Vikki had dropped me off at home somewhere around two in the morning. I'd grabbed my phone and debated texting or calling Monica but took my friend's advice and didn't. Vikki told me to leave her alone for the rest of the night and to sleep it off. That would've worked if it wasn't for the fact that once I was inside my house I'd immediately sobered up.

Thoughts of Monica with Carter had made the alcohol induced mental fog dissipate rather quickly. Thinking of his arms around her and his mouth on her had made my guts churn in the most horrible of ways. And her tone of voice, almost as if she were annoyed by me, made an uncomfortable anxiety flow throughout me. It took everything in me not to pick up the phone and call or text her to see what she was doing.

She'd been like that since she'd left Vegas a few weeks back, passive and distant. Her voice wasn't what it usually was during our conversations. She didn't sound over-the-top excited every time I called anymore, like she used to. She just sounded like she were going through the motions, monotonous, unemotional—

How's your day? Oh that's nice. Everything's fine. I have to go because I have schoolwork. Love you. Bye.

That's all I seemed to get from her lately— generic responses to everything. That's it. There weren't any sexy phone conversations where I'd hear her moan my name. No watching her touch herself over video chat. Nothing. She was too busy with schoolwork. Not that it was a bad thing she was focusing on studies, but my assumption is she's focusing on them to avoid whatever is going on between us.

It's a terrible feeling to watch something that'd once burned so bright slowly fizzle down to a small flame. That's what I felt was happening with our relationship. I hated being so far apart, because if we were closer, I wouldn't let her slip away. I wouldn't let our relationship fall to the wayside. Not that I'm intentionally doing that now, but it's harder to maintain a true emotional connection when you can't look directly into the eyes of the person you love. I want to be able to show her the truth and depth of my feelings, because with Monica, I feel all of the things. I feel every single one of them.

I'm currently sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea watching some action movie. It's a bit early, and first thing on a Sunday morning, but why not? Just as I watch someone blow up a warehouse my phone starts to ring. I immediately pause it when I see Cherry pop up on my phone's screen.

I press mute then run my hand through my hair. After a moment of deliberation, I pick it up with, "mornin' Cherry."

"Morning... So, how are you feeling?" Her voice is a little taught but not too irritated.

"I'm actually feeling fine." Physically, that is. "I sobered up when I got home. Listen, last night I had a bit too much and knowing you were out with Carter set me off. I didn't mean to say what I said."

"I wasn't out with him though. We just happened to be in the same place. He had even been out on a date before he came and sat down with me." That's believable enough and Monica isn't a liar, so there's that. I can't imagine Carter's cup of tea would be taking a date to a coffee shop, though. He seems more of a 'let's get drunk and touch each other' kind of guy.

"Alright." I'm not going to press the topic because she'd forgiven me for the whole Louisa situation. I'm not about to sit here and start a giant argument for running into her ex. "So, what'd you guys end up talking about?" There's a long pause that makes my heart want to sink to the floor. "Monica?"

"Uhm, it's actually something I've been meaning to talk to you about." Oh God. This is it. She's going to end everything. "I was thinking about studying abroad next semester."

Oh thank fuck. She's not getting back together with Carter. She's just going to study abroad.

Wait a second...

"Wait, you want to travel abroad next semester? As in go to another country or countries?"

"Yeah, one of my professors suggested it and I'm really thinking about it. I mean, you and I did the whole traveling thing together. It definitely broadened my horizon. I kind of want to take an educational adventure overseas."

Without me. She wants to travel without me.

"I figured you'd be the first one to tell me to go for it?" It was more of a question even though she had probably originally said it as a statement of fact. I'm sure my silence had prompted it.

After a few seconds, ones that I take to collect myself, I answer, "uhm, yeah, Mon." I cup the back of my neck thinking about her, not just being in a different state, but in an entire other fucking country completely. "Yeah, if you really think it would be good for you then do it."

"Are you still planning on visiting me and my family while I'm in Boston for the holiday break?" I ponder that for a moment. I want to but everything feels like it's falling apart, slowly, painfully, like the stitches on clothing unraveling one loop of thread at a time. "Boston? Are you still coming?"

"Yeah," I run my hand through my hair for the umpteenth time and tug at it harshly, "yeah, I'll be there after Christmas, for the New Year."

"The twenty-sixth?"

"Yeah."

"My parents said you can stay with us if you'd like."

"Nah, I've already made a reservation at the long wharf," I actually haven't yet, "but that was nice of them to offer." There's a bit more awkward silence between us. "Anyway, I've got to get going."

"Me too." After another pause she adds, "you know I love you, right?"

