! KILLSHOT !
( a nicholas alexander chavez fic )

NICHOLAS' APARTMENT
los angeles, california
october 3, 2024
friday
7:15am

i was in a deep sleep when i felt nicholas shake my shoulder, waking me up. i let out a groan, burying my head further into the pillow, trying to get away from the disturbance.

nicholas continued to shake my shoulder, a bit more aggressively this time. "come on, get up. we're behind schedule." he said.

i didn't want to get up. the bed was so soft and comfortable and i just wanted to keep sleeping. i groaned in protest from my position buried into the pillow.

"leave me alone, i'm sleeping..." i grumbled, not moving my body.

he sighed, clearly annoyed from my lack of motivation to get out of bed. he grabbed my shoulder and rolled me onto my back, forcing me to look up at him.

he knelt down on the side of the bed and looked down at me. "you need to wake up," he said firmly.

i finally opened my eyes so i could fully look at him, "i don't want to get up though..." i grumbled as i looked up at him. i tried to roll on my side again to try and fall back asleep but he held me still.

he shook his head, a stern but amused look on his face. "i don't care if you don't want to, you need to get up." he said. "we're late, get your ass up." his voice was still firm but filled with amusement.

i let out a groaned huff before i opened my eyes again, pouting my lip at him, "fine..." i mumbled before i slowly started to sit myself up.

nicholas chuckled as he stood up from the edge of the bed. "took you long enough," he teased before he went to rummage through his closet for clothes.

i sat at the edge of the bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and yawning. i wasn't a morning person. at all. i hated waking up early, so i could already tell this day was going to be something.

i ran my hand through my unruly hair as i watched nicholas put clothes on from across the room. it took me a moment to realize what he was putting on. workout clothes.

"workout clothes? really?" i said.

nicholas was in the process of putting his shirt on, pulling the material over his head, his toned stomach exposed. he looked up at my words and shrugged. "yeah, that's the first thing we're doing today." he said like it was obvious.

i sighed, "nich...i don't have any workout clothes. so i guess we'll have to skip that." i said innocently.

he slipped his shirt over his head completely and chuckled at my words, "oh no, we're not skipping it." he looked back at the closet for a few moments before grabbing something and tossing it over to me.

i caught it without much effort, realizing it was an oversized t-shirt and pair of gym shorts. "are these yours?" i asked as i observed the clothes.

he pulled on a pair of athletic shorts over his boxers and nodded, "yeah, they're mine." he said before grabbing a bottle of water from his night stand for a drink.

"i can't be seen in these baggy clothes, nich. i have a partnership with alo and if they see i'm working out with anything not alo..." i paused. "it won't be good."

he hummed in response as he went to grab socks from his sock drawer. after he put them on his feet he approached me again, standing in front of me with his arms crossed.

"well, unless you wanna go buy some alo gear this morning, your only option is these clothes." he stated simply as he gestured to the clothes i still held in my hands.

"can we? stop at the alo store?" i asked, not wanting a problem with my manager or alo.

he seemed to ponder my question for a few moments, a deep sigh escaping his lips, "how bad do you want to go?" he questioned me with a bit of annoyance. clearly this was going to mess with his schedule.

i gave him a pleading look, "very badly, please? this is kind of a big deal, nich." i said with a pitiful look on my face.

he ran his hand through his hair before he exhaled another sigh. "fine, but we can't be in the store for longer than 30 minutes?" he said.

"promise." i said as i made my way to the bathroom to do my morning ritual. brush my teeth, take a quick shower, do my makeup, and then get dressed in something to wear out.

ALO
los angeles, california
8:30am

i held the camera up as i filmed us walking into alo. i smiled at the camera as we entered the store, walking further into the store and letting the camera capture the surroundings.

the store was filled with all things alo. athletic wear, clothing, gear for yoga mats, water bottles, and more. all of the apparel was laid out for people to look at and try on.

"okay so we have like thirty minutes to find out what to wear," i said with a sigh. "how about a black sports bra and black leggings?" i said to myself.

i turned my head away from the camera to where nicholas stood next to me. he was looking around the store, looking somewhat bored. looking at his outfit compared to mine, he was dressed quite the opposite.

he had a black t-shirt that hugged his muscles nicely, gray athletic shorts, and a pair of sneakers. the shirt exposing his toned arms and legs, showing off his build.

