milo murphy's fucking law au because this has been haunting me every time I sleep for weeks so here you fucking go I guess (I'm literally going insane these fucking lawyers haunt my every thought)

miles - cavendish (gay time traveler w a stick up his ass)

phoenix - dakota (gay time traveler who's probably high the whole story)

apollo - milo himself

ema - melissa (his girl friend)

klavier - zack (his boy friend)

trucy - sara (his sister)

franziska - doofenshmirtz

pearl - neal (sister's boyfriend but they're just friends here) 

mikeko - diogee (the dog)

the paynes - evil time travelers

yeah his parents' aren't in this fight me (whoops more klapollo focus sorry my hand slipped 😔)

Apollo Justice was bored.

This almost never happened, since things exploded, malfunctioned, or just plain disappeared around him that his life was basically one neverending soap opera. He paused the TV to listen, and everything was quiet. Franziska wasn't even doing any experiments at the moment.

He groaned, covering his head with his hands, and his sister scoffed from next to him on the couch. "Why'd you pause the TV, Polly?" she asked, bouncing up and down. Mikeko, curled around his neck, yawned and stretched out.

"I'm bored, Trucy. Ema is doing something with her cousin and Klavier's in Germany until 10 pm tonight, so there's literally nothing to do." She snatched the remote from the cushion next to him and unpaused the show, some Korean drama that she'd insisted on watching.

"You just need to live a lit-" Trucy was interrupted by a poof, and suddenly Miles Edgeworth was standing in their living room. Well, this day just got a lot more interesting.

He looked around, seemingly surprised by his whereabouts. He turned left, then right, gathering his bearings before noticing the children in front of him. "Oh, hello Miss Trucy. Apollo." He nodded.

"Edgeworth." they chorused in unison, and both nodded back (Apollo completely seriously, Trucy satirically). Edgeworth checked some sort of golden loop of metal around his wrist, with a watch on it, then scowled.

"'Let's try time travel bracelets made out of pieces of the vehicle,' he said." Edgeworth mocked in a high-pitched voice, apparently forgetting Trucy and Apollo existed for a moment. "'It'll work just fine," he said!" He hit an oversized red button on the side of the watch, and looked around as if expecting something.

"Um, Edgewo-" Trucy queried before getting cut off by yet another poof, and suddenly Phoenix Wright was standing beside Edgeworth, sporting a matching contraption on his wrist. Apollo would have thought Edgeworth would be happy to see his friend, but he just scowled again.

"Wright, why did these take us to Murphy's living room when they were supposed to take us to Genghis Khan's palace?" Edgeworth asked. Most people would be frightened by a Full Edgeworth Glare™ being leveled at them, but Wright just laughed and slapped a hand onto Edgeworth's shoulder.

"I don't know." he said as Edgeworth rolled his eyes at the sudden contact and pushed the hand off his shoulder, making Wright gasp in fake hurt before considering something. "Maybe the temporal calibration is off? Here, let me see yours, mine seems fine - which is probably why I ended up here when you summoned me."

Apollo was confused about what was happening. He looked over at Trucy and she shrugged, and mouthed, I wanna see where this is going. Maybe they'll take us on another adventure. Apollo mouthed back, You do know it's gonna go horribly wrong, right? He gestured to himself, and she shrugged again.

They both looked back at Wright and Edgeworth to see Wright holding Edgeworth's wrist and examining the contraption on it. Wright's brow was scrunched and he was muttering scientific nonsense, but that wasn't the surprising part. The surprising part was that Edgeworth was staring at Wright with an expression that one would describe as horribly sappy, lovesick, pining.

Apollo looked at Trucy and made a gagging motion, but she made a sighing happily motion and mouthed, They're in loooooove! Apollo rolled his eyes. Sure, Trucy. Keep dreaming. She stuck out her tongue at him.

They heard Wright say, "Here, try that." They looked over to see Edgeworth spin a dial on his watch, hit a green button, and then disappear with another poof. Wright waited a few seconds, before turning to Trucy and Apollo and saying, "Well, I guess we're going. Thanks for hosting!" He waved, then disappeared with a poof like Edgeworth.

The moment he disappeared, a portion of the ceiling crashed down into the space he'd just been in. Like a well-oiled machine, Trucy ran to inform their mom while Apollo pulled a ladder, some plaster, and a trowel from his backpack and began repairing the ceiling.