"I've been on the fence about that these days," I'd admitted honestly. "Feels like you're pulling away and shoving your nose in a book to avoid me."

"That's partially true." She lets out a long sigh. "I'm just really confused."

"Join the club." She laughs at that. "I love you, Monica, I really do. I don't want to lose you over... everything." Over my malfunction.

"I know. I just need to figure some things out. We'll talk more when we're together. Sound good?"

"Yeah that sounds good. I love you."

"I love you."

✩✩✩

Boston, Massachusetts is fucking cold. Way too fucking cold for me. I love Monica but there is no way in hell I'll be moving to this side of the country. I eye the snow on the side walk and falling from the sky as the car pulls up to my hotel. Ugh. I do not want to get out and walk in that cold, slippery shit.

Regardless of the fact that I do not want to get out of the car, I do anyway. I'm hit with a blistering cold wind that howls loudly through the street. Fuuuuck this. I grab my suitcase out of the trunk and rush inside.

The check-in was quick and the woman was extremely friendly. When I got into my room there was a complimentary basket of random edible goodies from around the area, which I thought was a rather nice touch. They did the every now and again at some hotels. I toss my bag on the bed and grab my phone out of my pocket to shoot Monica a text that I'm at the hotel.

After hanging up my jacket, and kicking off my shoes, I throw myself back on the bed. Thoughts rattle throughout my skull as I blow out a breath. I wonder how her father will be now that Monica and I have been together for months, how her brother will be as well. The last time I saw him he'd wanted to throw a fist in my face, so I'm not really looking forward to that.

I hated the fact that she'd be staying with her parents while I was in town but I didn't blame her. She's seen them even less than she's seen me.

My phone pings, alerting me that Monica got my message and that she's heading over. I didn't think she'd visit me on my first night in town but I'm not complaining. I pick myself up off the bed and go into the bathroom to clean up. I give my face a good scrub and wet my hair, threading my fingers through it over and over to get it to push back. I know it will inevitably end up back in my face, a few strands always do.

I take my shirt off, wanting to change into something long-sleeved. My body is still caught in a chill from the frigid temperatures outside. Just as I'm about to grab the shirt out of my bag there's a knock on my door. I look at the shirt in my hand then at the door, with a smirk I toss the shirt back in the bag.

When I open the door, half-naked, Monica's eyes scan my body. She licks her bottom lip before sucking it into her mouth. She wants me. Thank fucking Christ she still wants me.

"See something you like, Cherry?" Her cheeks flare and it's a sight I've missed so much. "Come on in." I open the door wider, gesturing for her to come inside. Monica takes her hat off, dusting away the snow on the top. Then she slips her thick jacket off. That's when I notice the tote bag that she'd had swung over her shoulder. "You planning on staying the night?"

Monica slips off her boots with, "yeah, I was thinking I would." She looks around uncomfortably and purses her lips, "I mean, unless you don't want me to stay?"

"Why wouldn't I want you to stay the night with me?"

She shrugs, "I don't really know."

Our eyes lock and I know we are thinking the exact same thing. "I fucking hate this tension between us," I vocalized.

"Me too."

"We promised, you and I," I gesture between the two of us, "that we'd always talk it out and not let anything get in between us."

"That was before you kept major things from me, Boston." I rub my hand over my face in irritation with myself. "I still love you. I still want you..."

"You just don't know if you still want to be with me? Because you can't have the future you thought you wanted with me?" That hurt like hell to iterate out loud.

"It's a choice you've made. Not mine." She looks away from me whispering, "you could choose differently."

No. I can't. There's no use in saying what I've already said multiple times though.

I shake my head at her, "I'm sorry."

"It is what it is." Her eyes find mine and she looks angry. I've seen Monica look a lot of ways but never truly angry. She surprises me by tearing her shirt off and then her pants before coming up to me and grabbing the hem of my pants. Her hands quickly undo my button and zipper.

"Monica, wait." My hands grab ahold of hers. "We should talk about this." Whatever this is. This animosity between us. The hurt and anger she has with me that's simmering underneath the surface of her skin.

"I do not want to talk, Boston." Her eyes hold mine with that same look. "I want to fuck. I want you to fuck me." Never in my life did I ever think I would hear those particular words come out of her mouth. When I hesitate her eyes soften. "Please, I need this. I need you." She needs me to make her feel good because I've made her feel bad.

I feel any resolve I'd had previously plunder. I'd give this woman anything she wanted, well, almost anything. With that last thought I know I can't not give her this because I want it just as much as she does. I want her. I need her. Her eyes tell me she feels the same.

We both want to feel good; together.

A/N:
Happy Friyay!

Hope you're all doing well and enjoying the story so far!