"hey nich?" i asked out of curiosity as i walked towards one of the racks filled with sports bras and gym wear.

he looked over at me, seeming to somewhat zone out. "yeah? what's up?" he asked as he approached me.

i looked over at him, my focus on the shirts and pants on the rack, but my mind having thoughts about his body. "what's your workout routine?" i asked curiously, picking up a black sports bra.

"guess you'll have to see soon, huh?" he said as we walked to the cashier's register.

i hummed in reply as we made our way over to the register to purchase my chosen items. the cashier scanned the two items and told us the total.

"i actually have a partnership with alo and was told that all items i purchase from alo would be free. i'm lucky clarke." i informed her.

she looked at me in slight disbelief before her eyes lit up in realization. "oh yeah! i recognize you now." she paused as she looked down at the items in her hands. "these are both on the house, sweetie. have a good day!" she said with a smile as she placed the clothes in a bag.

DOGPOUND GYM
los angeles, california
9:15am

nicholas and i entered the gym and began walking towards the front desk. "hey, nicholas! a bit late today, huh?" the worker said to him as he scanned nicholas' gym membership.

nicholas chuckled before replying, "yeah, a bit." he gestured towards me, "this is lucky." he told the worker.

the man looked over at me, a small look of recognition in his eyes, "ah yeah. nice to meet you, lucky. you here to work out?"

i smiled and nodded. "yeah, i'm here to work out." i said.

the man smiled and began typing on the computer at the front desk. "you need a card?" he asked, looking at me.

nicholas looked over at me, waiting for my response. i shook my head, "i'm just here for a few hours...i don't think i'll need a full blown membership." i said.

the man nodded and continued to type things into the computer, "yeah, you don't need a card." he paused for a moment before looking back over at me. "i'll just put you down as nicholas' guest." he informed me.

i thanked him before nicholas led me towards the locker room, the two of us putting our bags in the lockers, and i changed into my alo outfit. i thanked him before nicholas led me towards the locker room, the two of us putting our bags in the lockers, and i changed into my alo outfit. "alright you get to pick. we can work on our upper body and arms or our back and legs." he said with raised eyebrows.

i thought for a moment, not knowing which area i wanted to work on. "upper body and arms, i guess." i said, shrugging.

nicholas chuckled, "you sound so excited." he teased before he led me out of the locker room and towards the gym equipment.

the gym was huge. from the various machines, the huge workout mirror, many areas separated by free weights and treadmills.

nicholas took me over to a particular section of the gym. this area was used for upper body and arm workouts, which included the bench press. he handed me the weights he wanted me to use and directed me to the bench.

"alright, lay down on the bench. legs on the floor." he instructed as he began to weight the proper amount for the barbell.

i did as he told me to and laid down on the bench, my legs flat on the floor and stomach facing the ceiling, hands placed on the barbell.

"you ever lifted a barbell before?" he asked as he looked down at me. i laid on the bench, feeling slightly intimidated with all this free weight stuff.

"uhh no, is it that obvious?" i said, a hint of sarcasm in my tone.

he chuckled as he finished placing the weights on the barbell. "i didn't want to assume, but yeah, it's pretty obvious." he said with a small smile.

he stepped back after finishing setting up the barbell on the rack, watching as i prepared myself to lift.

i gripped the barbell, preparing myself to start lifting when i suddenly felt very nervous. i looked up at nicholas, "you sure i'm gonna be able to lift this?" i asked timidly.

he chuckled as he looked down at me with a amused smile. "i wouldn't give you a barbell you couldn't lift, babe." he said jokingly. "now lift it." he told me.

i took a deep breath and exhaled as i braced myself to lift the barbell. slowly, i started to lift the heavy weight and managed to lift it above my chest.