"Fuck my life, I guess."

+++

The next day, Apollo was doing the exact same thing - sitting on the couch, watching TV. Sans Trucy, though, since she was in the kitchen making cookies with her friend Pearl. He was still incredibly bored, howev.

He was saved from his nothing-to-do-summer vacation hell by a knock on the door. "I'll get it!" he called into the rest of the house, getting affirmative from Trucy. He all but rushed over to the door, desperate for new stimulation.

He opened the door to see his best friend, Klavier Gavin, standing in the doorway checking his phone. He had a white button-up shirt and rolled-up grey shorts, and unfortunately for Apollo's complexion, the shirt was open, exposing his chest. The sunglasses perched on his head reflected the sun directly into Apollo's eyes, but he wasn't looking at Klavier's head.

Apollo just stared until Klavier looked up from his phone, saw Apollo, and grinned. "Like what you see?" he said, leaning in in a way that made Apollo blush further. "S-shut up!" Apollo muttered, then pushed Klavier lightly so that he rocked backwards.

Klavier scoffed as Apollo took gulps of fresh air to calm himself down and hopefully return his skintone to a more normal pale beige. "You wound me, Herr Forehead." Klavier declared, before pushing past a still red Apollo and strutting over to the couch. "Now what are we watching?"

Apollo followed suit, sitting next to Klavier on the couch. He put his hands in his lap, trying his hardest not to fidget - though he didn't know why - and glanced over at Klavier, who was absorbed in his phone again.

In a moment of impulse, Apollo leaned forward and grabbed the sunglasses off of Klavier's head. Klavier still didn't look up, so Apollo flicked his wrist and hit Klavier in the face with them. Klavier finally looked up and glanced around, bewildered, before his eyes landed on Apollo and a glint appeared in his eyes.

Apollo froze in trepidation as Klavier calmly slipped his phone into his pocket, adjusted the collar of his shirt, and then looked back at Apollo before launching himself at Apollo and grabbing Apollo around the waist as Apollo tried and failed to squirm away.

"Hey!" Apollo laughed as Klavier grinned up at him from his head resting on Apollo's stomach. "Bad Klavier!" he said, hitting Klavier in the head with the sunglasses. Klavier reached up to try and grab them, but Apollo pulled them away before Klavier could grab them.

Klavier laughed and used the hand he'd tried to grab the sunglasses with to begin to tickle Apollo. It wasn't very effective, as Apollo had a shirt and vest on, but he still doubled over, laughing. Klavier didn't stop until they heard the click of the door unlocking and both looked up to see Ema standing there with the most deadpan expression on her face, key in hand.

"Yeah, cool, I'm going home," she said, turning around. Apollo jumped up, ignoring Klavier's teary-eyed laughter as he ran after Ema. He caught up to her right outside his door, and grabbed her shoulder, making her turn around. She raised an eyebrow at him and he stuttered out "S-sorry, Ema. Please come inside? Trucy and Pearl are making cookies in the other room and Klavier's, uh, on the couch."

"I got that." she said dryly, making Apollo cringe. "But it's not like I'm doing anything else today, so sure." She shrugged, and followed Apollo back inside. Once they were standing in his living room, she stared down him and Klavier and said, "Please avoid doing weird sappy couple stuff in front of me. I prefer to keep my monthly bleach usage low."

Klavier snickered as Apollo protested, "Hey, we're not a couple!" She rolled her eyes before flopping next to him on the couch and groaning. "What are we watching? My cousin made me watch Cocomelon for three hours yesterday and I'd like some actually good TV, please and thank you."

"Uh, well, I was watching some superhero movie when Klavier showed up." Apollo replied, heading over to join them on the couch. He glanced at the screen, and for the life of him he couldn't have named it if you'd offered him millions.

"Boo. Give me the remote," she said, reaching out a hand and making a gimme motion. He sighed and handed her the remote as Trucy came in, carrying a plate of cookies with Pearl behind her.

"Anyone want cookies?" she chirped. Klavier sat up like he'd been shocked and yelled, "Ooh! Me! Me!" Trucy grinned widely and headed toward him with the plate, but she was stopped in her tracks as Edgeworth appeared with a scowl on his face and mussed hair. "-did you do!" he yelled, before looking around and realizing where he was.

