated by Sarah's voice. She was a woman in her thirties, with warm brown eyes and blond hair, just like Rose. When i heard she was okay with bringing me to the hospital, I immediately started to reassure her, in order to not be a burden

Thomas: "Oh yeah, Sarah, I'm good. There's no need, but thanks."

As she took the glass back in her hand, she replied with a sweet

Sarah: "Of course."

Then her expression changed into one of sorry as she said

Sarah: "I want to apologize for what happened at the park. It's just that, you know, we're very protective of our little angel over here. We've been rude, and I'm sorry for it."

As she said this, she was caressing Rose's head tenderly. I couldn't believe that she was apologizing to me for being rude, and even for a good reason. That was a day for first times apparently. As she apologized, I shook my head and said

Thomas: "There's no need of being sorry: you were just protecting your daughter." then I whispered to myself "I wish my mother did the same..."

I guess she must've picked on it, because her smile at my answer faltered upon hearing that. After a few moments I looked around, noticing the room I was in, and deducing it wasn't exactly a ten-year-old's: there were posters of The Queen, an electric guitar leaning on the wall, a rather beautiful collage of pictures attached to the wall beside the bed, but none of those was a selfie, so I couldn't exactly understand who was the owner of all of this. Upon noticing my curiosity towards the pictures, Sarah spoke behind me with affection pouring through her tone

Sarah: "My daughter took each one of those pictures. She likes to capture landscapes, she says they make her feel relaxed while looking at them."

I looked more closely at each one of those photos, admiring how the girl managed to capture the light in all the right places, how she managed to always choose the perfect spot from where to take the picture. And also how right Sarah's daughter was about the relaxing part. Whoever that girl was, she was talented. But suddenly a loud noise interrupted the tranquility: my phone was ringing. When I turned around, the little Rose was already handing me the phone. At that I smiled and thanked her as I saw the caller ID. Upon noticing that it was Krista, I remembered that I slept for nine hours, so I quickly answered

Thomas: "Hey, Krista, sorry I-"

But she immediately cut me off, as she angrily shouted at me

Krista: "Where the hell were you?! I came home and I found mother asleep on the ground with a bottle beside her hand, and you weren't anywhere! I was worried sick!"

As soon as she started shouting, I immediately distanced my phone from my ear, grimacing the pain in the head that I was starting to feel again. After she finished, I carefully put my phone back at my ear and said

Thomas: "I'm sorry, Krista, it's complicated and I'll explain everything, but I'm okay. I'm coming home right now. Why don't you call Nadine? Maybe we can have a sleepover at her's or-"

I was interrupted by sniffling from Krista's side. That got me worried, as my sister wasn't the type to cry for pointless things, so I worriedly asked

Thomas: "Krista, what's wrong? What happened?"

She sniffled a bit more before saying with a small voice

Krista: "Nadine ended things..."

Then I, probably denying what I already understood, replied with a stutter

Thomas: "Wha- What are you t-talking about? Ended what things?"

She answered me a few instants later with a more clear voice

Krista: "She said me and her...that we're not friends anymore."

After she finished telling everything that happened I had a shocked expression on my face. I couldn't believe it. My best friend, my Nadine...how could she hurt my sister that way? I couldn't get why would she even do what she did, considering Krista's been her only female friend for years. And then something in my head popped up. But that couldn't be the reason, right? It could never be the reason. But the feeling at the pit of my stomach was telling me I was right, and so I hurriedly asked

Thomas: "Just tell me...is it because of you and Darian?"

There was silence for a few moments behind the line, and I already knew my answer, even if she tried to speak

Krista: "Tommy, listen, I-"

But I cut her off

Thomas: "How could she do something like this to you...? Tsk...the hell with it. I'm gonna talk to her."

She tried to stop me

Krista: "No, Tommy, don't. I know you, please don't go."

But I didn't listen

Thomas: "No one treats my sister like this, not even her can-"

Then she interrupted again, saying something I wasn't expecting to hear

Krista: "She's your only friend, please don't do it!"

I couldn't not notice the way she said that she was my only friend, as if Nadine wasn't also Krista's only friend, so I asked her

Thomas: "What do you mean with that?"

I heard my sister sigh on the other side before she answered my question

Krista: "Tommy, Nadine is your only friend. You never hang out with anyone else than me or her. It's true that you are friends with Darian, but you two don't exactly hang out. It's just...I don't want you to feel alone."

And now, all of a sudden, I wasn't mad at Nadine...it was the first time I was actually mad at my sister. She didn't want me to be alone? Like, now she didn't want me to feel alone? When I felt like that every single day of my life? And, in any case, I didn't need her pity. So, after chuckling a bit at the absurdity, I replied not even caring that Sarah and Rose were still there

Thomas: "Are you serious? Now you don't want me to feel alone? I don't need your pity, Krista. And if you want the whole truth, then I'll have you know that I've always felt alone! I'll have you know that, while you were crying because Nadine doesn't want to be friends with you anymore, I've been keeping my tears from escaping for years so that you didn't feel sorry to be sad for minor things than being beaten up by your parents every fucking time! I'll have you know that, while you had you girl friend to let out every little worry with, I've never had a single fucking soul caring enough about me to even get close to me! You know shit about feeling alone!"

Of course, by the time I started swearing, Sarah quickly brought Rose away and closed the door. After my lash, there was silence for a few moments before Krista asked me, clearly on the verge of tears

Krista: "Why didn't you ever tell me about this?"

Not even a second passed that I answered her

Thomas: "Because I'm your brother, and it's my responsibility to protect you and to make you happy. So now I'm going to talk to Nadine and tell her to fuck off for treating my sister like garbage, and you call Darian so that he can cheer you up."