"see, you're doing great," he reassured me, a small smile on his face as he watched me.

i gritted my teeth as i began to lower the barbell, bringing it down to rest above my chest again. i repeated this process a few times.

nicholas was watching my form intently, correcting me as i went. "you're almost done, come on, a few more reps." he said as he looked down at me.

i let out a huff as i started the process again, lifting the barbell above my chest and then lowering it. i started to feel a burn in my arms as i continued the movement, sweat beginning to form on my skin.

eventually, i completed the exercise and laid the barbell in the holder again. i let out a sigh and looked up at nicholas, slightly panting.

he smiled and chuckled at my exhausted expression. "see, you did it." he said as he stepped closer to me, his hand gently rubbing my shoulder. "how'd you feel?" he asked as he continued to rub my shoulder. i sat up from the bench, panting and slightly out of breath.

i swallowed before i attempted to speak, "i feel like my arms are gonna fall off, that's how i feel." i said, giving him a pained look while panting slightly.

JACKS N JOE RESTAURANT
los angeles, california
11:30am

nicholas held the door open for me as we went inside and sat at a little table at the window.

"this place is cute." i said as i looked around, taking notice of the quaint decor.

he nodded. "i go here almost everyday after an early morning at the gym." he said as he scanned the restaurant.

"can i film in here?" i asked.

he glanced over at me before shrugging his shoulders. "yeah, it's a public place. just be mindful of others, especially staff and other customers, alright?" he said as he leaned back in his chair, arms folded on his chest.

"well yeah," i said with a chuckle. "i mean are you okay with it? i don't want to post your go to spot and then fans find out where it is and then boom...your favorite breakfast spot is ruined."

he chuckled, seeming a bit amused by my words. "i don't mind. but you're right, i won't be happy if fans overrun this place and it can't be all to myself."

the waitress approached our table with a small notebook, ready to take our order. "what can i get you two?" she asked with a bright smile.

i looked at nich, "it's your day. i'll get whatever you get." i said.

he nodded in response to my comment before turning to the waitress. "we'll have your breakfast oat bowls and we're fine with the waters." he said gesturing towards the complimentary waters that sat in front of us.

the waitress smiled, "coming right up." she said as she walked away from the table.

i looked over at him, "a granola oat bowl? are you a health freak or something?" i teased him slightly.

he chuckled at my words, "i'm not a health freak, i'm just mindful of what i eat and the timing of it." he retorted jokingly. he leaned back in his chair, "i don't wanna eat hot chips and cookies right after a workout."

i hummed, "how very mature of you." i teased, a smirk on my face.

"yeah, i'm sure you eat a whole box of donuts every time you work out." he said sarcastically.

"who said i work out?" i teased with raised eyebrows.

nicholas was about to speak when his phone rang, he looked at it and raised his eyebrows. a surprised expression spread across his face as he stood up, "excuse me for a sec." he said before disappearing out of the front door.

i watched as he got up and left the restaurant, curiosity filling my mind. who could've called him? i thought to myself.

i sat at the table alone for a few moments, not knowing if i should be looking out the window or pretending like it's not weird that he just left me here alone.

the waitress eventually came back with our food and set the bowls down on the table, along with the water. "enjoy." she said with a warm smile before she left the table.

i looked at the food before me, a bowl of oats with granola, fruit, honey, and other ingredients. it looked fairly healthy.

i looked at nicholas through the window as he was smiling and laughing on the phone. i debated whether to eat now or wait for him, but my stomach was growling with every growing second.

after recording some content of our breakfast i decided it would be fine to start eating, since he wasn't back yet and i was starving. i picked up the spoon from the bowl and scooped some oats into my mouth. as i chewed, i thought about who he could be talking to on the phone. a friend? a girl?

i watched as he continued the call, leaning against a wall with a slightly bewildered facial expression.

my curiosity peaked when i saw him scratch the back of his neck as he ran his hand through his hair. he seemed to be in a pretty deep phone convo.

i continued to eat my bowl of oats until i caught a glimpse of him looking in the restaurant window, catching my gaze. he smiled slightly before continuing his conversation. i shrugged it off and continued to eat.

minutes later, he came back in the restaurant, an unreadable expression on his face as he approached me. he sat back down in his chair, looking slightly distracted.

i looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "you okay? who was on the phone?" i asked curiously.

"i'm great." he said as he grabbed his spoon, "you'll never guess who that was."

i nodded once, "duh. that's why i asked."

he chuckled, "you could've tried to guess who it was, at least."

i raised an eyebrow, "who was it then?" i asked again, clearly wanting the answer.