"Oh, er, hello, children." he said, pushing his glasses back into position from where they'd slipped down his nose. Everyone else responded with various greetings, Pearl popping out from behind Trucy to stand next to her and wave.

The watch on his wrist started spinning and shooting out sparks, and Edgeworth grabbed his wrist in alarm before rapidly pressing the red button. Wright appeared with a poof, hair also mussed, and slapped Edgeworth's bracelet, making the sparking stop. Wright then looked at his hand in wonder. "Can't believe that worked. My hand must be magical."

Edgeworth rolled his eyes, but Wright just grinned at him, a twinkle in his eyes. "My device broke, Wright." Edgeworth hissed. "You accidentally pressed the damn button, and now we're in Murphy's living room again, and it broke because of his curse."

"Just call it what it is, Edgeworth. A friendship bracelet." Wright responds with a smirk. Edgeworth groaned and put a hand in Wright's face, making him step back. Edgeworth looked around as if searching for something, then snapped his fingers and pointed at Apollo.

"Justice, von Karma lives here, does she not?" Apollo nodded, surprised that Klavier had remained quiet this long. A quick glance over showed that he was on his phone, and probably hadn't even noticed Edgeworth appearing in the first place. Trucy, who had set the cookies down on the kitchen table earlier, glanced at him. "Where?"

"Uh, third room down the hall is her workspace. Why?" Apollo responded, nervous. He hadn't seen her in a day or two, and knew she was strict about people entering her workspace. She was stricter about her room, though, so it was better to risk the workspace.

"Wright, come along. You can grab something to fix the bracelets." Ignoring his protests, Edgeworth dragged his partner down the hall as everyone else followed. "Road trip!" Klavier whispered to Apollo, making him snort.

They all filed into the empty workroom that contained nothing but a wooden table with a Gone surfing! postcard on it that read I have been challenged to a surfing contest by a colleague of mine. I will return tomorrow.

"Colleague?" Apollo questioned after everyone had finished reading. "She doesn't have any of those." She was a supervillain, after all. He glanced at Edgeworth and Wright, and Edgeworth picked up the postcard and flipped it over, revealing an advertisement for an event.

"It might be the Paynes, trying to get something from her, nein?" Klavier responded, earning a sharp nod from Edgeworth as Trucy and Pearl whispered to each other. Edgeworth picked up the postcard and placed it in his pocket as two table legs cracked and the table slammed into the ground.

"Well, I suppose we should be going, then." Edgeworth said, then turned and marched out of the room and down the hallway. Wright began to follow him before stopping and realizing something. "Edgeworth!" he called down the hallway. No response. "Edgeworth!" This time, a little louder.

Wright sighed before turning to the rest of them and saying, "Man, I love him, but he can be obstinate sometimes." Trucy gave Apollo a hard look, he rolled his eyes, Pearl giggled, Klavier clapped a hand to his mouth to muffle crazed laughter, and Ema just sighed, loud enough that it compared to the Chords of Steel.

"Edgeworth!" Wright screamed down the hall, hands cupped around his mouth, making Apollo thank whatever god he didn't believe in that his mother wasn't home today. Edgeworth finally turned around and yelled, "What, Wright?" in an exasperated tone of voice.

"We don't have a car! Or transportation of literally any kind!" Wright called, forcing Edgeworth to turn and come speed walking back (since his 'composure' prevented an actual run). He pushed past Wright and entered the room, then looked at Apollo. "May we borrow your car?" he asked in a measured tone of voice.

"Sure." Apollo replied before Trucy had a chance to speak. "But you have to take our mom's minivan - 7 seats - because we're coming too." Everyone else nodded in agreement, Pearl even jumping at the chance to go on an adventure. 

"That should fit six." Edgeworth mused, earning a quizzical look from Wright and confusion from Apollo. 

"Herr Edgeworth?" Klavier asked, since everyone else was too distracted to ask and Ema was absorbed in her phone. "Why only six? Who are we leaving behind?"

Edgeworth gave Klavier a 'duh' look, then said, "Well, Justice, of course."

"Why?" Klavier asked, brow furrowed. Apollo felt mildly insulted, and looked at Edgeworth as if to say, yeah, Edgeworth, why? Trucy and Pearl gave him the same look, and Ema finally looked up from her phone to pay attention to the answer. Even Wright had the same expectant look.

Edgeworth wavered for a second, but then renewed confidence came from some unknown source and he continued with, "Because of his curse, of course."

