When I next wake up, the bandages are gone. 

I'm still lying in the hospital bed, and I'm still restrained, but the bandages are gone. 

My eyes flicker open, glancing around the room. The doctor from before is gone, as is everyone else. I can't hear anyone outside, and I wonder if it's the middle of the night. I don't really know what time it is, not ever. 

I don't even know how long I've been here. It could be a few days, or it could be a few years. No... I would've noticed myself growing older. But it could very likely have been a few months. 

"Hello?" I call out, listening intently. There's a rustling in the room next to me, and a thump, like someone jumping out of bed and rushing over to the walls. 

A silhouette of hands appears on the blurred barrier. I jump, imagining an insane prisoner pounding on the glass and trying to get in and kill me. 

"Amethyst?"The voice sounds earnest and worried, plus... excited? "Is that really you? You're okay?"

I'm silent for a moment. And then I find the words. "N-yes. I'm fine. Mostly." I look down at myself, seeing the thin white scars tracing over my light brown skin like chalk marks. Whatever the doctors did to me must've erased the wounds and the pain, but they couldn't erase the scars. "Who is it?"

"Myles," he says, hesitating slightly. I sit up, trying to get out of bed but wincing when my leg hits the floor. 

"You're okay? Really? You were shot, why were you worried about me?" I mutter the last part, finding my way over to the wall. I place my hand over his silhouetted one. 

No one needs to be worried about me. I can take care of myself, without anyone getting in my way- no. That was the old me. Now... I want to save them. If they get in the way they'll get themselves hurt, like Myles did. Like Twyla and Luis, and Aegis, and... there's too many to count. 

The point is, I'm not worth it. I'm nobody. But I don't care. I never have. 

"Why should I be worried about you? Oh, I don't know, do you possibly remember when you were attacked by some maniac?" His voice sounds harsh, and I close my eyes for a moment, gulping. My hands cradle my body like I'm holding myself together, which I am. Myles seems to notice, because he whispers an apology: "Sorry."

I nod, mentally pushing the thoughts away. I don't need to think about that. Not now, not ever. It's over. It's done. 

"It's fine," I whisper, taking a deep breath and opening my eyes. "I'll get over it." 

Even I notice the quiver in my voice. I won't get over it. Never. But... I'll say that, if it makes him feel better. 

"Really, I'm sorry." The words hang in the air, both of us afraid to touch them. But I do believe him. He's that kind of person. One who says sorry and actually is sorry. Unlike me.

"Do you think we'll get out of here soon?" he asks. I think on it, and give him my honest answer. 

"No. We already escaped once. They won't let that happen again. They'll probably keep us here for... as long as they can." I know I'm being pessimistic, but it's true. I may not have done anything except run away, and I may not know what Myles did, but I do know that the capitol won't rest until we're under control. 

There's another moment of silence. I can tell he's trying to process what I said, so I make it easier and speak first. 

"Do you think Autumn will be okay? What did she even do to get in here?" With the words, I can feel every memory I have of Autumn climbing their ways to the front of my mind. Her hugging me, and telling me the capitol could see us. Her waking up and greeting me, an absolute stranger. 

Maybe I didn't know her very well. Maybe we didn't talk as often as we could've. But I think we might've been friends- and I'll take every friend I can get, even if I don't deserve them. 

Plus, she's only twelve. I think. About twelve. She doesn't deserve to go through this. No one does. 

Except... maybe a few people. A few murderers, though only one of them who actually killed people with her own hands. 

"She was overheard saying bad things about the capitol. Apparently she was more outgoing then- not afraid to say her mind. I think that's why she hides it behind her 'talkative, excited little girl' personality, now." He shuffles his feet, somehow sadly. I wonder if he misses Autumn. Well- that's a stupid question. Of course he misses Autumn. She was his only friend in the world, as far as I know. 

But still... "You didn't answer my question."

"I think... she'll be fine. Autumn is stronger than you think, Amethyst." I sigh. Vague answers are not my favorite thing in the world. But maybe she is. I guess I'll have to see... if I ever see her again. 

"Do you think we'll ever see her again?" The words echo around the room, and I notice Myles hesitate before he answers. 

"Maybe." I shake my head. I don't need another vague answer. He knows something, I can tell- and I need to know it. 

"No, I need a real answer. I need to know if she's still alive, Myles." He hesitates again, turning away and staring at the corner of the wall. I can tell he's about to tell me something, and it's not good news. 

"I guess the real answer is... no. I heard a scream when... when I escaped, and it sounded like her. So... they must have finished her off, once they moved us. They didn't want us to see." He sounds like he's poking a rattlesnake, seeing if it'll wake up. He's careful, but knows there might be consequences. 

For me it's different. I'm the rattlesnake. There won't be consequences for him, but for me... for my mental health...

Everything is swirling. Blurring. Burning. Myles' silhouette blends with the white walls until all I can see is a splatter of white, grey, and black. I know I'm leaning against the wall, though the sensation feels like I'm controlling a puppet with strings, half of which are broken. And someone is coming along with scissors, reading to snip the rest. Ready to break me. 

Something is wrong. I shouldn't be having this strong a reaction. I didn't before. 

Something is wrong something is wrong something is wrong.

But I'm a murderer. If Autumn really is dead- the guards only came in there because I just had to talk to my cellmates. Maybe if I'd hid myself in the corner, been antisocial, then just maybe- maybe she'd be alive. 

I take a deep breath, steadying myself against the wall. Nothing is wrong. I must still be tired. I'm fine. Nothing is wrong. 

"Are you okay?" Myles' voice seems like its coming from a world a million miles away, but it snaps me back into reality. I force a nod, and take another deep breath, feeling the panic wash away. 

I can make it through this. I have to. Even if it's not possible, maybe I can help someone else through this. Let them survive, even if I can't. 

"I'm fine. Nothing's wrong," I say, repeating the words bouncing around my head. Nothing's wrong. I'm fine. "I just... need to rest."

Yes, those words are true. Exhaustion aches through every bone in my body, though I've done nothing to provoke it. 

Myles nods. "I get it. When I first woke up, I was exhausted too. It'll go away." I nod, then straighten as I process his words. 

'When I first woke up'? So... he woke up before me? "How long was I asleep?" I ask, the words seeming unnecessarily harsh as I turn towards the wall, staring straight into where I assume his eyes might be. 

"Uh... not long," he says, though I can hear the lie in his voice. I take a deep breath. Maybe I don't want to know the answer. Maybe I shouldn't get all worked up over nothing. 

"Alright. I guess... I don't want to know. I'll see you in the morning." I take a careful step backwards, and when he doesn't react I find my way back to the bed and curl up in the covers. 

They're not soft, but they're comfortable nonetheless. 

I hear Myles sigh quietly, which I ignore. He makes a noise like he's also returning to his bed, and presses something on the wall. The lights flicker off, leaving us in darkness. 

But I can still hear a quiet whisper, that most likely would never have reached me if I wasn't being so silent.

"Goodnight, Amethyst."