"charles miller. you know, the guy from the party that's friends with your family...he works for the caa." he informed me.

my eyes widened in surprise, i didn't expect that answer at all. "wow," i said, slight shock in my voice, "did he say why he called?"

he nodded and smiled widely. "he wants me to come in for a meeting...i'm a potential candidate to be signed to the creative artists agency. god, didn't i tell you? i knew he liked me!"

a smile formed on my face as his expression became excited, he looked happy. "nich, that's incredible!" i said as i looked at him. "when do you go in for the meeting?"

"at 2. so we're gonna eat, head to my apartment, shower, get changed and then i'll head to the meeting." he explained the schedule.

i nodded, slightly amused by his excitement. "yeah, yeah, we gotta get you all dolled up for your meeting." i said jokingly.

he chuckled lightly, "yeah, gotta look like a million bucks."

we continued to eat the rest of our breakfast, the conversation consisting of him expressing his excitement and me jokingly teasing him.

CREATIVE ARTISTS AGENCY BUILDING
los angeles, california
1:50pm

i stood with him as we went up the elevator, "you look great. you're gonna get signed." i said with a hopeful smile.

he glanced over at me with a smile, an appreciative look in his eyes. "i hope so." he said.

his nerves were evident as he ran his hands through his hair and shifted from one foot to the other.

i looked up at him, noticing the slight nervous mannerisms he was doing. i smiled to myself, finding that he was cute when he was nervous.

"hey," i said, gently grabbing his arm, "it's gonna be fine, alright?"

he took a deep breath, before nodding. "yeah, yeah, you're right." he said, a small smile on his face.

the elevator binged as it landed on the floor of the building. "i guess this is my stop." he said, a hint of nervous energy still in his voice.

i kissed his cheek before the doors opened revealing a nicely decorated lobby, including a large chandelier and various pieces of art on the walls.

"you got this," i whispered, giving his hand one last squeeze before he headed out of the elevator.

i pressed for the main floor, to give nicholas some privacy during his meeting. we had already discussed how i wanted to spend some time walking nearby, viewing the shops.

i gave him a thumbs up to which he returned before the doors closed. i let out a sigh and leaned onto the wall, "you got this nich." i whispered to myself.

the elevator binged again and the doors opened to the first floor. i stepped out of the elevator and began following the street towards the many businesses.

i decided i would do a bit of window shopping while i waited for nicholas. though window shopping quickly turned into a shopping spree.

~~

an hour passed and i found myself sitting in the lobby of the building, waiting for nicholas to walk out of the elevator to tell me how the meeting went.

i looked at the multiple bags next to me on the couch and smiled softly at them.

the elevator binged a few minutes later, and nicholas stepped out, his face a mix of emotions.

he looked toward the couch where i sat and began to approach me.

i immediately jumped up from the couch and put my hands together, my eyes widened. "so?"

he chuckled at my eager expression as he came closer. "well, he had a lot to say." he replied.

i raised an eyebrow, curious to hear how it went. "was it good? what did he say?" i asked.

he took a deep breath before answering. "he said he'd like to sign me." he finally said, a smile spreading across his face.

i gasped and grinned, my excitement for him growing. "nicholas, that's incredible!"

i squealed excitedly and ran up to him, throwing my arms around his shoulders.

he laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist as he lifted me up into the air, spinning me around.

i laughed gleefully as he spun me around. it felt like my heart was going to explode from the excitement of all of it.

he eventually set me down back on the ground, his hands still on my waist. "thank you." he said.

"for what?" i said as i put my hands on his cheeks, a confused expression on my face.

he smiled warmly. "if you hadn't come to california, i would've never even met charles. or had the opportunity to get signed." he said.

i smiled back. "i do make all your dreams come true," i joked.

he rolled his eyes playfully and pinched my side. "don't get ahead of yourself."

i jokingly narrowed my eyes at him while we stood close to each other. "hey, without me you'd be nothing." i teased.

he laughed softly and looked at the bags on the couch. "what's in the bags? i thought you were doing window shopping?"

i looked down at the bags next to me with a sheepish expression. "well...i wasn't doing 'just window shopping.' i kinda bought a lot." i confessed.

his eyebrows rose, slight surprise in his face. "how much is 'a lot?'" he asked with a chuckle.