"Edgeworth." Wright said. Everyone looked at him to see that he was glaring at Edgeworth, which was honestly more scary than an Edgeworth glare. Edgeworth took a step back, then said, "Er, yes?"

Apollo glanced around to see that everyone else was glaring at, or at least giving a hard stare to, Edgeworth. "He's coming. The kid can handle himself." Edgeworth opened his mouth like he wanted to respond, but then he quelled under the force of Wright's glare.

"Understood. I apologize, Justice." Edgeworth said stiffly, then turned and headed down the hallway once more. Apollo pushed through the group and yelled, "Keys are on the kitchen counter!" down the hallway.

He turned back to see everyone looking at him, then gestured down the hallway and said, "Shall we?"

The ride was relatively quick, mostly due to Edgeworth taking the speed limit signs as a personal challenge. Apollo was in the last row with Klavier and Ema on either side of him, and Klavier whooped every time Edgeworth sped up.

Ema had her airpods jammed so deep into her ear they were probably attached to her brain by now, but Apollo just laughed when Klavier whooped. At one point, Klavier glanced at Apollo and gave him one of those natural, full-wattage grins, which made Apollo's stomach flutter in ways that he really didn't care to inspect right now.

Thirty minutes and one blown tire later, they pulled into the parking lot of the beach that the postcard had said the surfing contest was at. As the kids unloaded the stuff - Edgeworth had borrowed his mom's surfboard, which made Apollo uneasy - Edgeworth pulled out the postcard to double check, which earned a fond shake of the head from Wright.

They set up the blanket and food Wright had grabbed from Apollo's kitchen - his mom was going to have a field day when she found out - and saw that last-minute registration was still open. 

"So." Edgeworth said, clapping his hands. "We need to stall for as long as possible to give some people time to find von Karma's workspace - as we know she took it with her - and Miss Trucy here has been telling me that she's hungry. What's the plan?"

Ema made a shooing motion from her spot behind Apollo and Klavier, and they stepped aside to let her through as everyone's eyes went to her. She put her hands on her hips, tossed her hair back, and grinned. "It's my time to shine, motherfuckers."

+++

Ema's 'master plan' consisted of thus:

Klavier and Apollo were to head to the snack bar and grab everyone food;

Trucy, Pearl, and Ema herself were to look for the workspace, which was likely to be hidden somehow;

Wright was going to join the contest and get to the final round against von Karma ("I've picked up a few things here and there," he'd said) and then stall for time;

and Edgeworth was to guard the blanket and umbrella.

Edgeworth had protested this arrangement originally, but he'd been quelled by a single glare from Ema. Interesting.

She cast an expectant look around at everyone else, who immediately scrambled to do their task with a 'ma'am yes ma'am' aura.

"To the salon!" Klavier cried before grabbing Apollo's wrist and pulling him along. Apollo extricated his wrist with much effort before saying, "We're not going to a salon? The snack shop is thataway." He gestured to the aforementioned building.

"Hm," Klavier said, cocking his head. "I'm not sure I remember it being there. But nevertheless," he said, turning toward Apollo and pointing a finger at him. "it's a Barbie: Life in the Dreamhouse reference, you uncultured swine."

"Please." Apollo said, even though there was no malice in his voice. He lightly shoved Klavier, who laughed, then said, "You and your weird references."

"Hey!" Ema yelled from somewhere else on the beach, hands cupped around her mouth. "Stop flirting and focus, lovebirds!"

"Shut up, woman! The men present didn't speak to you!" Klavier yelled back, making Trucy shriek in laughter. Ema double-flipped him off and he returned one of his own even as Apollo started dragging him away.

"Please never do that again." Apollo said as they neared the shack. "Make me." Klavier replied as he pulled his arm out of Apollo's grasp. "But you'll have to catch me first!"

Apollo sprinted after him, but he was outrun without seemingly even effort by Klavier. Klavier was running so fast he crashed into the stand, letting out an oof as Apollo caught up.

"Hey, it's empty." Apollo said, peering into the dark stand. He looked around to see nothing, except a bright red button on the inside of the counter. He looked up at Klavier, who had noticed it at the same time.

Klavier grinned at him as if to say, I'm gonna push it, and Apollo glared back as if to say do not. Klavier grinned harder, and Apollo glared harder, and this went on until Klavier suddenly moved in a blur of motion and slammed his hand down on the button.