She sniffled a bit before replying

Krista: "Okay. But, Tommy...you're not alo-"

I didn't let her finish as I closed the call. When I noticed I had tears welling up in my eyes, I quickly wiped them off and stood up. I put on my shoes and walked out of the door. When I got out, there was Sarah beside the door frame. I realized I sweared in front of Rose and, ashamed, I lowered my head and closed my eyes, expecting her to yell at me or send me away. But, instead, I felt a warm sensation around me as a body came in contact with me. When I reopened my eyes, I noticed that all that Sarah was doing was hugging me. She was actually hugging me. It was a pretty different hug than the ones I was used to with Nadine or Krista...it was...warm. It felt different in a good way. For the first time I felt...safe, and loved. I hesitantly wrapped my hands around the kind woman and buried my head in the crook of her neck as I breathed her comforting scent. After a few moments she said in a hushed and calm tone

Sarah: "It's okay to let it out sometimes."

And right then, I couldn't understand why yet, but for the first time in years...I actually cried. I cried hard, for a long time, tightly hugging that sweet woman who showed so much affection and care towards a stranger like me. My heavy tears stained her white shirt as I sobbed and sobbed on her shoulder, all the while she continued to hug me and caress the back of my head. At the time I couldn't understand why I was trusting that woman so much enough to cry on her, when I didn't even cry in front of my sister or my best friend. I couldn't know yet how much important that woman was going to be for me.

After my cries subsided, she wiped them off with her thumbs and gave me a kind smile that I reciprocated. Then she led me to the kitchen and handled me a glass of water, telling me to drink it slowly. After finishing it, I bid Sarah and Rose goodbye, after the little one embraced me as well.

I walked towards Nadine's house with decisive steps: even if I was actually feeling better after that cry, I was still pissed off. As I walked in front of the door, I started ringing the doorbell and, eventually, the door was opened. On the other side there was Nadine, sporting a shocked and, somewhat, pissed expression as she said

Nadine: "Oh, so now you come-"

But I wasn't in the mood for 'Angry Nadine', so I interrupted her saying

Thomas: "Who the hell do you think you are...?"

She had a confused expression on her face, and that someway made me even more mad at her. So, after pushing past her and going inside, I elaborated

Thomas: "Krista called me, crying on the phone, because apparently you said you aren't friends anymore. Would you care to explain to me what the fuck did you tell her?"

She shook her head and held the bridge of her nose while saying

Nadine: "I'm not in the mood for this, can we please talk about this tomorrow?"

But I didn't budge, not a single bit

Thomas: "No, we're talking about this now. She's your best friend since years, how could you throw something like that away, as it was nothing?!"

Then she raised her head, shouting

Nadine: "She threw it away when she picked Darian over me!

Then I walked a few steps closer and shouted as well

Thomas: "Wrong! You threw that away when you couldn't accept that she couldn't pick between the two of you! She was heartbroken, Nadine! Are you aware of what she has to go through every day?! How could you do that to her?!"

Then she waved her hands around as she kept shouting

Nadine: "And what about me?! It seems that everyone I tell my problems to, either ignores them or says that I shouldn't complain so much! Why am I not allowed to feel bad?!"

At that I got even more mad and replied

Thomas: "Are you fucking serious right now?! Krista and i never ever shamed you for your feelings! She always put you before herself!"

And she rebutted with

Nadine: "Then why did she fuck my own brother?! How could she prefer him to me?!"

And then, right then, I saw the problem. A few moments passed before I answered

Thomas: "Oh my God...you're so stupid."

She was clearly shocked by this, but I didn't finish

Thomas: "No, I don't think 'stupid' is the right word here, more like 'selfish' and 'self-centered egomaniac' are. You're so angry at the world because you lost your father, and your mother doesn't give you much attention. Well, let me tell you something, at least your father wasn't a fucking monster! At least your mother doesn't lash out on you after drinking herself to sleep! And at least she doesn't tell you that it would've been better if you were never fucking born!"

Her angry demeanor swiftly changed after that, but before she could speak I continued

Thomas: "You're the most selfish person I've ever known, Nadine. Have you ever even cared for me, or were me and my sister just a way for you to feel better, huh?"

At that she tried to speak

Nadine: "N-No, Tommy, I-"

But I was having no more

Thomas: "No, fuck you, Nadine, I don't wanna hear it."

Then I walked towards the front door, ignoring her calls, but before i could go out I turned my head to look back at her and, with venom in my voice, I said this

Thomas: "Stay away from me and my sister: our life is already fucked up as it is, we don't need you to fuck that up even more."

After those words I just turned my head and walked away without turning back. I couldn't turn back, or I would've taken back everything. I couldn't turn back, or she would've seen how hurt I was at that situation.

I walked again towards the park and sat down on the same swing I sat before that same day, rethinking about everything that happened today...

The party...

My mother...

My panic attack...

My sister...

Nadine...

Back then I thought that that was my breaking point with Nadine, the final straw, the final drop. I couldn't know how much I was wrong...

I needed someone. I needed a friend. But who could I go to? I had no one. Except...

Right then I remembered I still had that number, and I didn't use it yet. I guessed that that was the perfect moment to do it...

I clicked on the contact...

It rang...

Then she picked up...

Thomas: "Hey, sorry I took this long but..."

Then I sobbed for the second time that day, and said with a broken voice

Thomas: "...I really need you right now."

And, after a couple of seconds, she replied

Kristine: "Where are you?"

A/N: and here you have it, guys! Sorry for the big delay, but, as I said, this month is hectic to say the least. Did you like the chapter? How do you feel? How do you think the story will develop from now on? Will Thomas and Nadine get together in the end? Stay tuned to find out, and please vote, share and comment this story with your opinions, they always make me happy. I hope you'll have a great day/night, 'till next time ❤️