"you see how many bags there are." i said with a smirk.

he took a step back and looked at the amount of bags i had next to me. there had to be at least 15 next to me.

he chuckled once again, "jesus, are you trying to make yourself go broke?" he joked.

i grinned and shrugged, "i like shopping what can i say?" i said, still sporting my smirk. "plus, look at what i bought."

i leaned down and pulled out a cute, white summer dress, holding it up to my body to show him.

"it is cute, very cute. but we're going into fall and you live in new york." he reminded me.

"buzzkill." i muttered as i placed the dress back in the bag.

he chuckled again, a smile on his face. "you're a little shopaholic, aren't you?"

i jokingly narrowed my eyes and lightly shoved his arm. "shut up," i said with a laugh. "i just like shopping, it's not that big a deal." my phone then began ringing, i sighed and noticed it was my mom, i quickly answered it. "hello?"

my mom's voice rang out through the phone, "hey sweetie, i'm calling to see when you're coming over."

i raised my eyebrows. "coming over? for what?" i questioned.

she hummed, "well, i told you we're having a family therapy session this evening. didn't i? maybe it slipped my mind..." she sighed. "can you be here at four? the therapist will be here then."

i blinked in surprise, i had absolutely no recollection of her telling me that. "i swear you never told me about it," i said in slight annoyance, "but yeah, i'll be there at four."

"very well, see you soon." she said before hanging up.

"you'll be where at four?" nicholas asked as he grabbed most of my bags.

i sighed as i put my phone back into my bag. "i have to go over to my parents' for a 'family therapy session.'" i responded, rolling my eyes.

"since when does your family need therapy?" he asked as i picked up the remaining bags.

"since my sister announced that she's married and pregnant on stage." i replied as we walked towards his car.

nicholas shook his head and chuckled. "yes that's right. god...your family is something else," he said playfully.

we reached his car and he unlocked it, he opened the back door and placed the bags he was holding into the backseat.

i placed my bags next to his before getting into the passenger seat. i buckled my seatbelt and waited for him to enter the driver's seat.

CLARKE FAMILY HOME
los angeles, california
4pm

nicholas dropped me off at my parents' mansion, i walked inside only to be met with my mom, dad, sisters and who i assumed as the therapist seated in the living room.

"you must be lucky." said the therapist. the therapist was a woman who looked to be around 40-45, with a small and fragile frame. her thin, platinum blonde hair fell around her face, and her pale skin and soft blue eyes gave her the appearance of a porcelain doll. a sweet, almost sickeningly sweet smile appeared on her face as she spoke. "i'm dr. althea smith."

i raised my eyebrows and put on a smile. she was an interesting character. i walked over and sat on the couch next to guinevere and my mom. i looked around at them all, noting how tense the atmosphere was.

my dad sat on the armchair, with romona and my mom on the couch. they both looked tired, as if life was draining them. guinevere sat on my other side, looking bored, but still attentive.

dr. smith smiled again, sensing the tension in the room. "before we begin," she said sweetly, "why don't you introduce yourselves."

my mom cleared her throat and jumped at the opportunity to break the silence, "yes, wonderful idea." she looked around the room, giving us all a smile. "i'm leighann clarke, i'm the mother of this motley crew," she said with a forced chuckle, "obviously."

she gestured to my dad next, "this is the father, derek clarke." he gave a small wave.

guinevere let out a soft huff at our mother's 'performance' before speaking next. "i'm guinevere laurier, a criminal defense attorney." she said bluntly, giving a sarcastic smile that only ramona and i understood.

"and i noticed you don't share the clarke last name. are you married?" the therapist inquired.

"yeah i am, but i changed my last name long before i got married." gwen answered.

"that's interesting, why is that?" the therapist asked, looking intrigued by gwen's statement.

"i don't want to be associated in the public eye like the 'motley crew.'" she said, clearly making fun of my mom's choice of wording.

my mom gave gwen a disapproving look before she gestured to my other sister. romona gave a small wave and a fake smile.