Another poof (God, things need to stop poofing near me, Apollo thinks as he's thrown backward) and he and Klavier are lying on the ground, staring up at an imposing building that perfectly fits the bill to be von Karma's workshop.

Apollo pushed himself up and groaned, since Klavier was too busy being a whiny drama queen. "Ema!" he called, hands cupped around his mouth like hers and Klavier's had been. 

She popped into view from behind the shack, close enough that he knew she'd seen the transformation but far enough away that she'd only just turned back. "Yeah?"

He pointed a thumb toward the shack-turned-workshop, and said, "Guess who just did your job for you." She have him a weird look and he threw his hands up and gestured to the shack with both of them. "Did you not hear the poof? The snack shack was apparently von Karma's workshop in disguise."

"Wouldn't have expected that." she said, brow furrowed. "But I did see it. Anyway, go tell Edgeworth - because I'm pretty sure we have zero idea what we're actually looking for - and I'll get the girls." He gave a mock salute, before something occurred to him.

"Oh yeah, Klavier's being a drama queen today, so be warned." She gave him a patented Ema Look™, guaranteed to signal approaching sarcasm 9 out of 10 times.

"That is absolutely fucking wild. I had no idea." she said, then made the shooing motion again. "Now go. I'll handle him and the girls and get investigating. But hurry. I don't want them to break anything."

He flashed her a thumbs up before turning back toward their setup. He noticed a large cloud of seagulls, and pushed himself into a run. He hurried across the sand and tried to get the seagulls to leave, but nothing worked.

He saw Edgeworth just sitting there, staring off into the sea, and tried to get his attention, but it didn't work. He sighed, and just yelled, "HEY!" at the seagulls - his Chords of Steel did come in handy sometimes.

They squawked and flapped away, revealing Trucy's now-empty platter of cookies. Mildly annoyed, Apollo moved in front of Edgeworth. "Hello, Edgeworth? Are you here with us?"

Edgeworth visibly started, then his eyes focused on Apollo and he adjusted his glasses. "A-apologies, Justice. I... 'spaced out,' so to speak."

Apollo huffed, and turned his head to see what exactly it was that had Edgeworth so enthralled. Edgeworth made some sort of urk noise as Apollo moved, but Apollo didn't know why until he turned to see that Edgeworth had been staring at Wright.

Who was bare-chested. And surfing.

Apollo glanced back at Edgeworth and, channeling his inner Ema, gave him a massive side-eye. Really? he communicated. Edgeworth coughed and glanced to the side, and Apollo rolled his eyes before saying, "Come on. Ema told me to get you since we don't really know what we need to find in the workshop - we found the workshop, by the way."

"That's wonderful, Justice." Edgeworth said, standing up. He was still pointedly avoiding Apollo's eyes, looking around as if to magically make an escape manifest. Apollo sighed and pointed at the ex-shack, making Edgeworth blink and start walking to the shack.

They found Ema staring at a door with a letter keypad, saying to Pearl, "Should I punch it?" Trucy, Klavier, and Pearl cheered, and Ema pulled back her fist, ready to punch.

Apollo scrambled up behind her and grabbed her fist, making her glare at him, and he released it. She dropped her hand to her waist as he looked and Klavier like, You let this happen? Klavier just shrugged and Apollo had to scrunch up his lips to avoid smiling.

"Don't punch it, Ema. I know her code." Ema gave him a look, and he relented. "She's more fond of Mikeko than she lets on."

He punched in the code, and the door opened with a ssh. He gestured inside as if he were a waiter in a fancy restaurant, and everyone looked at him.

"Shall we?"

+++

Under Edgeworth's direction, they spent the next hour searching the workshop for a battery. He said they'd 'know it when they saw it' - which wasn't very helpful, but he refused to give them more information.

Klavier passed by Apollo, sliding a hand along Apollo's shoulders with a grin. Apollo shivered and threw a glare at the blonde as he stepped outside and glanced toward the beach. He leaned forward and squinted, then his eyes widened and he poked his head back inside.

"Er, menschen?" Klavier said tentatively, poking his head back into the space. Eyes turned to him and Edgeworth raised an eye. "The contest is over. Wright has won, I believe, and Fräulein von Karma is coming back."