"romona, actress and model." she said before falling back into silence.

the therapist smiled again, "very nice. and you?" she said, turning to me.

i felt the all too familiar feeling of being judged as her eyes fell to me. "lucky clarke," i said, my voice coming out in almost a whisper. "model, youtuber, influencer, or whatever you wanna call it."

the therapist smiled warmly at me. "such a unique name you have," she said, a thoughtful look in her eyes, "interesting," she mumbled before returning her attention to the group.

"so, let's start, shall we?" she asked.

NICHOLAS' APARTMENT
los angeles, california
7:15

"did i mention how much i hate therapy?" i said to nicholas after going over how much i hate therapy countless times since i'd been back with him.

we were now sitting in the living room of his apartment, having dinner. he had ordered chinese food and we were both eating the food i desperately needed after that long day.

"only like fifty times or so," he replied with a smirk.

"it was terrible. she basically clowned everyone in that room, she called my dad an alcoholic, my mom a people pleaser, ramona broken, guinevere had a long list of problems and even went as far as to-" i started to say before stopping myself.

i was about to confess to the part where the therapist basically implied things about me that she was absolutely right about. but i stopped myself before i could give it all away.

nicholas looked at me, noticing my cut off statement. "even went as far as to what?" he asked.

"she's insane. and i fucking hate therapy." i replied as i ate some of the noodles. "do you have any wine? it'd go great with these noodles."

he chuckled at my response, "i'll grab the wine."

he got up off the couch and walked over to the kitchen counter. he grabbed a bottle, along with two glasses.

he walked back to the couch and poured two glasses, handing one to me. he then sat back down next to me, sipping from his glass.

i took a big sip of wine, the bitter taste hitting my tongue. it was exactly what i needed after that exhausting encounter with therapy.

"how're you feeling though?" he asked, an inquisitive look on his face.

i sighed and leaned back onto the couch. "mentally drained, physically exhausted. my whole body needs a break," i said, taking another sip.

it was true, my energy had never felt this drained before. it had felt like the therapist sucked the energy out of me.

"she was so small and sweet acting...i mean, who knew she could just snap at you like that?!" i said as i remembered how she spoke about me perfectly.

nicholas took a sip from his glass, his expression turning to one of thoughtfulness. "how did she snap at you?" he questioned after a moment.

the therapist's words were still playing through my head. i knew why he was asking.

i swallowed the lump in my throat as i remembered the words the therapist said. "not at me per say, she just made all these assumptions about my family. but...she was weirdly spot on." i said lying somewhat about how she 'didn't speak about me'.

he continued to stare straight ahead, seemingly deep in thought. i knew he could tell i wasn't telling the whole truth, but thankfully he didn't call me out.

he finished his glass of wine and set it down on the coffee table. "what kind of assumptions did she make about you guys? other than the obvious of course."

i took another sip of wine before speaking again. "oh you know, that romona has never been able to maintain a stable relationship..." i started, listing some of the assumptions that were made. "my dad has a drinking problem, guinevere has a lot of anger problems she isn't processing and my mom is a walking magazine, not in a good way." i chuckled before taking another sip.

"what about you?" he asked after a moment of silence.

i froze, slightly surprised he decided to ask about me. my heart began to beat faster, as i knew exactly what assumptions she had made about me.

i tried not to show how freaked out i was that he asked. there was no way i was going to tell him the truth, so i was forced to tell another lie.

i swallowed the lump in my throat and feigned a laugh. "oh you know, just that i party too much." i tried saying in a casual tone.

i could tell he didn't buy it. his eyes were still staring straight ahead, but i could see him tense his jaw ever so slightly. he knew i was lying.

he turned to look at me after a moment, a knowing look in his eyes. he raised his eyebrows, as if to say 'do you expect me to believe you.'