He peered outside again, then ducked back in with a grimace. "And she looks, to use the, er, technical term, upsetti spaghetti." 

Edgeworth stepped over to the door, which Klavier was holding open, and glanced out. He came back in with the same, if not somehow worse, expression as Klavier. "We need to leave. Now."

Trucy, with her usual impeccable timing, popped out of a box, hair disheveled and fist held high. "I found it!" she cried. "See?" She brought her palm down to reveal something that did indeed look like a high-tech battery.

Apollo cast a deadpan look at Edgeworth, who just shrugged. "I did say you all would know it when you saw it, Justice. Now let's be off."

Everyone moved for the door, and Klavier, who was still holding it, got hit in the face or chest by more than a few backpacks and shoulders. Apollo, last one out, winced. "Sorry, Klav."

"It is fine, liebling." Klavier said, also wincing. He looked back to see von Karma almost there, looking murderous, and everyone else running away. He squeaked and dropped the door, sprinting after them.

Unfortunately for Apollo, the door caught his pant leg, and he was stuck. He tried to pull his shorts out, but they wouldn't budge. He idly wondered how much the door weighed, and then he was grabbed on the shoulder and spun around.

"Why were you and your... friends," she said, voice dripping with condescension and disgust, "in my workspace?" He flailed for a response, then for lack of a better solution turned and tried to run.

It didn't work, as he was still stuck, but it was a valiant effort. She raised the hand that wasn't on his shoulder, presumably to slap him, when something leaped out of his backpack and landed in her hair.

Mikeko yowled and flailed around for a few seconds, messing up the woman's carefully curated bob, before leaping into Apollo's arms. He gave her a kiss on the forehead, and tried to pull away while she was distracted.

Luckily (The universe owes me some luck, he thought annoyedly), just then his shorts ripped just enough to let him free, and he raced after the rest of the group.

They'd already reached the blanket and umbrella, and only Klavier was looking back for him. Klavier's face lit up as he approached, and he grinned as Apollo dropped onto the blanket, exhausted from his unexpected physical activity.

"Thanks for leaving me there, guys." he said as Klavier fawned over Mikeko. "Real nice of you all. Pretty sure von Karma's gonna kill me in my sleep tonight."

"Oh, no problem." Emma said offhandedly, glaring at her phone. Trucy and Pearl were watching Edgeworth stare off into the distance again with a mix of horror and glee (Pearl. The glee was all Pearl.). Not again, Apollo thought.

Edgeworth suddenly let out a string of curses, both in English and in German (judging from Klavier's reaction) and sprinted down the beach to Wright, who had been held back to receive awards.

They all - sans Ema, who probably wouldn't have noticed if a marching band was dropped on top of them, glued to her phone as she was - watched morbidly as Edgeworth ran up to a dripping wet Wright, threw his arms around the surfer, and kissed him.

Apollo made a disgusted face as Klavier clapped and Trucy and Pearl squealed, and Apollo mumbled, "Ew. Kissing."

Klavier leaned over so his head was on Apollo's shoulder and said, "Is it the act of kissing or the fact that it's our friends, who are also grown men, doing it?"

He sounded like the question was serious, so Apollo answered, "The second option, definitely. I'm not that much of a prude."

Klavier laughed, full and loud and God Apollo could get drunk on the sound. "Good. Because otherwise I wouldn't have been able to do this."

He cupped a hand around Apollo's face and kissed him, gently and firmly and so, so Klavier that Apollo thought he was gonna die here and now. He's leaving everything to Mikeko and Trucy.

Klavier pulled away and smirked like he knew exactly what he'd just done to Apollo, and Apollo felt the distinct and angry urge to kiss it right off of his face. He pulled Klavier in for another kiss, which Klavier responded to with vigor.

 After, Klavier pulled away, eyes sparkling. "I've been waiting a long time to do that, Herr Forehead." Klavier then stood up and ran off with Pearl and Trucy, presumably to badger Edgeworth and Wright.

Ema looked up from her phone and over to him, fake curiosity written all over her face. "Oh, does this mean that the nearly visible sexual tension will be gone now?"

Apollo blushed even redder, then picked up a bag of chips and threw it at her head. It burst on impact, showering her with chips and crumbs. She looked up in mock hurt and Apollo yelled, "There was never any sexual tension!"

"Whatever helped you not sleep at night, buddy."

klavier being silly? in my fanfic? more likely than you think.