"anyway, i'd rather not talk about it anymore..." i said as i emptied my wine glass. "thanks for today. i really enjoyed living life like you."

he sighed in resignation, knowing i wasn't going to budge on the subject. he grabbed both of our empty glasses and stood up from his seat. "i'll get us more wine."

he walked back into the kitchen and poured more wine for the both of us. i could see how much he wanted to question further, but he held himself back. he handed me a refilled glass of wine before sitting back down on the couch once again.

i took a sip of my new glass, the bitter taste still hitting my tongue. it was doing a lovely job at calming my nervous-filled body.

he was still staring straight ahead, a contemplative look on his face. he eventually spoke, still not looking at me. "you know, you don't have to lie to me."

his words made my heart beat faster, which i thought was impossible. i froze, trying to look casual. "i'm not lying." i said.

he finally looked at me again, his eyes giving a look like he was reading my mind. it made me shiver underneath his gaze.

his jaw tensed again, he was getting frustrated that i wouldn't budge. "you were lying when you said the therapist didn't say anything about you." he stated bluntly, his eyes continuing to look into mine.

i tensed as he called me out once again. i tried to look calm in front of him, but it wasn't working.

he could obviously read me like a book, and it was like i had failed some test.

i took another sip of wine to give me some more self-confidence. i smiled, but it was obvious i wasn't feeling the smile. "she didn't say anything important." i responded, trying to sound casual once again. "please, can we just drop it?"

he let out a huff in frustration, my obvious attempt to avoid the subject had clearly annoyed him.

he knew there was something i was hiding, and my poor attempts to brush it off didn't work.

his jaw was still tensed, his eyes staring into mine to see if he could get a reaction out of me. "you're the worst liar i know." he said with a chuckle.

i laughed softly, hoping that was code for him dropping it. "maybe i'm lying, maybe i'm not."

he let out a frustrated sigh, clearly still bothered by the subject. i felt a burst of frustration of my own, knowing he wouldn't just drop it.

i decided to distract him, i was desperate for the subject to change. i grabbed his face and pushed my lips against his. he was clearly surprised, but he quickly returned the kiss.

we began passionately kissing, all thoughts of the therapist being thrown out the window. the only thing in my mind was him, his lips on mine, his body close to me.

but then, despite my best efforts to get rid of the thoughts from my mind, the therapist's words rang through my head. her assumptions about me, everything she said about me.

i suddenly pulled away from him, my eyes locked with his. our harsh breathing was the only sound that filled the room.

i leaned my head on his shoulder, her words circling through my head.

his breathing was still heavy, the passion from our kiss still hanging in the air. he looked at me with an inquisitorial look, knowing i pulled away for a reason.

"what's wrong?" he asked, his voice coming out in a hoarse whisper.

i leaned my head deeper onto his shoulder, shutting my eyes to block out his penetrating gaze. i took a deep breath, trying to calm the thoughts swirling through my mind.

he lifted my head up and looked at me, his eyes full of curiosity and concern. "you can talk to me, lucky." he said. his voice sounding softer than ever.

i tried to look calm and unbothered, but i knew i failed. his eyes were staring through me, like he could read my mind.

i took another breath, trying to find the right words to explain what was swirling through my mind. i was planning on coming clean, tell him what she said. word for word. but the second i opened my mouth, other words came spilling out. "i just-

"i need some air or rest...something." i said quietly, my voice shaking as the lie came pouring out of my mouth.

he looked at me, obviously not believing what i said. he saw the lie in my trembling voice, but he held his tongue.

"okay," he said after a moment of silence. "we can go out on the balcony or you can head to bed. you know where the room is."

i swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling the guilt build up in my stomach. i hated lying to him.

but i couldn't bring myself to tell him the truth, even now when i just promised myself i would.

i looked at him sheepishly, my guilt obvious. "actually...i'll take bed. i'm gonna shower first."

i said as i got up, i didn't say another word. i didn't trust my voice to not crack if i did.

i made my way to the bathroom, not looking back at him as i did so.

i locked the bathroom door and started the shower, the water drowning out any noise of me.

i stripped off the clothes i was wearing and stepped into the shower, letting the hot water hit my body and take away my physical pain.

the physical pain went away, but my thoughts still flooded my mind, and despite my best efforts to hold them back, the tears started sliding down my cheeks.

the tears were a mixture of multiple things. the guilt of lying to him, the worry of his reaction to what the therapist had said, and the stress and fatigue of the day.

the thoughts were all rushing through my head, and the guilt was growing with every second.

i tried to calm myself down, but it was useless. the tears were flowing, and they wouldn't stop.

~~

a/n

some drama...seems kind of sad rn but it'll be ok 😝